___ b_sex

[Tyler Robinson]

 

He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it. 

At times I felt cared for. Because he did not kill me. He let me live. He even cared when I was dizzy and thirsty. 

The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of whack. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

This was 7 hours ago wow.. 

[Tyler Robinson]

Time to leave the forum. 

Get, ready, go....... 

No more interacting or replying 

 

Just be in that Greene thread. 

That's it. 

No need to feel upset 

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

It was bothering me for so long. I got it off my chest 

Haha my last comment on the forum 

 

At least I said the fucking truth with as much bravery as I could. 

What is he going to do? 

Ban me????? 

That's the only way he can have control over me. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

 

For you it's easy to say all of this as a white person. It doesn't impact you that much. 

This is easy said than done. When you are a part of a community and you follow a person as your guru and you are a non white person and the guru is engaging in racist behavior, it can be very hurtful.. It is also hurtful when other people treat you unfair. 

It's easy for you to preach me to just ignore. But if you were receiving it, then it would have hurt you as well. 

Anyway I decided today to leave the forum, stick to my journal and just one thread in the Off topic section (because I like that thread) and leave this stupid insensitive community forever.. 

So if you find me annoying, you won't have to worry about me anymore. 

Enjoy!!! 

............................................................... 

Ok fine. Anyway it was my last post. I got something off my chest that had been bothering me for a while and I wanted to stab Leo one last time right through his chest. It will be nice if he takes it. Anyways he is not going to change and I don't need to worry about him any more. I was just frustrated that I couldn't say it directly to his face. But I fulfilled that desire. Haha my comment is the first comment on his insanity post. Then his lame ass comeback at me - "stop creating drama on the forum or I'll ban you." haha. He can't even ban me because even that needs balls that he doesn't have. 

Anyway  I let out all my anger at Leo today. Gave him straight up. Haha. 

Now I can be in peace and focus on my work. Thanks. 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Nobody bans me. I have the most  gorgeous butt. 

I am the 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                  

Edited October 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

 

I am the

 

         

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Today I read a post that moved me from within. No other post on the forum had this impact on me. 

I'm a wounded child and I have been mistreated all my life. The reason I start drama, get angry, act arrogant, throw a fit, get emotional, act out of control is because I'm deeply wounded from inside. I want love and compassion and respect, not judgement and mind games. People don't know how to deal with me, how to treat me and then they blame me, gaslight me, make me feel like everything is my fault, act mean, nasty, cold with me. 

I'm just a wounded child who needed to be shown love. And it's okay if you can't.. But at least don't add to my wounds. 

This post is what I expected out of people on this forum. This is how I wanted people to treat me and each other. 

 

 

That is the million-dollar question lol I was contemplating it a lot through my life.

This is the catch, might be one of the main reasons people struggle to love themselves in the first place, because they don't feel loved by their environment, society (that isn't known for its loving nature), by other people who probably don't love themselves either (or maybe they love themselves narcissistically but it's not a real self-love, only a facade). We tend to believe that we are what we believe people think we are, how they treat us, the way they talk to us, talk about us etc

Often, we fail to understand that the way people see us and treat us or how we think people see us or treat us has nothing to do with our true value. 

We as humans, as a tribal species, have social norms that we have to follow, otherwise we might pay a price if we don't. Sometimes we find ourselves not following some norms, breaking some rules, intentionally or not, and people have negative opinions about it. We often take the opinions of others very seriously, so seriously that many times they become our opinions about ourselves. It's good to have inner critic but many times it's just too much, it becomes hatred with no place for self-love, encouraged by society and other people with the same mentality of lack in self-love.

It's very easy to forget that we used to love ourselves as children, we are all, with no exceptions. We were born loving ourselves purely and through our life, we learned to be ashamed of it, we learned to betray ourselves as soon as someone has a negative opinion about us. 

