___ b_sex

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry42/17 

 

Eric I don't know what to say. 

It's like your presence overwhelms me. 

I love you. 

I'm feeling sentimental. 

I had a dream where I was hurt. I was hurt in the back. I was bleeding. My house was being searched by paramedics. 

And then Eric just came. He entered the front yard. Stood near the porch. Spoke to the officers, there and then looked at me. He had been fighting since a few days. He was living next door. He had been accusing me of shit. Now he wanted to blow up shit telling nonsense to the officers about me. 

Then he saw me across the lawn. He could see me standing there barefoot and trembling and shaking and crying. 

He came towards me. I shook my head and looked at the ground. Of course I couldn't see him in the eye. He looked at me sympathetically and asked me if I was okay. 

Eric could mutate into an older version and a younger version. The older being slightly fatty and grumpy. The younger being fit and skinny but tough. The one that raped me in March in a forest. 

And this version where he was my neighbor.. And being such a c*unt to me.. 

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry43/17 

Then he came to me. He looked at me. Then he asked me if I was okay. I was still feeling awful and trembling and I began to weep. He got closer. Are you okay. I told him that I am not okay. That I needed to calm down. He looked back at the officers and signaled them that I needed alone time. Then he put his arms around me and asked me if I wanted to come to his house for some comfort. I said okay. He walked me to his house. Then I sat on his couch. He gave me water in a tumbler. I drank the whole of it, gulped it till it fill my throat. I kept weeping and sobbing. Then he sat really close. I bent my head and then rested my head in his lap and kept crying. He placed his Palm on my temple. And kept patting me gently. And I kept telling him that I needed his protection. 

After some time I told him that I'm hurting. He asked if I was hurting physically and I said yes. He asked where. And I told him that my back was hurting bad. He lifted my blanket that covered my back and he saw the spot on my back where I had been bleeding and he said that it was a lot of blood on my back. He slowly pulled me up and made me sit straight and told me that we needed to go to the hospital emt as soon as possible. I relented. Then we sat in his car and he drove me to the nearest ER. He was waiting outside while they did some stitches on my back. Hooked me on pain relief stuff. And then send me home. He drove me back to his home. 

And then he made me sit and offered me some milkshake.. And cookies. He had cooked some stuff and he offered me that.. 

I ate like a chipmunk. 

Then I orgasmed. Wasn't the strongest orgasm. My orgasms have gotten weaker over the past few months. Not as intense as last year. 

Probably because of life events impacting me negatively. 

I don't feel the same anymore. 

I feel like I was exploited for my strong orgasms. Relationships that existed only for sex meanwhile I was expecting love at the end of the tunnel. I am tired of being used like that. 

Now I feel like a used doll. Overused for sex with not much love or care in return. 

Yea the men who I dated that I shouldn't have. 

It feels bad in retrospect. 

I think a woman should have a rule. Either he should own her or no sex 

I should have that rule. Because I belong to the stage blue Bible belt  kinda girl. I always wanted to be a wife. 

But I guess all of these are fantasies of the female mind. Oh you fool. You believe a man will be with you forever. What if you bore him kids and he left you for another petite girl at his work. Life is so fickle. Suddenly you could be a single mom who is raising kids of a man who wants nothing to do with her, and then you are termed baggage by general society. The man that you did so much for doesn't give a fuck anymore, it hurts collective womanhood, women can see that wound passing around. It's not just one woman's wound. Women seriously crave monogamy, it's a woman's heart. 

 

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry44/17 

I should have said - either you marry me or no sex. Men crave hotness in the moment, women crave commitment. It's hard that way. Because both aren't wired for the same end goal. 

But a woman's heart is better. I see meaning, deep spiritual, in monogamy. There's sustenance and a display of love to the one who should receive it. I simply  cannot see love in poly. 

When reading this It reminded me of this paragraph in the book Integral Relationships. ?

