I feel very guilty after rejecting a guy

[integral]

Got to be better at filtering men out based on there dating profile. If they are not at stage green don’t waste any time dating them. Look for the word spiritual but not religious in the profile and other indications of emotional intelligence that you can infer based on their hobbies and lifestyle.

It’s very dangerous for you to date people below green on the dating app because they will very likely push for sex on the first date and you will cave in and not know how to say no to him. Resulting in sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with and trauma.

in general you’re only compatible with people who have very high emotional intelligence and a willingness to understand mental health problems. Without that willingness it will only be fighting and arguing and them trying to change you through judgement.

Please be very careful on first date in real life, be ready to punch someone in the face. It’s extremely common for a guy to aggressively make a move on these dating apps on first dates and most shy girls who can’t say no properly just go with it not expecting it to escalate. 

Edited October 23, 2022 by integral

[Tyler Robinson]

 

2 minutes ago, integral said:

Got to be better at filtering men out based on there dating profile. If they are not at stage green don’t waste any time dating them. Look for the word spiritual but not religious in the profile and other indications of emotional intelligence that you can infer based on their hobbies and lifestyle.

It’s very dangerous for you to date people below green on the dating app because they will very likely push for sex on the first date and you will cave in and not know how to say no to him. Resulting in sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with and trauma.

in general you’re only compatible with people who have very high emotional intelligence and a willingness to understand mental health problems. Without that willingness it will only be fighting and arguing and them trying to change you through judgement.

Please be very careful on first date in real life, be ready to punch someone in the face. 

You're my savior. Thank you so much for alerting me. 

Your post is very important. 

[digitalkaine]

@Tyler Robinson

2 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@OBEler yea I get that. But I need a man who also cares about my feelings. Maybe they can find a girl who is more into a casual sex lifestyle. I'm more committed in my relationships. 

Can I ask why you believe you need that? 

[Ulax]

4 hours ago, KH2 said:

Jesus fucking Christ girl. I know everyone on this forum is trying to be politically correct, and nice and shit, and that's good to a degree, but you should really just finally let some guy actually fuck you, and finally move on with your life, towards pursuing more important things. You've been literaly stuck in the same fucking loop for YEARS AND YEARS.

And also mods, please do not give me warning points for this post, but instead straight up ban me please. I need to reduce my screen time and time spent on the internet heavily. Thanks

@KH2 Do you think it was the content of OP's message that you are reacting to here or are you actually responding to an emotion that you felt when reading OP's post? It seems you felt some anger and disgust whilst reading the original post. I think it could be worth your  contemplating on why those emotions, if my guess is right, came up.

Have you also considered the effect that the contents of your comment might have on OP? I think it could be useful for you to consider

 

[Tyler Robinson]

48 minutes ago, KH2 said:

Yeah, just like I thought, you're gonna take the "transcended, above things, fake empathy" approach. You're preaching to me about screen time and low self control? You're spending your whole day on this forum doing fuck-all, while I'm spending my time actually doing something. This can be easily proven by looking at our post histories, and comparing them.

But have fun going around in circles until the day you die. You are literaly wasting your life away, and you're even proud of it. Unbelievable.

How do you know whatever someone is doing is helping them or not? Why is what anyone does anything on this forum relevant to your personal journey? After a few days there will be no post histories to compare because you must have suddenly deleted all your posts like you usually do ... I'm not wasting my life because "wasting your life" is another perspective you invented. I'm not a very ambitious person mate, I have a low budget lifestyle, or should I call myself your low IQ girl. Low IQ people like me run around in uninspiring circles till the day they die. Have fun with your high IQ life, you will find nothing in me to inspire you.

 

[Ulax]

Hey @Tyler Robinson

Have you tried the letting go technique by David Hawkin's?

To my understanding, you essentially notice an emotion, keep your awareness on the emotion until it transforms or goes away.

I was thinking you could use the technique to deal with these emotions of guilt.

If you want a way to help the guy be less likely to feel ashamed after getting rejected, a 'I wish you well' could do the trick imo. 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

1 hour ago, KH2 said:

You're spending your whole day on this forum doing fuck-all, while I'm spending my time actually doing something.

