I Will Stop Spinning My Wheels.

[Spencer]

Hi. My name is Spencer. I am 26.  I have been spinning my wheels since I was 17, when I dropped out of college. I went to college when I was 16, but I did not have the discipline or any kind of healthy mindset to simply show up to class and do the work required to pass my classes. 

I won't rehash my life's story, but it took me a long time to fully understand that action rather than talking and dreaming is the only thing that matters at the end of the day. Due to my upbringing, I thought being smart was enough to be successful and satisfied in life. Nobody taught me about discipline and hard work. Failing out of college was the wake up call for me. 

What will change my life and myself is being willing to, for the first time, front-load all the discomfort and pain necessary to make lasting changes toward a life consistent with my values and purpose. 

Without action, I am an inanimate object. It is the reason I have been spinning my wheels for so long. 

---

Right now these are my primary focuses chosen based on my unique circumstances. Of course everything I do can be improved in multiple ways, but I want to focus my attention on a handful of very specific things and do it with consistency until the habit is created and the center of gravity in the system has shifted so I no longer have to try too hard, then move onto the next focus.

Money

Problem: Over-spending on food and drink.

Solution: Stop eating out entirely. 

Pitfall:

- Not allocating time for shopping and cooking in my schedule which leads to eating out. 

- Not bringing food to work, which leads to ordering something at the restaurant.

Energy

Problem: Feeling tired and burned out during the day.

Solution: Minimum 8 hours of sleep every night. 

Pitfall:

- Getting home after the late night shift and being "too tired" to do anything, so I screw around for 2 hours instead of having a healthy nighttime routine, then going to sleep around 3 to 5 AM.

- Using caffeine.

- Not drinking enough water.

- Inconsistent and poor diet.

Anxiety/Depression

Problem: Constant worrying, sulking, and self-deprecation. 

Solution: Minimum 30 minutes Vipassana meditation upon waking and before sleep.

Pitfall:

- Using the excuse that I'm too tired and/or too stressed to meditate.

- Not allocating enough time before work for meditation. 

Programming

Problem: Giving up due to inconsistency.

Solution:  Set aside minimum 30 minutes on days I have to work and 4 hours on my days off work to learn programming. 

Pitfall:

- Unfocused and looking at too many resources.

- Limit resources to watchandcode, codewars, and funfunfunction. Nothing else.

Lifting

Problem: Plateau in strength and weight.

Solution:

- Drink 2 shakes every day. 

- Change sets x reps at the beginning of every month. 

Pitfall:

- Not allocating enough time to finish my workouts then having to cut it short.

- Poor/inconsistent diet, not enough calories, not enough sleep. 

Relationship

Problem: Lack of quality time with girlfriend.

Solution: Less time, higher quality vs. More time, low quality.

Pitfall:

- Not planning out dates and time at home together. 

- Not communicating specific time frames and activities, leaving her wondering what we're doing that day and week.

- Not following through on promises, no matter what.  

[Spencer]

2/22 11:50 PM

 

Small failure today. Browsed the net for an hour after work. Snapped out of it, did algorithm challenges. 

 

Thinking about all the little ways I waste time, and the small things I allow into my mind that I shouldn't. All of our experiences affect us, no matter how small, do they not? I should only be reading and listening to the words of things I really want to influence my mind. 

 

I wonder in terms of hours how much time I've wasted due to extremely small things compounding over time. Time to regain those small, yet very important moments. 

 

I installed an ebook reader on my phone. Now during waiting periods, I want to be reading, rather than playing a game or just browsing Reddit or something. Deactivated facebook. 

 

Started reading Hustle: The Life Changing Effects of Constant Motion by Jesse Tevelow. I love the subtitle. 

 

Constant motion.

 

I want to be in constant motion. Always be doing something. Always be working on something. Always be working toward something. Every action should be intentional, no matter how small. 

 

Also have Talent Code and and Before Happiness on my To-Read list. 

 

Did yoga before work today. Felt good.

 

Not sure how these journals should work, but a quick stream of consciousness feels right. 

[Spencer]

2/23 3:13

Lifted, did about 45 mins of programming today already. Have work in 47 minutes. Need to leave in 17. Finished reading Hustle. Wasted about 20 mins internet browsing today. 

 

Good day already. Will commit to no more pointless internet browsing today. Posting here to remind myself. 

 

Doing good on not eating out and cooking. 

 

Tonight need to do meditation, yoga, more programming because I'm getting addicted, foam rolling for muscles, cook shrimp jambalaya. 

[Spencer]

3/6 2:36 A.M.

I have problems sleeping. I often wake up after a few hours, thirsty, maybe hungry, so I take care of that, and I simply can't go back to sleep for an hour or two. It's a big problem. 

I am going to attempt to fix this by making a cup of calming/relaxing tea blend when I wake up, then sip on that, and eat a snack. When I drink this tea, it always helps me go to sleep significantly. 

 

I want to get my girlfriend into personal development. For now I've just been trying to get her to exercise and stop eating sugar. I think getting one's health in order should be one of the first things you do. A healthy, active body makes everything easier and better. 

It's like pulling teeth, she just doesn't want to do it. I'm trying to develop myself, and I feel like it's impossible to develop someone else at the same time too. Very frustrating. 

 

Infrastructure improvement I need: quality work shoes. It will have a high return on investment. 

[tyy]

@Spencer She will only get into it if she has the right mindset and chooses to on her own. I had a girlfriend in the past which I tried to "develop" and ended up just causing more negative emotions for myself. Rather than developing yourself and struggling to develop her at the same time, just focus on leading by example and see if she follows along the way. Save yourself some frustration. Good luck on your development!