blankisomeone

Is this true? (Suicide)

27 posts in this topic

  On 9/30/2022 at 8:28 PM, Judy2 said:

Thank you for taking the time!

No problem!

  On 9/30/2022 at 8:28 PM, Judy2 said:

I think i understand what you mean by the breaking point where one goes full circle. I've experienced this 2 years ago, when i was very ill and brought up the courage to get better. A few days into the recovery process, i had my first awakening experience. So i do have a basic understanding of how Love can be found in the most painful and frightening experiences.

At the same time, it's easy to forget and to doubt myself when time passes and things don't turn out so easy after all. And i'm generally very resentful about this entire process, because in my mind being "authentic" always has such a negative connotation. Perhaps i'm scared of myself or of who i could be if i stopped holding back or censoring my own self-expression.

That's amazing.  I am glad to hear that you had an awakening while going through your darkest time.  I'm also very sat to hear that you were sick, but very pleased that you recovered/are on the road to recovery (?).

I understand that very well, the doubt and forgetfulness.  It's like, over time it can fade a bit and one might not feel as though things they experienced were completely true/authentic - if I am reading that right, if not feel free to correct me at any time."
What is it about being authentic that is negative for you, and what is causing the resentment?  You don't have to tell me if it is super personal, but maybe writing that down and looking into why you feel that way could help.
Well... hmmn... scared of who you'll be... let's see... if this is something that is holding you back, you could try expression in the safety of a private space.  A private journal or even just with a friend that you really, really trust to hold your secrets.  See how it goes, how it feels for you.  Read it over, look into it, try it on and see how the whole thing fits. 
What I am finding is that even within things that may appear odd or wrong, that there is a silver lining into it, one of love and acceptance.  It takes some digging in to and a bit of time to get to the bottom of it all, but within the shadow - there is a lot of light.

http://maryshutan.com/dark-night-of-the-soul-and-understanding-the-layers-of-reality/

A pretty good article on the dark night of the soul and the different layers/what to expect and what you can find in this process.

  On 9/30/2022 at 8:28 PM, Judy2 said:

The thing about masculine vs feminine energy is still confusing to me. I've heard people ascribe these categories to inanimate forces or concepts (like darkness vs light, destruction vs creation, etc). More often than not, i would have matched them with the opposite polarity than they would "officially" be associated with. Do you know where i can find a reliable explanation on this, so that i can develop an intuition on how to properly categorise an object/an energy form as masculine vs feminine? 

It can be hard to distinguish, in my direct experience.  I generally don't know, until what I am working with actively tells me about it's own qualities into what it is.  It's not generally so apparent right away.  It looks more like, almost like a spot of near invisible electromagnetism being manifested in the outside world - if that makes sense - and I will get a "ping" or a download in the center of my heart region when speaking to it.  Sometimes this process is internal, but generally what I do is I take what is internal and sort of shift it outwards - like I move it "up" through concentration and then "out" - so that I can see its reflection - I don't know how I do this, it was something I learned how to do naturally after I had an awakening, it became activated within me.

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To be frank, I'm only very "average" or "so so" when it comes to understanding energy/natural forces so it takes me much longer to get a clue into things than someone who is naturally more in tune with this process.

I will write it down and do a lot of research when I find something in my outer awareness - to get to the bottom of it - but it's not always so apparent.  And sometimes these energies can also have both qualities in one, or they are genderless.  So it's not so black and white, as just "male" or "female".  Why I am presented with a duality of male and female collision, while also experiencing things merged or genderless I don't understand yet, either.

I would say, if you're looking to understand energy better as a whole would be to read and follow this book here - I've used concepts and teachings from this book to understand my own experience, which has been gravitating towards the masculine/feminine, but this book will go into everything in much greater detail beyond just that - it basically just teaches you how to understand all the different energies within the world in a very nuanced way: 
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1724880705/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1534461943&sr=8-8&keywords=Mary+Shutan

Seriously, this book is so detailed, if you're looking to understand energy in any form this has it all.  It also works in a way that heals trauma, by allowing you to identify what is yours, what is other - and how to protect your energy - it has various methods that can teach you to identify things from the inside and the outside.

  On 9/30/2022 at 8:28 PM, Judy2 said:

Also, i don't quite understand the process of looking within yourself and identifying different energies. I guess if i were to look within myself, i would find something, but would feel confused about it. Especially since the mind can capture both "external" and "internal" impressions, so are all of these energies "you"? Is this only based on what one identifies with ("i am x, i feel like x,...") and perceives as "internal", even though the thoughts are all the same in the end? For instance, if i were to think about a man or objects associated with masculinity, that wouldn't make me a man just because it's on my mind. Whereas when i think about myself and my role as a woman, my desire to be a mother, etc. ...i think of it in terms of "i am...." and it's something i identify with. So i guess my question is, in the process you described, am i only looking at the "i am" energy forms, or at my mind in its entirety and its approach to thinking in general?  Sorry if this sounds silly, i just don't know how else to explain this.

The process of looking within yourself and identifying different energies - when you go within this activates latent energy in your system.  Such as through sexuality, truth, self expression, creativity, self analysis, memento mori - things of this nature.  Basically any blockage you can "feel" inside would be keeping this energy down and prevent it from moving "up" - when you finally move it up far enough - you can sort of send it out.  Or, you might simply feel what is already there that has manifested of it's own accord.

