How to stop hating doing chores / cleaning the house?

[meninojiraya]

This will sound silly to many, and that Im stuck in a victim mentality, but honestly, I dont know how to gtfo of this feeling.

Im a male and live in a 3rd world country with my mother (still), can't afford a house/rent here yet, I just graduated and work at a call center as a backoffice.

Right now, I'm doing a mentorship to get in the field that I want, which will happen in about 6months, so I can't leave the house atm, the thing is, I have to study a lot, same as I did to get a scholarship at university, but the routine here is that my mom has to work at 2 jobs and barely stays in the house.

I have to clean everything, wash dishes every day and swipe the floor and all that good stuff, take care of the dogs, cook (while working and having to study and find time to workout otherwhise i feel worse), when I get time to study, is already nighttime and Im so sleepy, it sucks.

 I don't know how to feel less stressed about doing the chores every day and not feel dread, anger and really annoyed about this, while doing this stuff I have only angry thoughts and thoughts Im not proud of. I feel like I still should be grateful, but I just can't, I keep comparing myself with people that have both parents and get their shit taken care of (house, cooking etc). If I could pay half of my salary to someone clean the house and cook/ do the dishes for me and only work/study. God only knows how much I would love this.

How can I not feel like shit while doing this stuff? I could be studying way more and still have some time to do something fun, but right now is just 0 fucking fun and boring stuff, also it feels lonely as hell. I feel something is wrong with my mindset but im just blind to it. 

Also, feel free to share your routine if you have to deal with this stuff, how many times a week / hour of the day you do it.

Cheers

[Raze]

Turn it into an active meditation

[integral]

Optimize, Gamify and Learn Efficiency. It could all be done in less then an hour. Not everything needs to be "cleaned", make things look clean.

Next gamify making things efficient, see how fast you can do a task until you get faster and faster at it. Improve constantly. 

Also make sure to avoid contact with cleaning products on your skin, its highly toxic. Id go as far as to say clean everything with vinegar and water and nothing else (laundry, floor, dish's, your own body (just water)). 

Edited November 5, 2022 by integral

[StarStruck]

Don't expect it to be fun. Give meaning to the hassle of the chore: there is a certain satisfaction in being ordered, having your shit together and disciplined. Value those traits. If you have a why you can bare the how.

[meninojiraya]

2 hours ago, Lila9 said:

Yeah, there are those annoying chores that are boring and feel like waste of time but you have to do them if you want a clean home, cooked meals, clean clothes, clean space.

Psychologically clean and organized space improves our mood and our thinking process.

I personally try to make boring chores like cleaning and cooking more fun and intresting by listening to the music I enjoy or listening to podcasts that intresting to me, it makes me enjoy the process and the feelings of loneliness and boredom become less prominent. 

Thanks, I agree, if I don't do it, I feel stressed and can't properly focus on my project.

I'll try to create a routine and schedule good podcasts, thanks

[meninojiraya]

1 hour ago, integral said:

Optimize, Gamify and Learn Efficiency. It could all be done in less then an hour. Not everything needs to be "cleaned", make things look clean.

Next gamify making things efficient, see how fast you can do a task until you get faster and faster at it. Improve constantly. 

Also make sure to avoid contact with cleaning products on your skin, its highly toxic. Id go as far as to say clean everything with vinegar and water and nothing else (laundry, floor, dish's, your own body (just water)). 

That's a very interesting perspective that makes me want to try it, will do it. Gamifying and optimization should make things way more bearable. 

Thanks for the advice on the products, cheers

[meninojiraya]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Don't expect it to be fun. Give meaning to the hassle of the chore: there is a certain satisfaction in being ordered, having your shit together and disciplined. Value those traits. If you have a why you can bare the how.

Good response, thanks

[caspex]

I am in a really similar situation. I can't advice you on how to improve your time management but I can tell you how to stop procrastination(if you have that problem). Even if you don't this'll be helpful.

In situations like ours we tend hold a lot of worry and fear in our hearts. Uncertainty about the future, sadness about the past, all that jazz. This causes procrastination, inability to focus, loss of energy, which all leads to shortage of time.  If you were able to remove some unneeded habits and tasks, maybe even destructive(hard to notice), then it'll free up a lot of time and energy in your day. Stopping even little habits that are technically not needed can free up good amounts of energy. You can than use this energy to look into making your current daily tasks more efficient. Once you make your tasks and day more efficient(only possible when one has mental clarity and energy), you'll free up even more time and energy, using which you can heal your heart. This is very important to be able to focus on things. You cannot read even a page from a book if you are worried, and you wouldn't know why.

