___ b_sex

[Tyler Robinson]

I feel like Tony's energy is warm and inspiring. 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

I don't feel horny right now.. It's been 36 hours. No horny feelings. But Tony I feel like kissing you. 

Your silent serious Masculinity is appealing to me. Your deep gaze. I feel like you are talking to me. 

Your love is muted. Something about it is even better than loud gestures of love.. But yes you are dominating, hehe. You like that silent domination, don't you? 

 

        

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Only narcissistic women like simps, for a good reason since they can be tamed easily. Regular simple women don't like simps. We need a man we can feed on. I'm not speaking for all women though. We need a man who gives us that leading vibe that we want to follow because we fundamentally feel deficient and confused due to our emotions so it's nice to have a man who can correct us and make us feel validated and appreciated. The problem with men who put us on a pedestal is that they lack the leading guiding energy that we are so fond of, and they cannot give us the validation we crave for nor create the polarity we desire since they themselves crave for validation from us, it turns us off because we're in need of a supplier and not a demander, a simp generally demands a lot and women are the takers, not the givers, they always expect the man to be givers, so it fails miserably with a simp, since the dynamic is reversed and women cannot switch their basic programming and so it becomes a turn off when you put us on a pedestal. We don't feel the leading energy that is the most sought after thing for women. 

Also women like to date up and not date down. We want a guy who is superior to us. It makes us feel special. Validated. Desired. Chosen. Women like to feel chosen rather than admired. Men like to be admired rather than chosen. So when we see a guy who admires us, we don't feel special. We don't see him as superior to us, in fact it automatically gives us the signal that he is inferior and that's why he is admiring us. This causes us to feel repelled rather than attracted to him. If a guy shows how superior he is and at the same time drops subtle hints of validation mixed with some coldness then it makes a woman tick. That's why narcissistic men get a lot of women, they exhibit these traits. 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

I'm not losing my virginity anytime soon. 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

@Tyler Robinson @integral

Long post coming. 

I suffered a ton of gaslighting that caused me to land in the hospital. It's an intense process of dehumanization. It was the major reason for my mental collapse from which I never fully recovered. And my mental health steadily declined from that point. Part of the problem is that many victims of gaslighting are just not aware of this term. Not everyone has an abundant knowledge of psychology. I didn't even know this term existed when it was happening to me. A year after the relationship I was reading articles online is when I first became aware of this term and then realized that what I had been through was gaslighting. 

If I have to give you an analogy on this, it would be like this — imagine you're planning a trip to the Caribbean. You contact a travel company. You go through an entire list of travel companies and trip organizers. You come across a trip organizers that have 5 star ratings. But you might not be aware of something called "fake testimonials" and paid reviews. Sometimes people are paid to give great reviews and a lot of people don't know that. So you see these wonderful 5 star reviews and you sign up to this trip organizer for a trip to the Caribbean and you pay them the expenses for the trip and they arrange the trip for you. Everything is booked, you arrive to the trip location and you see a flock of tourists there on the beach and you become friends with them. You ask them about their trip arrangements and they tell you all about the expenses etc. You realize that they spent, let's say $3000 on the trip meanwhile you had to spend thrice that amount. You realize that you were overcharged by your trip company. And this makes you really angry. You decide to sue them but it's too late since they have disappeared and you don't find any information on them. 

You feel like they fooled you and you feel helpless and unable to change what happened. You trusted them and they violated your trust. 

This is how gaslighting works. It's a violation of trust. Above is not a perfect example but somewhat close to it. 

Now imagine you're in a relationship. Generally gaslighting happens in scenarios where you deeply trust the other person. 

So you have a wife who tells you that there's something wrong with you. Everytime you fight, she tells you that it is your fault, meanwhile shifting blame off herself. Gaslighters generally take advantage of weak spots in a person. For example you might have a drinking problem. Your Gaslighter will use it against you. So during a fight, they will convince you that you made a mistake because you were drunk. They will tell you don't remember what you did because you were drunk. But you know deep inside that during the event you weren't drunk. But your Gaslighter has managed to make you feel like it's all your fault. You are confused and you are not sure. But you believe them because you trust them. This cycle keeps going on and on. You must trust them a lot and suffer from low self esteem or not a great sense of self combined with issues like hidden traumas, addictions, lack of support from families, physical weaknesses like illness, loneliness, brain issues can make it much easier to be gaslighted because your defense mechanisms are down and you don't feel strong enough to fight back. Such circumstances also make you trust more because you develop dependency very quickly. 

