Are You Narcissistic?

[Magic]

No offence intended.

How many of you are happy?
I wonder how living a happy life can conduce developing a narcissistic personality.
I walk a way of life of a single guy, and I am very, very happy.
I am successful in my understanding of success.

 

@Leo Gura, perhaps you could dive into the topic of narcissism in some video?
No, not about narcissistic parents, which topic is quite popular on the internet.
On narcissistic I.

Edited February 14, 2017 by Magic

[Nahm]

[Magic]

Yeah, Trump might be a narcissist... but frankly, I don't know and I don't care. ;D
I wouldn't like to assess anyone here. :)

I'd like to talk about How happy life can conduce to development of a narcissistic personality?

[Nahm]

Sounds like you have your experience, your proof and your finding already. Unless you don't know if you're narcissistic or not. 

 

[Bronsoval]

Yes. But im getting better ?

[Magic]

@Nahm, I have some thoughts but I keep my mind open... I opened the topic to hear what others have to say.
I don't know if I am narcissistic and I don't want you to focus on me, I'd rather hear about your experience.
I am sure you have much more to say about the latter.

Pity you sound like not interested in any findings whatsoever, as opposed to trolling the topic by posting content that is indirect and obscure in meaning, so maybe take five.

@Bronsoval, Could you tell how do you know you are a narcissist and what you do to get better? And how do you know you are actually getting better?

[Nahm]

54 minutes ago, Magic said:

@Nahm, I have some thoughts but I keep my mind open... I opened the topic to hear what others have to say.
I don't know if I am narcissistic and I don't want you to focus on me, I'd rather hear about your experience.
I am sure you have much more to say about the latter.

Pity you sound like not interested in any findings whatsoever, as opposed to trolling the topic by posting content that is indirect and obscure in meaning, so maybe take five.

@Bronsoval, Could you tell how do you know you are a narcissist and what you do to get better? And how do you know you are actually getting better?

..

My apologies, seriously. 

For the record though, it wasn't trolling until you commented on it.

 

[Bronsoval]

22 hours ago, Magic said:

@Bronsoval, Could you tell how do you know you are a narcissist and what you do to get better? And how do you know you are actually getting better?

Im an American who was raised by narcissistic parents.  Its part of my culture.  

Upon studying self actualization I am realizing that it's not all about me, and that "I" don't actually even exist!  Im taking steps to reduce my ego

Such as:

Not projecting, recognizing how I judge others and that im actually judging myself, forgiving myself of all my failures, embracing not knowing, accepting reality as it is, staying in the present moment, being radically open minded, etc

Edited February 16, 2017 by Bronsoval

[Wafflemuffins]

How do you define narcissism for yourself? Recognizing your strengths and being happy with working hard for a happy, successful life, doesn't sound like narcissism to me. 

[Morten]

Perhaps we are all narcissistic in the roles we play

[Scholar]

I would say the opposite is the case. If you are unhappy, you tend to develope a narcissistic personality, because as long as you are suffering you will care about yourself first and foremost. It's like, if your cup is empty, you will try to fill it no matter what cost. If your cup is full though, you can worry about other people's empty cups, because there isn't much to improve about your own one.

If you are truly happy and fulfilled, there is no need to think about yourself anymore. Why would you if you have everything you need? And keep in mind that just because you are smiling and laughing all day, doesn't mean that you are happy. Sure, Trump seems like a happy guy on the surface, but his behaviour clearly shows that he is desperately trying to fill a void in his life. 

 

When you look in the mirror and check if you look good enough, are you doing it because you are happy, or are you doing it because you need reassurance, because of the fear that you might not be enough? The constant worry about oneself is rooted in suffering, not in fulfillment.

Edited February 17, 2017 by Scholar

[Magic]

18 hours ago, Bronsoval said:

recognizing how I judge others and that im actually judging myself

This was my biggest problem, which I solved with the help of LSD... Not going off-topic too much, I must tell you the substance opened my eyes so radically, I cried for a few hours having realised how harmful, detrimental, toxic, unnecessary, and deeply unhumane my judgemental attitude had been, and how prevalent in my part of the world (Western Europe) it is...

 

16 hours ago, Wafflemuffins said:

How do you define narcissism for yourself?

It's a very, very good question. One theory I've heard goes that you can tell a narcissist by absolute priority of his emotions. I think it can be reworded as lack of compassion.

That could apply to me, but I am not sure, I am trying to find out. I know that I, having arranged my life in almost perfect calmness, tend to avoid problems people share with me. But this applies to problems without definite attempts of solving them, I hate it when people just talk about what's bothering them and don't do anything about that, except for worrying without respite, of course. On the other hand though, I could devote more of my time to deconstruct the problem and help the person move on, but from my subjective experience I know it rarely comes off, so I choose to avoid the whole hassle upfront. So the most frequent scenario is that I try to help, but if after some time I see no or little action, I withdraw.

 

Do you think compassion is related to narcissism? Can you recall any situation from your life that would support or rebuke such claim?

 

2 hours ago, Scholar said:

If you are unhappy, you tend to develope a narcissistic personality, because as long as you are suffering you will care about yourself first and foremost.

