Is this a red flag/normal behavior?

[Illusory Self]

Maybe this is just me but I am starting to find it deeply unattractive. I have met this girl three times and she seems incredibly conservative when it comes to having sex, she's been to mine 3 times. 

But the worst part is that she always mentions about me not seeing any other girls after the 2nd or 3rd time meeting her. She is like "I am not going to be seeing other boys if I like the person" & you should not see any other girls. I even tell her that I think we are looking for different things and not particularly after a relationship. She says not as a relationship. It just feels like very need behaviour. 

I am setting the frame of her coming back to mine but in the future she wants to do 'romantic' things and not come to mine all the time. 

She expects me to walk with her to the bus stop because she is looking for a protector. 

What's worse is last night when the taxi arrived, she expected me to go in the taxi with her to her place to make sure she got home okay. She kept on asking to get in the taxi with her to hers more than once. She genuinely seems super scared of the taxi driver and being alone in a cab with him. She also seems really scared of the dark which is why she wanted me to walk her to the bus stop.. makes me feel bad for saying know in a way to the taxi but I do have work I need to do. Is that bad of me? should I walk with to the bus stop and get a taxi to her place? I told her no, I have to sleep and got work early in the morning but text me when you get home.

She texted me saying.. "I am in bed now..." "you could of texted me"

Is this red flag kind of behavior? 

She seems to have a very strong conservative/romantic kind of frame

 

Edited October 20, 2022 by Illusory Self

[Leo Gura]

You should screen out girls who don't align with what you want in a gf.

Yeah, she's conservative/traditional.

Edited October 20, 2022 by Leo Gura

[CultivateLove]

She's looking for a daddy, bro.

[Ulax]

@Illusory Self Seems to me like there are repeated behaviours where she is portraying an entitled attitude to you. That 'You should not see other girls' sounds abusive to me. To my mind, a healthy variation of that would be, 'I would prefer it if you did not see other girls'. To my mind, its healthy because it simply illustrates an expression of her needs, and acts like a request.  To me, that would represent a world view where she sees you as equals. Her communication seems to me to be like a demand that you sacrifice your needs to meet her needs.

I think this kind of person will need to do some extensive inner work before they can have a fulfilling relationship. Without her doing such work, I don't expect a relationship with her would be fulfilling or healthy.

 

Edited October 20, 2022 by Ulax
Tag

[Hello from Russia]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You should screen out girls who don't align with what you want in a gf.

Yeah, she's conservative/traditional.

Would you considering traveling to airport to meet a girl conservative? Just curious. One round way is about 2h long, and you need to spend also 1h-2h to go back with her

@Illusory Self

Sounds like a lot of expectations from her

[Illusory Self]

1 hour ago, Hello from Russia said:

Would you considering traveling to airport to meet a girl conservative? Just curious. One round way is about 2h long, and you need to spend also 1h-2h to go back with her

@Illusory Self

Sounds like a lot of expectations from her

@Hello from Russia

She even wants me to text her good night and morning messages.. smh 

[Leo Gura]

Just decide for yourself if this is the kind of girl you want.

[Yarco]

It's a red flag if it's not what you want. For me, this would be an ideal arrangement. If we're going to continue after 3 dates then I'd want to be exclusive and devote all our time/energy to getting to know one person. And yeah I'd walk her to the bus stop and arrange better dates than just laying around my house, and text her "good morning beautiful" shit because I think its fair for women to expect chivalry and the guy to put in some effort to woo them. I'd want a woman who has standards.

If you just want to sleep around and have fun, then she's not the right kind of woman for you at this point in your life. Go find some strong empowered feminists who'll just sleep with you and then see themselves out, they're a lot more common than women like the one you're currently with.

Maybe you'll come back to someone like her when you're ready to settle down.

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, Yarco said:

It's a red flag if it's not what you want. For me, this would be an ideal arrangement. If we're going to continue after 3 dates then I'd want to be exclusive and devote all our time/energy to getting to know one person. And yeah I'd walk her to the bus stop and arrange better dates than just laying around my house, and text her "good morning beautiful" shit because I think its fair for women to expect chivalry and the guy to put in some effort to woo them. I'd want a woman who has standards.

If you just want to sleep around and have fun, then she's not the right kind of woman for you at this point in your life. Go find some strong empowered feminists who'll just sleep with you and then see themselves out, they're a lot more common than women like the one you're currently with.

Maybe you'll come back to someone like her when you're ready to settle down.

