I like to be in a subservient position. Shadow against power and authority.

[Tyler Robinson]

I have a shadow against power and authority. I struggle imagining myself holding any kind of power and authority. There's subconscious shadow that views such things as strict, dominating and sometimes bad/selfish. 

Whereas a subservient position feels cute, innocent and pure. 

This causes me to lag sometimes over projects and activities where I need to be more in control or charge. 

I always need someone to instruct me as though I can't do it on my own. 

How to get over this shadow? 

 

Edited November 2, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Kelly Sam]

Have you ever felt excited to take control? Anything. 

[Tyler Robinson]

11 minutes ago, Kelly Sam said:

Have you ever felt excited to take control? Anything. 

No

[thepixelmonk]

2 hours ago, musicandmath111 said:

If you don't know how to do something, you can always learn. Believe that you will succeed one day. It takes time to adopt yourself to a higher level of responsibility, and the process is painful. 

Pretty much just comes down to this. If you want something you have to put genuine effort into the process of learning and practicing and analyzing your progress.

Edited November 3, 2022 by thepixelmonk

[SOUL]

This leads me to ask the question...who instructed you to make this thread?

Once you have that answer you then have your solution.

Edited November 3, 2022 by SOUL

[hyruga]

8 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

No

What about the times when you were challenging Leo or someone in the forum?

[martins name]

Sounds like the root is fear or responsibility. When you are in control of something then it's on you if it goes wrong or someone gets unhappy.

[Tyler Robinson]

 

11 hours ago, hyruga said:

What about the times when you were challenging Leo or someone in the forum?

No. That generally feels childish. Like a child rebel. 

1 hour ago, martins name said:

Sounds like the root is fear or responsibility. When you are in control of something then it's on you if it goes wrong or someone gets unhappy.

The root is an aversion of authority. A sense of discomfort. If I see someone wearing a badge, I subconsciously avoid them, they look like a troublemaker to me, if I have to walk into a room with some authority sitting in there, I get anxious and nervous, I look authority people as bad people, they don't seem warm and welcoming to me. They automatically look rude or threatening in my eyes. So being in an authority position makes me uncomfortable because it makes me feel like I'm a part of the same group of people that I dislike. 

[martins name]

@Tyler Robinson Aha. Then it seems that you don't make a distinction between tyranny and leadership, at least on an unconscious level. There is a saying: eat the cherry, spit out the seed. It's a metaphor that there are good and bad parts to most things and most ideas. We should separate the good from the bad, spit out the bad and integrate the good. Most people who wield power have a mixture of tyranny and leadership. As long as they have some amount of tyranny it's going to seem unpalatable for you. The trick is to make a distinction between the tyrannical and the leadership aspects of their power-wielding, then continue being repelled by the tyrannical side while you appreciate their leadership side. 
Does this help?

[Tyler Robinson]

3 minutes ago, martins name said:

@Tyler Robinson Aha. Then it seems that you don't make a distinction between tyranny and leadership, at least on an unconscious level. There is a saying: eat the cherry, spit out the seed. It's a metaphor that there are good and bad parts to most things and most ideas. We should separate the good from the bad, spit out the bad and integrate the good. Most people who wield power have a mixture of tyranny and leadership. As long as they have some amount of tyranny it's going to seem unpalatable for you. The trick is to make a distinction between the tyrannical and the leadership aspects of their power-wielding, then continue being repelled by the tyrannical side while you appreciate their leadership side. 
Does this help?

Yea. 

[martins name]

@Tyler Robinson I'm glad

[EternalForest]

Think about what you learned not to do from all the poor leaders you've dealt with. Use those experiences to become a better leader yourself.

[Tyler Robinson]

Curiously and ironically I'm always attracted to authority in men. 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

You are a woman congratulations!

[Zeroguy]

4 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You are a woman congratulations!

[Tyler Robinson]

5 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You are a woman congratulations!

No idea how it was correlated with gender. 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Tyler Robinson i dont wanna go into it touchy subject it seems..

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Tyler Robinson i dont wanna go into it touchy subject it seems..

Then don't even pass worthless comments. 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Tyler Robinson dont tell me what to do take care...

[Tyler Robinson]

@NoSelfSelf @NoSelfSelf and don't tell me what I should or should not say. Don't abuse your power just because you're mod.