Therapist says I should stop reading books

[StarStruck]

She says I’m too theoretical and sometimes she can’t follow what I’m saying. I’m with her because of self esteem issues and procrastination. With the topic of social life I’m already taking massive action but with the topic of self esteem it is hard to take action on. She says I should let go of the theory and just have the conversation with her hands-on. Practice instead of theory. I have a hard time doing this. I’m trying to suppress my monkey (thinking) brain to have the conversation with her but I get auto suggestions from my brain all the time about things I read and written down in my common place book. I have a huge resentment against her request to stop reading books. What do you guys think? Should I stop reading books? About the monkey mind: I’ve already picked up meditation. I’m doing it 15-30 minutes per day on a steady basis.  

[Nilsi]

2 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

She says I’m too theoretical and sometimes she can’t follow what I’m saying. I’m with her because of self esteem issues and procrastination. With the topic of social life I’m already taking massive action but with the topic of self esteem it is hard to take action on. She says I should let go of the theory and just have the conversation with her hands-on. Practice instead of theory. I have a hard time doing this. I’m trying to suppress my monkey (thinking) brain to have the conversation with her but I get auto suggestions from my brain all the time about things I read and written down in my common place book. I have a huge resentment against her request to stop reading books. What do you guys think? Should I stop reading books? About the monkey mind: I’ve already picked up meditation. I’m doing it 15-30 minutes per day on a steady basis.  

This is silly. If you enjoy reading books and that's part of your life purpose, you obviously shouldn't stop doing it. Find a healthy relationship to reading. It's all about balance.

[Jannes]

From what little I read it seems to me like you use your intellectual knowledge to avoid facing your shadow. It’s hard to work through topics where you feel vulnerable, maybe you have to face fear, pain, sadness, hopelessness. Of course you try to avoid that. Talking about something in theory isn’t the same as actually going through your own pity problems. Your problems probably arent that deep or heroic and that can be hard to accept especially if you build an intellectual ego because you can feel like you are above pity human problems. There was a famous psychologist (maybe Jung or Freud I am not sure) who could brilliantly analyze his patients psyche and developed a whole system about it but he was way to scared to ever get analyzed himself because it would have revealed his human weaknesses. If your avoidance tactic with books is so strong then I would agree with your psychologist that you should avoid reading them, at least until you can become real and actually face your own problems. Of course you hate her for that because you don’t want to face your own problems. 
Meditation is great ?? 

Edited September 22, 2022 by Jannes

[Nilsi]

1 hour ago, KH2 said:

Now, I DO AGREE that fictional books are pretty much garbage, so I WOULD cut out those. Just another entertainment and distraction.

That's BS. There is a lot of wisdom in many great fiction books, it's just not being fed to you with a silver spoon.

[Asayake]

36 minutes ago, KH2 said:

Depends on the type of fiction books you're reading.

This is a very convenient excuse most people have by the way. "I'm not wasting time, look at how deep the message of this book is!" Yeah right.

I've read most of the biggest, most popular and impactful fiction book series. And I can confidently say, that while I did learn something (learn to read, learn to read in other languages, etc.) I would be better off if I read other types of books. Honestly, in grand scheme of things, it pretty much was a waste of time.

No type of wisdom is spoon fed to you. I'd say wisdom/message of Metro 2033 is much more obvious and shallow than wisdom of Art of War by Sun Tzu, or Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Yeah, it was a nice little message at the end of Metro 2033 - the main hero finding out how hypocritical humanity really is - them judging alien/different beings as murderers and monsters, while also sending rockets, annihilating them - and this I guess being linked to racism, and all the other isms. However, it was still mostly entertainment. And it cannot compare to the knowledge and wisdom gained by aforementioned books.

The beauty is in the eye of the observer, if you read fiction it can be a waste of time if you don't read between the lines and draw deeper conclusions from what you're reading and connect what you're reading with your own life experience, using it as an oppertunity to explore and reflect over your own life. Reading fiction can be like ingesting a seed for contemplation and introspection that will take you down paths of thought you might otherwise have overlooked. But of course, the fiction has to be good as well. Right now I'm reading 'Flowers for Algernon' which I would recommend. Every other page makes me reflect on something in my own life or invites me to reconsider things from a different perspective.

