Playing The Victim Role

[Gladius]

Hello guys!

I've been self-actualizing for almost a couple years now. I feel like I'm growing a lot but this process is being also painful. Last year I became so aware I had to drop my job and follow my purpose in a not balanced way.  A few weeks ago I shouted for the first time my father, because he was insulting me as he often did. I did it like 20 years late, but still glad I did it. My mother congratulated me and the relationship with them has actually improved.

So I had an epiphany with latest video (thanks Leo). I have been playing the victim role my whole life. I can't understand how I didn't see this before. My mind is always telling me how people is taking advantage of me, embarrassing me, fooling me... Such awareness now is driving me crazy. I can see the trick but I can't avoid it.

 The problem is I was psychologically abused since I was a child, so I'm one of those that will have to work extrahard to become my real self, since I can't really recall my blank slate. I'm wondering if I will be ever able to bounce back to a "happiness" I never had. Any recommendations on that?

Thanks for reading!

[Rebecc]

@Gladius I think it may be time to uncover and undo some of those childhood traumas. I also had a few traumas in my childhood and young adult years I needed to face. To put it short, I don't think it's ever something you can completely forget about. The reality is, it happened to you, but it shaped who you were. By facing these traumas it makes the weight of carrying them much lighter. 

Hope that helps

[Soulbass]

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem"

– Jack Sparrow

 

Did you watched these videos by Leo ?

- How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions

- One Simple Rule For Acing Life

 

Edited February 15, 2017 by Soulbass

[Flare]

13 hours ago, Gladius said:

The problem is I was psychologically abused since I was a child, so I'm one of those that will have to work extrahard to become my real self, since I can't really recall my blank slate. I'm wondering if I will be ever able to bounce back to a "happiness" I never had. Any recommendations on that?

Yes: Working extra hard! 

You say you are aware of the fact that you're playing the victim game, so get rid of it. Reframe your mind. Don't say, you have to work extra hard. You are allowed to work extra hard. Most athletes come from poor backgrounds (even if this might be the most plain and simple example there is). They got the drive, because they had to fight "extra hard" to get where they are right now. In fact there are people of any kind that followed the same road. You body and mind are going to do something called overcompensation, this is only possible if you got an deficit. The point is, since your not only compensating, but overcompensating you can reacher higher levels of success, persona-conciousness and skills than most of us can. 

Happiness shouldn't be your goal. Missing happiness just plays into your victim complex that something has been taking from you that you deserve. So every time you feel unhappy you gotta rationalize it. PD is not about being happy. Happiness comes by itself most of the time, or from an ecosystem of positive emotions you developed by yourself. 

Last but not least be aware that having a victim complex, similar to shyness, basically you got some narcissistic ego involved in that. (That is neither good or bad!) That's a huge source for energy and motivation, even though you have to drop it at some point of your journey. 

You got a lot work to do, be thankful for that! Wish you the best 

 

Edited February 15, 2017 by Flare

[Gladius]

@Flare Many thanks for your inspiring message

[Sevi]

I would like to offer some books:

" Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend"

" Self-Esteem, Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning"

" The Dance of Anger, Dr. Harriet Lerner": in the last chapter of this book, she talks about the triangles in the families and how to handle them; you might benefit.

And if you need a real hard work: 

Arno Gruen:

#  "The Insanity of Normality: Understanding Human Destructiveness"

#  "The Betrayal of the Self"

# "Autonomy and Identification: The Paradox of Their Opposition"

 

Happiness is a decision.

Knowing the boundaries is always an efficient tool.

I suggest you to see and accept your part in the scenario.

Lastly, of course without being the battle field it's easier to talk about it but still, there is nothing celebratory about shouting at someone. How could you be doing a better job than that?

Wishing you all the best:)

[Gladius]

@Sevi Thanks for your recommendations. I actually knew my whole life but I only needed to hear the words "you can drop the victim role". That's been mindblowing and everytime I catch myself in negative thinking I only have to remind those. It's been huge.

I don't support violence at all, but sometimes, just sometimes with some people, you gotta fight back to set the boundaries you forgot to set before. After shouting, my father had also a realization, he apologized (his way), and as I said that has improved a lot the atmosphere with my family. No doubt it was the right thing to do.