I know that masturbating only makes my life worse, yet I still do it. How do I stop?

[ThePoint]

I’m addicted to masturbating.

I don’t even enjoy it that much, if at all. I haven’t felt horny in years. It’s like a psychological addiction rather than me just being horny.  

Even if you take the fact that it makes my quality of life out of the equation, I spend like 5-9 hours a week masturbating. This amount of time could instead be used to better use, e.g. developing skills, doing consciousness work, etc. 

Masturbating doesn’t move the needle in any way. If I replace the time I spend masturbating with more productive activities, I would be getting better results, and would have more to show for it.

[Yarco]

Try to be more in touch with yourself. After masturbating, try to notice all the subtle ways it affects you. Maybe you have less energy the next day. You're less confident when talking to people, mentally you're more anxious, less able to focus, memory is worse, or whatever else you notice.

If you're a chronic daily masturbator then the only way to really see if you'd be better without it, is to stop, and observe any positive or negative effects. So to start with, you just need to find a way to go 2 or 3 days without masturbating and really see the effects. Just 24 hours is likely going to be a struggle at first though, so try for that.

Find the triggers for what causes you to masturbate. For most guys I think it's just boredom. If you can get out of the house doing stuff where your mind is focused on something else, it'll be a lot easier than sitting around your house bored.

As cringe as a lot of the nofap stuff on Youtube is, and a lot of it has bad science, I still think it's a good starting point for a guy in your position. It's the only way to get some kind of motivation and start moving the needle to stop fapping for even 1 day or 2 days.

Start by looking at it like any other kind of addiction. If you were going to quit smoking, most people can't go cold turkey or they'll just relapse. So start tapering yourself down. If you can limit yourself to only 5 hours this week, then 4.5 hours next week, that's already a big improvement.

Even if you still masturbate daily but just do it less, at least you're getting some time back for doing more productive things, even if it won't give you the physiological benefits if you're still emptying your balls every day.

Maybe most importantly.... I'd say 99% chance you're addicted to pornography, not masturbating. If I said you could go masturbate for 9 hours a day but you had to do it in the shower without any visual stimulus, I seriously doubt you'd stand there masturbating for 1 - 2 hours straight to just mental imagery. So as well as masturbation, cut back on porn as well. Start making yourself watch less extreme porn. Limit yourself to only 5 - 10 videos per session, then cut back to trying to masturbate to only 1 - 2 videos. Then force yourself to only have 1 favorite video that you'll allow yourself to fap to, for weeks straight. Get into less extreme porn, until you're just fapping to bikini photos or something. Then remove the visual stimulus entirely. If you have the urge, you can have a quick fap in 5 minutes to relieve yourself, but no videos, no pictures. Then remove even the fapping.

Over time you want to cut down on the dopamine that you're getting from porn. That means no more 50 browser tab sessions where your brain gets to have the equivalent of you having every girl in the village every day. Literally you're tricking your brain into thinking you're having a 50-girl orgy every day.  It's not natural or what your brain is wired for. 100 years ago you'd only see one woman naked for months or years straight. Right now your brain might be so fried that watching only 1 video to fap to, is like the equivalent of having to go from eating pizza to kale. But you have to undo the damage somehow.

It's October 1. If you start gradually transitioning with all the stuff I listed above, you should be able to make a serious attempt at No Nut November when November 1 rolls around. You can do it. You probably won't last the whole month. But in November I wanna see a post from you about how you've managed to go at least 7 full days without fapping. 7 days is about where your testosterone and all the benefits of nofap peaks. Even if you relapse 3 or 4 times in the month, think about how much farther along you'll be than you are now.

Edited October 1, 2022 by Yarco

[Shiva99]

developing skills, doing consciousness work, etc. is something you can start doing today, right now.
Your mind is fooling you into thinking masturbating is something that is witholding you from doing that.
You need to work your ass of in spite of your so called masturbation addiction. What you need is discipline.
This stuff doesn't come easy. Hard work everyday. No excuses.

Will you care about masturbating etc if you are kicking ass everyday in spite of it? I don't think so. It will become a non issue.

