Attraction Outside Of Relationship

[King Merk]

I am sexually attracted to women other than my romantic partner

I’m wondering what everyone else’s experience is with this?

To preface, I’m in a commited monogamous relationship of 2 1/2 years

But this trend has existed in essentially all of my past relationships, including other long term ones

I’ll be in a relationship with a woman who I love very much yet I’ll still want to fuck other women

Does every man experience this?

I’m in my mid 20s. Does this feeling of lust for every bubble butt I see ever go away?

I would also like to hear about some women's perspectives on this as well

I’ve communicated that I’m sexual attracted to other women to my gf and she claims that she’s only sexually attracted to me.

Is this really possible? My horny man brain just doesn’t believe it lol

 

[integral]

Yes most men experience this. When women wear yoga pants there flaunting their sexual value in your face. Obviously you wanna have sex with it. Sexual attraction is a primitive part of the brain. It’s not as sophisticated as hire forms of love that can happen in romantic relationships.

Women are also attracted to amazing looking men when they see them. But the question you asked her is whether she wants to have sex with them and that’s completely different emotional question. She doesn’t wanna have sex with them because she’s in love with you and only wants to have sex with you.

it also depends on the stage of sexual development your at, if you view sex as just fucking and there’s very little emotional connection or you don’t value emotional connection during sex then lust for other women becomes more prevalent.

If you were having spiritual sex the appeal of simply impersonal fucking would be much lower. But everyone loves candy every once in a while and why we have porn.

Edited November 6, 2022 by integral

[Yarco]

For me it started to decrease a bit in my 30s. It still comes up in summer with hot women in tank tops and short shorts all over the place. Sometimes while driving or in the mall I'll find myself checking women out, but it's not every single one any more.

Part of it is maybe sex drive naturally decreasing. I think I've also just got tired and jaded with age. After 20 years of lusting after women, you can only see so many variations of women before you've seen them all and it starts to get a bit samey. You can start to actually focus on other interests without constantly chasing sex. I feel like I have higher standards now as well.

It doesn't sound like it's the situation in your case... but I think for people who've only had 1 or 2 sexual partners, it's also easy to start getting obsessed with what sex would be like with X other kind of person you've never been with. Wondering if your past partners were good or bad at sex and wanting a larger sample size. Wondering if different pussies feel different or if they're all the same, etc. I personally had to end a long term relationship over these kinds of thoughts to branch out and have more sexual experiences, or I would've been tormented by these kinds of thoughts forever. If someone marries their high school sweetheart for example, without exploring their options and "sowing their wild oats", I think they're setting themselves up for this kind of failure.

I think it's also good you're able to talk openly to your gf about your feelings toward other women. If you have to keep them secret and hide them as a shameful thing, more chance you're going to do something stupid. I've always had a crush on one of my wife's friends. There's just something about her that really does it for me and I can't get over it lol. But my wife and I have talked about it, and just discussed practical ways to make sure I don't do anything stupid. Because if given the opportunity I'd probably cheat, I've done it in the past, and I know that about myself. It's like not giving an alcoholic an opportunity to drink. So we agreed I shouldn't hang out alone with that friend for extended periods of time to give an opportunity for anything to happen. And I've chosen not to text her because I probably wouldn't be able to stop myself from flirting, so if I wanted to talk to her regularly I'd make a group chat with her and my wife or something. Most women would probably just freak out at you for expressing those kinds of feelings, which doesn't help anyone.

It's fine to look and even fantasize. Just don't let your dick ruin your life chasing short term pleasure.

[universe]

Men and women are very different when it comes to attraction.

So your girlfriend most likely was saying the truth.

 

And yes, what you are experiencing is very normal.

But these are just desires. You can control them. Just like you can control your desire to hurt someone who you don't like, or steal money that you see somewhere.

 

You make a choice.

Having lots of sex with different people can give you pleasure.

Building an intimate and long relationship with one partner can give you pleasure.

 

Although ultimate Pleasure comes from realising that you don't need anything  

And not falling for the voice that tells you that you might miss out on something.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hpjM_NNFQw

[Loba]

From my experience, about 75 percent of the guys that I have been interested in or were interested in me were also interested in other women sexually, but the problem was that they were not honest about this fact and it caused a wedge in my connection with them due to the ways they went about it.  My ex cheated on me multiple times, relationships that were just getting started were thrown aside for lesser quality women (instead of breaking it off I was strung along behind my back.), some relationships didn't go anywhere because I was used as an emotional/sexual in-between after a recently failing long-term connection, or I had guys currently in relationships/marriages (one time with kids) or just that they were in a committed partnership still try to flirt with me/connect to me anyways at the expense of their partner's feelings, or I was warming up to one who was a long-time friend and he acted like he was single, I helped him out with psychological issues and a real-world emergency only to find out he was taken, but sending me stuff in the mail and acting like he wanted more, one was a serial rapist, I could go on, you get the point.

I think it just comes with the territory of being a guy.  It's normal.  Most guys are like this.  The other 25 percent were honest about it, and I knew what I was getting in to.  It was nice to at least know.  The truth is, guys are not loyal.  Women love this, they want a guy to really be all about them in a permanent fashion, but once the lust and passion wears off it's hard for them not to get wandering eyes.  Women are more emotional and bond deeper than a male does and so they, if they think you are an important facet of their life, will remain loyal and only interested in you.  Some aren't like this, of course, but a good number are.  They will put on blinders to other men.

If you're honest and open about it and don't think you will cheat then there's no problem.  Being open about your attraction to other women, rather than trying to hide it is a good thing.  You can't really just decide one day to not like other women, that's not really how sexuality works, but you can take actions to make your partner feel like she is yours, that she is seen, heard, loved and that you are loyal.  If you allow affection for other women to enter into your life, like flirting a lot, getting touchy with them, a woman might allow this, but for most it does over time create some sort of a wedge.  That's our psychology.  Look but don't touch is a good rule of thumb.

By nature, men are not designed to be loyal and sexually ethical.  You can have a guy saying the most pro-feminist things he can find, but underneath it all, the same wiring is there.

[Osaid]

I think it's like this. Obviously you're not gonna stop finding other women unattractive, you're still a heterosexual male. But, there is gonna be a very deep bond and relationship that is built with the person you are with. So, long term, being with her is gonna be much better. But of course, the urges are still there, but it's not worth it to squander that relationship by satisfying that urge in a disloyal manner. The only way it is worth it is if you are able to do that and it doesn't ruin the relationship somehow, and what comes to my mind is porn or something, but I know some women don't even like it when you watch porn.

I think women view sexual urges way differently, and then they tend to project that same mindset onto us when it comes to sexual satisfaction. For them, it's an entire emotional commitment when they decide to have sex. For us, it can be more objective and impersonal.

14 hours ago, integral said:

it also depends on the stage of sexual development your at, if you view sex as just fucking and there’s very little emotional connection or you don’t value emotional connection during sex then lust for other women becomes more prevalent.

If you were having spiritual sex the appeal of simply impersonal fucking would be much lower. But everyone loves candy every once in a while and why we have porn.

This is very true, good point. 

[King Merk]

Wow.

What lovely reflections.

I feel more understood knowing that the majority of other men experience this as well.

And the female perspective was wonderful to hear @Loba

Thanks y’all❤️