But even a waste of time might not be too bad if it's a way for someone to wind down at the end of the day, Reading is going to come with health benefits even if no lessons are learned. It trains your ability to focus and is a good alternative to watching blue light screens before bedtime.

But if you prefer reading non-fiction, that's great too.

Edited September 22, 2022 by Asayake

[Nilsi]

1 hour ago, KH2 said:

Depends on the type of fiction books you're reading.

This is a very convenient excuse most people have by the way. "I'm not wasting time, look at how deep the message of this book is!" Yeah right.

I've read most of the biggest, most popular and impactful fiction book series. And I can confidently say, that while I did learn something (learn to read, learn to read in other languages, etc.) I would be better off if I read other types of books. Honestly, in grand scheme of things, it pretty much was a waste of time.

No type of wisdom is spoon fed to you. I'd say wisdom/message of Metro 2033 is much more obvious and shallow than wisdom of Art of War by Sun Tzu, or Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Yeah, it was a nice little message at the end of Metro 2033 - the main hero finding out how hypocritical humanity really is - them judging alien/different beings as murderers and monsters, while also sending rockets, annihilating them - and this I guess being linked to racism, and all the other isms. However, it was still mostly entertainment. And it cannot compare to the knowledge and wisdom gained by aforementioned books.

I'm talking about great literary works of course, not some random novellas they sell at the supermarket.

Reading Dostoevsky, Orwell, Tolstoy and other greats is far from a waste of time. Some of the wisdom in fiction is far greater than what could ever be communicated logically. Same goes for movies btw. 

Edited September 22, 2022 by Nilsi

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, Jannes said:

From what little I read it seems to me like you use your intellectual knowledge to avoid facing your shadow. It’s hard to work through topics where you feel vulnerable, maybe you have to face fear, pain, sadness, hopelessness. Of course you try to avoid that. Talking about something in theory isn’t the same as actually going through your own pity problems. Your problems probably arent that deep or heroic and that can be hard to accept especially if you build an intellectual ego because you can feel like you are above pity human problems. There was a famous psychologist (maybe Jung or Freud I am not sure) who could brilliantly analyze his patients psyche and developed a whole system about it but he was way to scared to ever get analyzed himself because it would have revealed his human weaknesses. If your avoidance tactic with books is so strong then I would agree with your psychologist that you should avoid reading them, at least until you can become real and actually face your own problems. Of course you hate her for that because you don’t want to face your own problems. 
Meditation is great ?? 

You hit the nail on the head. That is another problem I have: accessing my emotions like fear, pain, hopelessness, and so on.

I don't even know how to face my shadow. I will have to read more theory about shadow to understand that I guess.

11 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

I'm talking about great literary works of course, not some random novellas they sell at the supermarket.

Reading Dostoevsky, Orwell, Tolstoy and other greats is far from a waste of time. Some of the wisdom in fiction is far greater than what could ever be communicated logically. Same goes for movies btw. 

Fictional books are too damn long for me. If I "read" them I will listen the audiobooks. I only read knowledge books pretty much.

 

[Nilsi]

1 minute ago, StarStruck said:

You hit the nail on the head. That is another problem I have: accessing my emotions like fear, pain, hopelessness, and so on.

I don't even know how to face my shadow. I will have to read more theory about shadow to understand that I guess.

Fictional books are too damn long for me. If I "read" them I will listen the audiobooks. I only read knowledge books pretty much.

 

Read whatever you like. I'm just trying to stealman them against stupid criticism.

[NoSelfSelf]

Books hurt you if you dont have theory on yourself...

 

[Asayake]

3 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Books hurt you if you dont have theory on yourself...

 

What do you mean?

