From Half-assed Medical Student To Worldclass Cardiologist

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Today's trip to know more about the polyglot doctor thing!! 
• Meeting new people.
• Spending the evening with some friends!! 

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Giving some structure to my days. I did my routines almost religiously while preparing for exams and now that I have more free time I barely stick to the ones that I should start all over again if I missed one day.. It's all about the why in the end: while preparing for exams I knew that my routines helped me stay mentally stable and focused, something that I still need of course but maybe it's time to dig deeper now that I've succeeded in passing through the exams without burning out. Thankfully I've been taking notes during the life purpose course, I'll start with reviewing them!! 
• Knowing more about the universe of possibilities I stand within also career-wise.
• Taking care of the environments I live in.

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I reviewed all the notes I took during the life purpose course. It was very useful and grounding!! 
• I did take care of the environments I live in, it's so different doing it because I have certain standards for myself than doing it because of being borderline OCD as in the past...  
• This: 

I simply adore this commercial, I could watch it 24/7 and not be tired with it yet!!! <3 <3 <3

I just found out that there's a "parody" version which is even better.. "Not Just Do It, Do It Right".

Ways I could have made today better:

• Working out/running.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Reviewing the notes I took during the life purpose course. In particular what hit me was the advice on finding one's niche, which I naturally thought was simply Cardiology.. Thinking more about it I realized that Cardiology may become my zone of excellence while my niche will be something more related to the polyglot doctor thing. I can cite the fear I feel towards it as a proof.. I'm not scared about becoming a worldclass Cardiologist as I am of going to work as a doctor in Burundi.. Specifically in Burundi, that's the thing, I'm not frightened of going in any other country in the world...

What I learned:

• To follow my fears, wherever they want to take me..

Nike everywhere today!!  

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Committing to talk to my mum in Kirundi only. You can't imagine how much resistance I feel towards it as it feels so "unnatural".. How ironic!!  I also commit not to speak Italian every time I get the opportunity to speak another language!!
• Seeing the family doctor I did the internship with!!! 
• Watching the documentary "Tony Robbins: I am not your guru". I've just seen the first 25 minutes and I'm already amazed!!! 

Edited July 26, 2016 by Diane

[Diane]

Impostor syndrome

Today I wrote my first formal email signed with the appellation "Doctor" before my name and the professor I wrote to wrote me back calling me "Doctor" as well.. I thought that after the bar exam I would have "felt" the fact of being a Doctor but all I can see is the mountain of things I don't know... I'll just keep on keeping on (and studying!!), someday I'll also feel like a doctor, not just be one... 

Amazing things that happened today:

• I finished watching the documentar "Tony Robbbins: I am not your guru", simply beautiful. There's a part towards the end where he asks hte audience to recall three moments of their lives they're grateful for. The second one that came to my mind was my ex fiancé, I hadn't thought about it in these words yet but I'm immensely grateful for having had him in my life. I still believe that leaving him was the right decision but now I am conscious that that doesn't mean that the five years I spent with him were a waste of time. 

The third "moment" was my mum and the first last sunday's reading in Mass: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!". I just knew the phrase "Ask and you shall recieved", the first time I heard it was in a Jim Rohn's recording on youtube.. Since then I totally fell in love with this concept.. And then there it was, now that I don't even go to church every sunday.. The startling thing was that the polyglot doctor thing had just become a little more real as I had recieved the personal data of the people I need to stay in touch with. I felt so much grace, much more than my little body could contain.. Then I realized that maybe that meant that my job is also to spread around me that abundance of grace...

• I went to see the family doctor I did the internship with!! He's definitely the kind of person I want to to be influenced by!!!  
• This: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njHvGxZgTPk After watching the documentary I felt like needing some relaxing music.. Normally I use this kind of sounds only for meditation but it made a great background today!!

Ways I could have made today better:

• Putting studying into my schedule.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one..

What I learned:

• To blame negative people also for the great stuff. Things like "blaming" my father for the person I am today, if he were different I wouldn't be so driven, I wouldn't care so much about order and people and I even wouldn't have the opportunity of realizing the dream of being a doctor in multiple languages!!