FEMALE FEAR — MALE SHAME DYNAMIC

The biological differences between the sexes also lead to the primary emotional reactions of fear in females and shame in males. Fear (typically fear of abandonment) arises in her when she experiences an emotional disconnect, usually after the initial chemistry is gone, or if she worries that he falls short as her committed protector and provider. Her fear is triggered when their communication breaks down, if he shows an interest in other women, if he reveals weaknesses, appears incompetent, complains or worries about his job, becomes unemployed, engages in addictive behaviors, or gets defeated. In her efforts to get him to reconnect with her emotionally, to receive reassurance of his support, or to improve his performance, she often starts to withhold sex, and to nag, criticize, challenge, humiliate, compare, or passive-aggressively ignore him, without having a clue how she is undermining their partnership by doing so.83 If he does not respond in a favorable way, she is quick to lose her faith and to accuse him of not listening to or understanding her, and of being insensitive, emotionally unavailable, passive aggressive, or in denial, which mayor may not be the case.

 

Her efforts to re-connect and to support him to perform better only push him further away so that he can avoid her ongoing emasculations 84 and hide his primary emotion of shame for not being good enough to make her happy. Instead of providing her with the connection, emotional safety, strength, and reassurance that she is longing for, he may get angry at her, start to work longer hours, try to make more money, spend more time with his buddies, engage in his hobbies, embark on a spiritual path, or become whiny and depressed.85 She, on the other hand, does not know how to inspire and reward him by showing empathy and to appreciate him for the things he does (even if they are little) by recognizing/praising and having sex with him, which would often open him up to provide her with more of the support, love, and reassurance that she craves.86 Both partners are then prone to discuss their unhappiness and frustration with members of the opposite sex outside their relationship who show more empathy. Such behavior is called emotional infidelity and is obviously a slippery slope, as sexual infidelity lurks right around the corner. Because of their different evolutionary conditioning, he is usually better equipped to handle her emotional infidelity as long as she does not cheat sexually on him, while she can be forgiving about his sexual infidelity as long as she is assured of his love, financial support, and commitment toher.87

If you experience the fear-shame dynamic in your love relationship, you may be able to turn things around by listening to your partner’s fears and concerns without guilt and without getting defensive or withdrawn, and by reassuring her of your love, loyalty, and support.88

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry45/17 

 

 

So.... 

I was at a party last week March. And my friends got some cocktail mocktail stuff. I was very thirsty because it's summer time the most cruel time for me. So drank what they gave me. There was a guy I had been familiar with whose name is Robson. (name changed for privacy). He was laughing with me, making some jokes. As the night went on, I was losing my sense of self. And I began to laugh and giggle wildly. Hazy memory. I'm still suffering. Then he kinda pulled my arm and gestured me to walk to his car. He told me that he will show me something. I kinda laughed and agreed to walk with him. He kept walking and dragging me by the arm and this continued for a long time. At some point I felt I was far away from the crowd that he had isolated me from. I could not see those people anymore. This guy Robson lived in the Beehive National Park. That's where all of this went down. He then dragged me by my arm and took me to his car. Once inside the car, he offered me a drink and I drank. I was too thirsty and tired from all the walking. I was sitting in the back of the car. He came to the back and began to touch me. He pushed me down on the seat and began to remove my clothes. I resisted and kept struggling my way out. I tried getting a grip on the door knob but my hands couldn't reach there so I kinda slid my body a bit upwards and now I could get a full grip of the handle, I turned it and the car door flung open because of the weight of my body. I got out with great difficulty but now my head was spinning. I began to walk and kinda run but slowly. I was tripping. So I tried running faster but my vision was blurry. When I ran I stumbled upon a tiny rock and kinda fell because of some obstacle.. He came behind me. I was on the ground, laying on my stomach. Hurt and tired. I could see his feet when I looked down at my feet. He had shoes. He was wearing a hoodie/like a blue Grey  checkered flannel and a black shirt inside. I kept kicking his feet with my shoe in an attempt to frighten him. But my kicking was like bunny kicks, it had no impact on him and he seemed to be smiling back at me. I was nervous and my heart was pounding.Then he lifted me slowly by my arm and then took my whole body into his arms (like carrying someone). And took me back into the forest.I could see thick bushes, big trees and all leaves on the floor, it was dark in the night. I could barely see anything. Then he lay me on the floor of the forest. I could see flashes of light that illumined his face in the night. He then asked me if I needed something. My heart was still pounding. I gave him a blank stare. 

