Pure Hatred in me

[How to be wise]

@Gabith If you don’t remember it, then it didn’t happen. Take solace in that. 

[Razard86]

6 hours ago, How to be wise said:

@Gabith If you don’t remember it, then it didn’t happen. Take solace in that. 

As long as it is housed in the subconscious it happened. It would have to be either dropped or recontextualized. 

[How to be wise]

5 hours ago, Razard86 said:

As long as it is housed in the subconscious it happened. It would have to be either dropped or recontextualized. 

‘Subconscious’ doesn’t exist. You can’t see it or think it. If you can think it, then it is no longer subconscious, by definition. 

Consciousness is everything, so by definition subconscious doesn’t exist. 

[Aaron p]

On 23/10/2022 at 10:05 PM, Gabith said:

I have been seeing a psychologist for a few months.
During a hypnosis, I was able to access a part of me that seemed like the devil. An infinite hatred, a desire for power, to do as much harm as possible to innocent people...

We didn't go very far, I just felt a little relieved after the session because I could imagine scenarios where I could express this hatred.
It was very scary, I didn't think I was capable of wanting that.

Tonight, I feel this hatred, like an entity inside me that wants to talk to me. But I'm afraid, I'm afraid to open myself up to it and go crazy or do things I didn't want to do.

Have other people experienced this? What should I do, can I do it alone without too much danger?
Part of me wants to release this, I don't need to keep it in my body

@Gabith ketamine. But only if you feel like your responsible and very in control when it comes to highly addictive substances. 

Ketamine is immensely powerful for therapy. The argument some have is that it just takes away your suffering for like 20 minutes to an hour (or for however long you redose) then you just come back, feel a little comedown and then boom your back to normal and nothing has changed.

However! If you take the carefully weighed dose of ketamine, and do therapeutic work focuses on the things in your life that you believe to be casual to your suffering, i Intuit that it can be very powerful. It's not just about feeling better for an hour...you can go into the ketamine experience, process a lot of your trauma from a highetened level and from a place of great peace and acceptance and create all of those new neurological pathways then when you come back a lot of those pathways will still be there. I plan on doing this in coming months. I have a plan to record myself asking deep questions into the root of some of the areas in my life that cause me suffering (or should I say some of the ways I think about and interpret some of the areas in my life). Answer them and think deeply while in the heightened state and I expect profound results. 

 

If anyone has experienced ketamine they'll know that it's a very very profound chemical. But also unfortunately highly addictive so just be careful and be aware of the slippery multiplying effect of the addiction taking hold and the self bullshit where you tell yourself "oh this is for spirituality" when in reality your just wanting to get high.

If you can legitimately avoid those traps, try my ketamine method. Record yourself asking some deep questions about the areas in your life that cause suffering and play them back while tripping on ketamine and answer them honestly with a true Investigatory spirit. And the best advice with addictive substances is: don't take it on a reoccurring basis.

Edited October 29, 2022 by Aaron p

[Gabith]

@Aaron p Oh cool thank you. I use 150mg of ketamine per month since 2 years but I only did meditation or listening to music / watching movies... I'll use ketamine in a therapeutic way 

[Gabith]

@Aaron p Do you have ressources/videos that explain how to do a solo ketamine therapy in an effective/safe way ?

[Aaron p]

4 hours ago, Gabith said:

@Aaron p Oh cool thank you. I use 150mg of ketamine per month since 2 years but I only did meditation or listening to music / watching movies... I'll use ketamine in a therapeutic way 

Not good mate, not good. It's an extremely addictive drug.

Your trying to use it to raise your baseline level of dopamine but when you inject a load of dopamine into your brain, you brain recognises that it has enough dopamine then it stops producing it on its own (because it has enough). Then when the ket wears off your brain is still not producing it as much, which means you experience a lesser level of dopamine (happiness, self esteem and peace) in normal life. The ketamine sets a new baseline level of dopamine then your brain says "hmm, we are used to this amazing spike of dopamine...everything else in comparison to it now feels inadequate."

Observe this chart:

 

These bars represent your dopamine levels. Green is high orange/reddy is lower. Taking an addictive drug on a reoccurring basis creates a new baseline of dopine level. Your brain gets used to the high and then it doesent feel like getting high any more it feels like getting normal, and every day life just feels worse.

Not a good approach my friend ..also if you've been trying that approach for 2 years and you've still got the anger then it's clearly not working (I'd say making it worse likely).

This is why Buddhists and people who reject pleasure experience the most pleasure...something only exists as contrasted against something else. You take a rich man and put him into a standard house he'll be depressed, you take a homeless man and put him into a regular house he'll be so happy he'll cry. Both are in the same situation but what they are used to is the differing factor.

--------------

My advice to you would be don't take ketamine at all for a long time. And be aware of the difference between serious spiritual and self improvement uses of chemicals and unhealthy crutches and drug usage that may or may not turn into a dependancy. With addictive drugs like ket you only use it one off every now and again but don't go near it if you like it too much

 

Edited October 29, 2022 by Aaron p

[Aaron p]

You could also take the approach of the damage that your hatred is doing to yourself...your character. Letting go of selfishness can actually be very self serving...because selfishness and anger affects your own personality and character...possibly imagine how the child version of yourself would react seeing who he may become

[Gabith]

@Aaron p I don't think  that 150mg on ketamine per month (once a month) could affect badly my brain and there's no addiction either

It represents 1,5g per year 

[Gabith]

@Aaron p I did this for weeks and it had a negative effect in the end. I was all about loving people, being kind, helping etc... and I ended up opening to toxic people thinking they had good intentions. 

After this experience, I've realized loving myself is not trying to love everyone but it's to be able to set boundaries and to be cold/distant/honest with some people that don't deserve my attention. Letting go of selfishness didn't helped with my hate, it was worse at the end. 