Edited October 1, 2022 by Shiva99

[at_anchor]

Sexual Fantasy or Porn ---》Mastrubation

Cut out the root cause of the problem. Try not imagining sexual things in your mind.

I don't know how long I am gonna last. My mind has already started seducing me with images of love, relationship, kiss, and then slowly into tantra where I had to stop. I wish I could stop this mental mastrubation and accept my lot in life, which is such that I cannot get laid properly. Ever.

If you are fantadizing, you are not getting the real thing. It is like being hungry and imagining food. It will get worse and worse. You will start thinking of unhealthy food the most, even though vegetables will also be appealing as fuck.

Edited October 1, 2022 by at_anchor

[Tyler Robinson]

Why are you trying to stop something that your body naturally craves. You don't have to. Try to have a balance and it won't bother you as much. 

 

[at_anchor]

4 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Why are you trying to stop something that your body naturally craves. You don't have to. Try to have a balance and it won't bother you as much. 

Because SF, porn and mastrubation are not what the body craves. Dopamine hits like that three or more times a day can rewire the brain, leave you sexually unsatisfied and lead to depression and other issues.

[Tyler Robinson]

5 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

Because SF, porn and mastrubation are not what the body craves. Dopamine hits like that three or more times a day can rewire the brain, leave you sexually unsatisfied and lead to depression and other issues.

There's something known as biological drive. 

[Tefikos]

Masturbation is healthy for us?

But yeah sexual repression can make it feel like it is bad for you and it's just because you think it is bad, even though sexual urges are completely natural.

Parts of human nature that are repressed wont go anywhere, they still are there and they will seek expression. That expression will manifest as unconscious behaviour that is felt to be bad, because all repressed things are labeled as bad.

When there is more acceptance toward sexuality, and to masturbation as an expression of sexuality, the expression will be conscious and it will feel good afterward.

 

[at_anchor]

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

There's something known as biological drive. 

Absolutely, didn't mean to say that it is bad for everyone. Just for those that have POIS and who already mastrubated too much for years, so you gotta find the right balance and sometimes you have to do the complete opposite of what you have been doing/thinking to achieve that balance. ♡

Edited October 1, 2022 by at_anchor

[Yarco]

2 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Why are you trying to stop something that your body naturally craves. You don't have to. Try to have a balance and it won't bother you as much. 

Because he's doing it for 9 hours a week and reaching out for help. You can't just tell an addict to "try to have a balance."

[Tyler Robinson]

If you're doing it one hour per day, then that's easily 7 hours a week, and that's not bad at all. I wouldn't even call it addiction. It's healthy sex drive. I have had guys tell me they did 7 times a day and I thought that was addiction. 

You're making it a big deal. I understand that you feel you can use that time. But you aren't exactly wasting your time when you seek pleasure, time wasted is a subjective phenomenon. 

If you're doing it regularly then that's not an addiction. Men are hornier than women in general. Now it would be a different thing if this was interfering your work and you were ditching important stuff for it, in that case I would say it has become a problem, as long as you're able to do your normal work, it's no big deal 

You can avoid porn and I would recommend that very much because it easily turns into an addiction. 

However masturbating is completely normal and natural and far less addictive in comparison to porn. Also masturbating is healing and good for your health. It depends on how you view it. You can either consider it as a doorway for your natural sexuality to explore and evolve or consider it a stupid waste or time. Your relationship with it what you really need to heal instead of cutting it out. 

It's also unnatural and difficult to cut it out, it might make you crave sex even more and could also lead to issues with your partner in the future. You can't will it out of thin air so be careful how you play with it. 

Since it's a natural desire, you can't completely cut it out on cue, it might help you to seek ways to tame your sexual energy and gradually balance your time spent with it, which usually takes time, I used to be very horny but learned to control it. Do it in moderation is the best advice always. 

Cutting it out is like cutting fire and passion from your life. If you did that, then in older years it might turn you into those types of old monks who are sex crazy and perverted. People who repress stuff become deviant. 

Like Leo says, burn through karma. 

 

[The Mystical Man]

7 hours ago, ThePoint said:

I spend like 5-9 hours a week masturbating.

