Zero friends

[Bando]

@John Iverson Still asking high quality questions I see, even after you've been told told many times what to do

[The0Self]

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Step #1: move to a cool city with nice nightlife or social scene.

Step #2: Force yourself to go out and socialize at least every Fri & Sat.

Do this every week for several years like clockwork, don't quit or make excuses, and your problem will be solved.

Yep. This works. Been doing this for the past 2 months and my life is unrecognizable compared to what it was not too long ago, in the best possible way, and it's only getting better. For the first few weeks, every Friday was rough but Saturday I would be in the swing of things. Didn't move to a big city but it's a pretty decent college town. All the bars close at 2 except one and that's where everyone goes at 2 and it's almost impossible not to meet cool new people there at that time especially. Might be moving out to a bigger city in Texas soon with my female cousin who is extremely beautiful and has a lot of connections, living together (yeah it's a little weird but we both have it going on with the dating shit, or at least I assume she does too, and we are first cousins who respect each other as friends and family members).

I used to be really intimidated by approaching girls in groups, but now any time I see a group of girls where each one is "YES/10" I'm practically unable NOT to approach because I've gotten such good results by just saying "hey you" to the hottest one like I know them already, and if she or any of the other girls respond well soon after, I put my hand on the small of her back (the most interested one), flirt, get the number, and set the date. A lot of the time they'll say "we're lesbians" but if I just ignore that (or give them the noncompliance face; Mystery's "disallowing-frame face") or say to them "why you being weird?" they quickly drop the act and start saying shit like "Are you for real? (Rubbing my chest) Wow you are SO handsome!" (I'm very fit because I started doing more serious lifting 2 months ago and I'm getting strong fast because I've been strong before, and so there's muscle memory there, making for quick gains, it seems.) (You need to be careful if you're good looking and going out solo though -- pretty sure I've almost been kidnapped on at least one or two occasions! )

I'm a natural introvert, and a couple nights ago I led a ~30min discussion on the street on camera... like, holding the microphone and everything... about relationships and sex positions with a bunch of hot girls, and got a bunch of numbers, and hit a dab pen very hard that one of the girls handed me mid-conversation and just continued -- they were blown away by how much shit I knew; when you learn game you have a lot to offer in the way of relationship advice... so then they started looking to me to lead the discussion! That was fucking WAY outside my comfort zone -- 2 months ago, that would have been utterly unthinkable... I might even start playing guitar in public and/or sing in a band next. I'm just pushing it in some way, every day.

Sometimes I cry because of just how happy I am now -- it's kind of like "what the hell just happened..." And shit's just barely getting started.

In fact that's why I haven't been posting much here lately.

Edited October 10, 2022 by The0Self

[Loving Radiance]

@The0Self ???

[something_else]

On 09/10/2022 at 8:39 PM, Someone here said:

But it just seems like no one even bothers to talk to one another anymore unless they know them already.

You believe this because you don’t talk to people  If you don’t have a social circle, you need to be the one who makes the first move. I know it’s difficult, but you need to do it.

Get some hobbies. Fill up your weeknights with hobbies and go out and have fun at weekends. If you can’t do it solo, find Meetup groups for people who wanna party but don’t have anyone to go with

[Pateedm]

@The0Self Inspiring stuff man ?

[Leo Gura]

@The0Self Excellent!

[The0Self]

@Leo Gura @Pateedm @Loving Radiance

? 

4 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@The0Self do you drink when going out?

Only twice a week do I ever plan to, but on some dates during the week I’ll just have one. So yeah, a bit. Not enough to get hungover.

 

Btw, fwiw, that street discussion was a nice research experience for me. I talked to probably >20 very hot girls, probably in sororities (median age seemed about 20) and about a dozen other people, and what I noticed is that, in general, the hotter a girl is, the more self aware they are of their blatant attraction to men who are assholes (they brought up that initial topic, not me, but I teased out a deeper exploration) and their aversion to niceness… I already basically understood as much, but I wasn’t quite aware of just how self aware they are of it! But I convinced every last one of them that it’s not the assholes that they’re attracted to, it’s the guy’s ability to pull off being an asshole. They were acting like they’d just been enlightened when I explained to them the mechanics of how they felt, and I think some of them even walked away feeling less like they need someone who treats them like shit (and in turn, maybe even felt less like they have to act like a bitch ?) — but who knows. Felt like I may have made a slight positive impact on the world; butterfly effect and all that.

Put yourself out there, guys and gals!

If I can do it, anyone can. I’ve even dealt with severe erythrophobia (fear of blushing) — the subreddit for that condition is practically a suicide prevention forum… it can be so surprisingly debilitating. It’s directly a result of being ashamed of one’s own social anxiety, plus light enough skin and enough blood vessels in the face that blushing is extremely noticeable when it occurs. It used to be the bane of my existence. I don’t even notice it now — it may or may not still happen… I literally don’t even know, nor does it matter anymore.

