How would you react if your boyfriend did this to you?

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, Loving Radiance said:

It starts with small things. I imagine there were already signs of his insecurity before this, but not so much noticeable.

Could be. I never noticed and he never said anything specifically. In fact he would always automatically/spontaneously say that he was okay with me flirting with other guys and that he trusts me. So I never had any cause for concern. I hate it because it's usually these types - who act like everything is okay and they are so chill, who turn out to be not that chill.. 

[thepixelmonk]

On 02/10/2022 at 10:42 AM, Leo Gura said:

Epic red flag. Dump him immediately.

I haven't read through the entire thread but just wanted to reiterate this. Levels of red flags off the freakin' charts. I would never tolerate anything remotely like this.

[Loving Radiance]

@Tyler Robinson Something to think about: Do you want to be with chill people who explode from time to time? How can you proactively adjust your communication to clear the space with those people (not only your bf)?

Edited October 5, 2022 by Loving Radiance

[Tyler Robinson]

@Loving Radiance if he was so chill he wouldn't have pulled this awkward stunt to begin with. I don't know how to communicate with with someone who is so dense in cognitive dissonance. 

I'm not some psychologist. 

 

[Loving Radiance]

@Tyler Robinson Do you understand or can you imagine the psychological dynamics of chill volcano types? Why they are wired like this?

Edited October 5, 2022 by Loving Radiance

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, Loving Radiance said:

@Tyler Robinson Do you understand or can you imagine the psychological dynamics of chill volcano types?

You tell me. 

[thepixelmonk]

6 minutes ago, Loving Radiance said:

@Tyler Robinson Something to think about: Do you want to be with chill people who explode from time to time? How can you proactively adjust your communication to clear the space with those people (not only your bf)?

what in the actual fk. please do not listen to this tyler lmao.

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, thepixelmonk said:

what in the actual fk. please do not listen to this tyler lmao.

I'm actually not able to follow what he is trying to suggest me. Is he trying to tell me that it's all a communication issue? 

 

[thepixelmonk]

4 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I'm actually not able to follow what he is trying to suggest me. Is he trying to tell me that it's all a communication issue? 

It's just more of "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" which is a complete load of horseshit. People use that line of reasoning as an excuse for their repeated bad behavior and avoid taking personal responsibility. This has nothing to do with your "proactive communication" and everything to do with his insecurities and manipulation. Don't let anyone turn it around on you.

Edited October 5, 2022 by thepixelmonk

[Loving Radiance]

@Tyler Robinson I wanted to show you that there is more to this than thinking about dumping or saving your bf. But I notice now that it may be not the right place and time for this digression into communication. I'm sorry. I hope the best for you, whatever outcome it might be. ?

@thepixelmonk I'm not here to make it personal or to start drama & fights. The only thing I say about what you wrote is that I don't make it a one-dimensional cause, that of simply being a communication fault and searching for ways to put blame & responsibility on Tyler.

[Galyna]

@Tyler Robinson He is just very scared. Trust is built with time. If your relationship is relatively new, then it is fine. If you are being together for a long time, then he needs to work on his insecurities. He has abandonment issues and probably some self-esteem issues as well. 
If you leave relationship over a little thing like this, you might end up alone. 
I would only give up on a relationship where there is a recurring theme that can’t be corrected. If there are too many red flags or you are constantly feeling hurt, then yes. Time to move on…
 

[Tyler Robinson]

3 minutes ago, Galyna said:

@Tyler Robinson He is just very scared. Trust is built with time. If your relationship is relatively new, then it is fine. If you are being together for a long time, then he needs to work on his insecurities. He has abandonment issues and probably some self-esteem issues as well. 
If you leave relationship over a little thing like this, you might end up alone. 
I would only give up on a relationship where there is a recurring theme that can’t be corrected. If there are too many red flags or you are constantly feeling hurt, then yes. Time to move on…
 

Thank you. That was helpful 

 

[thepixelmonk]

6 minutes ago, Galyna said:

@Tyler Robinson He is just very scared. Trust is built with time. If your relationship is relatively new, then it is fine.

