What stage of sexual development are you in?

[integral]

DEVELOPMENT OF SEXUALITY

There are five general levels of sexual exchange between partners that are a direct reflection of their physical, psychological, and spiritual health.197 Similar to the unfolding of the spiritual realizations outlined above, these levels can be experienced as a temporary state or become permanently accessible state-stages through practice with a partner. 

1. REPRESSED SEXUALITY

In this lowest stage, the body and sex are viewed with suspicion as something negative and dirty. Usually driven by shame, guilt, and fear that originate from childhood trauma and abuse, adults at this level either avoid sexual activities altogether, perform out of duty in a dissociated way(with closed eyes, under the sheets, in the dark), or develop forms of obsessive-compulsive disorders around their sexuality that can lead to sexual addiction and other abusive behaviors. Oral sex or similarly playful sensual activities are usually out of the question for people at this stage, where modesty is confused with shame.

2. FUCKING

In the fucking stage, sexuality is instinctual, self-serving, and limited to the physical, hedonistic pleasures of the body. Sex partners tend to objectify each other without seeking a deeper personal connection. They want to have fun, “get off,” and don’t care much about their partner’s emotional needs, feelings, or sexual desires. There is no shame or guilt, and “everything goes,” which can be confused with the higher, unrestrained forms of transcendent sexuality (see below), which is another form of the pre/trans fallacy (see above). In this stage, males often dominate and manipulate females into having intercourse and to engage in hurtful practices such as anal sex or deep-throating/gagging. In the fucking stage, everything is seen as OK, as long as the partner cooperates or at least does not call the police. Rarely is there a prior conversation about consent, sexual preferences, sexual history, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), no-no’s, expectations for a monogamous commitment, or possible consequences such as emotional/sexual dependence or pregnancy. Women at this stage often have an unspoken expectation of their partner to make an exclusive commitment after intercourse and feel used and abused if he moves on. They may also become intentionally pregnant without their partner’s consent to “hook him” and/or to collect child support and social security payments. Once the excitement of the newness vanishes, couples in this stage often lose interest in sex with each other and stop having sex or seek a new fuck buddy.198

3. HAVING SEX

In this stage, mindfulness comes into play. Sex becomes a conscious choice between a couple that has a mutual understanding and agreement about the implications and consequences of being sexual. Having sex is seen as a beautiful and important activity which brings two people together and provides many physical and emotional health benefits.199 There is usually an agreement for monogamy or openness about multiple lovers, and partners try to find the time and energy to be sexual with each other. Sex partners in this stage go beyond the pure physical aspects (fucking), and see each other as conscious subjects. They focus on pleasing the other within the context of individual boundaries, rather than trying to openly express and meet their own sexual needs, desires, and fantasies. This leads to sexuality at the lowest common denominator that often leaves both partners unfulfilled over time. Relationship difficulties such as power struggles or emotional withdrawal tend to be carried into the bedroom, but don’t get resolved there. Instead of working on deeper issues to improve their sexual relationship, couples in this stage sometimes try new positions or locations, engage in role playing, apply sex-toys, watch porn movies, or join swinger clubs to keep their sex life interesting. Unless they evolve to the next higher stage of sexual development, merely having sex will eventually turn stale, die completely, or become so difficult that their partnership ends when one of them falls in love/lust with a new sex partner.200

4. LOVE MAKING

In the lovemaking stage, a couple’s sexuality becomes the expression of their genuine love, mutual acceptance, deep emotional intimacy, and the joy of being together. Body, mind, and heart are integrated in their lovemaking which is no longer just “a thing that couples do,” but an expression of who they are as sexual human beings. No special effort to find the time or energy to be sexual needs to be made by them. Their lovemaking is a life-giving and rejuvenating affirmation of their bond and the depth of their connection. They are open to talking about their desires and exploring all forms of healthy sexual play that bring pleasure and deepen their union. They naturally stay in verbal and non-verbal communication(eye contact) with each other during their love making. Sex at this level is not used to cover up conflicts, to keep score, or to manipulate each other. Instead, sexual and emotional blocks that may arise are worked out between them, and therapeutic help is sought if they can’t resolve the problems that they face.201