[gettoefl]

until you understand

every answer is within

you will spin your wheels

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Asayake without knowing yourself(theory of yourself) by reading books you will get theories of other peoples lifes, so you will either become a copy of that person or you wouldnt be able to use that theory effectivly for yourself...you probably read so many books and got nothing from them, any growth because without theory of you,you cant know what information you gonna use or how you gonna apply that theory on yourself by just copying it you are not really growing...you have to specifically interpert information and change it so it can fit into a book of you!

[Razard86]

Personally for me....one mushroom trip rewired my brain and calmed the thinking part of my brain down. Who knows....maybe a psychedelic could do wonders for you? I have only had 2 trips and that alone has completely recontextualized my psychological experience in life. Its like my brain is just consistently at peace. It was never at war, but it use to just talk excessively..now its like....I can barely hear the voice. Like someone took the voice and sent them far away lol.

So maybe that can help, because through that I have become better able to express myself emotionally in a more authentic way.

[StarStruck]

32 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Asayake without knowing yourself(theory of yourself) by reading books you will get theories of other peoples lifes, so you will either become a copy of that person or you wouldnt be able to use that theory effectivly for yourself...you probably read so many books and got nothing from them, any growth because without theory of you,you cant know what information you gonna use or how you gonna apply that theory on yourself by just copying it you are not really growing...you have to specifically interpert information and change it so it can fit into a book of you!

I'm reading books to understand myself better. Spirituality books is about learning to know oneself.

14 minutes ago, KH2 said:

Ok you got me there? Definitely cannot sell 1984 or Animals Farm, or anything from Dostoevsky or Tolstoy. But those are exceptional pieces of art. Cannot be replicated in any way.

There's a lot more exceptional non fictional books than fictional books. But I guess we should/could agree on one stable rule, and that is that quality is better than quantity, correct? Most books are not that valuable - either from pure quality of content nor their relevance to subject/history period -, thus most books are pretty sellable.

For me it is not about the amount of books I read but what I get out from them.

Edited September 22, 2022 by StarStruck

[NoSelfSelf]

@StarStruck you are not coachable

[Ulax]

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

She says I’m too theoretical and sometimes she can’t follow what I’m saying. I’m with her because of self esteem issues and procrastination. With the topic of social life I’m already taking massive action but with the topic of self esteem it is hard to take action on. She says I should let go of the theory and just have the conversation with her hands-on. Practice instead of theory. I have a hard time doing this. I’m trying to suppress my monkey (thinking) brain to have the conversation with her but I get auto suggestions from my brain all the time about things I read and written down in my common place book. I have a huge resentment against her request to stop reading books. What do you guys think? Should I stop reading books? About the monkey mind: I’ve already picked up meditation. I’m doing it 15-30 minutes per day on a steady basis.  

I'd talk to her about it rather than us.

Maybe she'll help a uncover a need you are trying to meet in your constantly wanting to theorise. I.e. maybe a need for significance.

[StarStruck]

5 minutes ago, Ulax said:

I'd talk to her about it rather than us.

Maybe she'll help a uncover a need you are trying to meet in your constantly wanting to theorise. I.e. maybe a need for significance.

I have a lot of ego defences because of my past. My last therapist couldn't deal with my "being stuck in my head", I hope this one will.

[njuufa]

You cant fix self esteem by buying books. Buy a great car. ? 

I am with the therapist on this one. 

[ZzzleepingBear]

The therapist has a point, you should be careful so you don't turn into a globglogabgalab

 

[Eph75]

@StarStruck

Theorizing can become a coping skill, where we feel like we're making a difference from expanding our theoretical knowledge, but it's worth nothing if we don't translate it into practical use.

Reading another book, at some point, just becomes about avoiding action. 

The only way to build self-esteem is to expose ourselves to that which feels challenging so that we can feel it out and prove our ideas about not being good enough, capable, less worth and so on, being false/living in out mind only. 

Self-esteem, - worth and - confidence grows in the process. 

If you get stuck in theory, and use theory to talk yourself out of action and challenges, then you're not really looking to change.

At the end of the day, wasting everybody's time.