How to be more masculine as a man ?

[Someone here]

What can I do to become more masculine?

I've never had a strong father figure growing up, I won't get into it but I was raised by women. In school I was the lowest on the totem pole and picked on a lot. I've improved a lot since then but I still feel I'm a weak man. Does being manly just come with age or will I always be like this? 

I was wondering what sort of tips you guys can offer so I can become more masculine or manly?

I'm not competent with many things. I'm not handy. I have soft hands and I don't know how to fix things. I don't have many hobbies. I'm a bit indecisive sometime because I like to weigh my options. I'm bad at sports, yes all of them. 

I want to feel masculine and I'd like to learn how to become more manly. I'm not aggressive enough. I'm not competitive at ALL(because I was always the weakest link). I Just want to become a better man.

If you read this and your instinct is to tell me to be myself or say something nice, or that it's alright, I thank you but I'm looking for solid advice on how to better myself and be a better man. Maybe I have issues but I'd always like to be on a path of self improvement.

Thanks ? 

[LastThursday]

There's the outward stuff and the inward stuff.

Outwardly, simple things like standing squarely with your feet apart, looking up at all times and making eye contact help. Being able to hold eye contact is good for attraction. Hands should be out of pockets and by your side. Men in general have far less expressive faces than women and smile and laugh less. Your head should also be upright and body posture should be decent - working out helps with posture and stance. You should walk at a moderate pace and walk with purpose. Good grooming can be important - but what's more important is that you "own" your look, i.e. your appearance is in some way cultivated - preferably to the the sex you want to attract. Speak more slowly and with a lower voice if you don't already. A certain amount of physicality is necessary, whether that's just physique, ability to touch others (appropriately) etc.

Inwardly, there's plenty to do. For example my current affirmations are: sexyness, swagger, confidence, charisma and presence (I'm giving away my secrets, dang). The point being is that those words mean something positive to me and I already know how to act in those ways. So, you want to be constantly reprograming your mind so that you embody those more masculine traits - especially if masculine traits don't come naturally to you. But if you don't even know how to be confident or decisive or stand your ground, then you must work on those first - forget about affirmations they're for later. Some watchwords for masculinity are: decisiveness, following through, confidence, having purpose, taking control, doing what it takes, being firm but fair, being a leader, escalation.

If you feel particularly feminine, then don't supress that, just give that aspect of yourself breathing space - maybe you allow yourself to let go in private or just with close friends and family. What you're really aiming for in the end is both a masuline and feminine balance, but also being able to be more masuline and/or more feminine when it suits you or the situation warrants it, and being completely comfortable with both.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

By getting coached by a man...

[Someone here]

29 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

There's the outward stuff and the inward stuff.

Outwardly, simple things like standing squarely with your feet apart, looking up at all times and making eye contact help. Being able to hold eye contact is good for attraction. Hands should be out of pockets and by your side. Men in general have far less expressive faces than women and smile and laugh less. Your head should also be upright and body posture should be decent - working out helps with posture and stance. You should walk at a moderate pace and walk with purpose. Good grooming can be important - but what's more important is that you "own" your look, i.e. your appearance is in some way cultivated - preferably to the the sex you want to attract. Speak more slowly and with a lower voice if you don't already. A certain amount of physicality is necessary, whether that's just physique, ability to touch others (appropriately) etc.

Inwardly, there's plenty to do. For example my current affirmations are: sexyness, swagger, confidence, charisma and presence (I'm giving away my secrets, dang). The point being is that those words mean something positive to me and I already know how to act in those ways. So, you want to be constantly reprograming your mind so that you embody those more masculine traits - especially if masculine traits don't come naturally to you. But if you don't even know how to be confident or decisive or stand your ground, then you must work on those first - forget about affirmations they're for later. Some watchwords for masculinity are: decisiveness, following through, confidence, having purpose, taking control, doing what it takes, being firm but fair, being a leader, escalation.

If you feel particularly feminine, then don't supress that, just give that aspect of yourself breathing space - maybe you allow yourself to let go in private or just with close friends and family. What you're really aiming for in the end is both a masuline and feminine balance, but also being able to be more masuline and/or more feminine when it suits you or the situation warrants it, and being completely comfortable with both.

 

@LastThursday hey bro ..long time no see ?

Thanks for the comment. There is a lot to unpack. 

I'll speak from personal experience.

When I was younger, I was very insecure, skinny , and quite a bit of a push over, a huge people pleaser. I would avoid conflict with people I feel I would have conflict with. I would secretly compare myself with other men and what I thought masculinity was. I at times would look at others and wish I were like that, but something in my code wasn't the same, so it seemed. I was lazy, I had no skills, I had no physical, athletic capabilities. I was scared to approach women and did not date at all, although I wanted to.