5. TRANSCENDENT SEX

This stage represents all advanced sacred or tantric practices that lead to spiritual state experiences through sexual union (such as Kundalini),202 that transcend the lovers’ sense of separation from each other and the universe. This kind of sexuality emerges as a stage between partners that share a deep soul connection, enjoy a high level of physical, emotional, and relationship health, and have reached an advanced stage of spiritual development (see above) with the ability for intense presence and full surrender. Spiritual practices such as meditation, partner-yoga, and ecstatic dance are often interwoven in this form of lovemaking. Partners who consciously engage in transcendent sexuality allocate ample quality time for their lovemaking (instead of waiting until they are in the mood); create sacred space in their home or away (think of a tastefully decorated warm room, soft sheets, various sized/shaped pillows, dimmed lights, scented candles, burning incense, veils around the bed, oils and lotions, and soft sacred music); and co-create a wide range of experiences through rituals such as sharing sensual food (think strawberries, chocolate, ice-cream, etc.), eye gazing, erotic dance, synchronized conscious breathing into the seven chakras, reciting of mantras, reading poems,203 alternate giving and receiving of arousing touch and massage, playfulness with objects (think feathers, boas, silk, flower petals, ice cubes), gentle intercourse, or unrestrained ravaging (that may be falsely interpreted as a form of rape).204 A common position for deep tantric connection is for the man to sit cross-legged (or on a chair) and the woman on top of him, allowing them to meet each other face to-face as opposites and equals.205 The goal of transcendental sexuality is not solely to pleasure and to reach orgasms, but to move (Kundalini) energy up the spine or through the seven chakras, and to deepen the soul connection between the lovers that leads them to consciously experience the divine, instead of unconsciously exclaiming “oh my God” during a short orgasmic release.206 This requires the ability for men to delay or avoid orgasm, and/or to have orgasms without ejaculating by squeezing their PC muscle.207 Often, deeply rooted emotional blocks that are embedded in the body and inhibit a further spiritual awakening get revealed and can be released through transcendental sex.

[Leo Gura]

33 minutes ago, integral said:

as long as the partner cooperates or at least does not call the police

LMFAO

The golden standard for sex

Edited September 20, 2022 by Leo Gura

[Arthogaan]

Fourth and you just inspired me to make some more efforts to start doing 5th level 

Edited September 20, 2022 by Arthogaan

[How to be wise]

@integral You forgot stage 6: Celibacy.

[Girzo]

@How to be wise Good one.

The 5th stage sounds more like cosplay than a real stage. Too much of cultural baggagee for it to be considered some possible universal stage of development. And what if I dislike Eastern spirituality, can't I have transcendent sex?

[Leo Gura]

Stage 7: Fuckin on 5-MeO-DMT

[Tyler Robinson]

 

I would prefer the following kind of sex - 

             - intense passionate sex 

             - we both cumming at the same time, in sync

             - him expressing love during sex 

             - we both having similar sexual fantasies and Rape fantasies 

               - we both wanting to please one another 

               - we both knowing what the other wants just by eye contact and gestures rather than spoken words.. 

 

[integral]

4 hours ago, Girzo said:

The 5th stage sounds more like cosplay than a real stage. Too much of cultural baggagee for it to be considered some possible universal stage of development. And what if I dislike Eastern spirituality, can't I have transcendent sex?

Any sexual stage can happen at any spiral dynamics stage. So depending on your spiral stage a stage 5 sexual experience will be interpreted differently.

Examples:

1. A modern Purple male shaman may be fully present in his body (spiritual stage 1), while being in sexual tantric union with a woman (sexual state-stage 5), and fully accept her as an equal and opposite human being (anima complex stage 5). He may then interpret his experience as a magical spirit flowing through him to the woman and being reflected back from her.
2. An Blue male priest who conforms to the mythic laws of the Bible may have had a mystical experience (spiritual state-stage 4) of Christ consciousness, see women as sex objects (anima stage 2), and, while on a vacation in Thailand, fuck several prostitutes (sexual state-stage 2). He may see his spiritual experience as grace from God, treat women as inferior to men whom they should obey, and curse his sexual addiction, which he can’t control, as a Satanic affliction.
3. An Orange female biology teacher who has never had any spiritual experiences (spiritual stage 0) may enjoy various “boy-toys” as sex partners(sexual state-stage 3), and see men as being as equally independent as she is (anima complex stage 4). She may reject any spiritual notion as irrational, enjoy sex as a pleasurable and healthy physical activity, and value men as competent colleagues but not as romantic life partners.