The age of the relationship has absolutely nothing to do with how "fine" this is. If this was a "relatively new" relationship and this happened to me I would on the spot dump him just as Leo suggested. Large red flags like this are much easier to back out of when the relationship is only just getting started.

Edited October 5, 2022 by thepixelmonk

[Galyna]

4 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Thank you. That was helpful 

 

Actually go by your feelings and not by your mind. 
Long time ago I heard from a relationship coach one wisdom: the only way for a woman to understand if she is with a right man is to actually assess her overall state of emotions. How she feels in general. If in general you feel happy and uplifting, then I would NOT ruin a relationship over a small thing like this. If there is always some issue that comes out making you stressed or anxious, then this person is not your match. 

Edited October 5, 2022 by Galyna

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, Galyna said:

Actually go by your feelings and not by your mind. 
Long time ago I heard from a relationship coach one wisdom: the only way for a woman to understand if she is with a right man is to actually assess her overall state of emotions. How she feels in general. If in general you feel happy and uplifting, then I would ruin relationships. If there is always some issue that comes out making you stressed or anxious, then this person is not your match. 

Guaranteed. That was great insight. 

 

[Galyna]

6 minutes ago, thepixelmonk said:

The age of the relationship has absolutely nothing to do with how "fine" this is. If this was a "relatively new" relationship and this happened to me I would on the spot dump him just as Leo suggested. Large red flags like this are much easier to back out of when the relationship is only just getting started.

I disagree, it is hard to give advice knowing only 10% of the information. 

Guys, it is very intimate and personal. You must be in that situation to know for sure what to do. 

I would not dump a guy over a stupid little thing like that, I would talk to him first. He is obviously scared of being cheated. 

But that is just me. Maybe it is very wrong. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

42 minutes ago, thepixelmonk said:

It's just more of "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" which is a complete load of horseshit. People use that line of reasoning as an excuse for their repeated bad behavior and avoid taking personal responsibility. This has nothing to do with your "proactive communication" and everything to do with his insecurities and manipulation. Don't let anyone turn it around on you.

You have a very sharp intellect. I never saw it that way. Yea I agree with you. I guess I am not supposed to be someone's mommy. 

I deserve respect and trust. Forgiveness is one thing and I don't lack with being forgiving. 

But I think that boundaries between respect and forgiveness shouldn't be blurred. 

[thepixelmonk]

3 minutes ago, Galyna said:

I disagree, it is hard to give advice knowing only 10% of the information. 

Guys, it is very intimate and personal. You must be in that situation to know for sure what to do. 

I would not dump a guy over a stupid little thing like that, I would talk to him first. He is obviously scared of being cheated. 

But that is just me. Maybe it is very wrong. 

kind of amazing how someone could describe this as nothing but a "stupid little thing" but hey if these are the types of guys you want in your future go for it.

[Galyna]

On 10/3/2022 at 8:28 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I tend to act overtly sexual but that's just my nature and I'm like that.

Sorry, I did not read the whole entire text, that is the answer to your question why he did what he did. He felt insecure. 

Also, acting overly sexual around other males is a sign that you are not aligned with your sexuality and self-worth. Been there, done that! Trust me...speaking out of life experience. 

It is actually not in your nature to act overly sexual, it is a way to prove your self-worth. You act like this out of a lack of self-love. 

Just love yourself, you do not need to prove every man that your main weapon is your cute face or sexy body.

You can be loved with regards of your age, level of beauty or intelligence. And when you meet a right person who will fill you up with that divine masculine love, you will look at other males as a stop sign.

It does not mean you will be less sexy; it actually means you will be even more sexy and attractive to other males because they will see that goddess in you. But this time you would not want to act on it, you will be very peaceful and content. 

[Tyler Robinson]

@thepixelmonk do you think there's a tiny bit of half truth with the saying - if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. Kinda like - - if you truly loved someone, you would love them for who they are and accept their flaws too. 

What do you think about this?