Need quick advice: "dating" at work?

[Uncover]

Hi,

I am a 26 years old guy, an introvert. I had mostly bad experiences with girls. I'm working as an accountant in a two stores building. We recently had a new colleague girl on another team than me. I looked her up on facebook then I texted her on messenger on September 06. We talked a little about work then I invited her out. She wrote me that we'll see each other over lunchbreak the next day. On the following day I went to lunchbreak. We have two tables, one smaller, around 6 persons, and the other larger, around 12-15 persons, so it's a small place (introverts don't like this) with many known people.

So, there she was, sitting alone at the 6 persons table facing towards me. I was with my 4 colleagues. She smiled and said "Hi". I smiled, turned my back on her and took a place at the other table leaving her alone. She didn't reply to my texts on messenger since then. I was overwhelmed with fear, very anxious to sit in front of her. Maybe because I like her? Because I'm afraid that I'll make a fool of myself in front of my colleagues? That I'll disappoint her? That there are girls which I asked out some time ago and rejected my invitation, and they'll watch us? I never really talked much over lunchbreak, not even with my colleagues, and it's 5 years since I'm working in this building. I'm afraid of judgement, I guess. I was on my 6th no nut day, which is a lot for me, I usually do it around 2 days (watching porn); now I'm on my third. Maybe that amplified the anxiety. And it's been 2 years since I got laid.

 However, today I texted her on hangouts (work chat). She replied, we talked a little about work again, like nothing happened, then I invited her out again. Again, she said " we'll talk tomorrow over lunch".  And now I'm all "pepsi" :)) so stressed out. What if that experience will repeat again? What if I'll start shaking again and won't be able to sit in front of her? If I sit in front of her, what if I simply freeze and lose my words?

What should I do to keep my calm tomorrow? Any advice greatly appreciated.

[Devin]

Be okay with shaking and freezing. If you don't ever choose to put yourself out there to be with a girl you'll never put yourself out there right?

If you do shake or freeze you'll see it's not the end of the world and you will be less anxious next time. Do it again, so on so forth

If you do nothing you lose the girl, if you try you may get her or at t the very least make progress with your problem.

Zero lose by trying

[NoSelfSelf]

We cant give you an answer to a complicated problem,you cant fake game so just accept she will see you anxious and even reject you,so you dont have this big expectation that cripples you...

Its like asking how can i lift 200kg tommorow i feel afraid...

[Emrie]

That is a very small workplace, like damn.

I'm okay dating within my company but I would make sure that our jobs are not related to each other. This is a simple protection mechanism, if things go sour, your work isn't affected.

[King Merk]

Don’t shit where you eat bro.

Start dating other women outside of the workplace because with your lack of experience you’re bound to fuck up any relationship you do get… especially one at work 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNDvf0q2Xds

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M0dfQQJoAU

 

[universe]

Learn to relax and be playful in these kind of situations.

Kind of like, get our your head. You see in your head there are all these negative beliefs and thoughts, of what could go wrong and what other people think. That's not doing you any favours.

But I wouldn't recommend dating in a small company like yours. There is always the possibility of it working out great in the beginning, you get together and then after a year or so you have a nasty break up. Then you would have to see each other at work every day...

[Thought Art]

Kindly and with love…Don’t be an idiot. You must not date your coworkers for so many reasons. It’s going to create a toxic work environment when it doesn’t work out because honestly is likely won’t l. You need to date in setting where you can easily exit, and then “who’s next?”. 
 

a guy like you asking these questions needs experience experience experience. Which means lots of failure. Which is totally normal. Just don’t do it at work. 

Edited September 14, 2022 by Thought Art

[Devin]

He's in romania, I say go for it.

 

They'll probably be married with one on the way next year.

[Roy]

"Don't shit where you eat."

[Devin]

He's not a player/shitter

[Tron]

going for girls at work usually ends badly, and can be tough to be around if/when it does end badly. I wouldn't recommend it unless you are working there temporarily. 