I was in an inebriated state so I couldn't move my body. I was exhausted, tired and hurt from all the walking and running. He got up and left me alone for a while. Then I saw him coming back from the distance carrying rope in his hand and there was a shiny silvery object in his other hand. As he got closer I realized the shiny object was a big knife. He sat near my feet and began cutting the rope with the knife. He cut the rope into small pieces. He then threw the knife and it landed next to my body. He proceeded to tie my ankles with the rope. I was feeling hurt because it was so tight. Then he suddenly  got on top of me. Then he looked into my eyes. I was in and out of consciousness. He began kissing me. I kept pushing him off. I pushed him hard with my hands and arms. I was struggling to get out of his grip.I grabbed the knife and kept shoving in into his face and he grabbed my hand really hard. He began smiling my hand was shaking and I couldn't get a grip on the knife, I dropped the knife and he immediately grabbed the knife and flung it far away. He then took his right hand and grabbed one one of my wrists. My wrists are tiny. So he reached for the other wrist and grabbed both of my wrists with his one hand. With his other hand he kept unzipping his pants. I could feel his penis on my body. He then inserted something into me. I felt something going inside. I raised my head to see what it was. It was a green bottle. I began moaning. After a while, I was feeling very thirsty. I told him that I needed some water. He got up and left. I was feeling weak. 

He came back with a water bottle. He gave me some water to drink. Then he got back on top of me. He began to choke me by placing his hands on my neck and tightening his grip. I began to feel dizzy.He then lifted me up, like made me sit back up. He placed me on his lap and kept rocking me back to consciousness. Then he asked me if I trust him. I said yes out of fear. He then hugged me tightly, extremely tight and began to feel my chest by pressing his chest against it. My heart was pounding. He then said that I was lying, that if I really trusted him, I wouldn't be shaking in fear and my heart wouldn't have been beating so fast. Then he whispered and told me that I should not lie to him.I asked him if he was going to kill me. He said no. I felt a bit relaxed when he said no. Then he untied my legs. Picked me up and carried me to his car. He placed me in the back of the car. I was exhausted and moaning and was half sleepy. He drove the car for a few minutes, maybe half an hour. I had no idea where he was going. He kept glancing back at me periodically during the time he was driving. Then he drove to a spot deep into a backroad of gravel and dirt and stopped. It was surrounding the edge of the forest park. He then got out of the car and got into the back and sat next to me. He caressed my face and told me everything would be alright. I asked him if he had raped me. He said that the only thing he did was kiss me. Then he got closer and pulled my face and began kissing my lips and gave me long kisses multiple times. I was completely frozen with fear because I thought he was about to rape me. I didn't protest, I thought protesting him might make him violent and aggressive so I kept quiet 

He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it. 

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry46/17 

 

He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it. 

At times I felt cared for. Because he did not kill me. He let me live. He even cared when I was dizzy and thirsty. 

 

The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of whack. 

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry47/17 

The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. 

Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of wack. 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry48/17 

 

 

My ex partners were into kink just as much as I want but they had no history of trauma 

 

Millions of people have sexual kinks. It's just a random biological thing like sexual orientation. 

 

 

On the flip side, it could be that you have never sufficiently explored your own kinks and this could be in part due to religious shaming and suppression, especially if you're raised in either catholic or Mormon kind of families those families tend to shame kinks. In my experience. 

 

Kinks tend to have their origin in puberty and the way you used to arouse yourself during those periods of your life, especially if you were a teen reading romantic novels or fantasies, those can serve as breeding grounds for your future kinks. 

 

For example, I used to read a ton of romantic novels during my puberty days that involved capture fantasy etc. So I developed Dom sub rape fantasy related  fetishes. 