Gaslighting causes systematic abuse of the mental health of the person because you begin to believe that whatever they're saying might be true. Gradually your sense of self becomes more and more fragile until you feel like whatever you do is wrong. That you can never be right. This makes you mentally weak. And in the end you suffer several mental breakdowns because you begin to doubt your own sanity. You think that you will never be right or never be good enough at something and the other person keeps convincing you that you are always wrong. It leads to mental fragility if you're already sensitive and cause you temporary insanity. Which happened to me. I broke down and landed in the hospital. After which I realized that something was wrong. Systematic gaslighting can induce insanity and loss of self. It's a very dangerous state, can intensify suicidal instincts. My gaslighting went on for a full year and at the end I ended up in the hospital, I was vomiting with panic attacks, the stress caused my liver to burst and I was unable to think proper. It took me months to recover and I broke up with him. That time I was very naive and always trusting him. He took advantage of that and drove me insane. 

It starts with little things and then goes to extreme. He would start with little things where he would tell me that I was wrong. I had memory issues but it wasn't too bad back then. But he would take advantage of my memory issues. He would tell me that certain things never happened when they actually happened. Then he would blame it on my memory. He would tell me I'm crazy. 

Then I would check my message history and discover that the event had happened and that he was lying. He would lie and gaslight me whenever I confronted his lies. He would do this on purpose so that I would slowly get used to it. He was nice in the beginning, always kind and helpful. This is a strategy to gain trust. Once he won the trust, he began abusing it. Every time I felt a sense of doubt, he would dismiss it as a memory problem or my craziness. 

I was already having low self esteem so I turned to my mother who was supposed to help me but she added to it. She began telling me that I was having problems and that he was right. But I knew deep down that I wasn't wrong. My memory was bad so I would only remember partially and he was taking advantage of my doubts and uncertainties. 

I trusted him implicitly because he was my boyfriend. I wasn't aware of relationship abuse so I looked up to him as someone I could fully trust. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt and my mother encouraged me to trust him. She would Shame and chastise me whenever I complained about him. She would tell me everything was my fault. But my gut was telling me that something was wrong. 

In the end he kept arguing with me in order to stress me out on purpose. After six months of arguments, I finally broke down and collapsed in the bathroom and was hospitalized. My liver was damaged from the stress of the gaslighting. I had become mentally unstable and fragile. I was already fragile to begin with. 

When I was discharged from the hospital and I came home, he told me that I was lying about the hospital. He told me that he wanted to speak to my mother. My mom confirmed to him that I was really in the hospital and I wasn't lying. Then he hung up. Following month when it was my birthday, he came to visit me and I asked him why he had given so much mental stress. He said that he did all that so I would find a better guy. 

I called bollocks on it. A guy would simply break up if that was the case. His strategy was to make me break up by systematically harassing me. Make me go, get rid of me. But he chose such a abusive way to get rid of me rather than simply breaking up. It's like if you want to make your wife disappear you make her go insane and then she commits suicide, boom, gone. He had planned that with me. I was shocked, I couldn't believe he would go to such lengths and this was all systematically planned and he knew all along that his behavior was hurting me. So I broke up with him. It took months to recover from his gaslighting. I learned to stand up against my mother, I learned and researched about gaslighting and I learned defense mechanisms where I would detect if something didn't feel right then place boundaries and stop it right there. The healing came much later. 

So after the end of the relationship, he stalked and blackmailed me. I told him that I would call the cops. He began gaslighting me again by making it sound like whatever I did was going to be pointless. 

I asked him why. He said that he had all our text messages saved. He would show those messages to the cops. And he told me that the cops won't believe me. He would convince the cops that we had a cordial relationship using those messages. 

I was fed up because I genuinely didn't want to engage the cops. 

So one day out of the blue I told him to come meet me in a park. I also told him that I was going to have a gun in my hand and that I would blow his head off if he was standing in front of me. That was my only way to stop his blackmailing and stalking. 

After that day, his stalking finally stopped. 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

I feel like Tony is helping me a lot. His energy is strong. His vibe. I'll assign his zodiac as Leo. Leo and Pisces. Cute.

Tony... You are so cute. 

I want to start a ritual with you. I want to call it the pebble of hope. 

The morning pebble of hope. And the evening pebble of hope. 

Basically using a pebble and wishing good for the day, placing our wishes, spells and intents. 

The morning pebble of hope 

 

 

The evening pebble of hope. 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

While browsing I came across the image of a bee and my horny levels went up again. I'm gradually returning to my horny levels. 

I imagined the bee saying to me - "hey girly, don't you wanna suck me again. Cmon." And I felt turned on. Some guys are like that. They can be feminine but they can keep pressuring you subtly and keep ridiculing you till you submit. It's a technique of negging. They make you feel bad for saying no. They gently push you to want sex and make it look like they are offering chocolate. 

This bee picture. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

                         

 

 

While browsing I came across the image of a bee and my horny levels went up again. I'm gradually returning to my horny levels. 

I imagined the bee saying to me - "hey girly, don't you wanna suck me again. Cmon." And I felt turned on. Some guys are like that. They can be feminine but they can keep pressuring you subtly and keep ridiculing you till you submit. It's a technique of negging. They make you feel bad for saying no. They gently push you to want sex and make it look like they are offering chocolate. 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

9 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

While browsing I came across the image of a bee and my horny levels went up again. I'm gradually returning to my horny levels. 

