Slut shaming

[Tyler Robinson]

How fair is to slut shame women? 

I have sometimes observed that women slut shame other women much more than men do. 

Where do we draw the boundary when it comes to slut shaming? 

Is slut shaming a projection of male insecurity is there some truth to this moral shaming of women? 

To what extent should we consider slut shaming to be appropriate? 

When does it appear healthy and when does it enter the territory of inappropriate, or should it not exist at all? 

Share your thoughts and opinions on slut shaming. 

 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

There is lot to it but how i see it... guy will slut shame usually because he cant sleep with her and other people can ,basically if she would sleep with a guy it would be alright or because of low self esteem where that guy wants to be special to her but he cant...

[CultivateLove]

I think it's mostly cultural actually. Slut shaming is basically non-existent in my home country Iceland, there it's very normal for both sexes to enjoy casual sex, in fact, that's how a lot of relationships start there, just some fling down town that might lead to a date. So keep in mind my view of this, like most people's, are shaped by the culture they grew up in, since it's a hard mold to break.

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

How fair is to slut shame women? 

I think it's an unfair double standard that benefits neither men nor women.

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I have sometimes observed that women slut shame other women much more than men do. 

At least where I'm from, Iceland, and where I've lived in the past 5 years, Denmark, this is without a shadow of a doubt true.

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Where do we draw the boundary when it comes to slut shaming? 

Whenever you feel like it. I'm all up for stupid shaming those who slut shame. Like, why would you care? Are you a Mormon? If not, maybe you should consider fucking off to wherever they are.

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Is slut shaming a projection of male insecurity is there some truth to this moral shaming of women? 

I honestly can't answer the first half because I've never heard a guy slut shame a woman in the way that is sometimes portrayed in movies or TV shows. You know, the typical guy gets rejected and when she goes home with another guy he gets all butthurt and calls her a slut. Maybe that's something that's common in cultures I'm not so familiar with, but I have never witnessed it in person but if I would I'd probably laugh in the guy's face and tell him to stop being such a butthurt baby.

However back before we had proper hygiene, condoms, birth control, medicine to deal STD's and marriage was often tied to politics and bare survival, I can see how most men wanted virgins as wives, but that's not the world most of us live in any longer, but some minds just haven't kept up with the changes I guess.

 

Personally I'd much rather be with an honest slut over a judgemental girl who represses her own sexuality thinking she's better than all the other girls because of it.

Edited October 6, 2022 by CultivateLove

[Tyler Robinson]

24 minutes ago, CultivateLove said:

Whenever you feel like it. I'm all up for stupid shaming those who slut shame. Like, why would you care? Are you a Mormon? If not, maybe you should consider fucking off to wherever they are.

I think some men defend slut shaming by saying that it's a way to criticize a woman who could be a potential cheater in a relationship and this defensiveness helps them to filter out such women pre-emptively. 

I don't think you need a Mormon to slut shame a woman. Guys of all backgrounds religious and non religious tend to engage (and women of course) in this behavior, they assume any woman who is with many guys is not deserving of dignity or is without class. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

28 minutes ago, CultivateLove said:

You know, the typical guy gets rejected and when she goes home with another guy he gets all butthurt and calls her a slut. 

I have never witnessed this version of slut shaming.

When I tell a man that I had many boyfriends in the past, they usually take it as a sign that I sleep with everyone. This is where I have a problem with it. 

If I were a guy, I would actually be uncomfortable around a woman who sleeps with many at the same time since I'm not into poly amorous lifestyles and I like monogamous relationships. So obviously I wouldn't want my girl to sleep with anyone else. This insecurity is understandable. 

That's why I was looking for a boundary where it would acceptable to shame a person's behavior since it's hurtful to a particular party and how they view the sanctity of relationships. 

But slut shaming someone who is well within the norms of sexual ethics and sexual integrity, I think that's the unfair kind of slut shaming. 

 

28 minutes ago, CultivateLove said:

However back before we had proper hygiene, condoms, birth control, medicine to deal STD's and marriage was often tied to politics and bare survival, I can see how most men wanted virgins as wives, but that's not the world most of us live in any longer, but some minds just haven't kept up with the changes I guess.

This is too outdated as most women aren't virgins and any man who thinks that he wants a virgin, I would see it as red flag, this would make another interesting topic. 

