Separation From Ego, Deep Emotions During Trip

[ndm678]

56g fresh mushroom (@10% = 5.6g dried), heroic dose.

I meditated while waiting for the effects to set in. I could hear light, muffled conversations, light music playing. I'm completely alone, out in the woods, no one is around.

Ego is chatting away, I feel a separation from this, like it became it's own thing. It was similar to listening to a radio station from another country, that kind feeling of separation. I asked it questions, it brought me back, through memories, to childhood situations. Points where seperations began. I could feel the child's plight. I could feel him make crude adjustments, setting the building blocks for nerocies. The scene became a movie, I could no longer interact with it. I could hear/feel the ego whispering in his ear, filling his mind with fears, creating separations, fracturing. 

The rooster crows and I'm brought back, the rain has increased in intensity, it's funny the rain has been getting heavier as I go deeper into the experience. I close my eyes and begin hearing the muffled music/conversations again. The female-ish voice sounds familiar, I've interacted with this voice before, but where?

Flashback, 10+ years ago. When I slipped on the ice and slammed my head. The voice that said 'you'll die alone'. Quick memories of other time on the past I've heard this voice. Brief words that mostly kept me safe and/or comforting. Not the ego-ish voice, which is my own, this one is loving, comforting, accepting.

The rooster crows again, bringing me back. 'I could go for a cigarette' 'don't, you'll burn the place down' my mind ques an Osho speech about why he feels bad for people that smoke. He sees babies suckling at their mothers breast. To feel safe, to feel as one. 

One, alone. Even to merge with another, it becomes one. To merge with many creates a 'one'. Separation, unification, impermanence. Adding, subtracting, creating 'ones'.

[Adilbek]

Beautiful, thank you for sharing