Letting Go Of A Crush So That I Can Focus On Growth

[Meretagh]

On 2. 5. 2017 at 6:24 PM, Loreena said:

Ignore her completely.

If every other day I see her and my cycle of depression comes, then how do I ignore her completely? Because then what I found best is to not ignore her, but to let the depression hurt until I'm tired of it. When I didn't do that, the emotions and thoughts seemed to just stay in me undercover.

But if you mean ignore her by focusing on creating my life, then I understand.

[egoeimai]

My crush was in the same class with me every single day and it was ... a total suffering loool. This went for about ....many many years from age 7 to age 17. (Obviously I wasnt in love from age 7. It started at 12) So the school is 12 whole years and I was in the same class with him for the 10 years of total 12.loool. 

You can do this! But then again why not live this beautiful suffering? From suffering we grow. ? Really. Im not even kidding. If you dont feel needy now,then when? Because when you grow older you will feel more free and more independent and even more even more as you grow and learn. At least thatz how it goes with soms people.Neediness and jealousy,all part of the game!

[Meretagh]

Yeah in a way it's definitely beautiful! Obviously for one because I'm really grateful for having met and seeing this girl. And even more because the pain, as painful as it is and as tiring its coming back everyday is, is somehow a great 'pleasure', or something like that. Dunno how exactly... I can see that it for the moment completely narrows down life, it feels like feeling, and I'm peaceful for a short while after it.

[egoeimai]

@Meretagh but it is not about this girl. That is the important thing. It could ve been any girl. Just a random,as she is. Your feelings are making u believe she is the one,is she? You are gonna find out ?? Hint: she aint. 

Your mind gives u the great pleasure and the great suffering and it also makea you believe its about her.? fucking evil. Haha

[Guest Annetta]

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/let-go-of-what-you-want/

This article is pure gold!

Edited May 6, 2017 by Annetta

[egoeimai]

@Annetta I didnt really get the meaning

Maybe I should reread. Hahahah

[Guest Annetta]

@egoeimai What part did you have trouble understanding?

[egoeimai]

Just now, Annetta said:

@egoeimai What part did you have trouble understanding?

I will put google traslator to do the job. Its huge to translate it but If u want u can give me the core meanjng! Thank you sweetie again!

[egoeimai]

"I dont love u enough to let u go" but this is the best part. So true! If u love someone let him go! Super wise! 

Also I got the meaning better now,it is about some bananas.loool.The monkey which was very attached to one banana. And the water &hand.

[Guest Annetta]

@egoeimai Haha, yeah pretty much.  It goes "hand in hand" with Leo's video about needy perception and ego smog.

[Shin]

If you're needy, you can't love.

The choice is simple, continue to be ready and used by every person you met

Or facing the void inside and being able to love everyone without needing anything from them.

If someone gives you a miracle solution that avoid facing pain and existential crisis, they are crooks.

@egoeimai  But we can give them love

Edited May 6, 2017 by Shin

[egoeimai]

37 minutes ago, Shin said:

If you're needy, you can't love.

The choice is simple, continue to be ready and used by every person you met

Or facing the void inside and being able to love everyone without needing anything from them.

If someone gives you a miracle solution that avoid facing pain and existential crisis, they are crooks.

I agree for the most part.

But they cant get anything from u,because u have nothing.

Edit: but we said we  r  all love.

I dont like to edit posts. But I aint talking to the ghost! Lool.

Edited May 6, 2017 by egoeimai

[Emerald]

On 2/22/2017 at 5:27 PM, Meretagh said:

But at the same time I still absolutely didn’t give up wanting her, even after the pain.

I think that the above line is very telling. The 'wanting her' emotion is the emotion that you're afraid to let go of. You're attached to the feeling of unrequited love itself. It's really a beautiful emotion. The emotion of desire and wanting and fantasizing and projecting, is very intensely pleasant as much as it is painful. So, it may be the case that it's the emotion of "wanting" that keeps you stuck more than the potential for that wanting to turn into anything real. In this case, explore the emotion of 'wanting' to gain insight into what the 'wanting' points to. Intense emotions can be used as a springboard into deeper levels of self-awareness and a way to realize more of your completeness. Don't try to repress the wanting or forget it. Give it permission to be there. But don't identify with it or get lost in the fantasy of "when I achieve this relationship, then I can be happy." Find the part of you that loves the emotion itself. You will find that you see the girl as simply a trigger for your desired emotional state because you've projected an unrealized part of yourself onto her. You are already complete, and you already contain what she represents. So, let your desire lead you to that part of yourself within yourself. Does that make sense.

[Vaishnavi]

On 2017-5-7 at 1:37 AM, Emerald said:

 Find the part of you that loves the emotion itself. You will find that you see the girl as simply a trigger for your desired emotional state because you've projected an unrealized part of yourself onto her. You are already complete, and you already contain what she represents. 

Ouch! That's a very bitter pill to bite, in my opinion, but nevertheless vital. I only want to know if that is something which is applicable to every attraction and every relationship? I mean is it always that we're only attached to the emotion and not the person?

[Emerald]

15 hours ago, Vaishnavi said:

Ouch! That's a very bitter pill to bite, in my opinion, but nevertheless vital. I only want to know if that is something which is applicable to every attraction and every relationship? I mean is it always that we're only attached to the emotion and not the person?

We're attracted to the emotion. But love is something different. Love in the unifying factor in all things. And to love (as a verb) means to recognize this unity. So, understand that the source of all things is love, and you'll see that both the emotion, the other person, and yourself are all part of love. Love is felt as an emotion, but is not itself an emotion. So, don't mistake my words as meaning that relationship is meaningless. Relationship and attraction and  the feelings associated with them are just as much a part of the unity of oneness. 

[Nikko]

Best thing you could do is to change your school but if its impossible, try to make ur self happy in other ways (music sports etc) distract yourself from thinking stuff that you don't wanna be thinking, and time will heal this problem. 

I had the same experience ( year before)and same way , being 22 and stilll not matured enough but now when I think about it I get only 10 % of feeling I had at the beginning (more than a year) . 

What I did was read books like -see u at the top- think and grow rich - etc and watched many motivational videos including Leo's actualisation stuff , doing these things helped me to get back to real world problems I had or else I would be still studying and wondering what s gonna happen next. 

This is the best time you can invest on yourself make a turn to the direction you want yourself to be . 

If you listen to music stop it for a while , I stopped and the only thing I listened to was "nothing else matters " by Metallica and that one song had all the spirit to get me back to the right direction. 

Good luck !