Edited October 11, 2022 by The0Self

[Carl-Richard]

On 10.10.2022 at 10:32 AM, Leo Gura said:

If I was fucking bitches galore, I wouldn't be having all these awakenings.

What does that mean? 

[Michael569]

On 09/10/2022 at 8:32 PM, Ulax said:

would recommend the book how to win friends and influence people.

I dunno man. This books is shady as fuck. If you are in business of making genuine friendships, put any manipulation aside. This book was more suitable in 1960s to make people get to like you more so that you get more business opportunities and more people to work for you without resentment. 

It works on low consciousness individuals who are easily seduced by fakeness not on highly developed people. 

Edited October 11, 2022 by Michael569

[Ulax]

3 hours ago, Michael569 said:

I dunno man. This books is shady as fuck. If you are in business of making genuine friendships, put any manipulation aside. This book was more suitable in 1960s to make people get to like you more so that you get more business opportunities and more people to work for you without resentment. 

It works on low consciousness individuals who are easily seduced by fakeness not on highly developed people. 

@Michael569 Have you read the book?

[Michael569]

@Ulax i did about 4 years ago and it just left me with bad feeling in my mouth. Don't get me wrong there is usefulness there for corporate life for example and stage orange business but i just can't see it as useful for friendship making.

Edited October 11, 2022 by Michael569

[Ulax]

@Michael569 Fairs dude. I was interested because I'd be curious to know, having had a go at reading it, what exactly you didn't like about it?

I have mixed feelings about the book myself. I think there's a lot of value in that it helps you come across as very pleasant and diplomatic, and have many pleasant interactions with other people. And, I think that can be an important step for folks who are struggling socially.

On the other hand, I see that one can be left finding socialising unsatisfying, because, to my mind, there is a lack of authenticity and freedom to the method, as well as a lack of focus on person boundaries. I see there as being a large emphasis on being agreeable over being disagreeable, which I think discounts the various positives of disagreeableness. Further, to my mind, the unconscious dynamics which can inhibit social prowess aren't addressed or acknowledged in the book.

However, I think its important to keep in mind, as well, what the level of consciousness of the demographics  you are trying to aid is. 

[The0Self]

@Ragib Ashraf No, the cousin is literally just a friend and family member. No sexual relation whatsoever. That would be a bit weird.

[The0Self]

13 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@The0Self I know this question was probably asked a thousand times on this forum, but how do you socialize without alcohol in a bar? I don't mean needing it to loosen up. I mean the logistical aspects of not drinking in bar.

When I am drinking in a bar, I’m “not drinking” like 99% of the time, so this is probably something not worth worrying about. No one seems to care.

Like do you just sit down behind the table and when a bartender comes up to you, you say that you won't order anything? Do they even allow you to stay if you don't order anything? Or do you just hop from one table to another.

I’m just there flirting with girls anyway. Or talking to friends. Maybe we order a few rounds.

Also how do you find friends there? I mean male friends. Do you just approach a random group of people and are like "hey guys, how are you doing? Mind if I hang out with you?"?

The people I’ve been meeting out at bars are all random people. The people I “go out with” (meet there or at one of their houses after planning beforehand) I mostly met in the past two weeks, but some of which include bouncers that I met months ago when I actually had zero friends and was going out solo — now they see that I really do have friends… I see these bouncers out at bars when they’re out too, as in when they’re partying i.e. out at a bar or club other than the one they work at… and so now they really want to be friends with me (they already kind of did, as I carried myself even then as though I am awesome, perhaps partially from all the 5meo god realization, but basically because that’s just who I am, and have been for many years now), because they see I actually do have friends of my own — they (the bouncers) see me out with them (my new friends)… and I greet them (the bouncers) as friends, which also shows the friends I’m out with that I have friends… solidifying the notion that I must be a cool guy to hang out with… Snowball effect…

So now, when I go out solo, the bouncers realize (rather than simply “think,” as they once did) that I’m going out solo NOT because I don’t have friends, but because I’m so confident that I don’t even need my friends with me.

At this rate I’ll be the most popular person in town eventually. But of course that would mean taking on an incredibly taxingly outgoing vibe that I’m not currently ready for. So clearly I won’t get all the way there, though my social life is probably going to be more active than I ever thought it could possibly get. But who knows where I’ll be in a year… because that (the previous underlined portion) is EXACTLY what I would have said two months ago, in relation to where I’m literally AT right now.

