___ b_sex

[Tyler Robinson]

And then there's a problem of rape fantasies.

 

I can't tell if it's because of the rape or not because of the rape. 

 

Sexual assault definitely adds to promiscuity. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Rape is so complex. 

It's more of a taboo and less of a crime. 

I wish it was like a crime. 

But rape is the only and I say it with emphasis that rape is the only crime in the world where the victim feels more punished than the perpetrator. 

The perpetrator is punished and people will forget them. 

But the victim will never be forgotten and will be constantly reminded of being a rape victim. They will always be given questionable looks. 

In a way rape feels like a permanent curse. 

Because nobody will believe you no matter what. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

My head is spinning. I just can't write.

Today was an anxious day. 

I'm feeling traumatized and stressed

 

I didn't want someone to ask me questions. 

It was pathetic and emotionally abusive. Like wtf?????????????????? 

This person in the dating section just wouldn't stop asking me questions about my virginity. What nonsense people come to this forum. They see a woman and they find some way to trigger her and all the victim blaming and gaslighting, because it's her fault somehow. 

How rude and disrespectful to directly and publicly ask a person about their rape, virginity or sex life. 

 

People write in their journals because they feel a degree of privacy and anonymity since you are not directly engaging with anyone here. 

When you read someone's journal, try to respect the person whose journal you're reading or don't  bother reading. Don't weaponize someone' journal against them. 

People write journals in public because they find it better to vent it out that way. 

Responsibility lies on you to respect a person. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

You can't force someone to talk about their personal life when they aren't comfortable with it. 

If I were to ask someone a question I would ask them politely and I would also add something like - hey you choose to speak about it if you are really comfortable or else you might not want to and I won't ask you any further. 

Isn't this the way you show respect to a stranger while asking them something personal. 

And if you don't have the manners to communicate, then just don't. Stop being a total scumbag. 

Stop being so intrusive and malevolent and also defending it. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I'm gobsmacked and surprised that people don't see their own predatory behavior. 

Who will show them the mirror? 

Is there any accountability for being so directly condescending and disrespectful to others and also acting authoritarian at the same time? 

What have your parents taught you? 

Would you appreciate if someone did this to your family members and they had a mental breakdown? 

Where is consideration and compassion in all of this? 

How about being an insensitive prick and actually owning it? 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I'm fast moving on with my life. No time to lose. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 

     

 

[Tyler Robinson]

You're my ideal man. I like someone like you. You are my hot man. I like hard working men who come home all sweaty. Like my dad used to. I like men who are manly and have a sense of dignity and pride and carry themselves with respect. Rich or poor, ugly or handsome doesn't matter. Just a simple man who wants work, wife and a home. A white picket fence, a church and a stable home life. That's all I ever wanted.. 

You're the man of my dreams. I salute you. I could have been happy only with you. You were my man. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I'm a very womanly woman and a masculine man would be perfect for me. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I yearn to worship a man in my life. Maybe God must have made a man for me. 

A gentleman. Who will show me love, kindness, guidance and affection. 

He will fill me up to the brim of my femininity. 

He will make my womanhood come alive. He will make my lips purse. He will make my cheeks blush. He will make my eyes sparkle. He will make my blood rush. 

He will fill my womb with the most gentle feelings. 

With his beautiful semen.

He will make sex divine. He will make love to me.. He will kiss me with pure ecstacy. 

He will kiss me from head to toe. 

He will make me his. He will own my womanhood. He will make want to belong to him.. 

I will respect him with all my heart. 

 

I am a virgin. I will give my body to him. 

I will give every ounce of my blood to him 

 

Till death do us part, I'll stay with him as his faithful wife. 

I will give him everything I can 

 

I will give him my love. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I don't appreciate being on a pedestal in a relationship. 

I would rather have my man on the pedestal.. He should be my King. The King of my heart. 

 

I want to look at him with awe. I want to be  guided by him. I want him to lead me. 

David is that kind of a guy. He is just an acquaintance. But he is the guy I admire. 

 

I go back to the dreams of marrying coal miners in 1900s. 

I go back to my dream of having a home with a hard working  blue collar conservative man. Me his wife, him my husband. 

I want to make pancakes for him. I want to make something special for him every morning. I'm good at cooking by the way. 

I want to make his morning coffee. 

I want to cook him lovely dinners. 

I want to iron his clothes. 

Button up his shirt. 

Kiss him on the cheeks when he is about to leave for work. 

And I want to surrender to him sexually in bed every night. 

I want the smell of his sweaty clothes. I want to offer him a towel when he comes home and let him clean himself. And then I will give him some fresh clothes touched by my hands. I sometimes want to wear his shirt and feel him hugging me. I would be delighted by the smell of his shirt. 

He is my Bear. 

He is my savior, my protector. 

My guide, my leader. And he is someone I will adore 24/7.

I will never be bored of him. 

I will kiss him every morning. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Raindrops are kissing my face. 

Come my prince, take me. 

Take me to another land. Your land. Your land of fantasy. Serenade me with your music.. 

Softly caress my face and cheeks. 

Make me... Ohh..... Yours

I want to be contained within you. I want to rest in you. 

I want to be blessed in you. 

