My experience

[Dear Fiona]

Here's something really profound you guys are missing: if a kid was seriously molested and abused by a pedophile, the only way that kid will be able to fully heal himself is by finally realizing that pedophilia is just love. That's what full integration will require. And so long as you're stuck on demonizing it, you will actually not allow the kid to heal. Which is sad. You are making a bad situation worse.

Demonization is never truthful nor conscious. And it is antithetical to healing. Hating your abuser is going go double your hurt. So an intelligent mind would not do that to itself.

Cool how love works, huh? 

To paraphrase a classic Gandhi quote: True love is to love them who abuse you.

Just don't be so stupid as to think this means you must tolerate active abuse.

I hope I don't offend Leo to quote the above, from a thread he has closed. But I just want to say that what is written here is really truthful, as far as any words can ever convey truth. 
From my own direct experience, this was how I finally got free of MY OWN OPPRESSIVE THOUGHTS, about incidents that were waaaaay in the past. Hating the abuser, was me, just carrying on, hurting me. Tormented, and obsessive, and really really reliving nightmares over and over. 
I really wish I'd had someone like Leo, to speak brutal truth to me like this. 
One of the people in my experience  was imprisoned, and still is. He sent a message through his solicitor to ask if I'd be willing to be on his contact list. I did actually consider it. Not for long though. I don't judge him, don't hate him. I KNOW he's loved, cos love simply can't help itself but love. Love is not Hollywood romantic love. Love is merciless, and uncompromising, and brutal in its total unconditionality. When you finally meet with that kind of love, it's very scary, and confronting. Not woo-woo, or ra-ra, or comforting at all.  
My no, was more like, this is no net benefit to my life at all. I'm done with this. It's now quite a "boring story" for me. 
And if anyone crosses my path, who has ever experienced this, I won't be limiting them down to this, and giving them tea and sympathy and pity. Which is NOT the same as love and compassion and understanding. And time and patience to find their own answers. I would not want to impose my answers on them. 
But I'd want to be advocating for their recovery, and empowerment. Not to forever define themselves by such limited perspectives of "I'm a victim of abuse" 
I very rarely talk about this. Cos people immediately put me in their own "box" of perception, cos they can't get their heads around true freedom. And I just can't be bothered educating them, or dealing with them projecting their emotions onto me. 
I'm not saying it's easy. But it's very very very possible. And extremely liberating. 

It's absolutely and utterly amazing that Leo has given this message out the way he has. 

[Breakingthewall]

Me too have spent time hating and had to dig deep to find a way to stop, and I found it completely. It is not for me to see that the person who has damaged me when i was a kid is love. love is a word, even an adjective.

The reality is that my whole circumstance is me. there is no outside of me. it's absolutely obvious to me. it can be said that everything is love, or everything is existence, or everything is x. is indifferent. everything is me, like a kind of multicolored kaleidoscope that comes out of me and to which I magically give meaning, but that really doesn't have it, it's just a dance that I dance with myself, like a flame that moves. It is something wonderful, beautiful. we call it love? Okay. but it seems confusing to me. better existence, or expression, or life, or me

 

[Dear Fiona]

@Breakingthewall Yeah....beautiful beautiful. it's just a dance that I dance with myself, like a flame that moves. It is something wonderful, beautiful. 

 

Thank you so much for your reply. Words do really get in the way, but it is the best we have, especially on a forum.