Healing your heart can take time and often times, the gut needs healing too. Mine certainly did. What  you can do is focus on how your heart/gut(whichever you're healing) feels right now. Maybe you can't feel anything at all. But keep your attention there, hit up some nostalgia inducing songs or images, from when times were good. If you had no such times then imagine a world where all your worries are sorted. If you are able to visualize or remember correctly thanks to the nostalgia, your focus on your gut/heart will start unravelling the layers upon layers of walls built around the heart/gut. For the gut it will feel like you are becoming a child as this happens, and it can be scary and you might be resistant to it, it will be uncomfortable but you have to push through. For the heart this feels similar, but you'll start feeling way more vulnerable and emotional. That's a good thing. Tell your heart it'll be fine. It's ok and do not worry. Push through that discomfort as well. It will lead to great silence and focus. Reminisce about your life etc. Point is your gut and heart become a throbbing, sensitive organ, as they were originally.

This will free up energy locked in cuz of the worries and fear. More energy should lead to more time in the day. Sometimes one has just too much to do and needs to sacrifice some tasks for others. Sometimes you are just not efficient or skilled enough to do all the tasks in the day, for which youll need to slowly practice. Habit building will become easier through this process but it's still hard.

This was just my personal process so take what you find useful

[Rigel]

Can you put a nice tune on and sing along while your doing that? 

[Jacob Morres]

finding passion for meditation and mindfulness can be helpful. they become opportunities to deepen your practice 

[Jannes]

At least for the cooking part you can save A LOT of time if you are strategic about it. Do you use an instant pot or rice cooker for example? Oven > pan. You can precook for a few days…

[Carl-Richard]

Music.

[meninojiraya]

6 hours ago, Swarnim said:

I am in a really similar situation. I can't advice you on how to improve your time management but I can tell you how to stop procrastination(if you have that problem). Even if you don't this'll be helpful.

In situations like ours we tend hold a lot of worry and fear in our hearts. Uncertainty about the future, sadness about the past, all that jazz. This causes procrastination, inability to focus, loss of energy, which all leads to shortage of time.  If you were able to remove some unneeded habits and tasks, maybe even destructive(hard to notice), then it'll free up a lot of time and energy in your day. Stopping even little habits that are technically not needed can free up good amounts of energy. You can than use this energy to look into making your current daily tasks more efficient. Once you make your tasks and day more efficient(only possible when one has mental clarity and energy), you'll free up even more time and energy, using which you can heal your heart. This is very important to be able to focus on things. You cannot read even a page from a book if you are worried, and you wouldn't know why.

Healing your heart can take time and often times, the gut needs healing too. Mine certainly did. What  you can do is focus on how your heart/gut(whichever you're healing) feels right now. Maybe you can't feel anything at all. But keep your attention there, hit up some nostalgia inducing songs or images, from when times were good. If you had no such times then imagine a world where all your worries are sorted. If you are able to visualize or remember correctly thanks to the nostalgia, your focus on your gut/heart will start unravelling the layers upon layers of walls built around the heart/gut. For the gut it will feel like you are becoming a child as this happens, and it can be scary and you might be resistant to it, it will be uncomfortable but you have to push through. For the heart this feels similar, but you'll start feeling way more vulnerable and emotional. That's a good thing. Tell your heart it'll be fine. It's ok and do not worry. Push through that discomfort as well. It will lead to great silence and focus. Reminisce about your life etc. Point is your gut and heart become a throbbing, sensitive organ, as they were originally.

This will free up energy locked in cuz of the worries and fear. More energy should lead to more time in the day. Sometimes one has just too much to do and needs to sacrifice some tasks for others. Sometimes you are just not efficient or skilled enough to do all the tasks in the day, for which youll need to slowly practice. Habit building will become easier through this process but it's still hard.

This was just my personal process so take what you find useful

Thank you for the kind words, they oddly enough resonated with me. Appreciate your time writing this and I can feel the kindness, will take it to heart.

Cheers

[meninojiraya]

6 hours ago, Rigel said:

Can you put a nice tune on and sing along while your doing that? 

Yes, i thought music was making me stressed, maybe I dont have the right kind of it yet. Music with lyrics get old quickly and is just dopamine spike for me, and the ones I like i use to work. But I see your point, will try to incorporate something like this with more care

thanks

[meninojiraya]

6 hours ago, Jacob Morres said:

finding passion for meditation and mindfulness can be helpful. they become opportunities to deepen your practice 

I downloaded the Sam Harris meditation app, I will see if that works, I gave up meditation since the Power Of Now, has too much spiritual / religion stuff that messes with my mind. 

Thanks

[meninojiraya]

3 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Music.

Im open for suggestions ?

[Jacob Morres]

6 hours ago, meninojiraya said:

I downloaded the Sam Harris meditation app, I will see if that works, I gave up meditation since the Power Of Now, has too much spiritual / religion stuff that messes with my mind. 

Thanks

Oh okay gotcha 

[King Merk]

Connect with you “why” behind it all…

Why the fuck clean the house? Really?

Perhaps it’s how you show love to your obviously hard working mother

Perhaps it helps you develop the discipline needed throughout life to be successful in future endeavors

Perhaps by having a clean house it gives you a sense of confidence and a clean space to study and get your work done

You must create a meaning to it all

No meaning = no inspiration

MEANING MAKING IS EVERYTHING