How would you react if your boyfriend did this to you?

[Tyler Robinson]

So my bf texted me as someone else, a random stranger. And tried flirting with me. He  did this to test if I'm loyal to him or not(that's what he told me later). I told the random stranger (that is my bf posing as him), that I have a bf that I wish to remain faithful to. He openly confessed about it later and I really did not feel disgusted. Just amused that he would pull something like that. He apologized and he felt sorry for not trusting me enough and testing my loyalty in this weird way. Do you think he is being weird? I didn't mind it that much or probably I wanted to hide my disappointment and still keep it cheerful. I don't want him to feel bad or get mad at him. I know guys can sometimes feel like that about their gf and it's okay, I don't want to feed into his insecurity by challenging him. 

A friend of mine told me that they would break up or get totally mad if the same happened to them. That got me quizzing if I'm being too lackadaisical. 

He is very guilty about it and he can't stop fussing about it constantly. He brings it up and then keeps apologizing. I told him it's okay and no worries. He is feeling a bit sloughed by the whole situation. I don't know what I can do here. 

I care about him deeply and I don't want him to feel like I'm disappointed in him.. 

 

Edited October 2, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[gettoefl]

you don't test someone because one day you are feeling insecure you test someone because you have previously agreed to a trust but verify policy 

is he going to pull other rules out of his hat when he gets out the bed the wrong side

rules are fine but don't make up rules because you're having a bad day

[Tyler Robinson]

Maybe he wanted to satisfy his curiosity. 

 

[Leo Gura]

Epic red flag. Dump him immediately.

[Asayake]

He seems controlling, and or paranoid, and or manipulative, and or a psychopath. Be careful.

[LSD-Rumi]

@Tyler Robinson Jealousy delusions are quite common in males, beware. They start with things like that.

[PenguinPablo]

I agree with Leo. I would dump him and get with me instead.

[Hello from Russia]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Epic red flag. Dump him immediately.

I 100% agree with Leo here

Edited October 2, 2022 by Hello from Russia

[Loving Radiance]

This is a warning sign for how he will be later on in the relationship.

You two can work on this, and his motivated participation is all it needs. If he doesn't see this, then you can move on from him. You can't change him alone, he has to want it too.

[Thought Art]

@PenguinPablo I read that in echharts voice lol

[Tyler Robinson]

14 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

This is a warning sign for how he will be later on in the relationship.

 

Can you elaborate on this 

[Tron]

I would dump a woman who did that to me

I suggest you do the same for him. he sounds like an insecure punk ass 

Edited October 3, 2022 by Tron

[integral]

On 2022-10-02 at 7:43 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

He is very guilty about it and he can't stop fussing about it constantly. He brings it up and then keeps apologizing. I told him it's okay and no worries. He is feeling a bit sloughed by the whole situation. I don't know what I can do here. 

I think the worry and fear he is experiencing after the fact is the most important part. I think hes scared of losing you because he’s attached and that’s why he’s apologizing so much. He also might be ashamed of his insecurities and doesn’t want you to see it. And that he is acting out his insecurities in a unhealthy way. 

Did you ask him why he did it? Quality non-judging communication is key here. 

This kind of stunt isn’t that bad the real test is about to come if his insecurities lead to more damaging behaviour like false accusations or jumping to conclusions or trying to control your life. All this leads to abuse. 
 

Hopefully it’s just one incident where his insecurities have been satisfied and he relaxes.

Edited October 4, 2022 by integral

[Tyler Robinson]

20 minutes ago, integral said:

I think the worry and fear he is experiencing after the fact is the most important part. I think hes scared of losing you because he’s attached and that’s why he’s apologizing so much.

 

Did you ask him why he did it? Quality non-judging communication is key here. 

I asked him. 

He told me that he wanted to verify if I was being loyal to him. Some dude friend of his gave him this idea/technique to try on me and see if the experiment worked. 

He felt guilty because (maybe he was looking to find something to blame me for but realized that he simply suspected me for nothing) I mean when he posed as another guy, I told this guy that I already have a boyfriend that I wish to remain loyal to. I guess  when he read what I said - that specific moment must have been embarrassing for him emotionally. 