I want to dream of you. A thousand things. 

You're the prince of my heart. 

My heart beats wildly thinking of us together. 

You're a charmer. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

 I have a certain degree of empathy for rapists. 

After knowing whatever happened 

 

I feel better among criminals. At least they are forthright about what they do 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

At least a criminal is not trolling me for fuck sake. They are being genuine. 

It's like if they are genuinely good people then there are genuinely bad people. 

I guess society is better off having genuine people, good or bad doesn't matter. 

I can sit right here and have a conversation with a rapist and he will tell me all the truth. 

Just like I went through trauma, a criminal might have gone through trauma as well. 

Plus committing a crime is not child's play. 

Nobody can truly rob a bank if they have no idea how to go about it. 

Nobody can truly rape if they don't have that power 

 

 

It's like I can never rob a bank.. I would be too scared. 

It takes a certain courage and machismo to do wrong things too. 

I admire that part of crime and criminals. They aren't being children. They are being pure stage Red. 

I have also dealt with criminals because I was studying criminal psychology last year. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I have also dealt with criminals because I was studying criminal psychology last year. That taught me a lot about criminals. 

It also caused me to empathize a lot with criminals. I saw them as real people with real wounds. Real issues. Real struggles. 

I could pen a letter right now to a criminal in prison and they would reply to me and they could tell me the whole truth. Whatever they would write will be authentic. 

Normal people are way worse in the sense they have zero empathy. Having zero empathy is not a crime per se but it does more damage than an actual crime. 

There's an adage that says - for evil to succeed, it takes good people to do nothing. 

That's how I feel about the world. 

There are genuinely good people of course. But they are rare.. 90% is just fake, shallow, superficial crappy people. 

Criminals are good people with bad minds 

It's not their fault that they were born that way. They didn't sign up for it. 

But I truly believe that they have a good heart. That if given a chance they can actually do better than normal people. 

They have greater empathy but it's revealed only in glimpses. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I grew up with abuse. I grew up like that. Surrounded by abusers. 

In a way I learned to trust them.. 

I guess something similar happened between me and the rapist. 

Yea it's called Stockholm Syndrome and Stockholm Syndrome is very real. 

You really begin to trust the person who is abusing you because that's your survival and coping mechanism. That's the only way you know how.. 

You also get to see a good side of your abuser. You see mercy in their eyes. I saw it. 

I think when our conscience is challenged with something 

Humanity is not designed to be fickle. Humanity is designed to be deep. Unless you are totally fucked up by trauma, you wouldn't understand the depth of conscience and as a result you'll always live a shallow life. 

I think when our conscience is challenged with something , the humanity in the conscience wakes up. 

I guess something similar (psychologically) is happening with hard core criminals and sociopaths like rapists, kidnappers and murderers. 

Their conscience is challenged to such levels, that they automatically find mercy in their hearts. They have to. The situation calls for it. I mean you can't be joking and be shallow when someone is losing their life in front of your eyes. The person is forced to show compassion in the situation. They have only two options - either watch the person die or show mercy. Humanity begins in evil. It's the principle of duality. Where there's darkness there will be light. 

[Tyler Robinson]

I had been struggling with the subject of evil for a really long time and the above post pretty much sums up the solution to a 4 year old question that had been plaguing my mind for so long. 

And this question was - what was the purpose of evil? 

Why was I attracted to evil? 

Why did I always feel like evil had a role to play? 

Now I know why. Crystal clear. 

Only from evil, can good begin. 

Only from suffering, can empathy begin. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

I'll urgently leave the forum by tomorrow instead of waiting till October 25. 

It's not worth waiting. So much has happened already and I am feeling the heat of male aggression here. When it's too hot in the kitchen you gotta leave. 

Last few days have been very stressful anxious and draining. 

I have taken too much and I don't want the same cycle to repeat. I'm too tired with the constant hounding and speculation about my life. It's a harrowing experience. 

This place lacks empathy and Genuineness big time. Most people are either hypocritical or just trolling or simply bored. They pick on me. And I'm tired defending and justifying endlessly. 

I will stick with journaling because this is the only place of my personal peace. 

I will avoid the forum tomorrow especially after today's fiasco. 

It caused me multiple panic attacks and just general misery. My crime is being a woman who seems to talk a lot. 

The males here are hyper hyper aggressive, they don't match my sensitive energy, they are a bit too much for me to take, too harsh, too insensitive, too prick-y for my sensibilities. Just a few days ago, a woman quit and had her account deleted. She complained too. Most women cannot survive here. The dating section is the most brutal. Men over there rip you apart like wolves do to prey. I can't survive the pressure and aggression. It's brutal. These people have zero clue how sensitive and emotional women can be. They are just too ignorant to the point of disgust. 

 

 

 

I'll only stick to one thread that I opened in the Off Topic section of Robert Greene. That topic has given me some comfort. I wish all men were like Robert Greene - matured and understanding. 

Edited October 19, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

This forum is full of cheap men who are too desperate for women. It's not good for me....The demograph hasn't changed in years here. Same kind of men keep joining here. Just painful. 

Rarely do I come across a matured understanding responsible man here. 

Before it damages me any further, I have to get out of it.