Want to help a friend

[Jannes]

So I have a good friend in mine which I want to help but don’t know how. He is in his early twenties, a virgin and has a lot of self hate because of his childhood (his dad left him at a very joung age and his step father treated him like trash). It’s so sad because I experienced the little glimpses of him when he was without worry and I see so much potential in him as just a cool, thoughtful, romantic, funny and good guy. But there is just this thick layer of worry and trauma that directs his life. So I want to find out:

 1) how can he get a gf ?

My thoughts so far:
-I don’t think cold appoach is the right thing for him because he doesn’t have the self love to go through the whole process

-He doesn’t have the looks for dating apps (I would give him low normie looks, but he is above 6 feet)

-I think social circle would be his best option. How can you build one up from scratch though, he has almost only male friends?

 

2) how can he start healing his trauma?

My thoughts so far:

-He doesn’t want to do therapy because he says that he thinks that he won’t be able to heal anything anyway so the therapists time would be better spend on people who are actually able to heal. He said it in a kind of joky way that he would only feel valuable enough to go to therapy if he was the kind of person who wouldn’t need it which is incredible funny but doesn’t get him anywhere. 
- He is just a little bit open to psychedelics and wants to do them at some point in the beginning of semester break. So maybe that’s an option. 
-MDMA ? 

[Raze]

Tell him to do MDMA with a competent guide

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPKCddixD_M

and get IFS therapy or try self therapy by Jay Earely 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7GVaW4SESc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHhn7NCjGiA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwQnrtwpI3U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiAr3Hgbv60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCU03Dp8Zw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-jvM3NSs6Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuUPdPov0K4
 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY

Edited October 4, 2022 by Raze

[Jannes]

10 hours ago, Raze said:

Tell him to do MDMA with a competent guide

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPKCddixD_M

Great, thanks! I will look into it myself a bit. 
My only concern would be that mdma becomes to addictive to him. 

Quote

and get IFS therapy or try self therapy by Jay Earely 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7GVaW4SESc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHhn7NCjGiA

He doesn’t want to do therapy but maybe it’s also because he doesn’t see the value in it. So this could be of help.

Quote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwQnrtwpI3U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiAr3Hgbv60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

RSD is great but it requires a lot of commitment to follow through. I feel like he would need a personal coach with that. My experience with these people is often that they are really stage orange and also don’t see the "metaphysical love process“ in healing oneself which I don’t like. My friend has a good amount of stage green in him.

Quote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCU03Dp8Zw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-jvM3NSs6Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuUPdPov0K4

That’s great, especially the one with Tyler probably but I think he has enough theory. I think its more about actually starting with something for him. 

Quote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY

Oh god that’s so much gold all at once. 

[something_else]

If he’s tall, at least average looking and has a group of friends that enjoy going out, he will be able to meet girls just by going out to busy places with his friends

 

[NoSelfSelf]

Sorry to say its usually a waste of time to help, only if he really wants it ,not you wanting it for him and hes tagging along...