ED my first time with a girl lol

[sleep]

So I'm a virgin. The other day I was at a girl's house and we were about to have sex but I simply couldn't stay hard. A few days before we were in our school and she wanted to give me a blowie but same situation; thought I was nervous but then it repeated itself. I havent fapped in about 8 days now, which is when the blowie thing happened (tried nofap before and farthest I could go was like 4-5 days) and I feel like my libido has died since. I'm also depressed and have been for years but I had no problem with mantaining an erection before. 

 

This is probably one of the most frustrating things that's happened to me in my life and I don't know what to do. 

[Roy]

This will probably require some deeper work to find out what the problem is, but for now you need a quick fix so get some Viagra or something if you can. Don't think of it as anything wrong with you, it happens to every guy at one point or another in their life. Sometimes the little solider just doesn't salute.

Next time you're with her make sure you clear a lot of time to have sex. Have a chill night, watch a movie and cuddle. Maybe give each other massages as that will help you both relax and undo any tension you have in your body.

Give it some more time and be patient, but if it's not happening after like 3 or 4 more dates consider you might not be as attracted to her as you thought and might need to find a different girl. You shouldn't have to force anything.

 

Edited October 16, 2022 by Roy

[Osaid]

You feel like your libido has died since doing 8 days of no fap? Is that correct?

I've had the same thing happen after 30 days. They call it a "flatline" in the no-fap community, the frequency at which it happens is uncertain.

[sleep]

@Osaid No, I feel that my libido has died since I couldnt' get hard 8 days ago. I haven't fapped because I haven't felt horny enough. 

Well, I think that's the point at which it happened, but it might've been a bit before. Depression and all that. 

Edited October 16, 2022 by sleep

[Osaid]

1 minute ago, sleep said:

Depression and all that. 

Have you been especially depressed recently? Or especially stressed? Are you getting enough sleep? Any big changes in diet? A lot of libido really just comes down to your psychology and how you feel mentally.

Have the 8 days of abstinence helped at all?

[sleep]

15 minutes ago, Osaid said:

Have you been especially depressed recently? Or especially stressed?

Yeah for depression. Well, more than depression it's more like anhedonia; I get joy from nothing, everything tastes like dirt. Stressed yeah, got a new job, but I wouldn't say very much so. 

16 minutes ago, Osaid said:

Are you getting enough sleep?

I would say my sleep has been decent lately. 

19 minutes ago, Osaid said:

Have the 8 days of abstinence helped at all?

Sometimes my dick feels a little funny but not enough to want to fap. 

 

I forgot to mention, while I was doing the thingies with the girl I felt almost nothing. My answers makes it seem like it's the depression that's occasionating the issue (and it might be) but also take in count that I've been depressed for years and usually I could jerk off just fine. I also thought that it might be that I associated sexual pleasure with porn and so that's why I couldn't enjoy myself very much. 

[Osaid]

16 minutes ago, sleep said:

Well, more than depression it's more like anhedonia; I get joy from nothing, everything tastes like dirt.

I'm sure this is the cause then. Do you think something triggered it? Or did it sort of gradually become worse?

Do you also have any lingering feelings of anxiety, or is it just a very neutral state of anhedonia? Are you able to be calm? 

What's your diet like, then? What do you usually eat? Do you eat a lot?  Maybe not, since there's not much pleasure?

[sleep]

4 minutes ago, Osaid said:

I'm sure this is the cause then. Do you think something triggered it? Or did it sort of gradually become worse?

I've lived with some level of it throughout my entire adolescence and early adult life, though I'd say it's been a bit worse for the past couple of weeks. 

5 minutes ago, Osaid said:

Do you also have any lingering feelings of anxiety, or is it just a very neutral state of anhedonia? Are you able to be calm? 

I'm socially anxious. Not as much anymore but still more than other people. 

6 minutes ago, Osaid said:

What's your diet like, then? What do you usually eat? Do you eat a lot?  Maybe not, since there's not much pleasure?

I lost like 8 kg a few months ago because of loss of apetite. I live with my parents so it's usually just what they order or what I have at home; some mexican food like frijol con puerco or stuff like that, basically meat with soup. 

 

I'm not sure if it's because of the depression. It probably plays a part, although I've been very depressed before and I would usually jerk off to feel better, sometimes multiple times a day. What bothers me is that the ED seems to have started when the girl appeared. 

[integral]

Think about her sexually, stimulate your self, the cause of erections is the story and emotion you are playing in your head. If you think about sex you get an erection, thats all there is to it. Look at her cute face and talk dirty to your self in your mind, say something like "shes such a good girl with my cock in her mouth", "thats my girl, do a good job now". The story in your mind and the emotion needs to be aligned. +be confident. When you loss the erection its because your emotion and the story in the mind wondered off. When in the moment having sex there is no inner dialogue but your in the sexual frame of mind (looking at her ass and thrusting and enjoying her moans, wtv) that keeps the hormones for the erection. The real issue is a lack of confidence. 

