Is there some way to go back

[Marvelllious]

Last month i had this huge realization that we all choose to play a character and we play it. It isn't even chosen we get what is around us from social conditioning and our parents. I became conscious of this but due to that realization I am half of a person now. I feel as though I've dropped my operating system which is hurting me because I can't do anything. And to be honest I don't even know how it happened.

I was sitting in meditation and i just focused on the  small dots that fade into other dots. I just focused on this everchanging field of view without thinking about anything and then i openned my eyes and all my stories about the world collapsed and now I struggle with normal day to day tasks like explaining an idea to somebody. I was so good at that. This has made me question if I really should countinue on this journey because in 2 years time I have to be living alone by myself and I can't even talk. I WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AT THAT. I've never gotten suicide thoughts but it's pretty often that happens in the last 3 weeks. I haven't meditated in that time thought it could ground me more but holly fuck it's still the same. When I try to sit and contemplate nothing comes to mind absolutely blank. 

[meta_male]

Yeah, I remember Leo saying he helped someone ground themselves again in a similar situation, it's possible if you wish  give it some time though, you might not want to go back once your mind has adjusted.

For now just go at your own pace and be kind to yourself and your body, this will help you get more comfortable again. Wish you all the best, bro.

[How to be wise]

@Marvelllious There’s no way back, you’ve seen too much. You might as well move forward and complete the journey. 

[omar30]

Why would you want suicide ?

[integral]

Everything is going to be ok, you haven’t lost anything. All of your mental abilities will return. Try to enjoy the experience you’re currently having. 

Take a break and go live life, watch movies, hangout with friends, play some video games, eat good food and you’ll feel better again.

Life is a game and you’re a randomly generated character, go out and play it. The point of games is to have fun. 

Edited November 7, 2022 by integral

[Razard86]

3 hours ago, integral said:

Everything is going to be ok, you haven’t lost anything. All of your mental abilities will return. Try to enjoy the experience you’re currently having. 

Take a break and go live life, watch movies, hangout with friends, play some video games, eat good food and you’ll feel better again.

Life is a game and you’re a randomly generated character, go out and play it. The point of games is to have fun. 

^ This....life is playful, the theme of life is that meaning...is delusion. You don't live life for meaning....you live life...because you love it. A child doesn't play because it is has any meaning....it does it for the sake of the act itself. Its why a kid can enjoy playing with a candy wrapper....while an Adult has lost that playfulness and only suffers the meaning it creates.

Lack of meaning...is playful and free, and completely innocent. 

[Marvelllious]

"I remember Leo saying he helped someone ground themselves again in a similar situation"

@meta_male Do you have any info on this?

Edited November 7, 2022 by Marvelllious

[meta_male]

@Marvelllious If I remember correctly he mentioned it in a video about the dangers of Spirituality, just as a side note kind of thing, not entirely sure which exact video though. I'd just reach out to him and ask for some pointers that help you ground yourself. Also look into spiritual emergency, dark night of the soul and midlife crisis or pause all of Spirituality for a while or for good, and do whatever you love doing most in life.
 

I can relate to your experience, it can get messy at first. But notice how everything has been temporary so far, it will be the same with this.

[DualityHurts]

Parts of what you say are part of most peoples progression. Feeling completely alien to life is normal after having glimpses. Communicating to others and just day to day human life in general is something Ive struggled with especially at first. 

You will find more and more that all of these imagined "problems" are are tainted with egoic fears. For me what helped is listening to meditations by Joe dispenza and creating positivie emotions on your own. Youtube Joe dispenza meditation on happiness. Its important to remind yourself your capable of positivity. Try it now. It will take practice.

Ruminating in whatever negativity your perceiving is no help. Take action, and remember, others have been where you are and made it out. Keep going, this is part of your journey ?

Edited November 7, 2022 by DualityHurts

[Marvelllious]

16 hours ago, omar30 said:

Why would you want suicide ?

Honestly I just see that I the depth i had is just gone. It is as if my mind has sealed me off from going deeper leaving me handicapped to day to day life. It is so strange because i see that my survival is switched off completely.I notice myself reading and listening to others allot just because this has worked for me before but now i see that this whole new expirience is really unexplainable to people, everyone is saying to me to just rest I might be depressed or something like that but I know for sure that's not it. The fear comes from "what if i can't solve this?". I am peaceful but I don't learn the same and i also don't do anything in the past month. I wonder if i should do a psychodelic trip. Maybe it could get me into a state of actual understanding how did this happen exactly. The suicide thoughts come from "yeah this is incredibly odd and i have never had anything similiar to it and anything i do doesn't seem to change it, might as well end it because if this countinues(the inability to get deeper into thinking and strategizing, inability to explain things , mainly it's my shit way of contributing to "the dream")   I want to contribute but without thought how do you figure out anything? This just leaves me looking at a ticking bomb to which i just want to say yeah might as well let it blow now.

 

[Marvelllious]

@Leo GuraHow do I ground myself in "the dream" again?

[Marvelllious]

15 minutes ago, DualityHurts said:

Parts of what you say are part of most peoples progression. Feeling completely alien to life is normal after having glimpses. Communicating to others and just day to day human life in general is something Ive struggled with especially at first. 

You will find more and more that all of these imagined "problems" are are tainted with egoic fears. For me what helped is listening to meditations by Joe dispenza and creating positivie emotions on your own. Youtube Joe dispenza meditation on happiness. Its important to remind yourself your capable of positivity. Try it now. It will take practice.

Ruminating in whatever negativity your perceiving is no help. Take action, and remember, others have been where you are and made it out. Keep going, this is part of your journey ?

damn bro I hope 

[meta_male]

Do you have anything else you're passionate about in life besides spirituality?