There's nothing special or psychologically unusual or sinister about it. It's simply established mental patterns that arouse you, which you created on your own depending on how you handled your arousals in your puberty years. 

 

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry49/17 

Yea I totally understand why Leo fell in love with his predator. 

I fell in love with my rapist. These things cannot be judged.. 

 

My head is throbbing with pain right now. 

Fuck. 

 

I. Just don't want to argue or debate about sex anymore. To. Each his own. 

Omg. I'm. Dog tired. I. Can hardly type..fuck losers who trigger. Me

 

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry50/17 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 8:02 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Don’t be afraid to do it harder.
“That’s what she said."

Post cum clarity, oof. 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 8:09 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

My ex partners were into kink just as much as I want but they had no history of trauma 

Millions of people have sexual kinks. It's just a random biological thing like sexual orientation. 

On the flip side, it could be that you have never sufficiently explored your own kinks and this could be in part due to religious shaming and suppression, especially if you're raised in either catholic or Mormon kind of families those families tend to shame kinks. In my experience. 

Kinks tend to have their origin in puberty and the way you used to arouse yourself during those periods of your life, especially if you were a teen reading romantic novels or fantasies, those can serve as breeding grounds for your future kinks. 

For example, I used to read a ton of romantic novels during my puberty days that involved capture fantasy etc. So I developed Dom sub rape fantasy related  fetishes. 

There's nothing special or psychologically unusual or sinister about it. It's simply established mental patterns that arouse you, which you created on your own depending on how you handled your arousals in your puberty years. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry51/17

 

On 9/16/2022 at 3:38 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I have to say that the male hormone testosterone is one damn hormone.

If a man is very masculine and full of it, he automatically releases those pheromones whereby he appears very attractive to a hormonal female 

And that's what happens to me 

(Now I'm not talking about biker gang shit here )

When I see masculine men(not body building type lol, they are fake and ostentatious, I get put off by that ) but the masculine men who are caring, authoritarian, protective and appear to be in charge of themselves appear extremely extremely extremely attractive even if they don't have masculine bodies , that's fine with me.

But my horniness reaches a peak when I see a punky guy being extremely self confident .

It's a signal that he is well aware of who he is

 

                       

 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 3:47 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

Sometimes I end up crying thinking about how my sexual instincts can rule my mind and cause me to get exploited in relationships.

It's a harsh reality of being human that we have little control over our desires.

I wish I had received fulfilling love early on in my life 

I wouldn't have felt like a wanderer.

It's tough.......

 

A understanding non judgemental guy would have been such a great help.

 

But the patriarchy teaches men to shame women who are open about their sexuality 

                            

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry52/17

 

On 9/16/2022 at 3:57 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

My latest fetish was being licked on my neck. 

And having my neck squeezed. 

 

I feel very sexual around my neck and feet. 

 

For a Pisces like me, neck and feet are considered the most erogenous zones on the body 

 

 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 3:59 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

omg he came, shies and runs and hides in a cupboard. Can't face him when he actually comes. Closing the cupboard door so he won't find me. Peeping at him through a slit in the door making sure he can't find me. 

 

And his reply to me - 

His predator instincts find you immediately. There is nowhere to run or hide. He can smell your shyness from a mile away. So he just stares at you through the very same slit that you think is protecting you. You have trapped yourself little mouse. And now he´ll devour and punish you.

                      

 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 4:08 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I also want him to call me "dummy" right in the middle of having sex with me 

 

I find it extremely endearing and romantic. 

 

The more he calls me dummy, the greater is the intensity of my arousal.. 

He is basically putting his dick in my brain.. 

And I gladly take it. 

I desperately want him to call me either dummy or idiot. I find it endearing. 

                        

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry53/17

 

On 9/16/2022 at 4:13 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

     

 

Both BDSM and Rape Fantasy (although controversial, unconventional and generally taboo), are a huge part of domination fetishes. 

