List your red flags

[ivankiss]

Last night I was with this girl that I've been hooking up with for a while. We were talking about all kinds of stuff. Why we would or would not be compatible long term, etc. 

At some point she said to me:

'You're very intense, Ivan. And it's very hard for someone to follow you and mirror that back to you. You love very intensely. You fuck intensely. You talk intensely. You make me feel intense emotions...'

And I cannot argue with that. It's true. I guess I'm quite an intense guy when loving someone. Maybe more intense at the very beginning than later on, but still. It's just that I have so much passion flowing through me. So much fire. And that's how it shows. I definitely tend to become a bit obsessive, too. But I'm an artist. I see the link. I know why that is.

So yeah. This might be a red flag when it comes to dating me. I can see how it can be too much for some. But maybe it's actually not something to be toned down or eliminated. Maybe I just need to find someone who would be comfortable with that. Know how to receive it and reflect it back. Hold space for it and, in a sense, neutralize it.

Interesting, nevertheless. 

[Superfluo]

@ivankiss

6 hours ago, ivankiss said:

This might be a red flag when it comes to dating me. I can see how it can be too much for some. But maybe it's actually not something to be toned down or eliminated. Maybe I just need to find someone who would be comfortable with that.

You have to ask yourself if that trait of yours is something you are willing to diminish or not, to compromise on or not, how much fundamental is to your identity, and under which conditions you are willing to make changes, and which changes.

Edited October 13, 2022 by Superfluo

[ivankiss]

@Superfluo I hear you. 

I love to love. It feels great when I'm showing/expressing love to someone, in all kinds of ways. And I love seeing them enjoying that love. Being passionate is a big part of who I am. It's rooted in my core. I don't think that's something I would want to diminish. Tone down a bit, maybe, yes. But even that is questionable.

But I understand this girl's point. I imagine it's like as if you were to take too much MDMA or LSD. You feel so much love and ecstasy it starts being uncomfortable. Might as well turn into a bad trip lol.

[Loba]

Intensity can be a red flag for sure, especially if you just met the person.  On some level it says you lack restraint, that you don't see the person for who they are.  A slow flame generally runs much longer than one that is quick.  I think people, men and women both think they want passion, but the truth is - it is intimidating and sometimes disingenuous.  

Most male emotions are rooted in a shallow surface level physical desire that they confuse as true love, or a meeting of the heart and mind, but it's just that - shallow passion.  True passion is something that you work for, that develops against all odds.  You fight for it tooth and nail from the ground up and make something out of practically nothing.

Generally, if a man is passionate and overly interested in me - in expressing his shallow, false version of love - I know to get back.

I think most women know this on some level.  Nothing comes easy in life.  You have to build something on solid ground to make it work.  Passion, love, these things don't get anyone very far.

[Tyler Robinson]

If you're hooking up with too many women randomly, then that is shady behavior in my eyes. 

And shady behavior is a red flag.

Slim shady, don't be like that lady.