The solution is to learn to love ourselves, again, as it should be, despite all the background 'noises', which isn't easy and requires work and awarness but it's completely possible. 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

 

I'm in tears after reading your post. Nobody likes me on this forum. Everyone thinks I'm a drama queen, attention seeker, low IQ or annoying or disgusting. Nobody really cares to see if I have any intrinsic value. Thank you for understanding me. Thank for telling me that how others treat me in this community has nothing to do with my true value. My true value is way above the treatment I get here. I'm feeling much better after reading your post. I wish everyone had the level of empathy you show. I wouldn't need to throw a fit like a wounded child and then be blamed for it. You made my day. I needed to hear those words but my gut wasn't guiding me. But my subconscious found a way to speak to me through you. God bless you for showing me kindness. Have a good day and thank you a million times. Finally someone understands how to speak to me. Thanks. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

♡✸???✸♡.

[Tyler Robinson]

I feel nice right now... 

 

There are good people in this world. There are people who will understand me, maybe not in this community. But somewhere there will be people who will truly understand me and not judge me. 

 

I have a great heart. And people who are genuine in their heart will see my heart too

 

 

Rest don't bother. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

This is the song of my life. I wish a man had sung this song /lyrics to me. 

I wish the whole world would sing this song to me. It's the best song ever to heal broken wounded hearts. 

 

The song is called Hello by Lionel Ritchie. 

 

"Hello"
 

I've been alone with you
Inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips
A thousand times
I sometimes see you
Pass outside my door

Hello!
Is it me you're looking for?
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted
And my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love you

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again
How much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow

Hello!
I've just got to let you know
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying I love you

Hello!
Is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying I love you

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Today someone sent me a message and taught me an important lesson that I must learn. It was very wise. I get emotional, very very emotional and my wisdom completely turns off. 

 

But this guy who sent me this message really helped me sort out my situation and show me clarity over whatever I'm dealing with over the whole past week 

 

 

This was the message. 

I don't  want  to talk about it any more. That's not how I interpreted the situation, but it doesn't matter how I interpreted it.

What's the point of that bullshit?

Stop worrying about Leo or other people on this forum. Focus on working on your own life. 

I am telling you to let it go because you are clearly overreacting. Leo is not a horrible racist you paint him to be. But arguing with you about it is useless so I am telling you to let it go instead.

I am telling you this not because I find you annoying but because I can see how worrying about that distracts you from actually changing your life for the better.

You don't like Leo? Fine find yourself another teacher who you like. Or just figure stuff out on your own. But don't  get stuck for another 10 years bulshitting about useless shit over and over again. Can't you see how you are wasting your life that way???

You are right about quitting the forum though. I should do that as well.

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Yes yes yes... Even though my own brain is not working rationally right now because my emotions are clouding my judgment, others on the forum are helping me to see the path. 

 

Even if in my mind I thought Leo is racist, why should I give it so much importance and attention. Why should it matter so much. Leo is not the only man on the whole planet. 

There are people with bigger hearts, people better than Leo. 

 

But I also learned another important lesson which I'll share in my next post. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Continued from above........ 

The other important lesson that I learned is that both emotions and logic/intellect/wisdom are equally important. 

I used to give a huge amount of importance to emotions and I used to have a contemptuous attitude (you can call it my shadow) towards anything that is intellectual, rational because it used to make me feel as though I'm materialistic, cruel, unempathetic. Anybody saying anything rational used to piss me off because my mind would take it as - "these are uncaring selfish people, they use their brains instead of hearts because they don't care about feelings and they only care about doing things logically because it serves their purpose and they are insensitive." that used to make me shut my mind to anything logical being whispered to me. Like I would simply block it from my mind. Any rational talk would piss me off to an extreme level. I was simply not ready to take in anything logical or rational. It carried a dirty smell in my mind. I used to look at such people with suspicion, anger and derision. I used to grind my teeth in anger because I didn't want the world to be logical.. I don't like mathematics. It makes me angry. Anything rational makes me feel like it's cold and uncaring. The vibe. It looks harsh to me. As though the person who is being rational is being harsh and unkind and my ego goes into pushback mode. I push very hard against any form of rationality. It hurts my insecure ego..my ego lashes back very badly. It eats at my deeper hidden insecurities. I feel like I'm being ignored or not allowed to live. Rationality feels threatening to me. So my reaction is a huge pushback and extreme resistance to anything rational. 