28 minutes ago, CultivateLove said:

 

Personally I'd much rather be with an honest slut over a judgemental girl who represses her own sexuality thinking she's better than all the other girls because of it.

I think in similar ways and resonate with this.. 

[Tyler Robinson]

Also what's your opinion on men who demand or value a virgin girlfriend? 

Should it be seen as a red flag behavior? 

 

 

[Spiral]

Shaming people for any reason is generally a bad idea. Fat shaming, slut shaming, you name it.

That said nothing wrong with having preferences I suppose.

Edited October 6, 2022 by Spiral

[CultivateLove]

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I think some men defend slut shaming by saying that it's a way to criticize a woman who could be a potential cheater in a relationship and this defensiveness helps them to filter out such women pre-emptively.

I think you're right. However I think those men would rarely hold themselves to the same standard, thus making it a hypocritical and sexist stand to take.

And I'd bet a lot of women have cheated on their men precisely because of that reason, their loyalty is eroded as soon as they see their partner as being sexist and hypocritical.

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I don't think you need a Mormon to slut shame a woman. Guys of all backgrounds religious and non religious tend to engage (and women of course) in this behavior, they assume any woman who is with many guys is not deserving of dignity or is without class.

I agree, I only brought up the Mormons as an example because they are the most sexually repressed, puritan and straight up dumbest group of people I've ever interacted with. Four out of the eight Mormons I've talked to literally said that pre-marital sex is as bad as murder.

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

When I tell a man that I had many boyfriends in the past, they usually take it as a sign that I sleep with everyone. This is where I have a problem with it. 

If I were a guy, I would actually be uncomfortable around a woman who sleeps with many at the same time since I'm not into poly amorous lifestyles and I like monogamous relationships. So obviously I wouldn't want my girl to sleep with anyone else. This insecurity is understandable. 

Most of us have a fear of being cheated on and deal with that fear in childish and unhealthy ways. What differentiates us is how we deal with it. Some simply stay single, some go with polygamy / open relationships, some go for the girl who acts all pure and innocent, some resort to stalker type of behavior. But none of these methods are effective in giving us what most of us crave, a close, intimate relationship where you feel safe to fully trust that person not to break your trust.

The way I see it, the best way to achieve this is stop focusing so much on all the qualities you want in your partner, and start focusing more on what qualities you can embody that would make someone fall madly in love with you. I'd trust a slut who's madly in love with to be loyal a lot more than a self-proclaimed virgin who I have to chase around just to get half her attention.

2 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

That's why I was looking for a boundary where it would acceptable to shame a person's behavior since it's hurtful to a particular party and how they view the sanctity of relationships. 

But slut shaming someone who is well within the norms of sexual ethics and sexual integrity, I think that's the unfair kind of slut shaming. 

Ah I see. To clarify I wasn't talking about cheaters, in my mind a slut is not a cheater by default, nor is an innocent virgin/almost virgin type of girl loyal by default.

2 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Also what's your opinion on men who demand or value a virgin girlfriend? 

Should it be seen as a red flag behavior? 

In most cases I think it's a red flag yes. Strong sign of either insecurity, religious zealotism or some type of primitive magical thinking (spiral dynamics stage purple). I am however open to hearing any steelman arguments for it.

[Spiral]

54 minutes ago, CultivateLove said:

I am however open to hearing any steelman arguments for it.

Personally I do not care however, if you dislike the following it would also make sense.

Someone regardless of gender whom has been with many people generally fall into these categories: high libido, poor confidence, unskilled in maintaining establishing long relationships or has sex for the sake of status. Or a combination of these.

Imagine you’re a guy with low libido. None of the other prospects are particularly appealing.

[gettoefl]

slut shaming is purity signalling

i am not promiscuous like them

or my values don't align with women being as sex seeking as men

all neanderthal thinking for me

just using the word slut is a dismissal from me

[Yarco]

Probably a necessary evil and net benefit at our current societal stage of development. But we should also probably move past it at some point soon.

Like everything, it all comes down to survival. It's in the best interest for both males and females to try and isolate their preferred sexual partner to guarantee their offspring gets the genetics that they find desirable. 

Most men want to make sure they aren't raising some other guy's child.

Most women want to lock in a man to provide for them, who isn't going to leave them for someone else, and leave them raising a kid on their own.

