Advice on girlfriend situation

[JJfromSwitzerland]

I am turning 30 years very soon. One of my deepest desires in life is to become a father and I don't want to be a too old dad. I find now would be the perfect age for that. 

I have a girlfriend again since 7 months. She matches exactly what I wished for in terms of looks (she is pretty), the way she treats me, her idea of the future, the way she is there for me but... Our sex life is boring, I often don't even want to have sex anymore with her (but I am still attracted to other girls I see at the gym, in the street and so on) and sometimes she wants too much attention. 

I am doubting the relationship even though everything matches and is perfect. As I had my doubts, I wanted to have break from it so this is what we are in now. A 2 weeks break with no contact. I want to see how much I will miss her. It was very bad for her and I feel so sorry to hurt her but I need it to figure out what I want and I still don't know if I really want to be with her or not. I find it is too bad to just throw this great relationship away. Basically the fire is missing in my eyes and I don't know what I want. We already planned a future together.

Has someone experienced something similar and can share some inputs?

That would be nice. 

[hoodrow trillson]

If you want to know your fate if you continue with a sparkless relationship like that, go browse 'deadbedrooms' subreddit and count your blessings you aren't like 2 kids, married and a mortgage deep with her.  You're aware of this issue RIGHT NOW and you should be glad you're self aware enough to not be blinded by what you would consider an 'ideal relationship' even if you aren't having sex like you want to.

These things need fixing but the effort has to come from both parties by communication. 

[integral]

Did you guys trying talking about the sex life and working to improve it? 

[universe]

What have you done so far to communicate and work on these issues?

Seems like there is a little too much pressure from her, planning a future and wanting too much attention. If that is a recurring pattern in your partners it's something to look out for.

[flowboy]

Haven't heard you say "and I love her"...

Do you?

 

From your post it seems like you are very disconnected from your feelings.

Like your girlfriend is this thing with practical requirements (must be pretty, must give good sex), and now it stopped working like a broken toy.

There's no judgment here.

I get into that mode sometimes.

But if that's the case, then no relationship can work, neither with her nor with another girl, as long as you're disconnected from feeling.

Edited October 7, 2022 by flowboy

[JJfromSwitzerland]

@integral yes

[JJfromSwitzerland]

On 07/10/2022 at 9:05 AM, flowboy said:

 

From your post it seems like you are very disconnected from your feelings.

Like your girlfriend is this thing with practical requirements (must be pretty, must give good sex), and now it stopped working like a broken toy.

There's no judgment here.

I get into that mode sometimes.

But if that's the case, then no relationship can work, neither with her nor with another girl, as long as you're disconnected from feeling.

I don't think that I am disconnected from my feelings as I am able to feel many things in life. 

Don't you also think if you are planning to have a serious relationship with a future and spend much time together, you also need to consider that some "practical things" need to match and you can not only go by your feelings?

See the "practical things" do match but I am unsure about my feelings towards her...

[petar8p]

On 10/5/2022 at 10:08 PM, JJfromSwitzerland said:

I still don't know if I really want to be with her or not. I find it is too bad to just throw this great relationship away.

From my experience if this is the reoccurring question in a relationship, especially one that's only 7 months old it means you do not really wanna be with her.