The state of being dominated and submitting to a dominant force exciting arousal 

Obviously there's distinction here. Rape as a crime is non consensual. Whereas Rape Fantasy is a very much consensual sexual activity that relies on domination aspects of the sexual act and mimics rape in many ways and uses force and conquer, power, control and thrill as a way to solicit an arousal 

Nothing of it has anything to do with actual rape. 

Also the whole myth associated with rape fantasy being induced by some sort of sexual trauma is just a myth, the brain has a capacity to submit to a variety of fetishes, and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with actual trauma. 

It is what it is - just a fetish based fantasy 

                     

 

 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 5:03 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

My ex used to call me "dummy." 

I like being called a dum dum 

My other ex used to call me pumpkin. 

 

 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 5:16 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

It means that I'm dumb or stupid. 

 

 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 6:41 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

Sexual and emotional compatibility and mental compatibility. 

 

 

On 9/17/2022 at 0:22 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Different perspective 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry54/17

 

On 9/17/2022 at 4:26 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Leo wrote this on his site. Sad. 

When I was about 14 I was groomed and molested by a criminal pedophile. Contrary to popular myths, the net effect on me was purely positive. He was not a run-of-the-mill pedophile. He taught me radical openmindness. His love for me was insane. He made me who I am. It took 20 years, but he was one of the reasons I found God.

This does not mean that pedephilia is not incredibly traumatizing to children and therefore must be stopped.

But stop being stupid. OF COURSE pedophilia is Love. The love of children. Remember, love can be very twisted and selfish. If you do not get love properly, it will twist you up.

Understanding pedophilia requires the highest awareness of your bias.

“If you prey on my children, I will hunt you down and kill you.” That’s how people think. Don’t fuck with people’s children. They will rip you apart like the dogs did to Ramsey from Game of Thrones. And for good reason. Because it can really screw kids up.

Unfortunately, nobody in our society talks about pedophilia honestly, simply because they are too biased. In fact, those who cry about pedophilia the loudest are usually overcompensating for something. Be ware of anyone who casually accuses others of being pedophiles. All they do is demonstrate their own stupidity.

You might wonder, “But Leo, doesn’t this mean you have some repressed trauma due to this?” To which the answer is simply No. I’ve fully integrated it. You might also wonder, “So has this given you some weird sexual fetishes?” To which the answer is No. My sexual tastes are as vanilla as it gets. I have never found fetish porn appealing.

Pedophilia is a legit problem, but it would be nice if our society took a mature approach to dealing with it. The way it’s handled now is childish and toxic — the modern day equivalent of the witch trails.

                      

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry55/17

 

On 9/17/2022 at 4:42 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

So.... 

I was at a party last week March. And my friends got some cocktail mocktail stuff. I was very thirsty because it's summer time the most cruel time for me. So drank what they gave me. There was a guy I had been familiar with whose name is Robson. (name changed for privacy). He was laughing with me, making some jokes. As the night went on, I was losing my sense of self. And I began to laugh and giggle wildly. Hazy memory. I'm still suffering. Then he kinda pulled my arm and gestured me to walk to his car. He told me that he will show me something. I kinda laughed and agreed to walk with him. He kept walking and dragging me by the arm and this continued for a long time. At some point I felt I was far away from the crowd that he had isolated me from. I could not see those people anymore. This guy Robson lived in the Beehive National Park. That's where all of this went down. He then dragged me by my arm and took me to his car. Once inside the car, he offered me a drink and I drank. I was too thirsty and tired from all the walking. I was sitting in the back of the car. He came to the back and began to touch me. He pushed me down on the seat and began to remove my clothes. I resisted and kept struggling my way out. I tried getting a grip on the door knob but my hands couldn't reach there so I kinda slid my body a bit upwards and now I could get a full grip of the handle, I turned it and the car door flung open because of the weight of my body. I got out with great difficulty but now my head was spinning. I began to walk and kinda run but slowly. I was tripping. So I tried running faster but my vision was blurry. When I ran I stumbled upon a tiny rock and kinda fell because of some obstacle.. He came behind me. I was on the ground, laying on my stomach. Hurt and tired. I could see his feet when I looked down at my feet. He had shoes. He was wearing a hoodie/like a blue Grey  checkered flannel and a black shirt inside. I kept kicking his feet with my shoe in an attempt to frighten him. But my kicking was like bunny kicks, it had no impact on him and he seemed to be smiling back at me. I was nervous and my heart was pounding.Then he lifted me slowly by my arm and then took my whole body into his arms (like carrying someone). And took me back into the forest.I could see thick bushes, big trees and all leaves on the floor, it was dark in the night. I could barely see anything. Then he lay me on the floor of the forest. I could see flashes of light that illumined his face in the night. He then asked me if I needed something. My heart was still pounding. I gave him a blank stare. 

