___ b_boost

[Tyler Robinson]

Motivation. 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

On 8/28/2022 at 11:39 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

Idyllic life aspects. 

 

Life

 

On 8/28/2022 at 11:41 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I need to get organized and motivated and stop making excuses to not work. 

I feel like I just can't get anything done..

I feel chaotic and Disorganized. 

 

 

On 8/28/2022 at 11:50 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

 

 

 

On 8/28/2022 at 11:53 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Think about these two things 

1. Jordan Peterson 
2. NPC 

 

And remember,

"nothing bad is happening to me" 

 

Everything is fine. 

I have to maintain  a  closed circle. 

 

Look for ways to motivate myself 

 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 0:08 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I found that if I'm not having a good time then I'm feeling super low 

 

Days when I have happy interactions and I feel a bit of learning, growing and connection, I feel some energy, like a boost to the self. These days are good

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 0:12 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Observations 

 

-----

 

-----

 

-----

 

-----

 

-----

-----

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 1:07 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 1:14 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

This forum can be a bit depressing some times because people here are not that chill and kinda Hyper focused. So it makes you feel like you're walking on a razor's edge. You don't feel like you can take your time away in here. And a lot of topics are discussed here that have no relevance to self development. It feels like people are here just for fun and games. Very few people are totally focused only on self development. They threat this forum as a place to just have a fun chat. That is not very motivating although it's entertaining. But entertainment is another form of distraction. 

Also this is not a one on one chat forum so you feel loosely and superficially connected.. 

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

On 8/29/2022 at 1:19 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

This forum is counter intuitive to actual personal development because here you have to be a certain way all the time. You can't be your true authentic self. That won't work. It feels pretentious.. 

If you turn into some mute doll here, then you become a boring piece of the crowd here.

Also I don't like to pretend like I know everything. The standard know it all stereotype. And you are expected to be that way here to be appreciated. 

I'm like no thanks. Because I am an inquisitive person who likes to explore, learn, grow and connect. But in authentic ways. 

True growth gets sabotaged by distraction, pretentiousness and unnecessary negativity. 

That's the feel I get here. That no matter what, this place will always be a bit stage Red and blue. Not very accepting of those who truly wish to grow. 

It's more like a show off. 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 1:30 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Plus you're always required to get public approval here. That itself takes away why you should be here. 

You're here for growth, learning and changing your life. Not for proving that your life is already better than that of others. 

But there are some gold nuggets you get to harvest sometimes here and there and that can be useful. 

You also get sucked into the dynamics here. 

So you become a puppet of this place dangling from a string of public approval.. 

This place will be awesome for people looking for attention, validation,  approval, ego boosting, ratings and just generally pretending that they know more than others or that they are doing great in their lives. 

But this can be pretty toxic.. 

Why? 

Because underneath all that showmanship, these people could be dealing with real awful problems that these people aren't exactly paying attention to, and letting those problems fester, like financial or health issues, just ignoring those and simply boasting here for ratings. This encourages pretentious behavior, the way people do on Facebook. False progress just to show to people. This is hurtful because they will be stuck in a rut, where real changes aren't happening and getting approval from the forum is a feel-good bandaid that keeps you woefully oblivious to what is actually going on and making those "goings-on"  much worse than what those are. 

People who love those ratings can get that temporary whiff, that boost, that high and feel better about themselves (especially narcissists), yet they wouldn't bring actual changes to their miserable lives causing them to degrade further in real life. There's no point in faking your growth to a virtual world when your real life sucks. Better pay attention to things that need your deepest attention and priority. 

You're just a pixel on the screen here. 

So everything you do here (if it doesn't have true correlation with your real life) is pretty much worthless and in the long schema of things just an irrelevant insignificant patch that amounted to nothing.

I think even Leo does this a bit. But can't blame him. This is his survival and of course he has huge gains from this place. 

Yet for others they are simply being suckers in the grand scheme of things. 

Best to avoid. 

If you're gonna be here and boast about your growth, you better make it worth it by changing your life to actually match your virtual expectations and pretenses. Don't just Bark into empty space. Don't spend needless energy to look good among people, it's just a cope. 

Actually use that energy, even if it's little and invest it into making your life truly working for you and get the results you want. 

Use this forum only as a resource for what you want to apply to your real life. 