I asked my therapist..he told me Usually, when you want to become more manly, you will have to make yourself uncomfortable and perhaps be around those you consider “more manly” or who are what you aspire to be similar to. Imo it's hard to understand the  definition of what that means (manly )and it is very subjective (Are we meaning nature wise, physically, relationally, etc.. etc.). There are “manly” men who do things we would consider unmanly, perse.

It may be uncomfortable at first as are most things in life when aspiring to make positive changes.  I Started working out to get into good shape. Something about working out and lifting weights helpe with my mindset and help build confidence

29 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

If you feel particularly feminine, then don't supress that, just give that aspect of yourself breathing space - maybe you allow yourself to let go in private or just with close friends and family. What you're really aiming for in the end is both a masuline and feminine balance, but also being able to be more masuline and/or more feminine when it suits you or the situation warrants it, and being completely comfortable with both.

sometimes you may not appear or be as manly because of harmonal problems. I mention this, because I may need to have some blood work done to check my harmonal levels and make sure they are balanced. Some men, have high estrogen levels, especially when overweight, and these estrogen levels without a balanced testosterone levels can affect the way in which you think about yourself and those around me.

I don't feel feminine. I feel like a guy. Totally. But not a tough guy who can take responsibility of his life and build a family or anything from that sort. 

Edited October 9, 2022 by Someone here
Spelling mistake

[Someone here]

11 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

By getting coached by a man...

Care to elaborate..

[LastThursday]

@Someone here I was just passing by... Anyway, being ultra-rational as you seem to be is definitely a manly trait. My point with giving you my shopping list of manly traits is to actually try them. Less manly theorising and more manly action. Being manly is not so much subjective, it's simply a set of behaviours and characteristics you can learn and get good at.

[Yarco]

First you have to define what being more masculine means to you, and then go after that.

In your original post, you already list some things... making your hands less soft, playing sports, learning to fix things, being less indecisive. Being more aggressive and competitive (a more positive version of that might be just "assertive").

I think all that stuff is a good place to start. Although I wouldn't force yourself to do stuff you know you'll hate. If playing sports has no interest to you, then don't play sports.

If you don't have a masculine guy or father figure in your life, then having a strong masculine Youtuber you look up to isn't optimal but it's the next-best thing. As corny as it might sound, find guys that you wish were the dad you never had, and then start listening to them.

I think Jocko Willink is probably a good place to start. He's hard and firm but not too toxic.

I haven't watched his content in a few years so I don't know if he's still the same, but Alpha M is probably a good all-around intro to a more masculine life, grooming, confidence, etc.

As much as people here will hate to hear it, you can do a lot worse than having Jordan Peterson as a masculine father figure too. One of the first things he'll tell you is to clean your room. If that's not a father figure, then I don't know what is.

For someone less about fitness and more of a kind/gentle father figure, I'd watch some of a guy from Denmark named Bjorn Andreas Bull-Hansen videos. Will give you the experience of going camping in the wilderness with your dad, and the types of conversations a boy would casually have with his dad.

Even listening to Joe Rogan, will just start to give you a good idea of how guys interact and talk to each other.

Are parasocial relationships healthy? No. But if your alternative is having no masculine relationships at all, it's better than nothing.

You'll also notice an tendency for these masculine father-figure type guys to be right leaning politically. I would've tried to balance it out and provide you with a couple examples of leftist masculine guys, but I'm not aware of any. I think it's just an inherent part of the masculine polarity. A big part of being masculine is taking 100% responsibility. You do give to the less fortunate and help from a masculine energy, but always from a place of strength and handing down abundance, not trying through trying to redistribute and make things more fair. That's feminine schoolteacher archetype energy.

If you want an Indian guy to look up to specifically as a father / older brother figure, maybe Ramit Sethi although he's pretty much exclusively into financial stuff, not masculinity specifically. Or someone like Dr K. I think there's something powerful about making it someone who actually looks like they could be your dad or brother. You might not get the same experience from listening to a masculine white dude as I do. People here also really hate on Hamza but I also think he'd be good for you.

Edited October 9, 2022 by Yarco

[mr_engineer]

@Someone here Why do you want to be a better man? Why do you want to be more masculine? 

Purpose is the cornerstone of masculinity. You need a reason to 'be better', so to speak. If you don't, your entire morality is purely theoretical bullshit. 

[Breakingthewall]

It's not a matter of being masculine or. It's a matter of being assertive. you can be extremely effeminate and very assertive. to be assertive you have to practice the truth. remove any lie from you, even the slightest pretense. what is a pretense? is to say to the other: I'm afraid of you, so I do monkey tricks to please you. zero lie, even the smallest humiliates you. just the fact of thinking: I need to be more masculine, translates into: I'm afraid of others and I want to do a performance to please. Analyze even the slightest need to be liked, and treat it as a humiliation. you should not be liked, are they who are in test to be liked or not. and then you will be more masculine 

 

Edited October 9, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[hoodrow trillson]

Just now, Breakingthewall said:

It's not a matter of being manly. It's a matter of being assertive. you can be extremely effeminate and very assertive. to be assertive you have to practice the truth. remove any lie from you, even the slightest pretense. what is a pretense? is to say to the other: I'm afraid of you, so I do monkey tricks to please you. zero lie, even the smallest humiliates you. just the fact of thinking: I need to be more manly, translates into: I'm afraid of others and I want to do a performance to please. Analyze even the slightest need to be liked, and treat it as a humiliation. you should not like them, they should like you. and then you will be more manly

 

Damn, I was going to type something up but this post is FAR better than what I would've said.  Read this OP and internalize it.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

How to be masculine? 

