Finally had a date with a girl but she rejected me the next day

[Someone here]

 

I've reached a breaking point when it comes to my love life, or lack thereof.

This past week, I went on a date. The first date I've had in years . Second date in my life.

Even getting this date was an amazing achievement for me, most of the time girls just ignore me after a few messages. Trying to sell myself in text form is next to impossible, and I seem really boring unless I'm in person. But this time we had a whole bunch in common . So it actually worked, and I was so excited.

I actually had high hopes for myself for this date, which I rarely do. It actually seemed doable. I did everything i could to make sure it went well. I dressed well, tidied myself up, and made sure I had a lot to say.

When i was there, conversation was easy. I made her laugh a lot, we connected on a bunch of topics, I thought I was interesting, and i wasn't a "nice guy" who simped for her. I was me. I tried to be myself, which I thought was the main thing you had to do. She gave no signs she wasn't interested, and I asked if she wanted to meet next week, and she said yes. I thought I'd gotten past the hardest part. I'm usually so nervous when I meet people, but the more I meet them the safer I feel to get out of my shell. The more I met her, the more she'd get to know me, and see I could be a good match.

But the very next day she sends me a big text bluntly saying she doesn't like me that way, and that she doesn't want to meet me again, even as a friend. It took ages to get her, and I can safely say it'll be months before I can get another. I live in a small town, and there's not much to choose from.

I'm in my late 20's now, and I'm well past the point of it being normal to have no relationship experience. It's easy for me to make friends, even with women. But I clearly have zero charisma beyond that, and no girl has seen me in a sexual way at all. And that seems to be all I can offer.

I'm genuinely terrified to escalate with a girl, I assume they find me creepy and pushy if I even think of touching her. I feel like a predator, and I just get the vibe I should leave them alone.

I absolutely don't know what to do anymore. I've tried looking after myself, because I thought self-improvement would lead to self-confidence, which would mean the girls would come to me, rather than vice versa. For years i've tried. And I'm much better now than I was when I started. But it hasn't worked.

I'm not an ugly person by any means, I actually think I'm quite attractive. But I've no idea how to get beyond that initial connection to anything substantial. Talking to them seems not to work. Showing my talents and passions doesn't either. Being me hasn't gotten me anywhere.

This has gone on for years now, and I've lost hope. I've tried to be resilient, learn from my failures and keep going, but I seem to be in the exact same place.

What can I do? I have so much love to give, and I really feel I'll be alone forever.

[Federico del pueblo]

@Someone here have you actually ever studied any kind of attraction theory?

I mean, this is kind of the prerequisite for guys who haven't been well socialized and/or always been attractive to girls.

Get in some good theory, then apply it, then adjust and learn and if necessary ask more specific questions.

[Someone here]

9 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@Someone here have you actually ever studied any kind of attraction theory?

I mean, this is kind of the prerequisite for guys who haven't been well socialized and/or always been attractive to girls.

Get in some good theory, then apply it, then adjust and learn and if necessary ask more specific questions.

Yes of course.  And it bringed me results.  This is almost the second date in my entire life .

I am a simple dude. Basic bro.

Who would be more attractive, me as I am now? or me if I became famous with lots of money  ? Same dude, same demeanour, same height, same 6 pack, same tattoos, but two total different paths 

That's how female attraction works imo:

It's hard to explain what sets them off in a woman, it's simply something like the tone of a mans voice,his personality, body language, etc which triggers the attraction mechanism which is inside of a woman.

I was talking to this  woman I met & started to smile, now she's the sort of woman who I can make smile in my presence,so a woman whose like her is interested in a man whose like me & certain feelings come up inside of her when I'm in her presence.

So,anything can set them off inside of a woman,I have just met a woman who feels that attraction towards me,they're not all the same either.

It seems like her attraction to me was fake . She made it up to not embarrassing me .because the very next day which is yesterday she texted me and said she ain't interested in a serious relationship with me .

I'm still able to talk to her as a friend though .

So what you recommend me to do ? Look for a new girl or try again with the same girl?

[Adamq8]

It happends, it was probably then not meant to be you two then, you got richer in experience atleast and that is a win no matter what.

Keep your head up high, be yourself, it will come a day when you finally meet someone, who you can also be yourself with.

No need to rush anything, fuck what society or what anyone else thinks, work on your self, and it will attract females aswell.

[Tyler Robinson]

This is so normal. Don't expect every date to turn out into a fairytale.

Hardcore dating requires persistence and steely resilience. 

You have to pursue a shit ton of people (male or female is irrelevant) in order to find just 1 compatible person and even then it doesn't work sometimes. Now you might reach the relationship stage and it can result in a breakup 

People aren't easy to win, men or women. Both can skip and flake on the pettiest reasons, this is default. 

One of the key lessons in dating is that it's rarely ever successful. It's worse than having a career. A career at least pays off your hard work. Dating isn't like that. You could be struggling even after a ton of hard work and self improvement. You might still not find that perfect match and if you finally did find that perfect person, they might suddenly leave you for no reason, this is even after a relationship. Relationships and dating are the most unstable components of life and you need to accept this, you're no exception to the rule, everyone is suffering equally and just like you. 