Remember this forum is just a tool, not a life. It's only a resource, a method like a YouTube video that helps you get your job done. 

Treat this forum like a YouTube video and don't take it too seriously. 

 

 

But it's plain to see why this place will attract the worst form of stage Red/Blue narcissists because it's specifically designed just for that. Everyone has to prove that they are better, without actually being better so obviously such a design will attract people who match that design. Square pegs cannot attract circles and vice versa. Square pegs will only fit into squares. 

Most discussions here are too vapid, insipid and not even worth reading or devoting your time to. Some posts are nice and actually deal with the subject of personal development and try to tackle core issues, rest are just boring entertainment, endless debating (no issue with debating though, debating is actually an excellent tool)  but there's too much unnecessary nihilistic criticism instead of fruitful advice. Some posts are pure waste of time because the user writes something that is just too obvious or simply worth not wasting your time reading, reacting, responding because there's nothing for you to gain from it, other than sitting with someone's problems that are coming from their own unhealthy behaviors and spoonfeeding them advice like toddlers, because whatever shitty problems they are stuck with, is not something a matured adult would attract in the first place. So it's almost like sitting in front of a prison cell and slowly convincing the murderer that murder is a crime. Who would want to waste energy into that? Isn't that a complete waste of your precious time dealing with other people's drama and petty concerns??

 

 

 

So you gotta filter through all that to come to threads that are actually worth engaging your time with and contributing to, but these are almost scant, just barely ever, you might need to comb through first 20-30 threads per page to get to a thread worth reading. That again is more like looking for a needle in a haystack and constitutes a huge waste of time. So why even bother, the time spent uselessly browsing looking for the "gold nugget thread" doesn't justify the benefit obtained. 

 

Now this is the crux of the problem. 

This forum has a notorious tendency to create illusions (just like a gym membership that you never use or clothes that you buy but never wear), it makes the user feel like they should interact one way or another instead of eliminating the garbage we read here. It's similar to tabloid junk. So when you read it you feel like you need to read it,  even when you don't need to.. But then why are you reading it. Because this place doesn't encourage eliminating.  In fact it does just the exact opposite. It makes you wanna participate even in the most boring, useless shittiest threads, because it sets you up to feel like a dopamine hit, you want to participate in as many threads as possible just for the sake of interaction, expending your energy responding to it so that you feel like you got your share of mental exercise for the day. 

This phenomenon observed on this forum can be likened to a video game addiction or a puzzle game addiction where you're scrolling endlessly through a  list of mindless boring puzzles for that one interesting puzzle and the whole process keeps you hooked.. It's mindless hard work but it's hard work anyway since it gives you a dopamine boost. Your mind wants to do all that hard work. 

 

 

A worthwhile question to ask would be - what did I gain from the forum today? 

And if you didn't gain anything, then that day is a day wasted.. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

On 8/29/2022 at 2:10 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

My problem with the forum is somewhat similar to this guy 

 

I feel like I don't get enough. Like I'm hating everything around here. Because it's not designed to meet the needs of a seeker. It's designed to just support bashers, critics, attackers, time passers, and ego boasters, basically chimp. We just don't have a supportive, creative, non bashing policy here that is truly focused on growth. Most people are just telling someone how better they themselves are in comparison. I'm better than you vibe. Rather than team work. That's the general non workable culture here. At the same time, you realize why you see a lot of rudeness on this place. Despite being polite to someone, their responses back at you are s

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 2:46 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Now Leo Himself contributes to this problem. 

He responds to almost every thread on the forum, encouraging others to do the same. 

This is good business for him because he wants the forum going.  So he is playing "follow the leader" game except that the leader could care less what's, happening to you in the process as long as his goals and needs are met. 

So most users cannot control the temptation of responding to max threads. It's their dopamine fix. But also a huge waste of time because you aren't dealing with something essential when you do that. What can this be likened to? It's like chickens with their heads cut off are mindlessly walking along a drawn line. 

You just do it but you don't know why you do it and there is very little benefit you get out of it. 

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 2:50 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Despite being polite to someone, their responses back at you are rude and egotistical. 

You can never find peace and agreeableness in a place full of ego. 

And whatever I had been doing on this forum until now was just manifestation of cope. I was simply trying to survive and get by at the cost of my own life. 

