Am I doing something seriously wrong on the cold approach?

[Brent Rothwell]

I'm getting close to 400 cold approaches now ever since I started doing daygame. Almost all my approaches end in instant rejection where the girl says she has a boyfriend or she's just not interested, and I will
occasionally get rude responses where the girl walks away without saying anything after I get her attention and give her a compliment like saying she's pretty or beautiful.

It still feels like I have zero game, and every approach is very awkward and I'm probably making girls feel uncomfortable or offended even though I'm not trying to. I don't know how to tell what I'm doing wrong and getting more infield experience
doesn't seem to be enough to help me improve from this point. This is also making me feel really frustrated and confused because I don't know what to do and I keep on returning home empty-handed over and over again.

I'm beginning to question if it's even possible
to improve in this area now. Only 1 in every 100 girls is actually willing to go on a date with me and it just feels like a complete numbers game. The main way that I have benefited from doing this is that I now have a much better ability to deal with stress because I had to overcome approach anxiety so many times but besides that, I still can't really attract any girls. Does anyone have any advice that could help me out?
 

[ivankiss]

Cold approach is not for everyone. I can count on my one hand how many times I approached a girl randomly. Yet I had sex countless times. 

Sometimes girls approach me, other times I meet them through friends, sometimes online, etc. Point is, you don't really need to approach a thousand girls and you can still have plenty of sex.

Focus on attracting girls. Not chasing them.

[NoSelfSelf]

Did you change anything or every approach is the same?

Approaching has nothing to do with game 

Edited September 21, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[Brent Rothwell]

@NoSelfSelf

Every approach is relatively the same but I will change the lines that I say after the girl looks at me and I still get the same responses.

Like this:

Me: "excuse me"

Girl: looks at me

Me: "I think you're beautiful" OR "I think you're pretty"

Girl: "oh thank you"

Me: "So I was wondering if you'd be interested in getting to know me"

Girl: "that's nice but I have a boyfriend"

Me "ok then"

Girl: "Have a good day"

The girl's responses will vary but I've heard them say the same few things over and over again, it's either "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm gay" or "no thank you" or "i'm not looking for a relationship".

And on extremely rare occasions they say "ok" and we actually have a conversation but it feels like it had nothing to do with me and I just found a lonely girl that wanted someone to talk to.

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Brent Rothwell

[something_else]

Start doing cold approach on nights out. Go out to clubs. Or do cold approach in busy areas in the town outside clubs after the close. 

Girls are way more receptive when you approach them in naturally sociable places and it will make you feel like less of a creep

[Javfly33]

@Brent Rothwell Don't lose hope. Learning Game is not a linear curve. It's a very steep curve.

From what you said, I would strongly encourage you to look within at how you are feeling when doing this approaches. It seems you are "pushing your way" through them. That attitude can be crucial at some point, but I would say if you still in this dynamic at 400 approaches, definetely change some things there.

Make sure you are grounded within yourself when doing them. Don't try to do them as "let me just do another one to see if I get to this next level". Again, this attitude really necessary and good at very early stages. But not so good once you got some experience.

It's really clear to me that once you do this things will 'magically' change for you.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Brent Rothwell 

You are doing it in most safe nice guy way that immeditlly in her mind comes oh he's that guy she put you in that box and says no thanks...

When you say shes beautiful she immedietly knows this guy is trying to manipulate me he doesnt even know me...

What you said works for those that already have game because they can sense hes that guy...

For guy with game it could work anything basically ?

Try switching this ,comment on something more than looks go deeper i mean anything than that...

Excuse me is also something to cut out you are not excusing yourself to talk to her...

But amazing on 400 approaches...

You could say hey you cought my curiousity im curious whats behind your looks and your smile i love to eat strawberry ice cream at this time of year actually  so heres my number shoot me a text and we will see what flavours you like...im writing on top of my head something like that...