Should women have to deal with slut shaming? No. Is it easier than dealing with constant paranoia and jealousy from your partners or potential partners? Or women worrying about other women stealing their man? Yes.

When women slut shame other women to their female friends, there's an implicit understanding of "You can trust me, I would never do that to you."

When men slut shame women to male friends, there's a sense of "I'm a higher-value male than to need to sleep with the village sl*t", again having standards kind of implies to male friends that they have a bro-code and won't try to steal another man's girl.

Inter-gender slut shaming creates "healthy" (in lower-stage societies only) social boundaries. Again enforcing a sense of "we're better than that". Even if two people want to bone, they understand the social taboo and risks associated with it, and how everyone else will perceive them.

[Michal__]

Mainly just unconscious stage blue-not-yet-transcendet.

[Axiomatic]

As a sports fan, I always see videos and stories calling to cancel an athlete because he cheated on his girl.

I suppose it's a retaliation to slut shaming, but I don't think it helps anything.

In regards to women, there is nothing wrong with a woman doing what she wants obviously, but women have the power to really fuck shit up for other people, especially guys, if they aren't responsible for their sexuality.

I had a female roommate, and when we got our second roommate (a guy) she chose to sleep with him the second night he moved in.

She then proceeded to fuck around with the neighbor, causing a major beef that I had to de-escalate so it wouldn't turn violent.

So imo a woman shouldn't be shamed for doing what she wants UNTIL it can harm others or affect them negatively, which whether women want to admit or not is the honest truth. Their sexuality is powerful. 

2Pac said it best in this video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a44xcrm2RNk

 

Edited October 6, 2022 by Axiomatic

[StarStruck]

In general, men don't care about women being sluts until they want to marry her.

[Tyler Robinson]

4 hours ago, Myioko said:

I'm not sure I fully understand what you mean by here. What kind of hurtful behavior? ..I think that so long as you are clear about your own wants and boundaries, have high integrity and honesty on your part, that if they have problems with that (such as them having problems with your relationship pasts) then it is not up to you to feel bad in any sense and you have a right to hold up to that. I don't think shaming is okay

I meant that people shame because it either hurts what they value or - - it protects something they consider sacred. So shaming automatically becomes a retaliatory act. Although shaming is bad in itself, it's understandable why it looks healthy to them since it destroys the very fundamentals their mind is built on. They cannot think of it as high integrity. Expecting them to not shame is expecting them to change their moral principles overnight. 

I think @Yarco gave a good explanation about this.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

10 hours ago, Yarco said:

Probably a necessary evil and net benefit at our current societal stage of development. But we should also probably move past it at some point soon.

Like everything, it all comes down to survival. It's in the best interest for both males and females to try and isolate their preferred sexual partner to guarantee their offspring gets the genetics that they find desirable. 

Most men want to make sure they aren't raising some other guy's child.

Most women want to lock in a man to provide for them, who isn't going to leave them for someone else, and leave them raising a kid on their own.

Should women have to deal with slut shaming? No. Is it easier than dealing with constant paranoia and jealousy from your partners or potential partners? Or women worrying about other women stealing their man? Yes.

When women slut shame other women to their female friends, there's an implicit understanding of "You can trust me, I would never do that to you."

When men slut shame women to male friends, there's a sense of "I'm a higher-value male than to need to sleep with the village sl*t", again having standards kind of implies to male friends that they have a bro-code and won't try to steal another man's girl.

Inter-gender slut shaming creates "healthy" (in lower-stage societies only) social boundaries. Again enforcing a sense of "we're better than that". Even if two people want to bone, they understand the social taboo and risks associated with it, and how everyone else will perceive them.

This is one the more understandable explanations so far. 

 

[Leo Gura]

It's just a mechanism to maintain a woman's social and sexual value. And also keep her safe.

Edited October 7, 2022 by Leo Gura

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

It's just a mechanism to maintain a woman's social and sexual value.

And do you think it's fair? 

 

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Tyler Robinson said:

And do you think it's fair?

Should it be done?

I wouldn't do it. It's pretty ugly and gouche.

Edited October 7, 2022 by Leo Gura

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Should it be done?

I wouldn't do it. It's pretty ugly.

So if you think it keeps her safe, why would you call it ugly?