Very symbolic dream about my past as a drug addict

[Carl-Richard]

Backstory

One of my roommates last year (who I no longer live with) was at that time a very disorganized stoner in the midst of a downward spiral, extremely similar to me back when I was very much a drug addict. He was smoking weed 24/7, stopped going to his job, and started getting into benzodiazepines (which I did a little bit but which wasn't a central part of my story). Now a few months later, after I moved to a new place with one of my current roommates who also lived at that old place, this current roommate told me that the guy has started taking heroin after his girlfriend broke up with him, and that he has been in and out of rehab trying to sell drugs to the guys in there (like fucking Jesse Pinkman).

 

The dream

Anyways, so the dream consisted of this guy being with me, my mom and my little brother in my mom's dining room. We had set the table and were ready to eat. My mom and my brother were sitting at the table and I was about to sit down. I was looking at the guy, telling him: "come, it's time to eat!", but he was just standing there a bit further away from us, staring at us with a distraught look on his face. Then he was overcome by some kind of suicidal rage, picked up a kitchen knife and started stabbing himself violently in the gut. We were all just staring in disbelief as he continued stabbing himself. The thing was that the knife was very dull, so it didn't really do much. As he noticed the failure of his efforts, he instead tried to slit his wrists, but that didn't work either. I then tried to grab the knife from him and eventually pinned him down to the ground and started beating the living shit out of him until he dropped the knife. After that, I spent the rest of the dream on the run, as he was trying to kill me.

 

Interpretation

One way to interpret this dream is that he represented a version of me that didn't make the transition out of the downwards spiral, and that him doing everything he could to hurt himself right in front of my family was a symbol of how the downward spiral consists of you constantly hurting yourself while your family is watching you in disbelief without knowing what to do. Me having to attack and disarm myself symbolizes how it's ultimately only me who can stop hurting myself. And finally, me spending the next parts of the dream trying to avoid myself symbolizes how I'm still trying to avoid that aspect of myself to this day, afraid that it might kill me. Also, I felt that the distraught look on his face came from a feeling of jealousy, of how this current version of myself is now absolutely loved by my family, while he was getting all these looks of concern and pity, this pathetic drug addict in front of them who is not able to come to the table.

Edited November 9, 2022 by Carl-Richard

[Tyler Robinson]

I had a dream about you and I even wrote the whole interpretation and you never responded to it. I kinda felt humiliated. And it was a genuine dream. Who treats someone so disrespectfully.

 

 

Edited November 8, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Carl-Richard]

8 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I had a dream about you and I even wrote the whole interpretation and you never responded to it. I kinda felt humiliated. Wtf. And it was a genuine dream. Who treats someone so disrespectfully.

I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to respond to it

Edited November 8, 2022 by Carl-Richard

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, Carl-Richard said:

I just didn't know how to respond to it

ok...granted. 

 

[Matt23]

12 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Then he was overcome by some kind of suicidal rage, picked up a kitchen knife and started stabbing himself violently in the gut. We were all just staring in disbelief as he continued stabbing himself. The thing was that the knife was for some reason very dull, so it didn't really do much.

When I read this, my immediate interpretation was something like there was something, some part, within himself that couldn't accept the love, connection, and belonging of the family, some part that thought maybe he was unworthy of that, some part that maybe hated himself, so he tried to hurt himself instead.  Perhaps as a reflection of the hate he has towards himself from how he believes himself to be. 

[Carl-Richard]

1 minute ago, Tyler Robinson said:

ok...granted. 

I did respond to it, just not the interpretation. Prophetic dreams creep me out. I had a near accident on an electric scooter today and I thought about your dream afterwards 

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, Carl-Richard said:

I did respond to it, just not the interpretation. Prophetic dreams creep me out. I had a near accident on an electric scooter today and I thought about your dream afterwards 

Maybe my dream was a warning to you. I don't know. It was supposed to alert you. But anyway you take care and be careful. 

 

[Carl-Richard]

3 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Maybe my dream was a warning to you. I don't know. It was supposed to alert you. But anyway you take care and be careful. 

My cap was caught in the wind and I grabbed it in mid-air, then lost steering, flew over the steering wheel and landed on my feet while running and almost falling. I never fall though 

[Tyler Robinson]

@Carl-Richard I felt very ashamed of myself after having that dream because I felt a deep sense of regret while in the dream that I was withholding information that could have been useful. I spent 2 days ruminating over it and feeling a deep sense of shame and guilt building up. 

When I woke up I decided to be upfront about it which I rarely do. My own insecurities to blame. The dream  probably foreshadowed my own despicable behaviors that lead to guilt. I had a premonition as a teen about a family member who died a week after the premonition. I acted  sneaky and stayed mum and told no one. It still haunts me. Maybe the dream in some way represents shadow aspects of my character and conscience. 

It took me a ton of effort to write down the interpretation. I had the worst kind of ego backlash and my mind was finding all kinds of distractions.. I indulged in food, watched a lot of movies, slept and overslept but my mind kept saying no no no. 

Finally I told myself I gotta to do this somehow and get past it. 

Once I wrote the interpretation I felt such a huge sense of relief, like a cloud over my head had flew away. 

I felt deep peace. I felt good after opening up about the dream like I did my moral obligation and I had nothing to feel guilty about. It was over.. 

The dream was purely psychological and it enmeshed a lot of my deeper issues regarding my morality and character, my lack of responsibility and my evasive behavior, it was like some sort of a therapy session. It really addressed a lot of elements of my past and hidden fears, ego backlashes and shadows. It was something. 

 

[Carl-Richard]

4 minutes ago, Myioko said:

Maybe your dream setting of sitting at a living room eating dinner (a place of safety, security, social activity, routine) could mean something?

It represents the ideal family life. The drug addict was not ready to join in and "step up to the table" (literally and figuratively). To sit at the table means to take part in the company, to choose your place and fill your role (and the fruits and responsibilities associated with that), to be seen as an equal rather than a burden.

[Twenty]

My dream these days are just  , too bad I hate "my" consciousness.  There is, no "longer" I.  That is completely of my own it was just a bunch of others.

[Carl-Richard]

18 hours ago, Twenty said:

My dream these days are just  , too bad I hate "my" consciousness.  There is, no "longer" I.  That is completely of my own it was just a bunch of others.

[Tyler Robinson]

Another insight from my dream - your focus should gradually go within instead of outside or external.