Edited October 16, 2022 by integral

[Osaid]

51 minutes ago, sleep said:

What bothers me is that the ED seems to have started when the girl appeared. 

A lot of times people get nervous or feel like they're under lots of pressure to perform well during the sex, which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Did you feel nervous around her? Were you able to be playful around her or were you mostly serious?

Is your libido still dead even with porn? That seems out of the ordinary to me, that it really just vanished like that.

It might even be that, you were nervous the first time, and now you are so fixated on that experience that every time you try to engage in a sexual experience you're just reminded of that experience and it makes you feel nervous and lose libido. Like I said, the psychological aspect is big.

If possible, you can even edge yourself to porn before meeting her to get your head in the game. Maybe you weren't in the mood or weren't in the right headspace, this can help with that.

If not, it might be some odd temporary phase. Give it a week or two and see how it gets better or worse. Our bodies are constantly trying to maintain balance, and reaching that balance might take a bit.

[sleep]

@Osaid I'm scared of using porn because I think that's one of the things that might've caused the issue (porn-induced ED, been using porn for years now and it's the only sexual activity i know so my brain might've wired itself to only associate sexual pleasure with porn) so I haven't tried. 

Yeah, I'm a pretty nervous person around people. I suck at being fun. 

I think what you said about being reminded of that experience is true. It's been stressing me out for the past few days and it only became worse after I failed to get hard at her home. 

I was planning on abstaining from porn indifinitely, though I might try to watch it and see how it goes. I think it might be counterproductive though. 

[integral]

@sleep Can you visualise yourself having sex? 

[sleep]

@integral Just tried watching porn and I got hard but I kept getting distracted and bored, which usually didn't happen. Yeah I think anhedonia is playing a big part. 

As for the visualization, yeah I can, why? 

[Osaid]

11 minutes ago, sleep said:

I'm scared of using porn because I think that's one of the things that might've caused the issue

You gotta test and isolate variables. If porn does something for you, then that tells you that there's something specifically about being in front of a real person that is the problem, and it is not necessarily some biological dysfunction or complete lack of libido. And also it might validate or invalidate your theory, if you can't even get turned on by porn anymore then it's most definitely not porn-induced, cause porn should at least turn you on. This is important info.

If you're not horny enough after 8 days of abstinence, I personally would say that rules out porn as a culprit. Especially if you were horny enough to be masturbating so regularly prior to that. From my experience, the horniness caps at around day 8-10. Unless you are some serious porn addict, like masturbating 5 times daily over a long period of time, I doubt much of the problem is porn, and if it is, I'm pretty sure the 8 days would negate that.

I understand that people can be very different in terms of sexuality though. This is just how I have noticed that this stuff affects me personally and what I would do. If you're scared of undoing your progress in abstaining from porn, fine, you can go for a month or something and then watch if it gets better or not. IME, I've gone that route before, and libido really does not change much beyond day 10, but maybe it will be different for you.

Even if porn offsets progress, you can always go back to abstaining. So I wouldn't sweat it too much.

12 minutes ago, sleep said:

Just tried watching porn and I got hard but I kept getting distracted and bored, which usually didn't happen. Yeah I think anhedonia is playing a big part. 

That's not bad considering you were watching it as an experiment, which is not the most attractive scenario to watch porn in. Do you feel the 8 day abstinence has made some sort of difference?

 

[sleep]

15 minutes ago, Osaid said:

You gotta test and isolate variables. If porn does something for you, then that tells you that there's something specifically about being in front of a real person that is the problem, and it is not necessarily some biological dysfunction or complete lack of libido. And also it might validate or invalidate your theory, if you can't even get turned on by porn anymore then it's most definitely not porn-induced, cause porn should at least turn you on. This is important info.

Sounds reasonable. I think watching porn made me realize that that not might be the issue, although it might also be the case that the experience and my interpretation has turned me off of porn. Whatever, I'll still abstain, not like there's much benefit from it anyways I think. 

16 minutes ago, Osaid said:

That's not bad considering you were watching it as an experiment, which is not the most attractive scenario to watch porn in. Do you feel the 8 day abstinence has made some sort of difference?

Not much I'd say. 

[kamwalker]

Foreplay and maintaining presence 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFVOJf0TzY&vl=en

Avoid food and water stored in plastic it can decrease testosterone 

[Leo Gura]

That's why you always carry one Cialis in your pocket.

Cialis is amazing. You are guilty of sexual malpractice for not having one on backup.

Edited October 17, 2022 by Leo Gura

[bazera]

@Leo Gura Doesnt ED drugs come with some nasty side effects? Is Cialis safe for young people?

[Hello from Russia]

It might be that you're just over thinking it bruh, my first 1-2 times with a woman the same happened. But then after 1-2 times my dick has never been flacid anymore, always rock solid even if I'm tired or stressed

Just make yourself comfortable with your girl and don't stress too much about it