I was in an inebriated state so I couldn't move my body. I was exhausted, tired and hurt from all the walking and running. He got up and left me alone for a while. Then I saw him coming back from the distance carrying rope in his hand and there was a shiny silvery object in his other hand. As he got closer I realized the shiny object was a big knife. He sat near my feet and began cutting the rope with the knife. He cut the rope into small pieces. He then threw the knife and it landed next to my body. He proceeded to tie my ankles with the rope. I was feeling hurt because it was so tight. Then he suddenly  got on top of me. Then he looked into my eyes. I was in and out of consciousness. He began kissing me. I kept pushing him off. I pushed him hard with my hands and arms. I was struggling to get out of his grip.I grabbed the knife and kept shoving in into his face and he grabbed my hand really hard. He began smiling my hand was shaking and I couldn't get a grip on the knife, I dropped the knife and he immediately grabbed the knife and flung it far away. He then took his right hand and grabbed one one of my wrists. My wrists are tiny. So he reached for the other wrist and grabbed both of my wrists with his one hand. With his other hand he kept unzipping his pants. I could feel his penis on my body. He then inserted something into me. I felt something going inside. I raised my head to see what it was. It was a green bottle. I began moaning. After a while, I was feeling very thirsty. I told him that I needed some water. He got up and left. I was feeling weak. 

He came back with a water bottle. He gave me some water to drink. Then he got back on top of me. He began to choke me by placing his hands on my neck and tightening his grip. I began to feel dizzy.He then lifted me up, like made me sit back up. He placed me on his lap and kept rocking me back to consciousness. Then he asked me if I trust him. I said yes out of fear. He then hugged me tightly, extremely tight and began to feel my chest by pressing his chest against it. My heart was pounding. He then said that I was lying, that if I really trusted him, I wouldn't be shaking in fear and my heart wouldn't have been beating so fast. Then he whispered and told me that I should not lie to him.I asked him if he was going to kill me. He said no. I felt a bit relaxed when he said no. Then he untied my legs. Picked me up and carried me to his car. He placed me in the back of the car. I was exhausted and moaning and was half sleepy. He drove the car for a few minutes, maybe half an hour. I had no idea where he was going. He kept glancing back at me periodically during the time he was driving. Then he drove to a spot deep into a backroad of gravel and dirt and stopped. It was surrounding the edge of the forest park. He then got out of the car and got into the back and sat next to me. He caressed my face and told me everything would be alright. I asked him if he had raped me. He said that the only thing he did was kiss me. Then he got closer and pulled my face and began kissing my lips and gave me long kisses multiple times. I was completely frozen with fear because I thought he was about to rape me. I didn't protest, I thought protesting him might make him violent and aggressive so I kept quiet 

He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it. 

                     

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry56/17

 

On 9/17/2022 at 4:45 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

     

 

He then dropped me home and told me to not think much of it. 

At times I felt cared for. Because he did not kill me. He let me live. He even cared when I was dizzy and thirsty. 

The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of whack. 

                    

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry57/17

On 9/17/2022 at 4:52 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

The incident deeply traumatized me and I felt upset after that. I began to suffer panic and anxiety for days and I would keep to myself. I didn't want to be social or talk to anyone. 

