___ b_sex

[Tyler Robinson]

I believe that some people in this world are trauma creators and some people are healers. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

You're my ideal man. I like someone like you. You are my hot man. I like hard working men who come home all sweaty. Like my dad used to. I like men who are manly and have a sense of dignity and pride and carry themselves with respect. Rich or poor, ugly or handsome doesn't matter. Just a simple man who wants work, wife and a home. A white picket fence, a church and a stable home life. That's all I ever wanted.. 

You're the man of my dreams. I salute you. I could have been happy only with you. You were my man. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I'm so tired dum dum. 

Ding ding doong doong 

 

Feeling so sleepy. 

I really want a man right now so I can sleep in his arms and snuggle. Tight. 

He will place his hand over my head. 

He will kiss me. 

He will shower me with love 

 

He will pat me to sleep. 

He will make me giggle 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I can't imagine I wrote that 11 hours ago and then I fell asleep.. 

[Tyler Robinson]

I imagined him fucking me again 

I was so horny yesterday 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

So I remember this incident with my second boyfriend. And I called him over to my place for some sexual intimacy 

And then.... We kissed. We were in my bedroom. On my bed. 

We kept kissing each other late into the night 

At some point I was too tired and I fell asleep. 

He basically put his leg on my body, on my tummy. 

I'm very delicate, I mean my body is kinda soft. 

And he was a skinny dude. He was slightly shorter than me too. Still. His leg was so heavy, maybe his bone density 

I was deep asleep. So when I woke up, I was in pain. My body was aching, especially my tummy. 

And I said to myself - "wtf?" 

I told him to get his leg off my tummy. It was hurting badly. 

This is what sucks with some guys. They don't understand female anatomy. 

How can you put all your weight on your girlfriend??.???? 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I'm perpetually hungry for dick.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

My body temperature went up again and I drank 4 bottles of orange juice 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I want him to braid my hair. 

And then groom me psychologically, emotionally and mentally. 

I want him to treat me like a kid. Because I'm a bit childish in real life too.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Our innermost fantasies that are taboo and deeply hidden. 

The sexual fantasies and fetishes that aren't considered appropriate. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Probably because nobody gives a dick anymore. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Oki I had a bad dream that I'm ashamed of sharing. 

In this dream, Carl-Richard died. Under mysterious circumstances. The problem is that Leo kept blaming me for it. 

It so happened that all people on Actualized were living in a huge multi storied building. Everyone was assigned a different role. Carl-Richard was assigned a mod, his job was to maintain peace in the house. I was assigned with laundry. My job was to collect all the dirty clothes from each member and get them cleaned in the laundry section of the building. 

I go around doing that. I kept collecting heaps of clothes from each room. 

Sadly Carl-Richard was at the top of a flight of stairs and a white sheet of cloth and he was kinda entangled in it and it was covering his eyes and he was struggling with this sheet of cloth and in the meantime he suddenly toppled off the flight of stairs and fell hard on the floor and died. It was unfortunate. 

All the people in the building were at a campfire party somewhere far away. And Leo was with them. I didn't attend because I had to do laundry. Carl-Richard was busy too with his music making and stuff. 

I was wandering around and I reached the spot where I saw the white sheets. And I was not very aware of what happened. I tried to remove the sheet and that's when I discovered corpse. And I was like - omg, I'm gonna be in trouble. I don't know why I acted so dishonest and sneaky in the moment but I wanted nothing to do with it. So I left it there knowing fully well that he had died. I left the white sheet over him and left the place in a jiffy. 

Then I reached the laundry section and finished doing the laundry and returned back to my room.. I stayed quiet about the incident. 

Leo didn't discover. He would go around looking for Carl-Richard but couldn't find him. Nobody knew that his corpse lay there except me. My heart was throbbing with fear. I was the last person to have seen him that day and I was the first person to have discovered his corpse. I thought I was going to be considered a murderer, like I had something to do with it. 

Next morning everyone returned to the building after a night of partying. Leo was in a good mood and he was talking to others. 

After some days an investigation team arrived there and they straight up called me. I came to their room and they made me sit for a while and they made me take a lie detector test, I lied through my teeth and they asked if I had anything to do with his death. I said no. I had no idea. They told me that they had found my fingerprints on his sheets. And I said I don't know how that happened and I had nothing to do with it. They told me that they had suspected foul play and I began freaking out after which they let me go. 

My heart was heavy. I was panicking. I sat in my room. I went to sit in of the isolated rooms on the top floor of the building. There was an old couple there. I was sitting reading a book when someone told me that Leo wanted to see me and talk to me. I felt an urgent sense of fear, I subconsciously surmised this must be about Carl-Richard. The book dropped from my hands and as I was leaving, the couple handed the book to me and I thanked them on my way out of the room. I rushed to where Leo was waiting to talk to me. 

