Difficulties to maintain confidence

[Hansli]

Lately I’ve been going out sometimes. I notice often that girls are interested/attracted to me, but then as soon as I somehow start talking to them they lose interest. I think it is because, my confidence drops as soon as I interact with them, because I really feel how my energy gets stuck and I move into my head. In these situations I than stop investing to much effort in her and continue dancing, which than makes me feel more lose and confident again, leading to that I somehow feel or notice, that she’s getting interested again.

 

Once I was out with a group of people and I notice one girl being attracted to me, we went on from one place to another until everyone except us left. Then in the end when I tried to get closer to here and kiss here she resisted and didn’t want to kiss, so I finally said “well then I guess I leave” which made her curious that she asked me where I would go. It felt like she was asking because she wanted to find out if she would miss out on me, if I would be focusing myself on other girls. I told her that I would go home, she then said ok and we separated.

Am I conceit or is this common?

 

My question now is if anyone here experienced something like that too.
Also im not sure if I overestimate the extent of my own perception about her being attracted or not…

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT5-jVpP_TQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nVa4Juy9jQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjpgbomald8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YoapA4BpRU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27nenP7fsQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOae2s8JOUE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6s5-LiVCL8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2CTy504FSA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyKfAuWn0yQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYXS7lCWgsg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85jQpsxhMCc

 

Edited October 31, 2022 by Raze

[Raze]

10 hours ago, Hansli said:

 

Once I was out with a group of people and I notice one girl being attracted to me, we went on from one place to another until everyone except us left. Then in the end when I tried to get closer to here and kiss here she resisted and didn’t want to kiss, so I finally said “well then I guess I leave” which made her curious that she asked me where I would go. It felt like she was asking because she wanted to find out if she would miss out on me, if I would be focusing myself on other girls. I told her that I would go home, she then said ok and we separated.

 

Just because she rejects a kiss, doesn’t mean she isn’t interested, her asking where you’re going implies she was interested, you were just moving too fast for her. Before going for a kiss try flirting and seeing if she reciprocates, or engaging in touch, etc.

[The0Self]

Objections are par for the course. Respond playfully with “why you being weird?” or better yet a face that conveys that. Etc. Of course you’d only be able to congruently say that if it matched your vibe… which should be: that you’re good enough for any girl and she’d be crazy not to go home with you / take you home. Rock-solidly in that vibe (i.e. frame). If you notice even for a moment that it’s not your vibe/frame, go back to it immediately and stay there.

Edited October 31, 2022 by The0Self

[Dean Gladwyn]

The fluctuations you are having with your state are a combination of both a lack of state management specifically, and also a lack of confidence in isolating and escalating (due to not having enough reference experiences from doing it enough previously).

This is a skill that has to be cultivated and maintained.

I would bet that the girl who stayed with you was interested but she wasn't ready to go home with you yet, as she probably wanted to continue with the night, or she didn't find you irresistible. There was only moderate interest and you didn't ramp it up.

It happens to a lot of guys, yes, but you definitely need to work on this otherwise it won't improve. 

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, Hansli said:

Then in the end when I tried to get closer to here and kiss here she resisted and didn’t want to kiss, so I finally said “well then I guess I leave”

When a girl refuses a kiss, you pull back, laugh it off, continue conversation, and then try again in 5 minutes. And keep repeating that.

You have to be much more persistent with girls because they play games.

Edited October 31, 2022 by Leo Gura

[r0ckyreed]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

When a girl refuses a kiss, you pull back, laugh it off, continue conversation, and then try again in 5 minutes. And keep repeating that.

You have to be much more persistent with girls because they play games.

I just ask, “Is it okay if I kiss you?” It works wonders. My now girlfriend said it turned her on when I asked her for consent because it made her feel comfortable.

[Vynce]

1 hour ago, r0ckyreed said:

I just ask, “Is it okay if I kiss you?” It works wonders. My now girlfriend said it turned her on when I asked her for consent because it made her feel comfortable.

Depends on the girl. I once had a girl who couldn't stop herself laughing for that question. 

Reading body language is way more telling than verbal communication. 

[something_else]

1 hour ago, r0ckyreed said:

I just ask, “Is it okay if I kiss you?” It works wonders. My now girlfriend said it turned her on when I asked her for consent because it made her feel comfortable.

Yea I've done that and it works quite well, depends on the girl a bit though. Some girls might find that weird if you don't judge it right or say it with the right energy.

Another thing I've done is say "Come on, lets go find a quiet spot somewhere around here and make out." If she follows you, then you know she's fine with it.

[The0Self]

2 hours ago, r0ckyreed said:

I just ask, “Is it okay if I kiss you?” It works wonders. My now girlfriend said it turned her on when I asked her for consent because it made her feel comfortable.

It does make the kiss more “her fault” so it requires a slightly higher compliance threshold, but yeah it does work very well if things are quite on / the girl is compliant enough.

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, r0ckyreed said:

I just ask, “Is it okay if I kiss you?” It works wonders. My now girlfriend said it turned her on when I asked her for consent because it made her feel comfortable.

Superfluous once you know what you're doing.

Besides, it's not her choice. If I want to kiss her I will and I don't need her permission.

What will really turn her on is when you rip her panties in half.

Edited October 31, 2022 by Leo Gura

[NoSelfSelf]

@r0ckyreed when i asked that  she replyed you dont need to ask for that... its so nooby to ask that imo

 

[The0Self]

34 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@r0ckyreed when i asked that  she replyed you dont need to ask for that... its so nooby to ask that imo

 

It can work sometimes (as in it’s likely the best option sometimes). Not in order to get the kiss, just as a form of escalation. It is usually superfluous though unless you’re just starting out, as Leo stated.

[NoSelfSelf]

@The0Self when is it a best option?

[r0ckyreed]

14 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@r0ckyreed when i asked that  she replyed you dont need to ask for that... its so nooby to ask that imo

 

Then what are you waiting for? Go all in.

I am talking about the first date or beginning phase of a relationship.  

Now, I don't even ask my girlfriend.  I just look her in the eyes and make out.

If a woman on the first date thinks that you asking for consent is nooby, then maybe she doesn't have high self-respect? That is a red flag for me.  

I have been a nice guy and have achieved all results that I have dreamed of out of relationships/sexuality because I am authentic, respectful/kind, confident, and witty.  And I blow her mind with my love for philosophy and magic tricks.

Edited November 1, 2022 by r0ckyreed

[The0Self]

19 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@The0Self when is it a best option?

Rarely. But perhaps sometimes. It just might intuitively feel right at the moment. Maybe you’ve been mildly physical the whole interaction, you’re both talking a lot, and the conversation is intense — it might feel right in that moment, and everything you’re doing is the right move while in the optimal frame, so it just comes out.

[integral]

After a connection is established and plenty of physical contact, its becomes 100% obvious she is ready, I say "I'm going to kiss you now", in a soft voice while smiling. Very simple procedure to double check for consent.

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, Myioko said:

Sounds entitled and selfish to me

Exactly. Which is what women are attracted to.

Edited November 2, 2022 by Leo Gura

[D2sage]

On 2022-10-31 at 3:55 PM, Leo Gura said:

it's not her choice. If I want to kiss her I will and I don't need her permission.

Try doing that in Sweden and you will be sent to prison for rape.

[Superfluo]

9 hours ago, Myioko said:

Sounds entitled and selfish to me

In that context going for what you want without asking is what is required.