I lost my burning desire. How do I get it back?

[ThePoint]

I used to have burning desires for my goals, and I used to work my ass off every single day to bring them to fruition. It felt good working towards my goals and taking action.

But ever since I got depression, I don’t care about anything anymore. I have so much apathy and abolition I can’t bring myself to do anything for long periods of time.

As an example, when I went to the gym before depression, sure sometimes I had some resistance to initially going, but when I was there, I got a pump going and I felt the endorphin rush, and could smash out 90 minute workouts consistently 6 times a week. 

But now when I go to the gym, I can’t feel any endorphin rush at all. I try to push myself like I used to, but I get extremely exhausted after 20 minutes. 

Same goes for any other thing like deep work. I can’t get into the flow state anymore. I can’t work for hours like I used to. 

The main thing I miss is my burning desire. I used to have burning desires but I don’t have any desire anymore. I feel like I should care more but I don’t. I can’t feel emotions like I used to. 

How do I get my burning desire back?

[Shiva99]

Your signature answers your question: Don't wait for things to get better. Take proactive action. 

Stop relying on some kind of burning desire feeling, motivation or endorphine rush. All of these are always temporary. No one is feeling that way all the time. That's exactly why reaching anything profound in life is hard.

You just have to do what you know that you need to do, in order to reach what you want.  You need to leave yourself no alternative. Sometimes you have to pull yourself through like a stubborn dog. If you can't do that, it's over.

Edited October 10, 2022 by Shiva99

[Chrisd]

Moment to moment be motivated. Motivated to write posts, do the laundry, have fun

[hyruga]

It boils down to why do you have depression?

[LastThursday]

It's understandable that you miss your burning desire. But I don't think that's what's really important to you. It seems like this is more important:

On 10/10/2022 at 8:00 AM, ThePoint said:

It felt good working towards my goals and taking action.

There are other ways to accomplish goals such as planning, routine, habits and getting together with other people. Consistency of action is often more important than burning passion. Many goals are long term or complex and to a degree need you to grind away day after day, this is a good skill to learn. And achieving your goals a different way may actually ignite your passion again. You want to create a virtuous feedback loop.

[Riley H]

It may also be that you've outgrown your former goals in some sense, and need to find your way to new ones that naturally trigger that burning desire again. 

[StarStruck]

If you are low ego development you need competition. Somebody out there is beating you. Fucking the girl you like. Having the job you want. Shitting in your mansion’s toilet. Isn’t that making you mad? If it doesn’t you will be stuck in apathy for the rest of your life. After a certain age apathy will become chronic. And one day you will die and it will be over. 

So it is really about how you frame things. Frame things in such a way so that you start moving. 

You are the lead character of your own story. Meaning is not out there. It is in here. Find what is meaningful for you. 

Edited October 17, 2022 by StarStruck

[Byun Sean]

I would say take a break from your stuff. 

you are probably burnt out.

your motivation to climb higher will return after you've rested and recovered.

[BipolarGrowth]

Relax from trying to get the desire to come back, and chances are that it will come back faster than what you’re currently doing. Right now you’re having resistance to depression which is likely making the depression more of a problem and giving it more power. What would happen if you simply went with the energy you have now and allowed it to play out on its own terms? Do you think you’ll get stuck in some permanent depression and never achieve any goals again? I say that whatever was in you to motivate you before is still within you, and it will rise again when the time is right. Be careful when forcing things. 
 

I say all of this while experiencing a similar loss in motivation, desire, and drive. 

Just a couple months ago I was pushing myself harder than ever in multiple areas. 

[Thought Art]

Embody this energy daily 

 

Edited October 17, 2022 by Thought Art

[ThePoint]

12 hours ago, hyruga said:

It boils down to why do you have depression?

@hyruga I’m pretty much certain it’s from my gut issues. They can cause depression since it’s like the second brain.

I wasn’t depressed before my gut issues got so bad. I had lots of energy and could do whatever I wanted. Now I crash after doing basically any activity.

11 hours ago, LastThursday said:

There are other ways to accomplish goals such as planning, routine, habits and getting together with other people.

@LastThursday That’s what I was doing when I was my self, minus the last part because I haven’t found like minded people in person yet.

But when I suddenly became so fatigued that it was difficult to do daily tasks, it’s like my brain shut down and completely stopped caring about the things I used to be passionate about.

[integral]

15 minutes ago, ThePoint said:

wasn’t depressed before my gut issues got so bad. I had lots of energy and could do whatever I wanted. Now I crash after doing basically any activity.

Work with @Michael569 he offers a plan on his website that can help resolve gut issues.

[ThePoint]

8 hours ago, StarStruck said:

If you are low ego development you need competition.

@StarStruck Before my health issues got so bad I was mostly at Stage Orange / Achiever. So I agree that competition is good for this stage, and it is what used to motivate me.  

But now my life has been focused on survival and resolving my health issues that I can’t even pinpoint what stage I’m currently at. I think I’ve regressed, so maybe I’ve been in Stage Beige a lot more.

8 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Somebody out there is beating you. Fucking the girl you like. Having the job you want. Shitting in your mansion’s toilet. Isn’t that making you mad?

No... it’s not. Is it supposed to?

I’m trying to force myself to care about it to hopefully spark something... but I just don’t. 
 

8 hours ago, StarStruck said:

If it doesn’t you will be stuck in apathy for the rest of your life. After a certain age apathy will become chronic. And one day you will die and it will be over. 

If this is true then I might as well just end this life. What’s the point of living if I can’t feel emotions? 

So, I choose to simply believe this isn’t true, and figure out a solution. 
 