Maybe try to reduce the time you spend on masturbating before you try to cut it out of your life completely. I was obsessed with cutting it out of my life, but that didn't go so well. I don't recommend that approach. I also wouldn't recommend porn. I prefer Pinterest.

And maybe try a 30 day no-fap challenge. I don't know how that challenge affects others, but it changed my relationship to my sexuality forever. I have much more control over my sexual drive, because the power of that drive has been lessened. I don't need to masturbate as much as I used to. Before I did the challenge, I absolutely had to masturbate after two days just so that I could move on with my life; there was no choice. Now I can easily go weeks without masturbating.

Edited October 1, 2022 by The Mystical Man

[ThePoint]

7 hours ago, Yarco said:

Try to be more in touch with yourself. After masturbating, try to notice all the subtle ways it affects you. Maybe you have less energy the next day. You're less confident when talking to people, mentally you're more anxious, less able to focus, memory is worse, or whatever else you notice.

@Yarco The thing is I do notice how badly it affects me. Yet I still do it.

7 hours ago, Yarco said:

If you're a chronic daily masturbator then the only way to really see if you'd be better without it, is to stop, and observe any positive or negative effects. So to start with, you just need to find a way to go 2 or 3 days without masturbating and really see the effects. Just 24 hours is likely going to be a struggle at first though, so try for that.

I can go 2-3 days without masturbating, and I get about 10%-15% gains in quality of life. But around the 4th or 5th day I tend to relapse.

I’ve gone weeks without masturbating before but the last time I did that was months ago.

7 hours ago, Yarco said:

Find the triggers for what causes you to masturbate. For most guys I think it's just boredom. If you can get out of the house doing stuff where your mind is focused on something else, it'll be a lot easier than sitting around your house bored.

I’ve tried this so much. I’ve tried going for walks and going to the gym and doing something else whenever the urge arises, but I just end up doing it after the activity. It doesn’t seem to make the craving go away.

7 hours ago, Yarco said:

As cringe as a lot of the nofap stuff on Youtube is, and a lot of it has bad science, I still think it's a good starting point for a guy in your position. It's the only way to get some kind of motivation and start moving the needle to stop fapping for even 1 day or 2 days.

Start by looking at it like any other kind of addiction. If you were going to quit smoking, most people can't go cold turkey or they'll just relapse. So start tapering yourself down. If you can limit yourself to only 5 hours this week, then 4.5 hours next week, that's already a big improvement.

What would you say the best way to quantify how much time I am spending on masturbating is? Do I just set a timer or something?

7 hours ago, Yarco said:

Even if you still masturbate daily but just do it less, at least you're getting some time back for doing more productive things, even if it won't give you the physiological benefits if you're still emptying your balls every day.

Maybe most importantly.... I'd say 99% chance you're addicted to pornography, not masturbating. If I said you could go masturbate for 9 hours a day but you had to do it in the shower without any visual stimulus, I seriously doubt you'd stand there masturbating for 1 - 2 hours straight to just mental imagery. So as well as masturbation, cut back on porn as well. Start making yourself watch less extreme porn. Limit yourself to only 5 - 10 videos per session, then cut back to trying to masturbate to only 1 - 2 videos. Then force yourself to only have 1 favorite video that you'll allow yourself to fap to, for weeks straight. Get into less extreme porn, until you're just fapping to bikini photos or something. Then remove the visual stimulus entirely. If you have the urge, you can have a quick fap in 5 minutes to relieve yourself, but no videos, no pictures. Then remove even the fapping.

Over time you want to cut down on the dopamine that you're getting from porn. That means no more 50 browser tab sessions where your brain gets to have the equivalent of you having every girl in the village every day. Literally you're tricking your brain into thinking you're having a 50-girl orgy every day.  It's not natural or what your brain is wired for. 100 years ago you'd only see one woman naked for months or years straight. Right now your brain might be so fried that watching only 1 video to fap to, is like the equivalent of having to go from eating pizza to kale. But you have to undo the damage somehow.

Okay in this aspect I might not be too far gone. I’ve luckily never related to getting interested in extreme porn from the desensitisation. Also, I tend to do it to images more than videos. But sometimes what happens is I will start with images and then go to videos.