Then on nights he would call me and talk to me the whole night. I was ill and mentally unstable. I was feeling numb and out of myself. I couldn't remember things and began suffering memory issues. It was as if I was just lost and had no track of time or awareness. There was zero awareness and I was living in a blur. I would wake up to eat something, then go back to sleep. My sleep schedule was out of wack. 

 

                      

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry58/17

 

On 9/17/2022 at 6:27 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

 

 

 

Yea I totally understand why Leo fell in love with his predator. 

I fell in love with my rapist. These things cannot be judged.. 

 

My head is throbbing with pain right now. 

Fuck. 

 

 

On 9/17/2022 at 6:29 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

I. Just don't want to argue or debate about sex anymore. To. Each his own. 

Omg. I'm. Dog tired. I. Can hardly type..fuck losers who trigger. Me

 

 

On 9/17/2022 at 6:39 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

           

 

I can have love for the person who has sinned out of innocence. 

I cannot have love for the person who has sinned out of Malice. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

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On 9/17/2022 at 8:16 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

       

 

I hate to disclose this. Very uncomfortable to say this to men in public. But anyway I'll try to get over my internal shame and say it. I get horny (oof) twice a month. One is during my ovulation (you can Google that, no time to explain it here). It's usually some time before my period. Then I feel horny again just prior to my menstruation. This is because the egg/ovary is desperate to get fertilized just before disintegration can begin. It's one last chance for the ovary in anticipation. If a woman is not fucked in this period, it's over and disintegration of the endometrium begins and that's the menstruation. 

A woman can experience multiple orgasms in a row during one sexual encounter and the sex can last longer than usual. But once she has climaxed, it's over, of course she can be aroused to climax again. But mostly after a couple of times, she is exhausted, once all juices are out and she has reached mental orgasm, then she won't be aroused again. 

 

Also depending very very much on the partner she is with, if he is masculine, strong and has big dick energy, her sexual energy will try to align to his. Of course it's not anywhere comparable to the horniness of men, but she can regularly feel horny for her man. But remember this is not dependent on her. It's very much dependent on her man. He should be able to seduce her and get her horny. I found in my personal experience that my horniness depended a lot on the guy I was with. If he was boring, my hormones went down. If he was horny and sexually attractive, my hormones went up and I felt equally horny. 

Men and women are pretty much same, the dynamic is not determined by gender. It's determined by the type of male and female you put together. If you put together an interesting non boring sexually intense male and pair him with a horny sexual woman, both will have a ton of sex. It doesn't depend on general factors. Some people, man or woman, are more horny than others. It's not a collective thing, rather than an individual thing.

                       

 

[Tyler Robinson]

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On 9/17/2022 at 11:03 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

https://youtu.be/_fKE5lC4H_U

 

I don't know what to say. It feels other worldly. I feel like I'm in a different kind of heaven, a romantic heaven. When I'm with him. It's like suddenly my life has a new meaning. 

I feel very pleasant and warmed when I talk to him. I become very happy and my happiness grows inch by inch the more I think about him. 

A million years of happiness won't compare to a moment with him. 

He is my fantasy hero come to life. 

He brings a heavenly smile to my face. He wipes away every fear, doubt, worry, anger, restlessness from my face. 

I suddenly feel calm and flowing and at peace when I'm with him. He takes my breath away. 

I expected him to look like that. Wow I can't believe it. 

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/_fKE5lC4H_U

                       

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

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On 9/17/2022 at 11:49 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

I don't know what made me give into him. 

I felt so romantic for him. He almost conquered me. 

I was getting all these feelings when he was in my journal 

He was so persuasive. It felt unreal 

 

My first thought was - what does he want? 

 

That day I had butterflies in my stomach. 

I couldn't resist 

                        

 

 

 

On 9/17/2022 at 0:28 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

 

Something told me that he was going to win my heart. 

It felt like complete surrender. 

 

I was reaching the point of feminine sexual surrender. 

And I felt all these romantic butterflies.