How do I deal with my mum?

[Illusory Self]

I have been putting up with this for so long and I am finding it really toxic but she cannot help it. She is the kind of person to really over compensate for me. LITERALLY do anything for me and calls me million times, always texts me. It is just this very stressed out and anxious energy. I have been around for a long time and do feel like it has really hindered my progress in personal development. It is almost like she could be the reason for my huge lack of progress. I will feel a need to meet her out of an obligation and I don't want to upset her. I am just pointing out the bad parts which frustrate me. I sometimes communicate it but I think she is just very conditioned. It feels unhealthy and I want to slowly distance myself from her so I can focus on myself. I find her energy really rubs off on me in the wrong way. 

It makes me feel bad saying this because she loves me with all her heart, to much you could say...  It is messed up because when I have been with her for as long as I can remember, in my mind I want to get away from her.. like I secretly resent my mum for being so overbearing and over suffocating towards my own well being..

It is like she crosses a million boundaries and for the longest time I just don't know how to communicate it because again she is my mum and I do love her. She has done everything for me but the current situation is really not healthy. It has been like this for a while and I really want to change it. 

I don't know why I don't want to be around her. When I am with her I don't feel any love or anything, almost like I want her to go away. I feel like this is not normal, I cannot get to the bottom of it. Been like this way to long.. things must change if I want to grow as a person.. 

Of course I want a healthy relationship with my mother but right now, I just want her to go away when I am with her. 

Her over compensating behavior and doing things for me my whole life has made it really hard in my own ability to do things myself. So I have a lot of work I need to do with that. Even the confidence to talk to people and communicate my wants and desires etc.. I guess she has always done everything for me to such an extreme extent.

I don't know how to best communicate my boundaries to her as a man and actually making her change her behaviour without upsetting her. It feels so tricky. 

 

Whenever I bring this up to her she always deflects it and says stuff to make me look like I am in the wrong so I feel like I cannot win. I just express how I feel and it's almost like she cannot accept that and says stuff to make me look in the wrong. 

 

Like she just lives in her own bubble and feel like I can't express myself because she won't understand

Edited November 1, 2022 by Illusory Self

[Ulax]

I'd look into Dr Ramani's content