8 hours ago, StarStruck said:

So it is really about how you frame things. Frame things in such a way so that you start moving. 

My current frame is “If I don’t solve my health issues ASAP then I’m going to be stuck like this while life passes me by.”

It makes me move, but I have to push myself logically. It doesn’t stir up any emotional charge. It’s more like “Hmm, I should be caring more about this. This is the logical move to do so I’ll do it anyway.”

8 hours ago, StarStruck said:

You are the lead character of your own story. Meaning is not out there. It is in here. Find what is meaningful for you. 

Yes I agree. That’s my current problem though, the things that used to be the most meaningful to me no longer interest me at all anymore, including every other activity there is.

[StarStruck]

@ThePoint 

Just find out what makes you angry. If you feel the anger in your bones you will move. 

The thing is that you have to find out what makes you angry (usually linked to fear of loss) but I’m not a therapist so I can’t help you with that. 

Emotions are like fuel. And anger is a good fuel to get out apathy. If you can’t find it you are fucked. 

Also have some empathy and love for yourself. The process I described above is not a process of forcing yourself to be angry but unleashing angriness. You have to be your own coach.  

Edited October 18, 2022 by StarStruck

[ThePoint]

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Just find out what makes you angry. If you feel the anger in your bones you will move. 

@StarStruck 

This is a good question. Previously what motivated me was jealousy, but that doesn’t work anymore since I’m not jealous of anything anymore. I miss being jealous of things because even though it was a crude form of motivation, it was still a form of motivation nonetheless. 

I can’t find anything that makes me angry. I think I should be angry about my situation, I wish I was angry about my situation so that I was more motivated but I just can’t feel it. 
 

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

The thing is that you have to find out what makes you angry (usually linked to fear of loss) but I’m not a therapist so I can’t help you with that. 

Fear of loss... interesting. What do I fear losing? Maybe I fear losing all my money. I don’t know how to translate that into motivation though. 
 

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Also have some empathy and love for yourself. The process I described above is not a process of forcing yourself to be angry but unleashing angriness. You have to be your own coach.  

How do you unleash anger? I don’t think I’ve unleashed it before.

[Ulax]

@ThePoint Do you have a strong sense of self?

To my mind, I.e. do you have a narrative of your life that isn't judgmental of you. And explains what happened in major portions of your life.

Edited October 18, 2022 by Ulax
Personified it

[StarStruck]

@ThePoint just be creative in your mind and experiment with different scenarios to see what makes you angry. 

Edited October 18, 2022 by StarStruck

[Michael569]

18 hours ago, Riley H said:

It may also be that you've outgrown your former goals in some sense, and need to find your way to new ones that naturally trigger that burning desire again. 

this might be a possibility ^  

I've gone through a phase in my life where the previously meaningful thing has become absolutely redundant. David Deidda talks about this in the "way of the superior man" - that's one possibility 

Do you feel a sense of satisfaction in the work/career you do? Has that perhaps changed in any way? #

Do you feel connected to your inner core and to your values at your work?  or is it more of "just a job that pays bills"? 

Do you have a satisfying relationship or could the absence of one be driving those feelings? 

How is your health? Your nutrition, sleep, your gut health, and stress management? Do you live in an environment that challenges your mental wellbeing in some way? Are you regularly exposed to things like mould? Do you get enough daylight exposure? With shortening days and less light, lot of people are slipping into depression, which can be fixed should that be the case. 

[Ulax]

@ThePoint I think i've had some new thoughts re your situation.

I think it could be that, given your upbringing, a lot of your motivation came from meeting needs of one or both of your parents. Perhaps, you then projected that onto things in your life, i.e. doing well in gym will meet parents needs. However, i think it may be a life experience or reflection on life experience may have been interpreted as making it seem to you, unconsciously, that meeting their needs is not possible. Hence, the lethargy.

I would try to get a new attachment figure in therapy to effectively replace an unconscious understanding of an attachment figures expectations of you.

In the meantime, I think it might be worth looking online for male authority figures who trigger a sense of motivation within you via their videos.

Then again, it might be that your current situation is a means of attaining a need for independence, through a sort of rebellion against the control of your life by parents. So, maybe, what i see to be, your repeated asking for advice will continually lead to more rebellion, as each piece of advice you try to follow further negates your need for independence.

Also, if you have lots of thoughts tell you that you need to do X or Y, you could d a meditation where, using your inner voice, you shout 'fuck off' at them. I understand this to be what Pete Walker, a seemingly well-regarded and expert complex trauma psychotherapist recommends in part for trauma recovery from cluster-b style parenting.

Edited October 18, 2022 by Ulax

[LastThursday]

9 hours ago, ThePoint said:

But when I suddenly became so fatigued that it was difficult to do daily tasks, it’s like my brain shut down and completely stopped caring about the things I used to be passionate about.

Fair enough.

What you wrote resonated with me as I've been there - at one point I was physically struggling to even get out of bed, it's like my brain just wanted me to sleep 24 hours - it refused to "boot up". I just didn't care about anything. But, that is the definition of depression. In my case it wasn't so sudden but it crept up on me gradually over time.

If you think you're genuinely depressed then seek professional help. Depression is very treatable and there's no need to suffer any longer than you have already. There's many different types of therapy, there will be something that helps you, go get it.

In terms of motivation, I would say try and maintain a base level of engagement even if it's difficult. Even getting as little as 30 minutes of light exercise - say walking - and getting 30 minutes of sunlight every single day, will help a great deal. Try and maintain a good sleep schedule. And, if you can improve your diet then do that as well.

It could be that it's temporary and you just need to relax into this new mode for a while and trust that things will right themselves again.