Perfect take. I wanted to say something similar. Thanks. 

 

[Hello from Russia]

2 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

@Hello from Russia

She even wants me to text her good night and morning messages.. smh 

There is no some absolute red flag 

This notion depends totally on you and your values, what is the red flag for you? 

For me for example if a person has some mental illness and a bit crazy is not a red flag at all, but for a lot of people it will be

It all depends if you wanna play these games or not yourself. This girl signals some abandonmenet trauma attachment style, which is fine if you're fine with it.

She likely needs extra approval/attention cause she was deprived of it earlier in life heavily. Or she just wants to play some games w you and that's just her style. 

Ot, even a third option, she might be just a clueless young girl who just doesn't know any better than do all this crap to you. 

If she is around 16-22 or so, it's probably the latter, maybe with some sprinkles of first 2

Edited October 20, 2022 by Hello from Russia

[Illusory Self]

@Tyler Robinson @Hello from Russia @Leo Gura @Yarco

 

I have decided she is not the right woman for me. 

However I have a huge fear of telling her and not sure what to say as I don't want to upset her. She seems pretty into me. 

I want to send her a message soon as I think it will be unfair to keep her waiting. I am just scared of knowing what to say to her in the best way. 

I don't like upsetting people but I would rather do it earlier than later to minimize suffering. 

I kind of want to just block her but that will be a cowards way out.. 

Any suggestions? 

In the future I will get better at screening girls out for my needs instead of leading them on like this. 

Edited October 20, 2022 by Illusory Self

[Federico del pueblo]

24 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

@Tyler Robinson @Hello from Russia @Leo Gura @Yarco

 

I have decided she is not the right woman for me. 

However I have a huge fear of telling her and not sure what to say as I don't want to upset her. She seems pretty into me. 

I want to send her a message soon as I think it will be unfair to keep her waiting. I am just scared of knowing what to say to her in the best way. 

I don't like upsetting people but I would rather do it earlier than later to minimize suffering. 

I kind of want to just block her but that will be a cowards way out.. 

Any suggestions? 

In the future I will get better at screening girls out for my needs instead of leading them on like this. 

 

Then just phrase it in a more diplomatic way. Say that you've come to the conclusion that the two of you are not compatible.

You don't need to tell her that she's the problem (because she actually isn't, she just doesn't align with what you're looking for).

There's no way around telling her that it won't work out.

You also can't completely avoid heartbreaks, they will happen.

 

Don't simply block her, lol. You need to become comfortable with people being upset about your decisions. You shouldn't try to upset them, but realize that you can't avoid it either.

If this leads to endless drama and accusations and blaming and shaming, you could still block her soon enough.

And you should actually call her instead of texting her this, which of course is still more uncomfortable, but the right thing to do. So man up! ?

[Hello from Russia]

@Illusory Self Great stuff, man

Being pretty isn't really enough for a great relationship, you can say more than 50% of women are pretty, but it's a meh metric to judge compatibility with

It's tough to say such things, I know. Ghosting is a big no-no if you want to have a good conscience and do as little collateral damage. If I were you, I would just meetup and tell her everything you don't like about your current relationship just to let her know what's the deal - her games, overly gentleman-like things, etc

That's really the mature way to go about these things in my opinion

 If she insists that she wants to be the way she is and there are no compromises - well, you're clearly not a good fit then. Maybe she will say that it all was just a social conditioned behaviour and she didn't mean to do all this bullshit - well, then you and your heart will decide, maybe she might be the one after all, at least if you'll feel she is honest about it

Let us know how it goes and don't beat yourself up it isn't as perfect as you'd like it to be 

[Tyler Robinson]

15 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

 

Then just phrase it in a more diplomatic way. Say that you've come to the conclusion that the two of you are not compatible.

You don't need to tell her that she's the problem (because she actually isn't, she just doesn't align with what you're looking for).

There's no way around telling her that it won't work out.

You also can't completely avoid heartbreaks, they will happen.

 

Don't simply block her, lol. You need to become comfortable with people being upset about your decisions. You shouldn't try to upset them, but realize that you can't avoid it either.

If this leads to endless drama and accusations and blaming and shaming, you could still block her soon enough.

And you should actually call her instead of texting her this, which of course is still more uncomfortable, but the right thing to do. So man up! ?

Yup. Never dump on text, disrespectful. 

[Yarco]

1 hour ago, Illusory Self said:

However I have a huge fear of telling her and not sure what to say as I don't want to upset her. She seems pretty into me. 