I mean here he was suspecting that I will easily give into another dude and cheat on him and get flirty/dirty with another dude behind his back. But the plan misfired and kinda backfired in his face. It didn't happen the way he imagined. Maybe he was looking for some dirt on me and catch me raw.

I'm a flirty person, I get it and sometimes I do tend to talk to men in flirty ways. It's my disposition. Doesn't mean that I'm actually going to cheat. I tend to act overtly sexual but that's just my nature and I'm like that. I don't flirt with guys with a specific intent in mind. It's very much on the spot. My intentions are generally always clear when I make specific statements. Like if I want a relationship I will ask for it. I'm a straight shooter. If I want to break up I'll break up. I won't do sneaky games behind someone's back and then wait for things to unfold. I am just not that type. 

I understand his insecurity because of my flirty nature with men. I tend to talk to any man however I please. Free flow. This might be bugging him secretly. He might have thought that I am the cheater type because of my proclivous nature toward flirting. 

I get it. I can be hard to deal with in that department of things. Any guy can easily feel jealous around me. 

In fact most of my exes have felt jealous in my relationships, assuming I will go with another dude who is trying to please me. So I'm used to being told that they are jealous.. 

Now I'll always try my best to ensure my partner of my loyalty. I can't do much if somebody doesn't trust me. I have never cheated on my exes and I consider cheating on a partner as a horrible thing to do. That shit is not okay and there's no justification for cheating.. 

But it's hard to convince someone of your loyalty if they easily get suspicious.. Although my own lax behavior around men could be contributing to this suspicion. 

It's easy to think- "oh she is openly flirting with this guy. I think she will cheat on me. She is not reliable." 

At the same time I can't change who I am. I can't change how I talk. This is just my nature and not reflective of any kind of intent. 

I made it totally clear to him that I don't intend to cheat on him. Now if he doesn't trust me despite my frankness on the issue then it's his own mind playing games with him. 

 

Edited October 4, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Proserpina]

It depends on other factors.  How is he with you a part from this?  I’ve had someone do this to me before and they were vibrating at resentment and suspicion, not pleasant and it never went away. 

[Tyler Robinson]

He is generally sweet. He can be judgemental sometimes. But I escape his hammer skillfully every time. Clever me. 

He is not that bad. Sometimes fucks up but apologizes later and settles it. 

 

 

I, for my part, am an extremely non judgemental person in relationships. Most of the time I act like a fly on the wall, nothing really bugs me much as long as a person cares enough to talk it out. 

 

 

[integral]

@Tyler Robinson The relationship has a chance of progressing beyond the honeymoon phase if both partners have a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset. Fixed mindset believes in true love and destiny and if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be, they don’t believe in personal growth so for large enough incompatibilities they are very likely to end relationships instead of learning and growing togetter.

Cultivate a growth mindset relationship for health and success. ?

Edited October 4, 2022 by integral

[something_else]

7 hours ago, integral said:

This kind of stunt isn’t that bad

This is a huge understatement. Any kind of intentional testing like this is a huge red flag that indicates massive insecurity and total lack of trust. It's also just very deceitful and disrespectful.

[Tyler Robinson]

 

I'm in a state of emotional turmoil and a moral and emotional dilemma. And somewhat moral/emotional panic. 

The situation has left me harrowed and emotionally drained. Trying to process whatever happened. Lot of strife going on inside me in the moment. 

Part of me wants to dump him immediately out of sheer disappointment. 

Part of me feels like I should wait and not rush to a quick decision and give him time 

Another part of me feels like dumping him is merciless and uncompassionate when he is feeling like shit and was honest in admitting it. Almost like I would  be punishing  him by dumping. He is emotional over this and I should  care about him too, not just myself. I don't want to shock him. 

The situation is delicate. 

 

 

[LSD-Rumi]

@Tyler Robinson Be decisive, you either dump him or give him a chance, but don't fall in the trap of endless confusion and doubt and not taking decision. 

Edited October 4, 2022 by LSD-Rumi