A forum is a great way of attracting people and also a great way to destroy all of them. Because energies are too tangled. You're basically driving people nuts by making them deal with too many energies at a time 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 2:53 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I don't know. Since I'm deeply  Intuitive I get that feeling that people here aren't too authentic. It feels like they need an ego battle to prove their worth. A lot of people liking Andrew Tate confirmed my suspicion since people who are serious about growth can't be taking that guy seriously. 

Maybe we both look at the forum very differently. You look at it very logically. I look at it emotionally. 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 2:56 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

So this forum is definitely not something I would count on as a boost. It's not. 

It's demotivating rather than uplifting. 

Except for a bunch of sympathies thrown at you when you are suicidal. 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 2:59 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I kinda feel like I discussed the meat of the matter and why this forum is counter intuitive to actual personal development. 

It's an illusion we have to live. It's something that we have to do to feel better. 

 

Just like that gym membership card sitting and rotting under a pile of books that gives you an illusion that you must be exercising. 

And just like junk food that makes you feel like you are active again. 

 

The forum drags rather than uplift. 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 3:02 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I can't say this about Leo. That day you said you were the only sane member of the forum. Wouldn't that be like a bad thing for a place where you would expect a large number of people to show an impressive performance in terms of sanity?

I don't believe that Leo is authentic at all. 

The hint comes from his weird Instagram posts. That looks less of a person moving steadily after enlightenment and more of a person descending into the territory of insanity and chaos. The gun picture, all of it felt super weird. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

On 8/29/2022 at 3:07 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Now back to Basics. 

It's clear that I need to strike off this place on my list 

The next place for a good boost is YouTube. 

Youtube videos are exceptionally inspiring. 

Some videos are power packed with information. 

Too good to not watch. 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 3:18 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

How to give yourself a boost? 

Observations 

----- first is to minimize distraction 

----- watch motivational videos 

----- see what's draining my energy 

----- life plan. You kinda need an organized structure. An organized structure keeps your energy in place and avoids too much dissipation. Organized life that is. 

 

-----  distractions take away whatever you were focusing on 

-----   don't be tempted 

-----   no more old habits 

-----    life is not just about survival, it's also about thriving. 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 3:20 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Observations 

 

 

I found that if I'm not having a good time then I'm feeling super low 

Days when I have happy interactions and I feel a bit of learning, growing and connection, I feel some energy, like a boost to the self. These days are good

 

 

so good experiences is a key to feeling motivated. I should have more of the "good experiences"  throughout the day 

 

 

 

music has a huge impact on one's mood. 

 

 

 

idyllic life aspects -  when your life is well integrated, put together with all your major aspects sorted out well, it's an automatic boost.

 

imagining an ideal life. What would it look like? No drama and more art, more constructive stuff, more intellectual stuff. And less of toxic things. Less bad experiences. Good experiences. Health. Meaning. Structure. Beauty. Wholesome relationships. A true purpose. Passion. 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 3:36 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Observations 

 

I need alpha role models 

 

 

 

 I need stage Red energy like Carl Richard  said. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 3:41 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Observations 

 

Without knowing more specifics, to me, and I might miss the mark here, it sounds like when what you try to learn transitions - from the point where there is novelty, where you can mostly ride with the learning experience - and into the phase where the learning shifts into the phase where it truly gets challenging, you lose interest. 

Maybe that losing of interest is connected to the pressure and negative experiences, e.g. anxiety that follows when something that was just fun turns difficult, and challenging, and requires extraordinary efforts to develop extraordinary skill, past the point of skill building that essentially just happens by absorbing something. 

Regardless of what we do, that point will come. It's the needle of the eye that essentially separates the wheat from the chaff, on the road towards mastery. 

That stage is typically where we experience negativity, anxiety and as a coping mechanism we essentially lose interest, to avoid experiencing that suffering. Perhaps turning to something else, something new and ride the novelty of that, until a new eye of a new needle show up on the horizon. 

The only thing that can allow us to squeeze through that phase is determination. 

Things that can help us is such thing as, the recognition that we're not alone in this world, and there are others craving mastery as well, and using others on a similar path as a support system that can help us focus through it, greatly helps. Partnering up with someone, joining a group of a team of similar people, experiencing growth in cohorts, and so on. 