It isn't so much of a process of the mind, so much as it is of the heart.  The mind will tell you stories, narratives and so forth, but the heart will generally capture a download or an understanding in a single instant.  You just feel it in the center of your body, it's very different.

Are all of these energies you?  Good question.  I will answer this as best as I can, but my awakening is still incomplete and so this answer won't be as fully fleshed out as you would get from someone who really knows their stuff.  From my experience, at the highest degree, everything is You.  even people who have experience on psychedelics, when they meet beings, this is one thing those entities will tell them, is that it is all you.  In my understanding of the anatomy of things - the main energy - this life source we call God, has put partitions within itself that don't even really exist.  They exist and yet don't.  Like bubbles, or carbonation within a soda pop.  These bubbles have their own awareness and experiences so that this main energy can express itself in as many different ways as possible.  The entire goal is to witness itself as itself through you.

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It is layered like an onion.  There is this physical world, but the further down you go, the less dense everything gets.  It takes on an energetic quality to it, one that doesn't have form.  Within these layers, there are still beings - which are you in the highest experience - but in lower experiences, have their own agency and worldviews.
When you go deeply within yourself by removing blockages, you allow yourself to be able to have more access to these invisible onion layers.  You'll start to experience all sorts of things - for instance, maybe the soul/spirit of a tree might quite literally say "hi!" to you out of the blue.  It takes on and feels through the heart, and you can see a more illuminated quality to it - as if everything is just a little bit more "alive".

dawn_of_wonders___shine_by_edinabaltas_deku57h-fullview.jpg

It's a bit different in that you don't use mind at all.  You use heart.  It's like, a completely different sense altogether.  Also, nothing you're writing sounds silly at all, not in the least.  I just hope I am explaining well enough and if not, if you're still confused or have more questions and I don't have the answers, I might have resources available.  

Edited by Loba

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  On 9/30/2022 at 7:11 PM, Loba said:

I'd love to give you more helpful advice, but I don't know a whole lot about therapy so I can't really delve into that too much.  I've heard great things about it, and not so great things.  I think it will all come down to how you're feeling about the process.  Give it some time and evaluate if it is helping you and if not, try something else, if so, stick with it.

I really enjoyed my 2 therapy sessions. It seems like my therapist knows what he’s doing. He’s helped many people, he has experience. And he is religious so he’s not afraid of using the word God or Love, which I think is actually pretty nice. He guided me through a painful past memory of mine and I felt better afterwards. He really tuned in to the anger I was feeling at the moment.

only problem is I’m meeting with him only twice a month. I need a HELL of a lot more meetings than that! I don’t think twice a month is enough at all. Better than nothing, but still... not enough. I have TOO MUCH to say, to express and to understand and to learn. Meeting only twice a month for 1 and a half hour each session is laughable 

The ideal? 3 hours daily of intense work. Keep dreaming though?

Edited by blankisomeone

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  On 9/30/2022 at 2:28 PM, The Mystical Man said:

Don't ever consider committing suicide. For suicide is not the easy way out. The consequences of such an action will be severe; it will cause a karmic mess, which you will need to resolve. Therefore, you cannot avoid life. Life is like one of those movies where the characters have to play a game, and the only way to stop the game is to play it until the end; you have to complete the game of life. When you kill yourself, you get another womb. And then life will tell you: "Choose again." It's better to make the right choice in this lifetime. In this lifetime, you have a tremendous advantage; it's a great opportunity.

You're not your thoughts, your body, etc. All this changes so in the end you are basically nothing and everything. There is no boundary between you and another person. This dream is like a moving picture. The distinctions are imaginary. You make the other person as much as he/she makes you. There is no difference between people. Just different positions and apperances on this canvas of reality. As previously stated, there is no soul that you are, which is different than someone elses soul and will get reincarnated in another womb.

  On 9/30/2022 at 3:01 AM, Loba said:

the Gods

Okay, we have various kinds of animals, humans, bugs, microscopic organisms and aliens. Am I missing something here? You can't be serious that there are Gods.

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I have a few replies to get back to in a few - sorry for the wait, I've been quite tired/ a bit enmired in old thought patterns I'm trying to break out of and it's making it hard to concentrate on a good answer.  Be back tomorrow or the next day to finish up here.  <3 

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  On 9/30/2022 at 2:28 PM, The Mystical Man said:

Don't ever consider committing suicide. For suicide is not the easy way out. The consequences of such an action will be severe; it will cause a karmic mess, which you will need to resolve. Therefore, you cannot avoid life. Life is like one of those movies where the characters have to play a game, and the only way to stop the game is to play it until the end; you have to complete the game of life. When you kill yourself, you get another womb. And then life will tell you: "Choose again." It's better to make the right choice in this lifetime. In this lifetime, you have a tremendous advantage; it's a great opportunity.

Evidence?

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In my experience, suicidal thoughts happens when you are in a painful situation that you feel hopeless about changing. It is a form of escape that gets typically acted on on impulse when you happen to be in a seriously bad state. That is why it is important that you don't have any means of suicide in your vicinity, like a loaded gun. That is also why health professionals ask for how you intend to commit suicide when you tell them you are suicidal, so they can gauge how much danger you are in.

You write that you are responding well to therapy which makes me believe that this is very much workable, this situation. It'll just take time. Please do not harm yourself in any way.

 

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