You might actually have a point. Maybe you want me to stop thinking about sex, love, dating, romance altogether and focus on other important stuff if that's what you're trying to convey. But what do you want me to do? Make money, career etc. But I'm not a man to think like that. I'm not too career oriented. I don't want a lot of money. Yea I could be dis-illusioning myself only thinking about romance all day. Alternatively this part of my life could be the one thing that hurts me and subsequently matters more than anything to me. Maybe you have a point that I have ignored. I didn't really care about any other aspect of my life. Here's the block though. This part doesn't feel like it's getting resolved properly. It's not because I feel horny. I feel empty without meeting the one and only or at least having a modicum of that connection I'm looking for. It was my lifelong dream of mine to be the wife to a man I would be perfectly in love with, you might suggest me that this is idealistic. I will take your point into consideration although in my situation, it's not that cut and dry as to just abandon the whole facet of dating and simply move on, it can come back to bite me later. I have to get this essential part sorted out until it's too late. It's also closely linked to my mental illness (if you do a rough research on my mental illness, you'll easily figure out why I act this way) so resolving all these dating hits and misses has a crucial link to my overall survival, if I push this one block and get it sorted, I feel like I can handle other stuff easily, that's why I'm so keen on it. 

 

 

[Yeah Yeah]

8 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

 

God you are hot

[Tyler Robinson]

41 minutes ago, Ulax said:

If you want a way to help the guy be less likely to feel ashamed after getting rejected, a 'I wish you well' could do the trick imo. 

I think I'll word my rejection this way —

You're an amazing person who I had the chance of interacting with. But I'm sorry that we're not resonating on the same level and I'm afraid I can't continue this anymore. You'll definitely find someone better than me, more compatible than me and you'll certainly deserve someone better than me. I wish you all the goodness and happiness in the world and may you find the one you're looking for, I'm sorry that I can't be that one. 

Tell me if you think this is good enough way to put it? 

 

I think these words are least likely to hurt and might help the person accept the rejection better and perhaps less guilt for me. 

Edited October 23, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

 

2 minutes ago, KH2 said:

@Tyler Robinson You can still be sexual, and fullfil the dream and image of being a trophy wife. That's still doable even at your age. What I'm trying to convey, is that you should develop a healthy relationship towards sexuality - not being repressed, but not being obsessed about it either. What you've been doing so far, is not healthy for you, it's obsessive. You should always seek to improve your actual real life experience, instead of living in your imagination. I just think things are not gonna end well for you if you'll continue in this life trajectory - and noone here seems to care enough to tell you that. But it needs to be said.

Also, you don't have to have a strong career, but you should be able to somehow figure out how to survive on your own, otherwise you'll never going to be able to fulfill your trophy wife dream in the first place, because you're in a bad position in life, living with your abusive mother. It will also be good for your mental state, having an actual passion which you can make a living of off, and you'll stop obsessing over sex so much. It will be good for you.

I hear you. I'll take your point into consideration in the future. Right now I'm a bit stuck thinking about men, sex, romance and it feels very important to me. 

But maybe.. my trajectory might change 2 months from now and I'll be more open to implement your suggestions and insights and I'll take them into consideration during the time. Thanks. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

I don't see myself as having sex anytime soon. That's for sure. My virginity oath is still going strong. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

The second last romantic relationship I had was online. And he had a 9 to 5 job. It was a hard job. He used to come home tired and shit. And I began to badger him for more time with me. I got hungry for him.. I acted like a clingy girlfriend. I kept pestering him with my demands. I think he even had Covid,not sure. He said that he really liked the relationship and said I was a perfect girlfriend and that I made him happy. But I kept badgering him for more time with me and he felt stressed because of the demands of the job and then he explained to me that he can't juggle both the relationship and the job and he let me go. I mean that's how it ended. 

I also need to work on my clinginess because the guys that I'm very attracted to, I end up losing them because of my clingy behavior. They can't take the pressure. I mean these guys are very attractive lol. 

I played fucking games with him but I got him, he was like a trophy guy. Extremely cute and irresistible. 

 

I admit with honesty that I was a bit cruel to him, nagged him so much. But I just couldn't help it. I was kinda mad for him. Only guy I was mad for. 

 

 

Edited October 23, 2022 by Tyler Robinson