Unavailable.

[ivankiss]

She liked me more when I was unavailable.

I liked myself more when I was  unavailable.

I was more into things that seemed unavailable, too. Be it a relationship, or whatever else.

Why do you think this is?  

[Leo Gura]

Oh, the games you play.

[NoSelfSelf]

You are basically using scarecity as of building anticipation,witholding validation,being busy=having life appearing more attractive like that, which is all trademarks of  a weak game on giving or on a recieving end...

[Jacob Morres]

Same with me dawg ?

Actually it's weird like once she became attainable I lost interest

I like the chase I guess 

[Loba]

I dunno.  I feel like I'm in the same boat.  Could be attachment problems on both ends, hard to know with just a few words you got there.

I like men who are unavailable, rude, wastes of an excuse of a human male - and I don't actually want them to be there for me, like, at all.  I think, maybe when you still have a way out, the person can't disappoint you, you won't get hurt, they can't really reject you at a heart and soul level like someone can when they get up and close and personal, you know?  Being unavailable is a protective measure, and a good one, too.  I totally see why people do it.

Human love is... very flawed.  Most people are broken goods, damaged toys, and who wants to play with something when the springs don't work right?

Edited October 21, 2022 by Loba

[universe]

Fear of commitment. Basically has to do with how you think about relationships.

How do you view the relationship your parents have/had?

[petar8p]

11 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I liked myself more when I was  unavailable.

What this means?

[Leo Gura]

As a man you gotta keep yourself on purpose. As soon as your focus goes off your purpose and the girl becomes your purpose, you will feel yourself lose personal power and respect for yourself. And then so will she.

Don't cavort with girls so much that you lose yourself. Don't see them too frequently. It ruins things. Don't get too comfortable. Stay on your edge.

Girls are like dessert. Don't eat dessert for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in lieu of proper meals.

Edited October 21, 2022 by Leo Gura

[integral]

Odd I get no pleasure from the chase, its always effortless and easy. If a girl agrees to go on a date its already done, she's mine the moment I show her who I am.

I get pleasure from spending time with them, the social and physical intimacy and the activities we do together. 

Edited October 21, 2022 by integral

[Thought Art]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

As a man you gotta keep yourself on purpose. As soon as your focus goes off your purpose and the girl becomes your purpose, you will feel yourself lose personal power and respect for yourself. And then so will she.

Don't cavort with girls so much that you lose yourself. Don't see them too frequently. It ruins things. Don't get too comfortable. Stay on your edge.

Girls are like dessert. Don't eat dessert for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in lieu of proper meals.

Gold

[Galyna]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't see them too frequently. It ruins things. Don't get too comfortable. Stay on your edge.

This is fear a based response…

If you see the Other as a threat, what is the point to even take a psychedelic and dive deeper?
 
Leo, I think you will advance so much if you are in a deep intimate relationship.

To me, as I see your comments on this forum about sex, woman and relationships, some statements don’t make sense and are not aligned with your conscious work. Some of your comments come from traumatic childhood experiences and unhealed wounds. I just have this feeling, not being judgmental here.

I also feel like a girl hurt you in the past. You have attachment issue. I completely disagree with you on this. I mean if the other person has power over your autonomy, how can we even talk about enlightenment here? It doesn’t make sense to me. 
Who are you defending here if there is no self? Everything unfolds naturally, right?

Relationships are a good scale for our growth. 

You need to be triggered to see all you hidden crap. Otherwise, no ascension is possible.

Edited October 21, 2022 by Galyna

[eTorro]

1 hour ago, Galyna said:

This is fear a based response…

No. It is not.

@Leo Gura is right.

Women get bored easily, especially when the guy is too available.

Women love mysterious guys.

I never take relationship advice from women, in the sense that women don't even understand themselves (like what they respond to in a guy). Women are driven by emotions.

If the guy is too nice, he gets rejected. If he's too available and chats non-stop on the phone, it is just a matter of time until the attraction wears off between the two of them.

Edited October 21, 2022 by eTorro
To add a line here.

[Galyna]

6 minutes ago, eTorro said:

No. It is not.

@Leo Gura is right.

Women get bored easily, especially when the guy is too available.