I've become naive and vulnerable and my inner child doesn't want this, he wants feel safe & loved 

 

 

[Razard86]

On 10/27/2022 at 1:42 PM, How to be wise said:

‘Subconscious’ doesn’t exist. You can’t see it or think it. If you can think it, then it is no longer subconscious, by definition. 

Consciousness is everything, so by definition subconscious doesn’t exist. 

Subconscious does exist, you don't even know what you are saying. How do you think you are breathing? Subconscious, How does your hair grow? Subconscious. You are NOT CONSCIOUS of how you are doing it, thus the term...SUBCONSCIOUS. For you to be aware you would need to raise your consciousness so you become AWARE that you are currently growing your hair, your nails, and moving the entire universe. 

So don't play these games. And existence and non-existence are just more word games you are playing. 

[How to be wise]

@Razard86 If you’re not conscious of something, then it doesn’t exist. 

[Aaron p]

3 hours ago, Gabith said:

@Aaron p I did this for weeks and it had a negative effect in the end. I was all about loving people, being kind, helping etc... and I ended up opening to toxic people thinking they had good intentions. 

After this experience, I've realized loving myself is not trying to love everyone but it's to be able to set boundaries and to be cold/distant/honest with some people that don't deserve my attention. Letting go of selfishness didn't helped with my hate, it was worse at the end. 

I've become naive and vulnerable and my inner child doesn't want this, he wants feel safe & loved 

 

 

@Gabith I honestly don't know mate your situation will be unique and different to mine...but one thing I can tell you is, you can beat it if you have an attitude of unlimited determination, flexibility, intelligence and power. You can blitz the thing.

Hit it at multiple angles at the same time.

- psychiatrist

- support groups (secular and religious)

- addiction supports

- start doing game and lifting weights. 

- master porn and jerking off addiction.

Become someone with an unbeatable spirit that is infinitely self reflective, adaptable and powerful. Surround yourself with the right people. But ultimately you are the only one who can get yourself out of the hole. 

[JuliusCaesar]

On 10/23/2022 at 3:05 PM, Gabith said:

During a hypnosis, I was able to access a part of me that seemed like the devil. An infinite hatred, a desire for power, to do as much harm as possible to innocent people...

YOU ARE A HUMAN ENTITY. 

 

As such, you are not this entity you perceive to be other than you. Why do you believe it is a part of yourself? How do you know this isn't some kind of demonic thought form created by another and imposed upon you? If that were so, you could cast it out of yourself. Or maybe, you learn to enslave this other being or whatever the entity is. Make yourself it's master, not the other way around.

[Gabith]

21 minutes ago, JuliusCaesar said:

YOU ARE A HUMAN ENTITY. 

 

As such, you are not this entity you perceive to be other than you. Why do you believe it is a part of yourself? How do you know this isn't some kind of demonic thought form created by another and imposed upon you? If that were so, you could cast it out of yourself. Or maybe, you learn to enslave this other being or whatever the entity is. Make yourself it's master, not the other way around.

Very eye-opening thank you! 

[JuliusCaesar]

2 hours ago, Gabith said:

Very eye-opening thank you! 

You're most welcome.

[flowboy]

On 26/10/2022 at 4:01 PM, Gabith said:

@Leo Gura Thank you Leo, when I explore this hatred, I have a memory of when I was like 7-8 years, alone in the school's toilet and 3 man came, all I remember is that theyy told me something very frightening and I was all in fear begging to go out. 
They were holding me against the wall and I can't see further.. I have pain in almost all my body when I try to remember this so I've contacted a better professional to do hypnosis, it will be done in a safer way, I think 

So this is the start of a memory where pain was experienced that you still have to integrate.

Hypnosis can be used for this, but it depends how it is being done, because to truly heal, you need to feel the original pain and be fully conscious of it.

Bit by bit, if your inner 7-8 year old trusts you enough, you can ask it to show you more and more bits of memory, and ask it to let you help him by showing you its pain, and then you have to feel it, screaming, crying and thrashing about as necessary.

I would recommend getting guidance by someone who knows how to guide such a session. I have some experience with that, I bet there are others too.

Perhaps your hypnotherapist can help you do this, it depends how he's using hypnosis.

The hypnotised state can be helpful to bring this up, similar to how MDMA and ketamine and breathwork can make it easier to access these traumas, but then it's important that you are guided into feeling the pain in its entirety and consciously processing it, and NOT to jump straight to rewriting the memory as a positive thing or replacing unhealthy beliefs by healthier ones, which is a bypassing that is often mistaken for true healing. Or worse, trying to erase the memory so you feel like it never happened. That's a red flag.

Healing is a grieving process.

Of what?

Depends what you needed in that moment.

Perhaps that no one was there to protect you.

Perhaps something else.

It has to be shown in a session.

Analysing does little for healing.

Edited November 1, 2022 by flowboy

[Raze]

Try ifs therapy 

[Razard86]

On 10/30/2022 at 8:28 AM, How to be wise said:

@Razard86 If you’re not conscious of something, then it doesn’t exist. 

......You really have no clue what you are saying. When you enter deep sleep there is no dream....so you are unconscious. When you appear out of it...do you exist or don't you? Its BOTH. You are literally trying to pin down Reality which is infinite. You cannot pin down the infinite. Tell your finger nails, your heart beat, that it doesn't exist. As someone knocks you out yet your heart is still breathing. Stop the nonsense lol. Existence and Nonexistence are ONE. Death and Life are ONE. LOL. 

Stop the word games.

[JuliusCaesar]

3 hours ago, Twentyfirst said:

Yes we have a name for that...its called the matrix 

And what a beautiful matrix it is.