The Importance Of Friends

[Ruth]

I have just moved to a new high school and I have made some new friends but they are so boring and I feel like any time that I spend with them is just a waste and there are other things I would much rather be doing. I have found that most people I meet are very petty and nobody cares about anything that actually matters, just what's going on in their own lives. I would actually call most of them "toxic" people. I have always been very introverted. I can socialize easily and I can get along with pretty much anyone but sometimes  I just really like being by myself. As Leo says, there is nothing that another person can give me that I can not give myself. Since I will be going to university next year and I probably won't see any of these girls again, I sometimes wonder if there is any point worrying about making really good friends when I will just have to move again anyway. I would rather just focus on other things. However, I worry that there might be negative consequences to this? Is it important to fit in and create a friendship group, even when I don't really get much happiness out of it? 

[Sarah Marie]

I can relate to your feelings. I have never actually felt like I have made a meaningful connection with anyone my age in until after college. I always felt not that I was better, but I was different. I wasn't interested in getting smashed every night or talking about the latest celebrity gossip. I found most of my friends (and they still are) about 4 decades older than me. I never really understood why until I got older. Here is my suggestion to you, find a different crowd. One way more knowledgable then you. A meditation group? Keep an open mind with those your age too, you can still learn very valuable things from them. Check out Leo's video to see what I mean here: 

 

[Ruth]

Yes that's just like me! All my friends do is gossip and get drunk but that's really not what I like to do. Thanks for the advice and the video, it was really helpful.  

[Santiago]

I am getting away from my friends, stopped contacting them and only answer if they contact me directly. I'm doing this because when we get together they just drink, smoke weed, eat burgers and all kind of junk food, that's their definition of fun, for me it's really boring and lame.

This is not as much of a problem for me since I am a very introspective person, I love to observe my own thoughts, to be in nature, to read about fitness, self-development, nutrition, science, etc. I am fine being alone so yeah, no big deal.

 

But from time to time I do wonder if this could be unhealthy for me, I feel completely fine but maybe I am unaware of it's cons...

[Guest]

Please don't worry about making good friends because you can't make a good friend or what people call best friends forever. 

We discuss this in our classes in University. I study English literature and we deal with great variety of characters and their problems in society and life.

What people care about is how are you making their life easier for them, what is your use in their group. If you're wise, careful, sensitive and most importantly innocent they will come to you to ask for help. And they will try to find something to judge. 

Some toxic people are really good at hiding it. They will make you judge others by doing gossip with you. And when you judge and hate them your "best friend" will judge you again as if you're toxic. 

I changed a lot of classes in my high school years. And I know many people in my University. They have tried many things on me to drag me down. Because when you're independent of any people and also you're intelligent people will want to drag you down and make you a slave under the cover of friendship. 

The result could be both disastrous and good for you. You shouldn't force yourself to have a friend. But what I learnt so far is mirroring works amazingly good. I try not to talk a lot, I repeat what people say in other words and I feel confident and happy. They will also test your anger and patience. You gotta give intelligent answers when they do that.

There are 2 amazing and very short books about these type of situations. "Demian" and "Steppenwolf" by Hermann Hesse. They helped me to see the reality and what could go wrong.

I wish you good luck in your new school!

Being happy and confident always works!

Edited February 13, 2016 by Sarper

[Dhana Choko]

You are on a right path. Just keep going and you will attract people who match your desires for relationships. Do not settle for low quality relationships. They take time and cause drama. Why do I know? I, like most people, have learned the hard way.  

[Ruth]

@Dhana Choko @Sarper @Santiago Thank you for your advice! It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this sometimes.