Women love mysterious guys.

this is a very superficial statement. 
You are taking about superficial games based on egoic approach. 

[eTorro]

1 minute ago, Galyna said:

You are taking about superficial games based on egoic approach. 

I agree. When it comes to ego, we should be mysterious.

You can hardly find a spiritual partner these days.

[Galyna]

2 minutes ago, eTorro said:

I agree. When it comes to ego, we should be mysterious.

You can hardly find a spiritual partner these days.

I thought this myself in the past. 
Remember universe will match your thoughts back at you. Get rid of this false statement. You can find a spiritual partner. Just lay this intention and do the work. But remember!!!! if you want to meet a high quality person, you need to become this person yourself. Otherwise you will attract relationships exactly that will match your current level of mental development.

Good luck. 

[ivankiss]

I like most of what you guys said. Thanks.

Here's what's crossing my mind:

I feel weaker now that she came closer. I did not want to let her come too close, because I knew I was putting myself in a position where I could potentially end up being hurt and betrayed, again. I did not fully heal from my previous relationship just yet. I did not complete my transformation and I did not eliminate all those traits that could lead me to repeating the same mistakes. Allowing myself to descend that low again.

I set clear boundaries at the very beginning, saying how this is just a short little adventure and it's destined to end soon. It was obvious to me that that was turning her on. Like a lot. I guess she was not used to it. She was used to being chased by all the guys. 

After some time of dating, hooking up and doing all kinds of things together, I guess I started breaking down my walls. I was less strict about the boundaries that I've set. I mean, in the begging it was nothing outside of the bedroom. That was my rule. No dinners, no partying together, no doing favours for each other, etc. Basically, nothing that would indicate that we are a couple. it was purely about hooking up.

And now... Well, she's spending a whole week at my place. We are shopping for groceries together, cooking for each other, doing all kinds of stuff that clearly say we are in a full-blown relationship. 

Did I fall into a trap here? I had a very clear vision for myself. A path that I was on. I was on track. Aligned with my purpose. I was much more decisive and unshakable. And even though I enjoy what we have going on now, I feel like I'm kinda losing myself again.

We are still attracted to each other as fuck. We're having a lot of sex and all that jazz. But last night this topic kinda came up and it made me think. For some reason she liked me even more and was turned on by me even more until I allowed her to come this close. And in a way, I liked myself more that way, too. I was shielded, yes. My heart was kinda shut down. But I felt more powerful and "in control". I felt kinda untouchable.

I never really chased any girl in my life. Well, maybe with one exception. But I did have a tendency to lose myself a bit too much and become a bit too soft, if that makes any sense. I really would not like to F myself in the A here, again. I'd rather cut things off, or create some distance, even though at this point, that would be quite painful, I imagine. I really like this girl. Things got pretty deep and serious, fast. And that's kinda scary.

Edited October 21, 2022 by ivankiss

[petar8p]

4 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Did I fall into a trap here? I had a very clear vision for myself. A path that I was on. I was on track. Aligned with my purpose. I was much more decisive and unshakable. And even though I enjoy what we have going on now, I feel like I'm kinda losing myself again.

I think it's good to tell her how you feel, something like what you wrote here. 

 

That way, relationship will be built on truth and trust. Also if she leaves and decides it's probably not a good idea you know that you didn't fuck her over in some way and you will both recover from this. Of course it's gonna be difficult. 

 

But only you know where you are in your journey and whether this type of commitment serves you or not right now.

 

You can ask yourself what future version of yourself will this relationship most likely lead to? 

[Loba]

Why not just, stay together, see how it pans out, but put up a few walls, too?  You can still pretty much do everything you were before with a few walls, you know?  Just tell her you wanna take it slow, a fast flame burns out - slow and steady is generally the way to go, anyways.  Just... take your time, sit with your feelings and really let yourself unravel at the pace you feel is best for you.  You're the guy, so you drive the pacing.  She follows.  If you're open about how you feel, and let her know you're not shutting her out, but just taking a breather to align yourself, if she cares and is mature then she should understand. 