I meet people after a cat fight happens, after a group of guys (often with girls in the group as well) see me with my arm around the small of a stunning girl’s back who is being very receptive and flirtatious with me (THIS gets you attention from tons of guys, and mostly just cool guys too, as many guys are very, very intimidated by that), or in any situation at all. For the game aspect, getting physical right away is the most important thing as long as you have an unflinching frame/vibe of “I’m the shit” (in a very matter-of-fact, and not-so-arrogant way) — it won’t work if you don’t have that. Honestly if I had to trace back the initial cause of my ability to unflinchingly carry myself with absolute confidence, I’d say Metta practice, even though I haven’t done it in years…at least intensively… it’s been at least months since doing it basically at all.

I still go out solo at least once a week because it’s surprisingly FAR more effective for meeting girls. If they ask where my friends are I tell them either that 1. they left or 2. they’re not here yet or 3. they’re in town but we haven’t met up yet — I used to just SAY that (lie), but now, ALL 3 of those are literally true at all times… and that happened so fast… But I was doing this social explosion endeavor like my life depended on it. It has paid off so massively, and continues to. I mean, I basically just started. It would have happened even faster if I wasn't living at home with parents for the time being (oh yeah, did I mention that? ? ) — I can’t even imagine.

P.S. how old are you?

Late 20’s

It is basically a college town but it’s also just a small-medium sized city — so the vast majority of the friends I’m making are actually between 25 and 32. If I lived in a bigger city (and had my own place or at least had a cool roommate) I can already tell this would be incredibly more awesome and quick bc I could go out Monday/Tuesday through Saturday easily. There’s not much going on here outside of Friday and Saturday, but it’s very lively on those days, most of the time.

 

Edited October 12, 2022 by The0Self

[Space]

On 11/10/2022 at 4:25 PM, The0Self said:

If I can do it, anyone can. I’ve even dealt with severe erythrophobia (fear of blushing) — the subreddit for that condition is practically a suicide prevention forum… it can be so surprisingly debilitating. It’s directly a result of being ashamed of one’s own social anxiety, plus light enough skin and enough blood vessels in the face that blushing is extremely noticeable when it occurs. It used to be the bane of my existence. I don’t even notice it now — it may or may not still happen… I literally don’t even know, nor does it matter anymore.

Damn I used to have that, but didn't realise it actually had a name or that loads of other people had it. I used to have it when traveling on public transport. 

At some point it just went away, not sure why. Just getting older and caring less about other people I think.

Edited October 12, 2022 by Space

[Michael569]

11 hours ago, Ulax said:

hat exactly you didn't like about it?

It is manipulative. All the techniques he uses such as "say the person's name all the time" or "praise people" or "pay attention to them" in his agenda this is all to gain something in return. He is even giving examples of how Rockefellers would "successfully " disarm an employee mutiny (or something like that) by basically being fake to everybody, praising them with fake compliments and not willing to pay them a proper living wage. 

It is a manipulation book and it doesn't work on highly developed individuals. It is a book for mediocre managers in big corpo who think people are donkeys who only know carrot and stick. But like I said, if you are head of sales at Procter & Gamble or PWC, it may actually work perfectly to motivate all the young wolves in your team looking to screw customer over who actually thrive from that sort of shallow motivation. 

If you're in it to build high quality relationships, burn this book. 

 

Edited October 12, 2022 by Michael569

[Ulax]

9 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

It is manipulative. All the techniques he uses such as "say the person's name all the time" or "praise people" or "pay attention to them" in his agenda this is all to gain something in return. He is even giving examples of how Rockefellers would "successfully " disarm an employee mutiny (or something like that) by basically being fake to everybody, praising them with fake compliments and not willing to pay them a proper living wage. 

It is a manipulation book and it doesn't work on highly developed individuals. It is a book for mediocre managers in big corpo who think people are donkeys who only know carrot and stick. But like I said, if you are head of sales at Procter & Gamble or PWC, it may actually work perfectly to motivate all the young wolves in your team looking to screw customer over who actually thrive from that sort of shallow motivation. 

If you're in it to build high quality relationships, burn this book. 

 

@Michael569 Fairs dude. Sounds like you have a strong opinion on it.

What book would you recommend instead?

[Michael569]

@Ulax depends for what purpose. Plenty of high quality books in the Book List.

In terms of books on friends-making, loneliness etc. I haven't really read much material from there but I think Covey's old 7-habits masterpiece covers some of that stuff to a degree. Also the basis for good friendship making is strong self-efficacy so that one is not pulled towards groups who just prefer idle socialising and wasting time talking shit....For that purpose, "6 pillars of self esteem" might be a good one -> It is one I am going through right now. It takes about 3 months to complete all exercises if you do it properly but seems to be worth the effort. 

Edited October 12, 2022 by Michael569

[Dryas]

@The0Self Dang, I hope to reach your level someday. Good shit.

[The0Self]

@Space @Something Funny @Dryas @Michael569 @Ulax

Come to think of it I didn’t use any kind of guides on “how to become more social” — maybe that would’ve helped more but I highly doubt it. It seems you don’t need a “manipulation guide” to get friends.