The only people who don't suffer are those that are insanely lucky to have stumbled on their soulmate right after the first few attempts, this is rare and also requires that the person be insanely attractive, emotionally intelligent, extremely social and great with people skills in general. 

If you don't tick any of the aforementioned boxes, then sorry, you have to accept that dating is going to be incredibly harder for you than a guy who is already successful and generally good with the ladies. Trust me, most people suck at social stuff. The so called social butterflies are actually very rare. Most people struggle with dating and you're no different. 

Just relax and keep trying to find new people and friends every day. Don't change yourself because it's difficult to keep up and attracts wrong kind of people. 

Just be authentic and keep connecting socially. Expose yourself to larger crowds, meet more people. You will find someone who takes interest and likes talking to you. 

Be good at talking. It's not so much about selling yourself. It's just being good at talk. 

 

Girls generally do not like over the top explicit sexual talk right off the bat,, it appears as cringe. So avoid rookie mistakes. 

I remember my high school days. I used to be attracted to dudes who had a firm personality, dominant style. They were romantic and knew how to tease me. 

Be good at getting attention of the girl. But don't act desperate or obsessive with getting attention. You have to know the push pull technique. 

Try to get the attention of a girl but know when to switch off the supply. Don't bamboozle. Most girls don't appreciate being chased too much, they won't respect you. Girls like a bit of you acting like you don't give a damn. Have that bad boy attitude. Not Stereotypical nice guy. Most girls don't care about nice guy because they don't challenge them. They just appear uninteresting. 

What makes you interesting is positioning yourself as a high value masculine. Women are biologically wired to be attracted to the most masculine in the bunch. The guy who appears more dare devil, more grounded, more firm in his Masculinity (even if you have to fake it, but fakes get caught later lol), the guy who leads the girl, the guy who takes charge of the conversation, respects his own value, doesn't come off as insecure, is intellectually sharp and knows how to command his value is the one who ends up attracting a ton of females to choose from....in short high value male. 

Dating is ruthless, challenging, hard and cruel and requires a mega ton of effort. 

So don't blame yourself. The game is already rigged against humans. 

 

[Someone here]

7 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

What makes you interesting is positioning yourself as a high value masculine. Women are biologically wired to be attracted to the most masculine in the bunch. The guy who appears more dare devil, more grounded, more firm in his Masculinity (even if you have to fake it, but fakes get caught later lol), the guy who leads the girl, the guy who takes charge of the conversation, respects his own value, doesn't come off as insecure, is intellectually sharp and knows how to command his value is the one who ends up attracting a ton of females to choose from....in short high value male. 

Dating is ruthless, challenging, hard and cruel and requires a mega ton of effort. 

So don't blame yourself. The game is already rigged against humans. 

 

12 minutes ago, Adamq8 said:

It happends, it was probably then not meant to be you two then, you got richer in experience atleast and that is a win no matter what.

Keep your head up high, be yourself, it will come a day when you finally meet someone, who you can also be yourself with.

No need to rush anything, fuck what society or what anyone else thinks, work on your self, and it will attract females aswell.

 @Tyler Robinson @Adamq8 thank you guys for the comments.

I actually forgot to mention how exactly did we meet each others which might be illuminating as to why she rejected me after the successful date ...which I still haven't figured out why. 

I met her online. In India the only way to meet women is through dating apps. Chatting to women in the pub is basically impossible. They're immediately on guard, they make snap judgements based off your body language, and they're always in packs of friends, so shy people like me are immediately chased off.

This is what she said to me:

"Hey I just wanted to say I had a really good time last night and I think you are honestly such a lovely guy, I just don’t think that I have feelings for you and the last thing I want to do is waste your time. I’m really sorry and I hope there are no hard feelings!

 

You did absolutely nothing wrong! You were so sweet and easy to chat to. I don’t have a lot of experience with relationships either so it’s a learning curve for me too. I just didn’t feel that there was chemistry between us."

[Tyler Robinson]

One more. Girls aren't attracted to cigarettes. One firm rule I had when I passed out of high school was that I would never date a guy who smokes cigs. 

The smell of cig  smoke is unbearable and those chain smoker dudes have horrid temperament issues, they lose temper quickly and tend to be Hyper manic. 

So I learned to avoid and screen them out. 

Maybe control your cig addiction. Any interested girl will be eventually turned off if she saw that. 

I wanted to break up with a guy who used to smoke just for his smoking. It was tough for me to tolerate his habit. 

[petar8p]

40 minutes ago, Someone here said:

try again with the same girl?

You cannot really try again if she wrote you a text after the first date that she doesn't wanna see you anymore. Move on.

[Someone here]

6 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

One more. Girls aren't attracted to cigarettes. One firm rule I had when I passed out of high school was that I would never date a guy who smokes cigs. 

The smell of cig  smoke is unbearable and those chain smoker dudes have horrid temperament issues, they lose temper quickly and tend to be Hyper manic. 

So I learned to avoid and screen them out. 

Maybe control your cig addiction. Any interested girl will be eventually turned off if she saw that. 