[How to be wise]

8 hours ago, Girzo said:

@How to be wise Good one.

The 5th stage sounds more like cosplay than a real stage. Too much of cultural baggagee for it to be considered some possible universal stage of development. And what if I dislike Eastern spirituality, can't I have transcendent sex?

I think spirituality needs some sort of culture, whether Eastern or Western. Actualized.org is a culture.

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Stage 7: Fuckin on 5-MeO-DMT

How about both you and the girl on 5-MeO.

[thisintegrated]

Bigger than 5

[Arthogaan]

8 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

 

I would prefer the following kind of sex - 

             - intense passionate sex 

             - we both cumming at the same time, in sync

             - him expressing love during sex 

             - we both having similar sexual fantasies and Rape fantasies 

               - we both wanting to please one another 

               - we both knowing what the other wants just by eye contact and gestures rather than spoken words.. 

 

So stage 4 really.

[Tristan12]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Stage 7: Fuckin on 5-MeO-DMT

Didn't you say something a while ago about how on 5-MeO your sexual fantasies become so real and vivid that they are as good as or better than real sex? Or something along those lines?

[Leo Gura]

You don't even know what sex is without 5-MeO-DMT.

[XYZ]

Or porn

[Vynce]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You don't even know what sex is without 5-MeO-DMT.

I think 5-meo takes it to another level, but I think I recently had a glimpse into what sex with God might feels like. 

I was having sex with the figment of my girlfriend mixing up with figments of my friends, parents, sisters, people I hate, people I have only seen once, people I don't even know and so on. 

It was amazing, I loved to be intimate with all kinds of people in one act. That's what God is after all. 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Vynce

[Javfly33]

4 and 5 already seems pretty amazing.

Unfortunately I'm at 1&2. ?Hope I live to experience 6 ?

[Razard86]

On 9/20/2022 at 9:50 AM, integral said:

DEVELOPMENT OF SEXUALITY

There are five general levels of sexual exchange between partners that are a direct reflection of their physical, psychological, and spiritual health.197 Similar to the unfolding of the spiritual realizations outlined above, these levels can be experienced as a temporary state or become permanently accessible state-stages through practice with a partner. 

1. REPRESSED SEXUALITY

In this lowest stage, the body and sex are viewed with suspicion as something negative and dirty. Usually driven by shame, guilt, and fear that originate from childhood trauma and abuse, adults at this level either avoid sexual activities altogether, perform out of duty in a dissociated way(with closed eyes, under the sheets, in the dark), or develop forms of obsessive-compulsive disorders around their sexuality that can lead to sexual addiction and other abusive behaviors. Oral sex or similarly playful sensual activities are usually out of the question for people at this stage, where modesty is confused with shame.

2. FUCKING

In the fucking stage, sexuality is instinctual, self-serving, and limited to the physical, hedonistic pleasures of the body. Sex partners tend to objectify each other without seeking a deeper personal connection. They want to have fun, “get off,” and don’t care much about their partner’s emotional needs, feelings, or sexual desires. There is no shame or guilt, and “everything goes,” which can be confused with the higher, unrestrained forms of transcendent sexuality (see below), which is another form of the pre/trans fallacy (see above). In this stage, males often dominate and manipulate females into having intercourse and to engage in hurtful practices such as anal sex or deep-throating/gagging. In the fucking stage, everything is seen as OK, as long as the partner cooperates or at least does not call the police. Rarely is there a prior conversation about consent, sexual preferences, sexual history, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), no-no’s, expectations for a monogamous commitment, or possible consequences such as emotional/sexual dependence or pregnancy. Women at this stage often have an unspoken expectation of their partner to make an exclusive commitment after intercourse and feel used and abused if he moves on. They may also become intentionally pregnant without their partner’s consent to “hook him” and/or to collect child support and social security payments. Once the excitement of the newness vanishes, couples in this stage often lose interest in sex with each other and stop having sex or seek a new fuck buddy.198