The mentor aspect of this also helps us along, having someone more skilled allieviate the burden of that pain, but also help us see new thing, and old thing in a new ways that help us experience optimism and excitement anew.

A different way to look this would be through the lense of the Kreuger-Dunning curve, and it being the phase that shows up as "the valley of despair" in the version of the image below, where the negativity experienced on the learning journey is the confidence drop when realizing that what we thought we knew, and what we've learned so far, is insignificant in relation to what there is to know, and the confidence we previously held is proven false, to ourselves, by ourselves. A powerful realization. 

That valley being the needle, and the eye essentially being the mental barriers of yourself, that you needing to punch through, before your learning can take you to a place where it starts resembling mastery, and where confidence and joy re-emerge as a result.

 

 

 

Maybe this resonates with you?

And if it does, what you experience is one of the quirks of the privilege of being a human being. 

A lot of people stay knowledgeable on a surface level, staying on the left side of this in everything they do. Some people have extremely broad surface level knowledgeable, but lack deeper knowledge in any of the fields of their competency. 

While you could look at this as a lens towards separate areas of expertise, it also offers a lens towards yourself, and how you can rise above that valley, as an overarching meta phenomena of yourself, developing the very core of your being and how you relate to challenging situations.

 

Yes, often we look for more complicated solutions and adding to the mix, when the actual thing isn't that complicated at all. It's often our mind, the avoidence, resistence and resulting coping strategies that we employ that makes things complex. Most things are quite simple to approach, if we only could see the simple path, break a challenge down into manageable chunks, and drop our resistance to move. 

Maybe, maybe not. 

Rationally, that would mean that you avoid/back down from the challenge of pushing through that dip, the valley.

Meaning that you will face the same hurdle over and over again, instead of continuing dispite the anxieties produced by the insight/knowledge that you are not matching up to whatever you compare yourself with.

I'd say that probably it's better to be disciplined around practice and instead reframe how we relate to the outcomes we're looking for.

To focus on the learning and celebrating even the smallest step taken on that learning path as an accomplishment, rather than comparing with artists you deem amazing or "real" and focusing on the gap that confirms that you know nothing.

Those role model artists should stand for the inspiration to experiment rather than showing us how far we have to go to "be content". 

At some point the joy of the doing will [likely] reappear as a result of the process, and you emerging more as a unique artist standing [more and differently] confident on your own, around the mastery you've ended up building.

Emotionally, taking shorter breaks might be useful. I know they certainly are for me. Takes some time to consolidate the phases of practice/learning/pushing, interweaving pahses of a more playful approach, until the hunger to push re-emerges.

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:01 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Observations

In the past few days, I opened a bunch of threads that intrinsically had something to do with the subject of motivation, maybe this is something that my spidery senses were intuitively looking for. 

A whole layout.... 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84387-can-i-use-alpha-male-role-models-for-my-own-development/

 

 

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84374-what-should-an-ideal-life-look-like/

 

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84330-mega-thread-discussion-of-male-role-models-and-list-your-male-role-model/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84449-how-to-feel-motivated/

 

 

 

 

 

 

Related threads. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:05 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

The basic plan for my future

 

• Boost / fuel 
• Layout, life plan 
• NPC 
• Output or outcome 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:11 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Some more related threads (motivation) 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84383-ive-tried-accomplishing-things-it-didnt-work/

 

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84434-fucking-hate-it-here/

 

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84449-how-to-feel-motivated/

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84376-idyllic-life-aspects/

 

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84330-mega-thread-discussion-of-male-role-models-and-list-your-male-role-model/

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84387-can-i-use-alpha-male-role-models-for-my-own-development/

 

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84374-what-should-an-ideal-life-look-like/

 

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84350-the-power-of-david-goggin’s-principles-life-story/

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84407-thought-experiment-for-extra-motivation/

 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/84372-self-development-works-a-testimonial/

 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:21 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

So.... Since past week I have been taking consultation from a therapist. 

 

It's online consultation. 

His name Is Emory. 

 

So the first consultation was on Friday, August 26.

Next consultation is on September 2.

 

He told me a bunch of things that I need to write down. 

• Take care of food. Eat healthy 
• 15 min meditation everyday 
• Listening to music for bpd
• Minimum amount of coffee for my caffeine addiction 

 

 

 

I have turned into an NPC. 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:36 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

He also told me that I m depressed. I told him about bpd too. 

