HATE

[Gabith]

My joy, strength and awareness I had as a child was taken away. 

I was not given love, I was always wanted to be different and made to believe that if I was sad, angry or anxious, it was wrong and my fault. 

I was forced to eat food or meat that I didn't like by yelling at me and forcing me to stay at the table every night. 

I was yelled at because I couldn't understand math and was dyslexic. 
I was never encouraged or given sincere compliments. 

My parents expected me to do well in school and to be the child they wanted, another child. 
My father was a weak, alcoholic man who was unable to open up to me, my mother was overprotective and always projected her fears onto me and made me more and more fearful and weak. She was always there to criticize me and make me feel bad. 

I was made to believe that I had to be nice to everyone and that it was always my fault. 
That I had to behave this way and not that way. 

I was indoctrinated and violated by the school system, history, science, religions, European culture, philosophies, Belgian identity, media, movies, American ideologies... 

I was made to believe that there was good and evil, I was told who was the enemy and who was not, who to trust and who to distrust. 
I was taught to judge people simply because they were different from our family; nationality, skin color, culture, religion, poverty, the slightest difference was good to mock or judge... 

The strength and freedom that I naturally had was taken away by all these toxic mental creations that man has clung to. 

I was shown everything but the essential. 
I was never taught to love myself, to meditate, to question everything, to be authentic and to listen to myself. 
I was made to believe that happiness was external or that love was found through another person.

I was taken away from my true nature, from God. 
After this destruction of who I really was, I was made to believe that I was just this body, a mortal and limited human form. 
I was taught to fear death, to worry about past & future. 

All this left me with a huge hatred, a hatred towards all these unconscious humans, this human society as it is and becomes. 

A hatred towards all those parents who destroy the freedom, the strength that lives in each child. All this to shape him and make him "useful" to a sick model of society or to form the child according to the wishes of his parents. 

I hate all those humans who, through the centuries, have created and reinforced the illusion of hierarchy and separations. 

Those humans who have destroyed peaceful or spiritual tribes, those monsters who have created countries, castes, slavery and who have justified their atrocities in the name of God. A poor vision of God narrowed by the books of their religion. 

I hate television that manipulates the masses in fear and ignorance, this screen that destroys couples and families because they vegetate unconsciously in front of a screen instead of living. 

For the smartphone that makes me find myself surrounded by zombies when I look around. These "social" networks that have destroyed the real bonds and that keep people in a state of withdrawal, like heroin addicts constantly thinking about their next dose.

I hate the pornography that is in front of the eyes of a teenager who will end up with a false vision of women and sex. A teenager who will not know how to let go and connect with their partner because they will confuse sex with performance. 

I hate marketing that plays on people's weak points to sell them toxic or useless stuff that will make them even more unaware.
These ads are everywhere in front of my eyes in cities, at bus stops and even in buses. 

I hate the governments that create more and more rules and rigid laws to limit our freedom, in the name of "security". 

I don't know what to do with this hatred and sometimes I feel it calling me and there is something tempting about its dark side because it seems to hold the power I have lost, a power that I need to feel good, authentic and more confident. 
When I connect with it a bit, I get images of domination, torture and rape of innocent people and it comes with a feeling of power with a very satisfying side.
On the other hand, I know from experience that I want to go towards the light (love), but when I try to love people, I end up forgetting myself or believing that I owe them something and this hatred remains in me anyway. I don't dare to go looking for it. 

I'm afraid of going crazy, being traumatized or hurting others if I go looking for the emotion further. 

Edited November 9, 2022 by Gabith

[Zeroguy]

Don't hate the game hate the player.

Grow up and stop crying.

You can always change yourself.

[Gabith]

I changed myself for years, this hatred never go away 

[Zeroguy]

Acceptance and humility is what you are lacking .

[Amannl3in]

@Gabith in the end nothing matters. Remember that. No one parents was perfect. Why do you keep blaming others? It's not thier fault and it's not your fault either

[Gabith]

Telling me that my pain doesn't matter is not helping me 
I feel the need to blame others, I've always blame myself for too much years maybe it feels better to blame others for once
 

Blaming no one is not possible I have too much hate, I tried to love everyone and it made me even more miserable 

[Ulax]

Sounds to me like you might just be at stage green, and also are projecting your emotions a lot

[Amannl3in]

@Gabith Who would stop you from blaming others it is not a sin it's your choice but that victime and blame mentality lead to all sort of hate. You need to see that first. No one asked you to be perfect feel the emotion don't compress them.

If no body loves me that does not mean I need to hate everyone. Find one person only one that you get along with and don't wait to get something from them just spending good time that's very simple. 

Why don't you live a simple life?  Why do you want to fly even though you still need time to grow wings. Who are you comparing yourself with? 

[Gabith]

@Amannl3in I want a simple life

[Gabith]

I'm in complete grattitude and WILL to love myself right now... 

I think that experiencing one of my worst day and experiencing this hate helped me to realize some things... 

[Amannl3in]

@Gabith nice 

[Gabith]

@Lila9 Thank you

I watched The Social Matrix last year, I will have a better understanding of this video now