I imagined the bee saying to me - "hey girly, don't you wanna suck me again. Cmon." And I felt turned on. Some guys are like that. They can be feminine but they can keep pressuring you subtly and keep ridiculing you till you submit. It's a technique of negging. They make you feel bad for saying no. They gently push you to want sex and make it look like they are offering chocolate. 

 

 

From our elevated position we take off, spread our wings and fly and even if you fall i’ll be right there. I’ll always grow just as much as you fly high so I can always catch you. So you can always safely land on the mountain ? top that I am. If you get knocked down and are in danger of hitting the ground. I’ll absorb the entire impact for you. Even if it shatters my top it doesn’t matter. I’ll just be glad you’re safe and together we rise again. 
 

I love and adore you . You’re my miracle. Instead of living in toxic cycles, I’m finally rising above this existential crisis.

If it weren’t for you I would still be totally lost, but you found me and helped me find myself in return ❤️

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

                    

 

And Tony wrote this to me —

 

Is it a poetic gift or a neurotic curse? Because, there are so many words that fly in my mind all the time. It’s honestly exhausting and I can barely catch a brake. I guess I’m creative and resolve past trauma and experiences. But I’m barely able to breathe, so scarcely it’s insane. I’m glad I can lift you up. I’ll gladly push the button to call the lift for you. But confused that I am, I didn’t get in it again. So I’m standing on the ground floor watching you rise and hoping you’re doing well, while I’m standing there lost, pretending that I don’t dwell in the well of my pain. The toxic ocean is my stepping stone, but I can’t help but sometimes let it be my home. As much as I like the view from the highest mountain top, it feels like I’m not worthy or deserving of your love. I know know, the same old topic and I promise it has gotten better, but it’s hard to stop the weather. It’s been raining for so long and the ocean is rising as much as it is declining, because of the sun that you have been shining. So it stays the same level, but still feels mesmerising. The darkness seems enticing and I’m trying to let it go and luckily I have you to fly away with and if so. I’m so happy and grateful for the miracle you are. My Love. My Wife. You are everything to me and I’m bettering myself, constantly, I feel like Im a new human being. It’s so refreshing to let go of this depression I’m settled. With you forever, together and happily ever after, together will avoid and cure all disasters.
 

 

                   

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

 

                   

Everyday is incredible with you Tony. I feel loved and belonged. I'm extremely happy. 

               

 

 

I giggle with pride and happiness. Sometimes I think I can't believe I could be loved. 

                    

 

You make me feel more natural and don't trigger me at all. You bring out the natural side of me, my true gentle self that many don't get to see. You teach me a lot of wise and awesome things. You're naturally gifted. 

 

                       

 

Yes I want to marry you. And be your wife and more than wife, I wanna be your twin flame, your soulmate forever into eternity. Only you and only you. 

                    

                         

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

I think a girl's biggest fear is being dumped by the guy she loves. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I had a bad dream where I saw myself dying. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

                        

 

You can lie on accident. 

You make up shit out of thin air, it gets annoying. Research a bit before you start typing. 

Accidental lying is called confabulation. Look it up. 

And I'm a pathological liar. Ask me. I know this sounds like an oxymoron but life is a paradox of sorts. You don't know shit about lying. Lying can also be unintentional which I do all the time. Lying can also be an indication of anxiety and trauma. Many people lie not to deceive but to protect themselves from being judged, that is out of shame and fear. 

You really need to start reading books and articles and not be in your head all the time. That is if you really mean well

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

 

Gaslighting does 

 involve lying. But it's not as simple as believing a liar. You trust that person and so basically you take their word thinking that they mean the best for you. Would you assume that your husband or wife doesn't want the best for you? Since you place your trust in the other person, it becomes easier for them to manipulate this trust, convince you of a lie and basically violate this trust to cause intentional harm. You only realize that they are being harmful when the harm is done and then you begin to move away from them. 

If your wife calls you and informs you that she is in the hospital with a broken arm, would your first instinct be — "oh, she must be lying." Try to think along those lines. 

Gaslighting is not simply lying, it's blatant violation of the trust that someone puts in your word and emotional abuse by violating this trust. 

               

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

                     

 

I sum it up as — the system itself is broken 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

                           

 

A need based spiritual system. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

I felt so romantic for him. He almost conquered me. 

I was getting all these feelings when he was in my journal 

He was so persuasive. It felt unreal 

 

My first thought was - what does he want? 

 

That day I had butterflies in my stomach. 

I couldn't resist 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

Raindrops, beautiful like sparkling dewdrops

Reminds me of us cuddling in a corner. 

Like a desert parched and dry that awaits the rain 

You are the one and only for me who understands my pain 

You fulfill me and my senses, you're the one of my dreams 

You shine brightly on my thirsty being 

Like beautiful raindrops on my skin