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Continuing to speak Kirundi with my mum. Yesteday we agreed to speak Kirundi only between us, it's somewhat a challenge for her too: she admitted that it's "faster" for her to talk to us (me and my brothers) in Italian.. One of my elementary teachers told me recently that the first months I was in Italy she noted that I spoke as little as possible in fear of saying something incorrectly.. This time it was exactly the same!!!  Maybe thoug it will take me less to take off as I have awareness on my side this time..  
• Adding my relationship vision to my mission statement.
• Being cool with the reality of being a doctor!! 

Edited July 27, 2016 by Diane

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I continued speaking Kirundi with my mum. It's not easy, at all!! In this journal's first post I wrote that English is neither my first nore my second language.. I lied!! Unfortunately I can't edit it any more.. I'd say that Italian is the language I know better, second comes English and then French and Kirundi share the third place. The good thing is that the universe ssems to appreciate my efforts: in the last two day I've been contacted by two friends in Burundi I hadn't spoken to in months..  I also want to start watching some episodes of a Burundian series.. I think it's the first time I "regret" not following the news, it would be the easiest way to listen to something in Kirundi..
• I "accepted" the fact of being a doctor... For the first time I wrote a CV with a "Dr" before my name.. The impostor syndrome shall pass too!!!  
• I was mindful.

Ways I could have made today better:

• Working out/running;
• Studying.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• I don't think that paying the taxes for a certificate counts so: none..

What I learned:

• If you win the morning you win the day. A very powerful statement, thank you again Eddie Pinero!!! 

• To stay blessed. I had some difficulties at the bank I went to, my first inclination was to go into anxiety&depression mode but then I realized how blessed I am in general and that this little problem wasn't definitey worth so much concern.  

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Helping a friend's husband who wants to finish medicine school here in Italy.  
• This evening's Caribbean dance night!!! If the weather agrees of course but how could it not!?! 
• Studying maybe?! 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I spent an amazing night out!!!  It was wonderful right from the outset, I can't thoroughly describe how I felt just watching people dance, a mix of joy and wonder, it was so beautiful!!!  I also danced with three different partners and learned the basic steps of salsa!!!
• The universe keeps favouring my decision to speak more Kirundi: a couple of Burundian friends came to visit us today!! 
• It was a nice day in general.

Ways I could have made today better:

• Studying something.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Chilling out, I really needed it!!  

What I learned:

• To dance salsa!!  It reminded me of something I read in the book "Mastery" by George Leonard. At a certain point he talks about two people who already had some experience with martial arts approaching aikido. The first mixes it with what he already knew and has some troubles performing the various moves correctly while the other has a true beginner approach.. Interestingly when I just did the steps I learned this evening everything was fine but then when I tried to "do it my way" I started missing steps... A great reminder of how the mastery process works!! 

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Being on purpose.
• Doing the things left on my to do list!!
• Staying at home all day!! 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I ran!!  
• I confirmed this week as being a vacation week sleeping for most of the day.. Nevertheless I also finally watched the video "The Psychology Of Small Business Success - Top 5 Errors Of Aspiring Entrepreneurs".
• I accepted reality as it is.

Ways I could have made today better:

• Being more mindful.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one again...

What I learned:

• Your peace of mind is your highest form of wealth (Ralph Smart). I have to face some expenses these days, this quote definitely  came on the right time!!  

[Diane]

Breakthrough

Let's see if I can describe it... I've been having this recurrent dream (a nightmare actually, until today), I thought it came from a movie but I can't remember it so maybe the movie was in the dream too. This was the plot: a group of people (friends or a family) went to live in a new house. The house was very big and as beautiful as it could. The day they arrived everybody had the time of their life, until the evening when they discovered that from that time on everyone had something specific to do for the rest of their life and there was no way to escape it: if you tried to run away some terrible things would happen to you or the angels would come and bring you back to the house (never seen meaner angels!! Really, they were frightening as hell!!). Talking about it now is eye-opening by itself... Anyways, in today's version I was there with my family and some friends.. Kwowing the house's secret I spent most of the time outside in the garden and as the evening was approaching I compelled the few who were still inside to come outside (it was a beautiful summer day so most of the people were already in the garden). While I was going towards the garden a neighbour came to visit us. For some reason she stayed into the house, from the garden we then saw her cleaning and tidying everything up for us. I didn't worry too much about her as I was focused on looking for every possible way out in the event that the angels came even if we weren't inside the house. Fortunately the part of the garden where we were was near to the street so no biggie!! 

