Feeling bad about rejecting women

[StarStruck]

I always feel bad after rejecting women. How can I get rid of this feeling? 

[Federico del pueblo]

Contemplate what exactly you feel bad about. Then share it here and we'll see.

[StarStruck]

16 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Contemplate what exactly you feel bad about. Then share it here and we'll see.

I have my experience with being rejected by (higher tier) women so I don’t want to hurt them the same way women hurt me. 

[Federico del pueblo]

@StarStruck Then the important realisation here is, that you can't avoid rejecting girls, unless you are ok with staying in (or getting in) relationships with girls you're not really attracted to.

Be as much of a gentleman about any rejection as possible. Always frame it in a "we are not sufficiently compatible, but you're a cool girl" way as opposed to a "you don't have X, that's why I'm not attracted to you" way.

Also realise that girls have a responsibility for their own emotions too, it's also part of their maturing process to deal with rejection. You can only soften the blow. And probably a lot of girls will get over it faster than you'd think. They usually have options. 

As for the emotion itself, you just feel it and allow it to be for a while.

Then you reassure yourself "it doesn't feel nice, but it's necessary...".

[Roy]

You're feeling exactly how you oughta feel about it, but it's the authentic and healthy thing to do. The wrong thing would be to drag out hope and lead them on because you're too scared to reject them.

Love hurts sometimes, like everything it has a cost.

Edited October 22, 2022 by Roy

[StarStruck]

5 hours ago, Roy said:

You're feeling exactly how you oughta feel about it, but it's the authentic and healthy thing to do. The wrong thing would be to drag out hope and lead them on because you're too scared to reject them.

Love hurts sometimes, like everything it has a cost.

True, in relationships it is necessary to have a clear cut if it doesn't work out. In this thread I was talking more during clubbing. A lot of older women (milfs) want to dance or throw themselves on me. I don't want them.

I developed a certain scorn for women. I will be honest about it: when women are young they are mean and picky (especially if they have pretty privilege) and when they are old they expect men to be courteous and altruistic towards them. Sure, I'm a nice guy so I will certainly give them the time of night and have fun with them but I'm not a milf sitter.

Dating women made me more like them.

5 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@StarStruck Then the important realisation here is, that you can't avoid rejecting girls, unless you are ok with staying in (or getting in) relationships with girls you're not really attracted to.

Be as much of a gentleman about any rejection as possible. Always frame it in a "we are not sufficiently compatible, but you're a cool girl" way as opposed to a "you don't have X, that's why I'm not attracted to you" way.

Also realise that girls have a responsibility for their own emotions too, it's also part of their maturing process to deal with rejection. You can only soften the blow. And probably a lot of girls will get over it faster than you'd think. They usually have options. 

As for the emotion itself, you just feel it and allow it to be for a while.

Then you reassure yourself "it doesn't feel nice, but it's necessary...".

I was talking about rejections during night game. I know how to reject them. I reject milfs how younger girls reject me: indirect and discrete. That is the right way anyway.

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, Cat_eyes said:

Do you mean having sex with them and then deciding you don’t like them or is it rejecting them before anything physical happened?

Both but I was talking about rejecting their advance in this thread 

[integral]

High quality women aren’t at clubs.

[something_else]

11 hours ago, integral said:

High quality women aren’t at clubs.

Depends on the club mate

[Federico del pueblo]

15 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I was talking about rejections during night game. I know how to reject them. I reject milfs how younger girls reject me: indirect and discrete. That is the right way anyway.

Alright. So now it's only about not getting a bad feeling when you do that, right?

Well your feeling is linked to your beliefs around rejecting them, so change your attitude as discussed above.

If you are indirect and discrete you're already doing what you can. "Hey I gotta go back to my friends, (might see you later)".

You're not being a bad human for not being attracted to them, so don't worry.

Let the emotion come up, feel it, breath into it and move on.

[StarStruck]

@Federico del pueblo I contemplated this subject and I came to this: 

I feel bad about judging their appearance.  It makes me feel superficial. I can’t really help that it is in my human nature to appreciate young and beautiful girls. When I reject older or not so good looking girls, I expose myself being superficial. 