Once there, Leo looked angrily at me and then asked me if I had seen Carl-Richard. I flat out said no. I decided to play sneaky. Then Leo asked me about the white sheet and why I hadn't collected it. And I said I don't know, it was just a matter of coincidence. Then Leo told me that if I was the person to have discovered his corpse and still not bothered to have informed anyone, that I would be charged with neglect and causing a delay in investigation. I remained mum and insisted I had no knowledge whatsoever of his death. Then Leo asked me if I was being sneaky and I said no. I said I had nothing to do with it. Dream abruptly ends. 

 

 

Edited November 5, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

I was very exhausted after the dream. I was anxious. Feeling guilty over the dream. 

It also brought out my shadow aspects of being sneaky all the time. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Ok interpretation of this dream. 

* that Carl-Richard should be careful around everyday stuff. 

* 

*

* 

* he is Norwegian. My ex boyfriend is Norwegian and his father was a Norwegian singer. Carl is interested interested in music. My ex boyfriend used to be interested in making music. I had a deep karmic connection with my ex boyfriend. We had a strong bond because of our shared trauma 

* is there a place called Georgia in Norway? I remember as a child I used to have dreams in which I was born in a place called Georgia in my past birth/life? I don't know if there's a place called Georgia in Norway 

*

* I get premonitions very often. I have had premonitions about people that I interact with. I have had premonitions about family members. I remember a premonition about my ex boyfriend. He had been living with a lady for some time and I told him 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

interpretation of this dream part 2

 

[Tyler Robinson]

interpretation of this dream part 3

[Tyler Robinson]

Interpretation 4

[Tyler Robinson]

You killed an innocent man, didn't you? 

You killed him with an axe? 

You had no right to kill a man.... 

He raped me.... 

What's the proof that he raped you? 

Silence. 

I ask you, what's the proof that he raped you? 

I have no proof. 

Then how can you say he raped you? 

He raped me. 

You wanted to kill him because you had a lover and he would find out. 

I'm a virgin. 

You are not a virgin if you're raped. 

I don't know. He would assault me regularly. 

Why did you stay with him if he was raping you?

Silence 

Why did you stay with him if he was raping you? Answer me. 

He promised to pay my mom who has nothing. She is destitute. And she needs money. 

So...... ok.... Did you tell anyone about the rape? 

No.. 

Why? 

There was nobody. Just nobody. We were living in a house miles away from anyone. There was just nobody there. It was a secluded place. There was just grass all around even till miles, not a single being or ghost or soul.. I didn't know anyone. It was a different place far away from my mom. There was just a stray dog there. 

Did he threaten you? 

Ok what did he say to you, can you recall? 

He said.. That.... Nobody would ever marry me. No prince would ever come in my life. I should stop dreaming..... 

"Your hands are beautiful. You're pretty, I'll give you that. But your beauty is of little use. Who will marry you? Guys marry girls from affluent families. They won't pick you. You don't even have a dad. Your mom is poor and helpless. You are just a burden. An extra mouth to feed. 

I want to taste you. 

Nobody will marry you, not even me. Haha. You are born poor. You're meant for men to eat and spit out. 

That's your destiny. That's your fate. You need to suck it up. "

I'm not going to let you touch me. No matter what. Even if I have to die. I won't let you touch me. 

It's only us here. 

Is this why you brought me here, so that you could do this to me? I came here for work. You duped me for your nasty desires. You got me here on the pretext of work and duped my mother. You are not a protector. You're a predator. You wanted to exploit me. 

I want to go to my mother's place. Let me go. I don't like it here. I don't want your work. I want nothing now. I just want to go to my mother's. 

"I'm not stopping you, am I? You can go if you want to.... Try.. Dare to go...? Show me your guts...!! "

.... Tries to run as he grabs... 

"Wait!!!! You ain't going nowhere.... Grabs and chokes throat .. If you tried going out without my permission, I'll bury you right here in this ground, you hear that? I'll get your sisters too. Make them dance, turn them into sluts, pimp them. You better listen to me or else it will get really bad for your family. I'll make them suffer. Never dare to leave. "

I stayed. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

He called me Janessa... That's the name the rapist gave me. 

I called him Philly. 

Then Philly looked angrily at me and said —

Did you go to the police Janessa /Tyler?

Yes. 

And what happened? 

I told them that you raped me. 

And what did they say? 

They did not believe me. They asked me for evidence. I said I have no evidence. 

Good job. Good job. Good job. They're not going to believe you. Just on word. They need evidence baby. 

That's crazy. I don't have any evidence. 

Janessa/Tyler don't go to the police. Don't get me in trouble. 

You wanted me to get arrested or what? Huh? 

No. 

Then.... 

I don't know. 

I really don't know. Maybe.... Maybe.. I just wanted to save myself. 

 

What did I not do for you Janessa? 

 

 

Edited November 7, 2022 by Tyler Robinson