Just after the sunset the lady came out and told us: "I have a message for you, from the angels".. An angel appeared but I didn't see it for more than an instant as I instinctively started to run, I ran as fast as I could.. Apparently I made it and installed in a new city.. One day I had this same dream.. This time a famous actor had made it to escape from the angels and continue his life as it was before. He was staying in a hotel with the rest of the crew while filming. He recieved the usual morning wake up call and rushed out.. He checked all the rooms but there was no trace of his people because... He was back to the house!!!

Nevertheless I went on with my life in the new city but that same day an angel appeared to me while I was in a subway.. He didn't even say anything, he was just like "what were you thinking?!". I immediately started to run. He didn't rush to catch me but I heard him screaming: "If you come with me we'll find a way!!". He negotiated with me!!! The last image of the dream was me in the house, hugging the actor even if he didn't understand why..

Then I woke up and realized that all this mess meant just one thing: SURRENDER. Surrendering to my life purpose, I don't know if it's because I haven't done anything medicine-related this week or because at least at the beginning of the week I was a little nervous, anxious and even depressed thinking about the tons of responsibilities inherent in practicing my profession, the million things I still don't know and the money I don't have to buy everything I need... Anyways, thank you Angels!!! 

 

Edited July 31, 2016 by Diane

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Surrendering, of course!!! 
• Being positive and optimistic about the future!!
• Converting my anxiety into action.

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Finishing the second month of meditation following the instructions in the video "How to meditate deeper"!! Finally!!! 
• Studying!! It's been great being on vacation for a week, the cherry on top was encountering my BFF with her mother and her boyfriend while I was at the beach with my mum yesterday, we spent the whole day together, it couldn't be more perfect!!!  So battery recharged I'm ready to go back to work, even of I'm not working for money yet but still!!
• Washing my hair!! 

[Diane]

I wish I was a poet, a composer or a painter to be able to describe how incredible my life is!!

Until then..

Amazing things that happened today:

• I received these wonderful roses:

• I actually enjoyed having to wander around the city from an office to another to find some information about working as a locum doctor. I love being out!!!  
• I "discovered" @Ludwig's journal!! 

Ways I could have made today better:

• Working out / running.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Studying!!! 

What I learned:

• I am blessed beyond measure!!!

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Finally buying the books in my Amazon wish list!!! 
• Studying!!
• Starting the third month of meditation following the instructions in the video " How to meditate deeper"!! 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

I don't know really, it was a pretty lazy day.. I was a little more productive in the morning, I worked out and studied a bit.. In the afternoon I went out to run some errands and when I came home binge watching The Hotel Manager time started. It's as if every time I finish something I have to binge watch a series.. At least this time I stopped before midnight... 

Ways I could have made today better:

• Following plan A.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one...

What I learned:

• The effort is the reward. It's not something I actually learned today but I definitely need to remember that!!!

[Diane]

Thing I'm excited about today:

• Being more mindful. Maybe I'll rewatch some of Leo's videos on mindfulness.. How amazing it is, everything I want (or better, need) I already have it!!! 
• Enjoying this beautiful day!!
• Being joy!! 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• Today too was a great day!! I really live in a state of permanent grace!!
• I watched the movie "Miss Austen regrets". I found it very interesting when one of the characters pointed out that Liz Bennet fell in love with Mr Darcy only after seeing how big his house was... Love is a very strange thing. Earlier today I found myself  wondering about what kind of woman does the type of man I want to attract in my life like. Fortunately it was a short lived trip, I just realized that I actually did attract more than one of the type of man I now want in my life!!! I'll keep just being perfectly me!!! 
• I bought The Bingo Theory!!!!! I can't wait to read it, it shoud arrive next Tuesday!!! 

Ways I could have made today better:

• Running/working out;
• Studying more.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Finally buying The Braunwald.

What I learned:

• The kind of man I want to attract in my life is not "too hot for me"!! It sounds silly but still, I did have some doubts about it today. It's all about embracing paradoxes again right?! I am more than good enough as I am but it's also worthy considering how I should be to attract that kind of man.. The funny thing is that the first answer I have to that question is "strongly committed to my work and to studying"!! And everything comes to full circle. Good night!!  

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I went to see my psychologist!!  It was so nice!!! She also told me that she's soon retiring but she would be pleased to stay in contact with me.. 
• I spent a delightful evening walking around the city with a friend!! 
• I went to study at the library, what an amazing place to be in!! 

Ways I could have made today better:

• Studying more.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one.. 

What I learned:

• Nothing really..