That is tragicomical because I accuse hot girls of being superficial for choosing only confident guys while I’m as superficial. 

[StarStruck]

13 hours ago, something_else said:

Depends on the club mate

true

[Federico del pueblo]

13 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I can’t really help that it is in my human nature to appreciate young and beautiful girls.

Neither can I, nor most other men (if they're honest with themselves).

13 hours ago, StarStruck said:

When I reject older or not so good looking girls, I expose myself being superficial. 

Got it. I've simply accepted the fact that I'm superficial to an extent. There is some threshold level of outer attractiveness that I need to see so I can feel sexual attraction to a girl, it's superficial but I can't help it.

Once that threshold is reached, her personality is still very important and the girl that's a bit less physically attractive would still win over a better looking girl if she has the cooler personality or more of a sexual/flirtatious vibe.

13 hours ago, StarStruck said:

That is tragicomical because I accuse hot girls of being superficial for choosing only confident guys while I’m as superficial. 

Sure. It's always interesting to become aware of our own hypocrisy.

Keep working on yourself and you'll become more confident and then this kind of superficiality won't bother you anymore.

[StarStruck]

@Federico del pueblo your input has been helpful. 

I think it comes down to this: I have to forgive myself that I’m just a human and humans are superficial because of survival. 

I want to fuck the most fertile women. That is what we do. I can act all spiritual and act like I transcended that but I’m not and I don’t think I want to transcend it. 

I also decided I want as much power in life as possible and I won’t be apologetic about it. More power equals more freedom in life. More power means also more pussy. I’m stop going to be ashamed I desire survival. 

Edited October 23, 2022 by StarStruck

[The0Self]

It's normal. Happens to me all the time. If you aren't attracted to them, what else can you do other than just treat them as friends/acquaintances that you aren't interested in sexually? I'm perhaps overly nice to people, not in a manipulative way at all, but just naturally gentle and kind, and this often makes women I'm not attracted to think I'm interested in them.

One thing you can do is bring one of your gf's to your workplace or your social circle where women under your standards are coming on to you, and when they see that the women you are in relationships with are way out of their league, the women you aren't attracted to will probably be even more attracted, but at least they won't think you are attracted to them, and so they'll be less likely to hit on you (though the really, really confident ones still might, but those women are generally highly rejection-proof... and cool, even if they aren't super attractive). I did this, and the result was lots of women being less friendly with me... but it beats the alternative of leading them on.

Or alternatively, just learn and practice game... The confidence and assertiveness you project can get so rock-solid, that women under your standards will likely just be intimidated.

Ever since I was a young kid I had an extremely intense emotional reaction (a very strange feeling of intense disgust/contempt mixed with intense elation...) to unwanted interest from girls -- like it's some kind of genetic thing. It's not as intense now.

Edited October 24, 2022 by The0Self

[StarStruck]

@The0Self I know how to handle the situation. Girls are good at picking up signals so I don't have to spell it out. I have been rejecting a lot so I know how to do it. It is more the guilt trip and I feel like a butcher. I'm highly sensitive person towards other people's emotions and I need to be sensitive to my own emotions too.

Eventually relationships are an exchange on multiple levels and I need to get something from it and I shouldn't feel guilty to have demands when I'm also offering.

[StarStruck]

Things I still have problems with: just ghosting a woman.

It seems heartless to me but then again women do it all the time. So I do it too to old and ugly girls but it just doesn't feel right.

I think I just have to develop a taste for being ruthless.

[integral]

7 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Things I still have problems with: just ghosting a woman.

It seems heartless to me but then again women do it all the time. So I do it too to old and ugly girls but it just doesn't feel right.

I think I just have to develop a taste for being ruthless.

Or send them a sweat message letting them go like a gentle man. Wish them the best on there journey. 

[StarStruck]

5 minutes ago, integral said:

Or send them a sweat message letting them go like a gentle man. Wish them the best on there journey. 

I will do that when I feel like it. Today I didn't feel like it. Dating women made me become more like.. women.

[integral]

12 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Dating women made me become more like.. women.

Go to balance both the feminine and masculine in one person. Learn to switch between Agentic and Communal situationally.