By not giving a fuck and by owning a woman both sexually and emotionally. 

And by growing a pair and a conscience. 

And by being a man of your word. 

And by accepting a woman's flaws and not being a crybaby about it. 

----

All else is unnecessary. 

Masculine is an attitude Boi. Masculine is an attitude Boi. MASCULINE is an ATTITUDE. 

 

 

Grow big big balls, not blue balls, big big balls 

Woman - 

• Full of lies
• Weak, crybaby 
• Whiny 
• Emotional 
• Nagging 
• Stupid 
• Impatient 
• Horny 
• Can't be trusted 
• Drama 
• Full of it 
• Entitled 
• Full of shit 

 

Man - 

• Truth 
• Strong 
• Fixing 
• Logic
• Bragging 
• Smart 
• Patient 
• Seductive
• Trustworthy 
• Peace
• Humble 
• Proud 
• Sincere 

 

Edited October 9, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Axiomatic]

get some nuts 

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Woman - 

• Full of lies
• Weak, crybaby 
• Whiny 
• Emotional 
• Nagging 
• Stupid 
• Impatient 
• Horny 
• Can't be trusted 
• Drama 
• Full of it 
• Entitled 
• Full of shit 

 

Woman: love, joy, heart, happiness, goodness, magic. 

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, hoodrow trillson said:

Damn, I was going to type something up but this post is FAR better than what I would've said.  Read this OP and internalize it.

 

Thanks for the compliment 

[Tyler Robinson]

6 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Woman: love, joy, heart, happiness, goodness, magic. 

Slight correction - fictional woman 

 

[Vibroverse]

Meditating everyday, and deciphering your limiting self perceptions, and letting them dissolve. The natural state of yours is one with your desire, so you, simply, just need to get out of your way. 

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLo8F5u21ts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV6ituxFZr0

 

[Federico del pueblo]

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

What can I do to become more masculine?

I've never had a strong father figure growing up, I won't get into it but I was raised by women. In school I was the lowest on the totem pole and picked on a lot. I've improved a lot since then but I still feel I'm a weak man. Does being manly just come with age or will I always be like this? 

I was wondering what sort of tips you guys can offer so I can become more masculine or manly?

I'm not competent with many things. I'm not handy. I have soft hands and I don't know how to fix things. I don't have many hobbies. I'm a bit indecisive sometime because I like to weigh my options. I'm bad at sports, yes all of them. 

I want to feel masculine and I'd like to learn how to become more manly. I'm not aggressive enough. I'm not competitive at ALL(because I was always the weakest link). I Just want to become a better man.

If you read this and your instinct is to tell me to be myself or say something nice, or that it's alright, I thank you but I'm looking for solid advice on how to better myself and be a better man. Maybe I have issues but I'd always like to be on a path of self improvement.

Thanks ? 

 

- do things that are emotionally challenging (and face your fears)

- do things that are physically challenging

- think about what your important values are and develop integrity

- develop assertiveness

- develop confidence = say what you think, in spite of fear

- improve your social skills (= linked to facing fear) and meet women

- do typical manly things with other men

- work out

- watch male role models and see if you can feel into their "energy", like what must be their mindset/their beliefs/their motivations and see if there's something you can emulate 

- overcome your trauma and childhood conditioning, the kind of stuff that makes you feel like a loser or weak, do therapy or whatever is needed

- maybe read biographies of some men you find particularly manly and see if you can implement some of their mindsets and behaviours, e.g. Arnold Schwarzenegger ?

 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Someone here Because of your level of thinking that you have right now you can't be a man by you following be this be that,you will never do it because if its just that you would be it already...

So you need a coach to show you what you are missing, you cant do it alone because you dont know whats stopping you....

Edited October 10, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[petar8p]

4 hours ago, Vibroverse said:

just need to get out of your way. 

With all due respect this is one of the most confusing advices. 

 

Trying to get out of your own way is simoltaniously imposing a belief that you can be in your way; creating another layer to cleanse.

 

Instead, we need to focuse on the positive: stay decisive, cultivate courage, move forward, pat yourself on the back!

 

@Someone here You are already masculine. You can't help but be masculine. Feel into yourself. Feel your balls. Why almost no one wants to ask how to be more feminine as a man? We have both sides within us and stop trying to control them and manage what % masculine you are.

 

You know what you need to do in order to grow and change. Start doing it. It's the only masculine thing to do. Conquer!