My whole life I have been feeling things rather than thinking. 

Today I realized that having an emotional reaction, feeling things instead of thinking them etc is absolutely alright but not the be all end all. Rationality carries some worth and has its own place. 

I'll put it this way —

Approaching things emotionally helps to understand the thunder. Whereas approaching things rationally helps to calm this thunder. 

That's how it is. 

 

 

 

I'll explain this further with an example in the next post. I'm busy eating pineapple right now. 

 

 

 

♡✸♡ ♡✸♡ ♡✸♡ 

 

♡✸♡ ✸✸ ✸ ✸ ♡✸♡ 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Lmao the joke...... 

I attacked Leo for the first time in my life and i got so many special visitors on my profile lolololololol 

Aka mods...... 

 

 

I must be such a rebel. 

 

Smells like rebel spirit. 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

 

Insanity can be an episode that mentally ill people go through. 

 

A person who is not mentally ill cannot be experiencing insanity. 

 

And I'm severely mentally ill. 

 

 

I went through temporary insanity but it lasted for 3 weeks. 

 

I was sleepwalking all the time 

 

I needed drugs to snap out of it 

 

Also insanity is visible through insane weird actions. And during those weeks everyone told me I was acting weird. 

 

I became temporarily insane but it lasted a long time. 

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

After glancing through the posts above, I have come to the realization that I indeed have a few shadows to work on which are probably the reason why I am so resistant to certain people and certain ideas... 

 

Its like every time these things cross my path I pull out a dab dance move. 

 

These shadows are —

• Shadow against rationality and logic 
• Shadow against success and successful people (refer Robert Greene) 
• Shadow against tough love 
• Shadow against masculine energy 
• Shadow against money. This is okayish 
• Shadow against honesty 
• Shadow against criticism 
• Shadow against selfishness and machiavellianism 
• Shadow against narcissism

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I feel slightly relaxed right now.. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I fell in love with you. 

I fell in love with me 

I fell in love with you. 

I fell in love with me. 

I fell in love with you. 

I fell in love with me 

I fell in love with you. 

I fell in love with me. 

I fell in love with you. 

I fell in love with me 

I fell in love with you. 

I fell in love with me. 

I fell in love with you. 

I fell in love with me 

I fell in love with you. 

I fell in love with me. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

3 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I'll explain this further with an example in the next post. I'm busy eating pineapple right now. 

I won't be able to structure this in the best possible way because of my low IQ, autism and my lack of ability to articulate properly. Anyway I'll give it a try. 

When you want to feel someone or know something about them, read their character, energy, heart, mind etc you have to use your emotions. There's nothing wrong with this. Like Flowboy said the only way to know if someone is being genuinely good is through intuition. And for intuition you need to rely on emotion.

Whereas once you have used your emotions to figure things out, remember to trust what your emotions are telling you. They are your basic guiding tools. Use it abundantly. 

What to do next? 

Once you have it figured 

Then... Use your intellect.. 

Like this — I have highlighted the stuff in bold. 

 

I don't  want  to talk about it any more. That's not how I interpreted the situation, but it doesn't matter how I interpreted it.

What's the point of that bullshit?

Stop worrying about Leo or other people on this forum. Focus on working on your own life. 

I am telling you to let it go because you are clearly overreacting. Leo is not a horrible racist you paint him to be. But arguing with you about it is useless so I am telling you to let it go instead.

I am telling you this not because I find you annoying but because I can see how worrying about that distracts you from actually changing your life for the better.

You don't like Leo? Fine find yourself another teacher who you like. Or just figure stuff out on your own. But don't  get stuck for another 10 years bulshitting about useless shit over and over again. Can't you see how you are wasting your life that way???

You are right about quitting the forum though. I should do that as well.

 

 

After using your emotions you have to use your intellect and wisdom and do what's necessary to ground your life back to where it belongs.