We are all just chasing a self image

[Sugarcoat]

People say women are interested in people and men in things, I must be a man then. 
 

I’m so introverted and I wouldn’t want it to be another way. If I’m at work, or doing an activity where the task is the focus - socializing can come effortlessly and can be enjoyable. But to socialize for the sake of it- going out after work with friends, attending social events - drains me and this I almost never feel like doing it. Months can go by without doing it and the craving for it doesn’t even appear. 
 

Socializing has always been associated with some kind of pressure. A part of me wants to see myself as a person who is social, as a result of societal conditioning of what  a cool interesting person is, yet another part of me finds it requires too much effort. 
 

I’m not even interested in things - I’m interested in myself. I notice I only enjoy doing things that get me closer to actualizing a desired self image - and anything else drains me. Why would I socialize when I can be at home working on improving myself? Now I’m contradicting myself, I said I want to have this self image of being social, wouldn’t that mean I enjoy socializing? To a certain extent. When I was younger I used to be shy and made this effort to overcome it by exposing myself to social situations - then I found I would be very energetic and enjoying socializing . But I found that I pretty much only enjoyed it because I feel I was making progress in overcoming my shyness - other than that , socializing was pretty dull and draining. Now that I’m not particularly shy anymore, I don’t feel like hanging out with my friends - because I don’t find myself making progress from doing it. It becomes a meaningless activity. 

Sounds selfish? I guess we all are selfish, those people who are very communal and social might seem selfless but I bet they enjoy perceiving themselves that way and this is what gives them the energy and desire to do it

You have the energy to do things which get you closer to a certain self image, I guess 

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn00Fdy7k3Q

 

[Chives99]

What do you want? just a girlfriend and not be bothered my socialising with men? If you want a girlfriend you're going to have to be in highly  social settings unless you get lucky and find a girlfriend at some nerdy introverted interest group or some bond over a girl on some discord server ive know of peoples of it happening too but it will be much less likely and wouldn't get yours hopes on it. I like going to drinking meetups they provide excellent situations to meet people, can't deal with noisy bars or clubs though, maybe a quiet bar or a pub.