I wanted to break up with a guy who used to smoke just for his smoking. It was tough for me to tolerate his habit. 

It depends on one’s own interests. Some girls perceive a guy who smokes as hot and sexy while some think as badass person.

According to me girls usually prefer guys who doesn’t smoke.  But There are rare girls who are perfectly fine with their boyfriend or husband smoking. Because girls are usually future oriented and they would like to secure a husband’s future health wise.

So guys, if we want to marry someone, then the answer to smoking is a big “NO”.

For dating, it’s up to u.

[Someone here]

3 minutes ago, petar8p said:

You cannot really try again if she wrote you a text after the first date that she doesn't wanna see you anymore. Move on.

True. 

The issue though is that I got rejected  plenty of times before I actually found a girl who accepted to sit and talk with me.that in itself is a huge achievement imo.  And I'm not sure if I can easily find a similar girl.

Although I agree with you .she clearly rejected me .so there is no point being her doggy.

[petar8p]

3 minutes ago, Someone here said:

The issue though is that I got rejected  plenty of times before I actually found a girl who accepted to sit and talk with me.that in itself is a huge achievement imo.  And I'm not sure if I can easily find a similar girl.

Although I agree with you .she clearly rejected me .so there is no point being her doggy.

It is a huge achievement. Dating game is a marathon though and perhaps the best option if you wanna get really good is to move to a bigger city..

 

[Leo Gura]

This is a scarcity problem.

Women are too flaky to ever depend on them for sex. Hence you must go out and talk to many girls and collect many numbers for many dates, until one of them hooks hard.

And don't invest too much into them until sex. They will waste your time without a second thought.

Edited September 16, 2022 by Leo Gura

[gettoefl]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

This is a scarcity problem.

Women are too flaky to ever depend on them for sex. Hence you must go out and talk to many girls and collect many numbers for many dates, until one of them hooks hard.

And don't invest too much into them until sex. They will waste your time without a second thought.

until sex, all talking and meeting is just interviewing for a position ... don't tell them that of course or make a joke about which position you are always thinking about

[integral]

19 minutes ago, petar8p said:

It is a huge achievement. Dating game is a marathon though and perhaps the best option if you wanna get really good is to move to a bigger city..

Its a marathon before you become a mirror that reflecting there deepest desires back to them. When your highly socially calibrated you don't need a penny in your bank account for them to fall for you hard. 

[mr_engineer]

@Someone here Where do you live? If you live in a small-town in India, that's a very, very obvious problem. 

Chase some success and move to a big city. Like Mumbai, Delhi or Chennai. Or, better still, tourist-destinations like Goa, Pondicherry, etc. There you'll meet lots of hot women. 

And online-dating is by far the worst way to meet women. You should look to meet them through work-circles or gym-circles. If you go to the gym, for example, 99% of your confidence-issues with escalation will go away! That's how you bridge the 'league-gap', so to speak, in terms of looks. Cuz your body-language and skin will get better. 

Edited September 16, 2022 by mr_engineer

[petar8p]

53 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Its a marathon before you become a mirror that reflecting there deepest desires back to them. When your highly socially calibrated you don't need a penny in your bank account for them to fall for you hard. 

I meant building up your game. It's a huge process that will probably take many years to get where you wanna be..

 

[NoSelfSelf]

Did you celebrate your win tho ? ?

[Federico del pueblo]

2 hours ago, Someone here said:

Who would be more attractive, me as I am now? or me if I became famous with lots of money  ? Same dude, same demeanour, same height, same 6 pack, same tattoos, but two total different paths

And what does that mean?

You can't get dates until you're rich and famous? ?

2 hours ago, Someone here said:

It seems like her attraction to me was fake . She made it up to not embarrassing me .because the very next day which is yesterday she texted me and said she ain't interested in a serious relationship with me .

We don't know what you did on the date. It have been your vibe too. If I go by your posts on the forum then I could well imagine that you give off a vibe of desperation, especially considering that it was your first date in X years.

Bro, you need 1 date per week, not 1 date in 2 years lol.

2 hours ago, Someone here said:

So what you recommend me to do ? Look for a new girl or try again with the same girl?

New girl. That last one is already unattainable for you at this point.

[Razard86]

2 hours ago, Someone here said:

It depends on one’s own interests. Some girls perceive a guy who smokes as hot and sexy while some think as badass person.

According to me girls usually prefer guys who doesn’t smoke.  But There are rare girls who are perfectly fine with their boyfriend or husband smoking. Because girls are usually future oriented and they would like to secure a husband’s future health wise.

So guys, if we want to marry someone, then the answer to smoking is a big “NO”.

For dating, it’s up to u.

Your problem is you think you have things figured out. Notice in this entire thread you complain, but then respond with self-assured statements. Don't worry after life beats you up enough, you will finally realize you don't know crap. I could help you, but you are not ready to be helped because you assume you know. So yeah, hit me up when you stop thinking you know.

[D2sage]

This is normal.

She maybe felt that you are the type of guy who will fall in love with every girl you go on a date with. Or any girl that sits on your lap.

Fuck one of her friends. It's the sweetest thing if you really liked her.