7 hours ago, Yarco said:

It's October 1. If you start gradually transitioning with all the stuff I listed above, you should be able to make a serious attempt at No Nut November when November 1 rolls around. You can do it. You probably won't last the whole month. But in November I wanna see a post from you about how you've managed to go at least 7 full days without fapping. 7 days is about where your testosterone and all the benefits of nofap peaks. Even if you relapse 3 or 4 times in the month, think about how much farther along you'll be than you are now.

Okay. I think I should be able to do 7 full days again. It’s been months since I last went 7 days but I think I can.

Thanks for your post @Yarco

[ThePoint]

3 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

If you're doing it one hour per day, then that's easily 7 hours a week, and that's not bad at all. I wouldn't even call it addiction. It's healthy sex drive. I have had guys tell me they did 7 times a day and I thought that was addiction. 

@Tyler Robinson If you try to go 1 week without doing an activity, and cravings for that activity occur, the you are addicted to that activity.

So I am addicted to masturbating.

And are you really being serious with 7 hours a week “not being bad at all”? THAT’S A HUGE AMOUNT OF TIME. Imagine you put that time into meditating. That’s meditating an hour a day. You’d have so much to show for it. 

3 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

You're making it a big deal. I understand that you feel you can use that time. But you aren't exactly wasting your time when you seek pleasure, time wasted is a subjective phenomenon. 

I don’t even enjoy it that much. It’s like my body just wants to do it because if it doesn’t it feels like it’s missing something.

3 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

If you're doing it regularly then that's not an addiction. Men are hornier than women in general. Now it would be a different thing if this was interfering your work and you were ditching important stuff for it, in that case I would say it has become a problem, as long as you're able to do your normal work, it's no big deal 

You can avoid porn and I would recommend that very much because it easily turns into an addiction. 

However masturbating is completely normal and natural and far less addictive in comparison to porn. Also masturbating is healing and good for your health. It depends on how you view it. You can either consider it as a doorway for your natural sexuality to explore and evolve or consider it a stupid waste or time. Your relationship with it what you really need to heal instead of cutting it out. 

It's also unnatural and difficult to cut it out, it might make you crave sex even more and could also lead to issues with your partner in the future. You can't will it out of thin air so be careful how you play with it. 

Since it's a natural desire, you can't completely cut it out on cue, it might help you to seek ways to tame your sexual energy and gradually balance your time spent with it, which usually takes time, I used to be very horny but learned to control it. Do it in moderation is the best advice always. 

Cutting it out is like cutting fire and passion from your life. If you did that, then in older years it might turn you into those types of old monks who are sex crazy and perverted. People who repress stuff become deviant. 

Like Leo says, burn through karma. 

 

It doesn’t feel like sexual energy to me. It feels like a psychological craving. I’m not really horny when I do. I think I do it out of boredom.

[Tyler Robinson]

2 hours ago, ThePoint said:

And are you really being serious with 7 hours a week “not being bad at all”? THAT’S A HUGE AMOUNT OF TIME.

Everyone has a different perspective. 7 hours a week is not a huge deal for me. Maybe it's for you. No need to be aggressive over it. Anyway I tried to offer my perspective. All perspectives aren't going to be same. You do what suits you. If it's impacting you very badly then you already have your answer that you shouldn't do it. Maybe engage in other activities if you're bored. Go for a walk, distract yourself. Goodluck. 

 

[StarStruck]

Get into sexual transmutation.

[ThePoint]

On 10/5/2022 at 3:54 AM, StarStruck said:

Get into sexual transmutation.

@StarStruck How?

[at_anchor]

What are you avoiding with this activity? For me it is basically my reality, fear, people, bad food, no structure, not being able to get medical help I need, and so forth. It is depressing when I see where I am now and how far behind the curve.

[Raze]

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

[ThePoint]

12 hours ago, Raze said:

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

@Raze I’ve legit had this printed out in my bedroom for almost a year. I read it, but still do it. I don’t understand. The urge just doesn’t go away. It doesn’t seem to click for me :(((((