[Uncover]

On 9/14/2022 at 8:17 PM, Devin said:

Be okay with shaking and freezing. If you don't ever choose to put yourself out there to be with a girl you'll never put yourself out there right?

If you do shake or freeze you'll see it's not the end of the world and you will be less anxious next time. Do it again, so on so forth

If you do nothing you lose the girl, if you try you may get her or at t the very least make progress with your problem.

Zero lose by trying

Well, I felt the fear and did it anyway. It felt great, and it went quite well, but we only talked about work. Today was the second time we talked at work (half an hour face 2 face), I was less anxious.

However, I don't see it going somewhere. We don't talk by texting, she ignores my texts if I write her. We only talk face 2 face over lunch break and I don't understand why. I get the impression that she doesn't want anything with me, but I also see her interested somehow; I can't understand her. Idk what to do.

After lunch break I texted her on the work chat (hangouts) if she wants to go out after work. She simply replied "I can't today". I said: "how about sunday evening? Or whenever you are free" (alongside 3 more sentences which she saw and ignored, I deleted them all). Tomorrow I'll ask her again if we can talk over lunch break. Most likely she will say yes.

Even though, I don't like talking over lunch break because we don't have privacy and we can't talk personal things. Like today.. after 10 mins alone another colleague came and joined our table, It seemed that this new colleague was the center if attention now, the conversation revolved around her mostly somehow. So yes, we kinda lost contact at that point, I felt her like wanting to leave. Well, I'll see tomorrow, but I'm not very optimistic.    

[NoSelfSelf]

@Uncover Please avoid her im begging you ???

[Uncover]

23 hours ago, King Merk said:

Don’t shit where you eat bro.

Start dating other women outside of the workplace because with your lack of experience you’re bound to fuck up any relationship you do get… especially one at work 

Great answer! Except, I have ZERO dating opportunities outside work. Even on tinder I didn't get ant matches and I uninstalled it. On facebook girls don't accept my friend request. If some do, they are either taken, or they don't reply to my texts.

And face to face I have no place to meet new girls. Since I come from work then I go in my 3 square feet room and spend the rest of the evening alone there, like, day by day. It's a small city, with very little to do. I went to a gym 3 months ago, I got an accident and I stopped going. However, after gym I would still come back my empty cave. So the gym was just a little "refresh". 

[Uncover]

5 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Uncover Please avoid her im begging you ???

But why? ?? Well, should I not text her tomorrow? I'll see if she texts me.. I guess she won't. Did I get creepy? I'm even more discouraged nou. Like, I don't want to have to deal with girls ever again. 

[Uncover]

17 hours ago, Devin said:

He's in romania, I say go for it.

 

They'll probably be married with one on the way next year.

That's usually how it goes here ? We have 2 married couples, with kids, who met in this building. So yeah, who knows? Now, I really don't know what to do anymore. Positive and negative replies :)) Guess I start praying, literarily, I'm orthodox. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Uncover Because you are not built for this, i mean its 1000% obvious to me she's not interested and stringing you for some of her benefit, that im not sure what and care to understand...

Edit:and if you expect to get resaults without building yourself then its better to drop it and focus on something else really...

Edited September 15, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[Devin]

3 hours ago, Uncover said:

That's usually how it goes here ? We have 2 married couples, with kids, who met in this building. So yeah, who knows? Now, I really don't know what to do anymore. Positive and negative replies :)) Guess I start praying, literarily, I'm orthodox. 

GO FOR IT!!!! You didn't ask if you should you asked how. Fuk the unsolicited advice for should, you already knew that answer, these guys are player's from the big cities, you're in a traditional setting and culture, these guys don't have a clue, if you like her and she's single she's your's

Edited September 15, 2022 by Devin

[Devin]

3 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Uncover Because you are not built for this, i mean its 1000% obvious to me she's not interested and stringing you for some of her benefit, that im not sure what and care to understand...

Edit:and if you expect to get resaults without building yourself then its better to drop it and focus on something else really...

Then why not go for it to use the experience to get over the anxiety?

Edited September 15, 2022 by Devin