I want to send her a message soon as I think it will be unfair to keep her waiting. I am just scared of knowing what to say to her in the best way. 

You've only hung out 3 times, so I don't think it's like you were in a relationship for a year and owe her a big explanation.

I think dumping her via text is fine in this situation. It's less disrespectful than ghosting or blocking her.

Just tell her all the reasons that you told us were red flags for you, and why you don't think it will work, why you're not a good match.... You don't want to agree to be exclusive, you don't want someone you have to text multiple times a day, you want something less serious, you don't want to have to walk her to the bus stop.

She will probably understand that you're not right for her or what she's looking for, either.

[Illusory Self]

@Yarco Okay I texted her.

I just kind of hope I worded it right, man dumping people sucks. 

I was honest in my explanation.

I just feel pain for causing other people suffering even though girls have done it to me. 

It has really taught me a lesson that I do need to screen better in the future

[Illusory Self]

@Leo Gura @Yarco @Tyler Robinson @Hello from Russia @Federico del pueblo

Appreciate all the advice guys <3. I did send the breakup text. I could not face calling her. 

Now I would like to figure out the exact type of woman that I would like to be in a relationship with. 

Do any of you have good questions to ask? I am very 50/50 on what I want in a woman because I have not been through much experience so I don't know if I would dislike such a thing until I actually experience it if that makes sense. I am trying to write my list down but I get the feeling that I could be missing something. 

I know a lot of red pillers propose the idea of not having any woman going out with friends or seeing guys but I am unsure about that.

I see some pickup guys in one way open relationships where the woman is loyal to them but they are free to sleep with other woman, is that a toxic thing to do? 

What if my list of requirements is so large that it will make it impossible for anyone to fit my ideal criteria. 

 

 

Edited October 20, 2022 by Illusory Self

[Federico del pueblo]

11 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

Do any of you have good questions to ask? I am very 50/50 on what I want in a woman because I have not been through much experience so I don't know if I would dislike such a thing until I actually experience it if that makes sense. I am trying to write my list down but I get the feeling that I could be missing something.

You could start with what you know that you don't want. Then think about what the opposite of that is.

And what kind of relationship you want, which will only be compatible with certain types of girls.

13 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

I know a lot of red pillers propose the idea of not having any woman going out with friends or seeing guys but I am unsure about that.

Seems like narcissism. An attitude born out if insecurity in the disguise of alphaness. It's very possessive and kind of extortionary.

16 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

I see some pickup guys in one way open relationships where the woman is loyal to them but they are free to sleep with other woman, is that a toxic thing to do? 

Same kind of thing. If you think about how fucked up it is to ask of her that you should be allowed to fuck around while she has to be loyal... it's just absurd.

This is where relationships become this purely transactional thing where someone provides all the resources (the man), to buy all kinds of liberties with it.

[Illusory Self]

1 hour ago, Federico del pueblo said:

You could start with what you know that you don't want. Then think about what the opposite of that is.

And what kind of relationship you want, which will only be compatible with certain types of girls.

Seems like narcissism. An attitude born out if insecurity in the disguise of alphaness. It's very possessive and kind of extortionary.

Same kind of thing. If you think about how fucked up it is to ask of her that you should be allowed to fuck around while she has to be loyal... it's just absurd.

This is where relationships become this purely transactional thing where someone provides all the resources (the man), to buy all kinds of liberties with it.

@Federico del pueblo

Thanks man

Yeah a lot of these PUAS seem to have toxic personality traits

What are your thoughts on Polyamorous relationships? I think Monogomous can kind of seem possessive/low consciousness. 

I don't see why we can't all love each other equally without the 'need' to be with a partner.

I honestly have really mixed thoughts between my future self being polyamorous or monogomous.

Edited October 20, 2022 by Illusory Self

[ValiantSalvatore]

1 hour ago, Illusory Self said:

I honestly have really mixed thoughts between my future self being polyamorous or monogomous.

Check the book:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7640261-sex-at-dawn

Eventually will get back at dating, hope this is not hypocrtical advice.The book gives a scientific review of relationship models it's quiet complex so it certainly is interesting. They talk about polyamory and other social/sexual relationship models. 

I dunno I've been on a sorta double date once with a crush and she took a friend with her to bs test me, I made them laugh the whole time so I had the same concern at one point of wanting a polyamorous relationship. The book helped to wrap my mind around multiple ideas... without being fully biased in one. Yes, I listend to the audiobook version .