Disturbing Thoughts During Meditation

[Sukhpaal]

Hi guys! I have been meditating for 6 months but for the last week I have had strong reoccurring suicidal thoughts. I am not new to suicidal thoughts, I have had them for years but I feel that the thoughts are getting stronger even as I am being mindful of them. I am assuming this is because meditating is uncovering things I've tried to suppress from the past. I watched one of Leo's videos called " The Dark Side of Meditation " and learned a lot from it. But, my question is has anyone else ever had really strong vivid images of suicidal thoughts come up from meditating? If so, how long did they last before they started going away? Thank you for reading this. 

[DoubleYou]

It's all just surfacing. Don't give it too much power. It's just a thought, a memory, and by becoming aware of it you create a space between it and you. Try to make the transition from 'you thinking suicidal thoughts' to 'you witnessing suicidal thoughts.' From here on, it's no longer personal.

Now you can focus on the feelings behind it instead. This is probably what's triggering your mind to think these thoughts in the first place. It's an opportunity to work out these feelings and therefor the thoughts that accompany them. There will come a time when these feelings are no longer unwelcome and at that point the thought won't bother you anymore either. It might still surface. But no longer as something you deem threatening. and so it will slowly lose it's grip on you.

Remember, you are the one that gives power to the thoughts by acknowledging them as your own. Just let 'em pass. Meditation will do the rest.

Edited February 23, 2017 by DoubleYou

[Prabhaker]

9 hours ago, Sukhpaal said:

I have been meditating for 6 months but for the last week I have had strong reoccurring suicidal thoughts.

If you begin with sitting, you will feel much disturbance inside. The more you try to just sit, the more disturbance will be felt; you will become aware only of your insane mind and nothing else. It will create depression, you will feel frustrated. You will not feel blissful; rather, you will begin to feel that you are insane. And sometimes you may really go insane.

If you make a sincere effort to 'just sit,' you may really go insane. Only because people do not really try sincerely does insanity not happen more often. With a sitting posture you begin to know so much madness inside you that if you are sincere and continue it, you may really go insane. It has happened before, so many times; so I never suggest anything that can create frustration, depression, sadness ¯ anything that will allow you to be too aware of your insanity. You may not be ready to be aware of all the insanity that is inside you; you must be allowed to get to know certain things gradually. Knowledge is not always good; it must unfold itself slowly as your capacity to absorb it grows.

You can just walk, that is easier. You can just dance, that is even easier. And after you have been doing other things that are easier, then you can sit. Sitting in a buddha posture is the last thing to do really; it should never be done in the beginning. Only after you have begun to feel identified totally with movement can you begin to feel totally identified with nonmovement.

[SchallUndRauch]

If you had them before, seeing a therapist would be advisable. There's many reasons why the mind comes up with this kind of stuff, and it's a fairly normal thing to happen, if you meditate regularly. Mental illness can be a real bitch though, so really talking to someone about it is probably gonna help you.

[eskwire]

@Sukhpaal Thoughts haven't been strong or vivid, but like a passing desire for me.

Sometimes I wonder if it's actually a new desire to kill my ego, not the body. 

[Sukhpaal]

Thanks guys! Really appreciate the suggestions.

[Nahm]

@Sukhpaal Thoughts you've been thinking are coming up. The purpose of meditation is increasing your focus. Keep meditating, be consistent, do it daily, and your focus will strengthen, and you'll be thinking about what you want to be thinking about.