 

[Gili Trawangan]

Yes, you are doing something wrong. You don't just give them a compliment, that's too much pressure on them and seems try-hard. Of course they want to bolt. You follow up the compliments with a tease:

"I saw you from over there and thought you looked really nice... you had a mischievous look, like you've just stolen something" - this is delivered with a flirty smile, and it's only one example - a real one that I once used successfully - of many possibilities for teasing, obviously you should make it fit the situation.

This is just the opener, daygame is its own art form. It's good that you're approaching, but you should learn how to go about it as well.

[Federico del pueblo]

@Brent Rothwell First of all I would try to do a bunch of night game sessions and see how it goes there. In a lot of night time venues approaching looks more natural and like "it just happened".

Maybe night game goes better and you can build some confidence there which you can carry over to day game.

Then I would consider whether you have good fashion, like if a girl sees you for just 2 seconds, is her inner response "yeah this guy looks well put together" or more like "meh...I don't know...nah let's get away from him". Because first impressions matter.

So now to the opener itself:

5 hours ago, Brent Rothwell said:

Like this:

Me: "excuse me"

Girl: looks at me

Me: "I think you're beautiful" OR "I think you're pretty"

Girl: "oh thank you"

Me: "So I was wondering if you'd be interested in getting to know me"

Girl: "that's nice but I have a boyfriend"

This sounds okayish, but could be better.

See if you can be more specific. "Beautiful" and "pretty" sound very general and like you might have said it to 500 girls already. Also these two words are slightly cheesy. I think if you just used "I just love your look" and then add something like "it's elegant but also somewhat crazy...so I was like 'this girl probably won't be boring' ".

This should create more intrigue and it also has a bit of a challenge to it due to the "not boring" part.

Another kind of opener that you can try is a push pull as a opener. Here you would start with something like "hey, excuse me...Hi, you look kinda adorable..." (This is already a bit of a push pull due to the "kinda", so the compliment is softened) and then you can add some kind of tease like "but you also look like trouble a little bit...so I was intrigued and had to say 'hi' ".

Now the girl isn't put so much on a pedestal because you also say something a bit challenging.

But the most important thing is delivery.

You must own your opener. You really have to look like you want to be in this situation, but many guys look like it's a torture for them to speak to the girl and thus they look like drug dealers who don't want to be caught.

So you have to speak loud enough, speak clearly, hold good eye contact and speak with the right intonation.

The intonation must be the one of a statement, not the one of a question. The more insecure you feel the more likely you're gonna sound like you're asking something instead of affirming something.

What you say should have a small exclamation mark at the end of it. Not three big !!! but one small !

Also the 

Quote

"So I was wondering if you'd be interested in getting to know me"

doesn't seem like good game, because you're asking for a rather big commitment of her (getting to know you), based on almost zero information.

It's better to just declare what you wanted to do as a reaction to the good first impression you got from her (so I wanted to come and say 'hi').

Consider how much more intriguing and challenging it is for her to hear "so I wanted to quickly find out whether you're as cool as your look suggests" or so.

Then another big thing is buying time. Throwing in a false time constraint is very useful. So if you say something like "I have to leave in a minute, but just quickly..." you signal to her that this thing won't take long and that can buy you minute or two in which you can convey your personality.

And always make sure to carry the conversation. If awkward silence arises you're the one responsible for filling it, because she probably won't and instead might just flee ("yeah I must go now" etc).

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIj91N6zNsg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMChZC2fopI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovS27WQU5-g

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vW6xxz92gJk

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Raze

[nowornever21]

for me personally I think a form of physical exercise whereby you sweat will help you the next day. Go for a run the night before, get the blood pumping around the body and wake up the next morning feeling ALIVE>

Do not compliment them straight away, curve the ball slightly when having the initial interaction. 400 cold approaches is all building blocks my friend, keep building and improving the opening lines. Refine  

[integral]

Walk up to them and talk as if you where best friends your whole life and are having fun. 

That's the secret. 

400 with this method and you will hit it off easily. 

Never compliment appearance and ask to get to know you, this puts her in a committal position where she needs to make a decision. (bad)

What she wants to experience is a man that can stimulate her mind and be playful at the same time.

To immediately feel safe talking to you and opening up. 

Edited September 21, 2022 by integral