People kind of need to do this anyways, especially if things heat up quickly.  Taking a step back, taking the time required to get to know someone before going all in is the responsible thing to do for you and for her.  Passion dies, it's one of the first things to go - what stays is trust, working through problems together and growing as a team.  You could view this as your first mission.  If you wanna heal, you wanna change to get close to someone, then dial it back a bit.

You don't have to throw the whole thing away, or run away either.  Just... have some space for yourself.  Really sit with your emotions.  You're a dude, dudes generally need to do this anyways when things get opened up, it's just a known thing - they like to step back into themselves for a while, if the girl understands this, then you can take time in your mental "cave" or whatever and can kind of chill for a few.  And if you've been burned in the past, you might need to do this for a while - there might be a natural push/pull for some time until things level out.  Think of it as making waves.  The first step is to make a wave, to crash together, to blend, but eventually the water needs to settle.

Just... talk it over with her, let her know completely what's up, that you really like her, but you need time to close up for a while and you'll let her know when you're ready to open up again.  It's normal.  Some people need this, you don't have to expose your soul for the entirety of the time you're with her, you can allow yourself to sit back.  if you can learn to do this with open communication about what is going on, and let her know that you need this, then it should be fine.  It's more normal to step back than it is just to go all in and have everything work out without some feelings of uncertainty.  A relationship is like a pet, or a child, you have to tend to it, water it, grow it, feed it, love it.

Good luck. 

[MrMog]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

As a man you gotta keep yourself on purpose. As soon as your focus goes off your purpose and the girl becomes your purpose, you will feel yourself lose personal power and respect for yourself. And then so will she.

Don't cavort with girls so much that you lose yourself. Don't see them too frequently. It ruins things. Don't get too comfortable. Stay on your edge.

Girls are like dessert. Don't eat dessert for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in lieu of proper meals.

It's interesting. I've seen you claiming, that you don't have any traumas. But that's definitly some trauma-based thinking/behavior. Or maybe just a bad set of believes you picked Up somewhere. 

I'm not blaming you, i'm the same way. But also, i would never claim, that i'm free of trauma

And it's true, when it comes to your "normal" superfical hot girl. But there are definitly girls out there, who are more evolved than that, and that's the type of girl you are really looking for, i guess.

Edited October 21, 2022 by MrMog

[eos_nyxia]

In my own experience, this is a dynamic that can be worked past with some effort (or probably a lot of effort). The question is, for what reason, and for who? What would make it truly worth it?

3 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I feel weaker now that she came closer. I did not want to let her come too close, because I knew I was putting myself in a position where I could potentially end up being hurt and betrayed, again. I did not fully heal from my previous relationship just yet. I did not complete my transformation and I did not eliminate all those traits that could lead me to repeating the same mistakes. Allowing myself to descend that low again.

What do you think you would look like if you were closer to your more ideal, healed, "integrated" state? How would you behave, how would you treat yourself, or interact with others?

Quote

I set clear boundaries at the very beginning, saying how this is just a short little adventure and it's destined to end soon. It was obvious to me that that was turning her on. Like a lot. I guess she was not used to it. She was used to being chased by all the guys. 

Are you both normally avoidant types? Or is there a lot of intermittent pushing and pulling between the both of you?

More importantly: whatever it is that you have, do you feel like the relationship between your shared give-take is pretty balanced overall?

Quote

Did I fall into a trap here? I had a very clear vision for myself. A path that I was on. I was on track. Aligned with my purpose. I was much more decisive and unshakable. And even though I enjoy what we have going on now, I feel like I'm kinda losing myself again.
We are still attracted to each other as fuck. We're having a lot of sex and all that jazz. But last night this topic kinda came up and it made me think. For some reason she liked me even more and was turned on by me even more until I allowed her to come this close.

If we're just talking about yourself: what strikes me is wondering what sort of relationship you have between commitment to your vision (what we typically think of as a more "mind-centered" reality, which tends to be more rigid and attached to specific ideas, visions, and outcomes) vs. being more open, flexible, and going with the flow of feeling and the moment ("of the heart")? Do you find that there is a lot of conflict between these two things, or that both do not quite meet up or are on the same page?

This might be the deeper issue beyond your relationship with one specific person, or even with romantic/ sexual love in general.