3. HAVING SEX

In this stage, mindfulness comes into play. Sex becomes a conscious choice between a couple that has a mutual understanding and agreement about the implications and consequences of being sexual. Having sex is seen as a beautiful and important activity which brings two people together and provides many physical and emotional health benefits.199 There is usually an agreement for monogamy or openness about multiple lovers, and partners try to find the time and energy to be sexual with each other. Sex partners in this stage go beyond the pure physical aspects (fucking), and see each other as conscious subjects. They focus on pleasing the other within the context of individual boundaries, rather than trying to openly express and meet their own sexual needs, desires, and fantasies. This leads to sexuality at the lowest common denominator that often leaves both partners unfulfilled over time. Relationship difficulties such as power struggles or emotional withdrawal tend to be carried into the bedroom, but don’t get resolved there. Instead of working on deeper issues to improve their sexual relationship, couples in this stage sometimes try new positions or locations, engage in role playing, apply sex-toys, watch porn movies, or join swinger clubs to keep their sex life interesting. Unless they evolve to the next higher stage of sexual development, merely having sex will eventually turn stale, die completely, or become so difficult that their partnership ends when one of them falls in love/lust with a new sex partner.200

4. LOVE MAKING

In the lovemaking stage, a couple’s sexuality becomes the expression of their genuine love, mutual acceptance, deep emotional intimacy, and the joy of being together. Body, mind, and heart are integrated in their lovemaking which is no longer just “a thing that couples do,” but an expression of who they are as sexual human beings. No special effort to find the time or energy to be sexual needs to be made by them. Their lovemaking is a life-giving and rejuvenating affirmation of their bond and the depth of their connection. They are open to talking about their desires and exploring all forms of healthy sexual play that bring pleasure and deepen their union. They naturally stay in verbal and non-verbal communication(eye contact) with each other during their love making. Sex at this level is not used to cover up conflicts, to keep score, or to manipulate each other. Instead, sexual and emotional blocks that may arise are worked out between them, and therapeutic help is sought if they can’t resolve the problems that they face.201

5. TRANSCENDENT SEX

This stage represents all advanced sacred or tantric practices that lead to spiritual state experiences through sexual union (such as Kundalini),202 that transcend the lovers’ sense of separation from each other and the universe. This kind of sexuality emerges as a stage between partners that share a deep soul connection, enjoy a high level of physical, emotional, and relationship health, and have reached an advanced stage of spiritual development (see above) with the ability for intense presence and full surrender. Spiritual practices such as meditation, partner-yoga, and ecstatic dance are often interwoven in this form of lovemaking. Partners who consciously engage in transcendent sexuality allocate ample quality time for their lovemaking (instead of waiting until they are in the mood); create sacred space in their home or away (think of a tastefully decorated warm room, soft sheets, various sized/shaped pillows, dimmed lights, scented candles, burning incense, veils around the bed, oils and lotions, and soft sacred music); and co-create a wide range of experiences through rituals such as sharing sensual food (think strawberries, chocolate, ice-cream, etc.), eye gazing, erotic dance, synchronized conscious breathing into the seven chakras, reciting of mantras, reading poems,203 alternate giving and receiving of arousing touch and massage, playfulness with objects (think feathers, boas, silk, flower petals, ice cubes), gentle intercourse, or unrestrained ravaging (that may be falsely interpreted as a form of rape).204 A common position for deep tantric connection is for the man to sit cross-legged (or on a chair) and the woman on top of him, allowing them to meet each other face to-face as opposites and equals.205 The goal of transcendental sexuality is not solely to pleasure and to reach orgasms, but to move (Kundalini) energy up the spine or through the seven chakras, and to deepen the soul connection between the lovers that leads them to consciously experience the divine, instead of unconsciously exclaiming “oh my God” during a short orgasmic release.206 This requires the ability for men to delay or avoid orgasm, and/or to have orgasms without ejaculating by squeezing their PC muscle.207 Often, deeply rooted emotional blocks that are embedded in the body and inhibit a further spiritual awakening get revealed and can be released through transcendental sex.

While I agree with everything and this post is wonderful.....I once had tantra sex with a complete stranger and I had no idea what was happening and it all happened as if I had done it for years.....still have no clue what happened....weirdest thing ever....but one of the most profound moments of my life.

[ZenSwift]

Saving this to my Commonplace Book. 

 

What is the source of this information? @integral

 

 

That Leo coomer wojak meme got me good. ?

[integral]

On 9/22/2022 at 2:21 AM, ZenSwift said:

What is the source of this information? @integral

Book: Integral Relationships 

[ZenSwift]

@integral

Thankyou