No Nut November

[ThePoint]

@StarStruck Thanks. Do you have a set routine? How long do you meditate for?

[ThePoint]

Day 4:

Not much to say for today. Tried to study for hours and my mind just feels completely shut down. Brain fog is so debilitating.

I keep wishing I never found out masturbating existed, or ever tried it, then I wouldn’t have needed to go through this unwiring process in the first place. 

Everything just feels so dead. I wish I could enjoy my hobbies and interests, but they feel completely dead too. I haven’t spelt any joy in so long I’m forgetting what it feels like as time passes.

 

[StarStruck]

7 minutes ago, ThePoint said:

@StarStruck Thanks. Do you have a set routine? How long do you meditate for?

Read Eckhart Tolle

[ThePoint]

7 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Read Eckhart Tolle

The Power of Now? @StarStruck

[ThePoint]

Day 5:

I relapsed.

I may have lost today’s battle, but I haven’t lost the war.

Interestingly, this video came at the right time.

“It’s not about getting hit and staying on the ground, it’s about how long you will stay like that. You didn’t relapse, you didn’t lose, you just got injured. This battle is not over until you win.”

 

I’m not sure what how to title my days for the rest of this journal now.

Do I continue with “Day 6” or do I restart to “Day 1”?

[ThePoint]

 

[ThePoint]

Day 6 and Day 7:

I relapsed on both of these days. I am experiencing a backlash. I am getting thoughts like "What is wrong with me?"

I don't care as much about this as I did when I first started.

Where to from here...

I don't know what to do. I keep relapsing.

The exercises don't seem to make my urges go away. Maybe I need to try harder at the exercises.

[ThePoint]

 

[StarStruck]

11 hours ago, ThePoint said:

Day 6 and Day 7:

I relapsed on both of these days. I am experiencing a backlash. I am getting thoughts like "What is wrong with me?"

I don't care as much about this as I did when I first started.

Where to from here...

I don't know what to do. I keep relapsing.

The exercises don't seem to make my urges go away. Maybe I need to try harder at the exercises.

Did you do the push ups when you get the urge?

[Asayake]

11 hours ago, ThePoint said:

Day 6 and Day 7:

I relapsed on both of these days. I am experiencing a backlash. I am getting thoughts like "What is wrong with me?"

I don't care as much about this as I did when I first started.

Where to from here...

I don't know what to do. I keep relapsing.

The exercises don't seem to make my urges go away. Maybe I need to try harder at the exercises.

Are you excercising regularly, cardio/weight training/yoga/swimming, something like this? Regular excercise will teach your mind how to better control urges. Or are you just doing excercises when an urge is arising to try and get rid off that urge? That seems to work for some people but not for me. I can't focus on preforming the excercise if I'm horny all the time when I'm excercising. Especially if it's at home indoors. If you go for a short run 4-5 times per week you will be outdoors where you can't fap and you'll be in the presence of nature and with your breath and thoughts and urges in a space where you're pushed to deal with it all. That setting can make it easier to gain control over urges than being at home close to a computer and phone.

The trick for me is to have regular activities in my life where I can't fap. I can't fap when I'm talking with my mom on the phone. I can't fap when I'm talking with my friend. I can't fap when I'm at the gym or out running in the forest. The urges are like a mental habit and if you're giving yourself space and not doing much stuff boredom will kick in and horny thoughts will become a habit. When you have many activites in your life where it takes your mind off it naturally the compulsive urges will stop because it is an habitual pathway the brain is going down. On the top of said activites distracting you from fapping they're also healthy activities that will contribute to your mental well being. When you feel mentally satisfied boredom won't kick in as often etc.

Edited November 8, 2022 by Asayake

[Ulax]

11 hours ago, ThePoint said:

Day 6 and Day 7:

I relapsed on both of these days. I am experiencing a backlash. I am getting thoughts like "What is wrong with me?"

I don't care as much about this as I did when I first started.

Where to from here...

I don't know what to do. I keep relapsing.

The exercises don't seem to make my urges go away. Maybe I need to try harder at the exercises.

@ThePoint I'd recommend experimenting strategically.

I.e. what happened on day 7 just before you relapsed. What do you think the trigger was? What could you do in future that might help you?

Imo, its all data.

[Asayake]

On 2022-11-04 at 8:45 PM, ThePoint said:

The Power of Now? @StarStruck

That is a very very good book. That book helped me being able to quit weed easily with barely any cravings at all, just some physical withdrawal.

[ThePoint]

14 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Did you do the push ups when you get the urge?

@StarStruck I can't do push ups.

I first started with doing jumping jacks, and found that it wasn't that effective.

I started doing what you shared here instead:

I feel extremely exhausted during and after exercise. It wasn't like this for me before, where it used to make me feel better.

I still do it anyway.

Issue was, that after following this workout (and any other workout), I felt completely exhausted for the rest of my day, and it was even harder to motivate myself to do anything.

14 hours ago, Asayake said:

Are you excercising regularly, cardio/weight training/yoga/swimming, something like this? Regular excercise will teach your mind how to better control urges. Or are you just doing excercises when an urge is arising to try and get rid off that urge? That seems to work for some people but not for me. I can't focus on preforming the excercise if I'm horny all the time when I'm excercising. Especially if it's at home indoors. If you go for a short run 4-5 times per week you will be outdoors where you can't fap and you'll be in the presence of nature and with your breath and thoughts and urges in a space where you're pushed to deal with it all. That setting can make it easier to gain control over urges than being at home close to a computer and phone.