He said that it's a form of depression. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:44 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Boost. 

Plan 

Layout 

Result 

 

Style -  Jordan Peterson and NPC 

Current life projects 

1. Read books (you forgot that) 
2. Next - plan LSD trip 
3. Watch Youtube Videos 
4. Assignment work (blg you know what) 
5. Mom's work -  take mom to specialist
6. Caffeine shots 
7. Music therapy 
8. 15 minute meditation 
9. Listening to Alpha male role models... David Goggins 
10. Art work 
11. Writing skills 
12. Ways to build motivation 
13. Poetry 

 

 

 

And focus on basics too 

Stay organized. 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:49 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Stage Red components. 

 

It's actually a quite visceral feeling in my chest that I can feel right now when writing these examples: "fuck you"-energy; confronting a hard situation, not just for something like an injustice, but for your own future gain, like initiating a conversation or influencing a decision; saying no to a suggestion from somebody you respect or like; saying what you want, asserting your preferences; meeting adversity with strength and decisiveness; speaking, walking and moving with assertiveness and confidence, taking pain and fear as motivation; getting shit done without thinking twice; don't wallow in your own self-pity, etc.

Essentially just Red. I'm seeing all these things as genuine resources and as an intrinsic part of myself that needs to be expressed, while before I saw them as things to be avoided. It's also coming from a place of necessity and health rather than obsession or desire, something which you can maybe accuse Tate of, although I would argue that the pure energetic signature of that isn't what makes him dislikeable. It has more to do with his beliefs and values (about money, gender roles, society, government etc.), e.g. what he talks about, not how he talks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Charge your phone  girl... 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:51 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Along with this also do atomic lists and reward systems. 

 

And get the fuck out of the forum, it's lazy here. 

 

 

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 4:53 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Keep adding pointers. They help you stay on the path despite distractions. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

Current life projects 

Read books (you forgot that) 

Next - plan LSD trip 

Watch Youtube Videos 

Assignment work (blg you know what) 

Mom's work -  take mom to specialist

Caffeine shots 

Music therapy 

15 minute meditation 

Listening to Alpha male role models... David Goggins 

Art work 

Writing skills 

Ways to build motivation 

Poetry 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

 

On 8/29/2022 at 6:00 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I'm mostly free now. 

 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 5:53 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

So I didn't go to the hospital. 

I felt low, unmotivated and depressed. 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 5:56 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Berrylee, write down atomic lists. 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 5:59 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

There's so much to do that my head is spinning 

 

I have three appointments this week. 

A relative is going to visit our house 

 

I have calls to make 

 

My artwork is pending 

 

I am just tired of life 

 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 11:23 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I have to slowly get back to normal. 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 11:59 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I have to make an entire list. Remember this

 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 8:02 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I don't know. But nothing feels right. 

Nothing feels right when you're surrounded by abusers. 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 8:06 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

Why did God give me this life? 

They destroyed the candy store. 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 10:58 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

So... I really don't know where to begin. Bad dreams can drain your energy. It sucks.

I wish I could eat some banana right now. 

 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 11:01 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

My therapist Emory is very helpful. 

I have noticed some changes since our last Skype Session. 

 

 

I felt good after talking to him. 

I have changed almost 5 therapists this year. It was too Tiring. Because they don't understand my issues. They were unable to get to the root of it. 

But talking to Emory felt good. He is a compassionate listener. He doesn't force me. 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 11:37 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I'm looking forward to my next appointment with Emory. 

 

 

 

On 8/31/2022 at 11:54 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I just got a great recommendation today. Andrew Hubermans podcast 

 

 

On 9/5/2022 at 3:58 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

People are kinda all over the place ugh 

 

 

 

On 9/5/2022 at 4:08 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I want to make a compilation of things I love. 

Hehe. 

Maybe running out on the streets in the middle of the night. 

 

 

On 9/5/2022 at 4:48 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Oki. Coming back to normal 

I suffered neck sprain for two days. And I just couldn't get enough done. 

I need to gobble on some banana right now. 

And I need to drink a ton ton ton amount of water. 

Keeping myself ready. 

 

 

On 9/5/2022 at 4:51 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I got some juice from the store. 

And of course milkshakes. 

I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

I need to focus on unconditional love, NPC and atomic lists.