@Asayake Yes, I exercise regularly, I go to the gym. It doesn't make me feel any better though, but I just cling onto the memories of when it used to make me feel better (before I got ill), so I still do it.

14 hours ago, Asayake said:

The trick for me is to have regular activities in my life where I can't fap. I can't fap when I'm talking with my mom on the phone. I can't fap when I'm talking with my friend. I can't fap when I'm at the gym or out running in the forest. The urges are like a mental habit and if you're giving yourself space and not doing much stuff boredom will kick in and horny thoughts will become a habit. When you have many activites in your life where it takes your mind off it naturally the compulsive urges will stop because it is an habitual pathway the brain is going down. On the top of said activites distracting you from fapping they're also healthy activities that will contribute to your mental well being. When you feel mentally satisfied boredom won't kick in as often etc.

There is no activity that satisfies me anymore. The activities that used to satisfy me have lost their spark for me and I want them back so badly. I haven't felt like my self for a while, I've just been surviving life and going through the motions mostly. Even with all this self improvement stuff, it just feels like I'm dragging myself through it. I miss when I used to have passions.

[ThePoint]

14 hours ago, Ulax said:

@ThePoint I'd recommend experimenting strategically.

I.e. what happened on day 7 just before you relapsed. What do you think the trigger was? What could you do in future that might help you?

Imo, its all data.

@Ulax I don't remember. I can barely remember what happened today, let alone 2 days ago.

I did relapse today too though. The trigger was the feeling that something was "off" and that masturbating would relieve it. What could I do in the future? I don't know at this point, exercising doesn't get rid of the urge, and that feeling of "offness" doesn't go away by doing other activities.

14 hours ago, Asayake said:

That is a very very good book. That book helped me being able to quit weed easily with barely any cravings at all, just some physical withdrawal.

@Asayake Have you ever had a masturbation addiction? If so, did the book help you with that?

[StarStruck]

@ThePoint Interesting that exercise has a different effect on you than me, exercise gives me more energy and motivation. Do you eat, drink and sleep enough? 10-20 minute exercise shouldn't make you that exhausted if you are young and hung.

[ThePoint]

5 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Interesting that exercise has a different effect on you than me, exercise gives me more energy and motivation.

@StarStruck

I know what that's like because that used to be the case for me too.

In fact, I looked forward to exercising every day, and it used to make me feel better, feeling the rush of endorphins and everything.

I used to be the guy who would try to beat my PRs every week, and looked at the gym almost like a game.

But after I got ill everything turned upside down. I've basically lost all my progress because of how tired I feel 24/7 from the second I wake up.

I've seen some people on some other forums with health problems talk about how they never enjoyed exercise or felt better from exercise in their entire life, which is quite unfortunate.

I guess I am lucky in the sense that I know what I "should" be feeling like, and I know what life used to be like before all this stuff, whereas for some other people they've been living this way for their entire lives.

12 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Do you eat, drink and sleep enough?

This is a tricky question. See, I have some gut issues that make it so that no matter how much I eat, I never actually feel satiated or nourished. One explanation that exists is that there is bacteria that is feeding on and stealing the nutrients from the food I eat, which might be why I don't feel full from eating. So far I know of it as a theory and I'm not sure about the validity of it, just read it in a few places - obviously not health advice for anyone else reading.

I'm always thirsty so I drink a lot of water.

I don't know about sleep, because I always wake up feeling unrefreshed, doesn't matter how long I sleep. It never feels high quality.

17 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

10-20 minute exercise shouldn't make you that exhausted if you are young and hung.

Yeah, I know it shouldn't. That's why I'm trying to figure out a solution.

[Ulax]

3 hours ago, ThePoint said:

@Ulax I don't remember. I can barely remember what happened today, let alone 2 days ago.

I did relapse today too though. The trigger was the feeling that something was "off" and that masturbating would relieve it. What could I do in the future? I don't know at this point, exercising doesn't get rid of the urge, and that feeling of "offness" doesn't go away by doing other activities.

Ah I understand bro.

So, to my mind, you can approach the issue by trying to : 1) Reduce the intensity you feel off, 2) Reduce the frequency you feel off, or 3) change the way you act when you feel off.

You could give these resources a go, I think they might help all three, and also are, to my mind, quite easy to use.

https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/uz2225

 

[Ulax]

@ThePoint Also I note how you said you don't ever feel satiated no matter how much you eat. Have you ever heard of 'abandonment melange'. There's a psychotherapist called Pete Walker who termed it.

Its a feeling that is common among child abuse survivors, and often is thought by said survivors to be a feeling of hunger. It apparently feels v similar to hunger but is actually, to my understanding, a feeling of deep abandonment.

Are you certain that its gut health that is the cause of your issues?

[ThePoint]

@Ulax Thanks for your input bro. I am not sure how to do 1 and 2 but I will follow the video you sent.

On 10/11/2022 at 2:18 AM, Ulax said:

abandonment melange

I haven’t heard of this before. I’ll look into it. 

I do think that gut issues are playing a role. I already have visible symptoms, so it’s plausible  to think they’re contributing to my ability to feel satiated from foods.

[ThePoint]

I am considering setting a goal of reducing nuts rather than abstaining from nuts. The end result would be the same, but it’s a different way of going about it.

So maybe I can go from 30 nuts a month down to 25 nuts a month, then 20, then 15, then 10, etc.

Instead of abstaining more, maybe I could try nutting less. I don’t know if this is the best move. Maybe I’ll give it a go after NNN is over.