Hmm, that's interesting, although I find one doubtful theory you follow here: Narcissism involves caring in an unhappy state primarily about oneself. And you assume that one does care primarily about oneself when being unhappy, but is this really so? I'd rather suppose one, say a man of low consciousness, will try to attract attention and blame others for him being unhappy, but does that equal caring?

Apart from this one doubt I have, I agree with you that filling one's own cup first is healthy. (I think it's called positive egoism nowadays.)

 

2 hours ago, Scholar said:

If you are truly happy and fulfilled, there is no need to think about yourself anymore.

Maybe you're right... I might be trying to better myself beyond reasonable limits, incurring alternate costs...

 

2 hours ago, Scholar said:

When you look in the mirror and check if you look good enough, are you doing it because you are happy, or are you doing it because you need reassurance, because of the fear that you might not be enough?

After some consideration, I think I am doing so because I am happy. Then, however, a doubt arose in my mind, if I am not too self-content and thus a bit insolent? But then I recalled that nothing can forbid me to be happy and no one can refrain me from letting go a worry, in defiance of many social and cultural mechanisms.

Edited February 17, 2017 by Magic

[Scholar]

48 minutes ago, Magic said:

Hmm, that's interesting, although I find one doubtful theory you follow here: Narcissism involves caring in an unhappy state primarily about oneself. And you assume that one does care primarily about oneself when being unhappy, but is this really so? I'd rather suppose one, say a man of low consciousness, will try to attract attention and blame others for him being unhappy, but does that equal caring?

Maybe replace "caring" with "pay attention to". An unconscious person will tend to pay attention to suffering and then take actions to avoid that suffering. 

Let's say a brother and sister fight for candy, and the brother wins because he is stronger. He causes suffering is his sister, but his own suffering is too great for him to care about his sister. Despite how bad he might feel for his sister, chances are that he will focus entirely on his own suffering. If he really craves the candy (which I would define as suffering) or he is scared of being judged for compassionate actions (which I would define as suffering aswell) then he will tend to focus on himself and keep the candy, his reaction that of anger.

Now assume that the brother isn't suffering at all. It wouldn't come to the fight because the brother wouldn't care about the craving he possesses for the candy. Even if it came to the fight, the brother would have given the candy to his sister because the void of his own suffering leaves room for compassionate suffering. He will feel empathy for his crying sister, and thus suffer himself. But if he already is filled with suffering from cravings and fear, then the compassion will not happen, and even if it will happen, his egoic suffering will take over.

Another example is the beggar on the street. When people feel empathetic for the beggar and give him money, they do it because of compassionate suffering. But they don't really help him, they just give him enough money so their conscience is satisfied. Now, if the person would be completely free of suffering, he would be able to really help the beggar. Complete lack of suffering includes no suffering from fear, so he would simply give the beggar a place to live in. He wouldn't care about the his fear of the reactions of his friends and family. He wouldn't care of the fear that the beggar might steal his possessions. Because there is no isuffering in himself, there is room for true compassion.

Another example would be the meat eater. A meat eater is suffering when he cannot eat meat. Either he likes the taste of meat, or he believes that he requires it to be healthy. In this case it is again craving, but also fear of death and disease. If the person is not scared of death, or lacks the suffering from fear, the choice not to eat meat is effortless. There is room for compassion finally, because the egoic suffering is gone.

 

Of course, compassionate suffering is a form of egoic suffering, but it is different in the way that it is outwards directed instead of inward directed. There is no guarantee that lack of "inward" suffering will create compassionate suffering, but atleast there is a greater chance of it to develope. On the other hand inward suffering can help to develope empathy for others who suffer the same, but I would say that in most cases, inward suffering creates greater defenses of the ego, including the possible developement of narcissistic structures. 

 

Keep in mind that suffering is a means to motivate actions of self-preservation and reproduction. When suffering is gone, there is really no reason for one to desperately self-preserve and reproduce.

Edited February 17, 2017 by Scholar

[Bronsoval]

On Thursday, February 16, 2017 at 4:49 PM, Wafflemuffins said:

How do you define narcissism for yourself? Recognizing your strengths and being happy with working hard for a happy, successful life, doesn't sound like narcissism to me. 

nar·cis·sism

ˈnärsəˌsizəm/

noun

excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance

 

[eskwire]

@Magic I agree with @Scholar that, psychologically speaking, narcissistic personality disorder is a manifestation of weak ego and, therefore, suffering.  Note that I say "weak ego" not "distanced ego" or "eradicated ego."  An ego that exists, but is flailing.

It is also that case that such a personality disorder causes strife in relationships and real world consequences that add to the suffering.

[Shin]

As long as you don't realize your true nature, you're narcissistic ^^

[Nahm]

7 hours ago, Shin said:

As long as you don't realize your true nature, you're narcissistic ^^

Nah. Not realizing your true nature, is not realizing your true nature. 

This is what Narcissism is:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism

[Magic]

@Nahm, this is what I mean by narcissism in this topic:

Prioritising own emotions over emotions of others.

For example: "My comfort is the most important. My well-being is the most important. My time is the most important. Everything is fine as long as I'm tranquil. For me to be tranquil my needs need to be met no matter what. I'm fine even if you're not, or less fine." And so on.

[Nahm]

18 hours ago, Magic said:

@Nahm, this is what I mean by narcissism in this topic:

Prioritising own emotions over emotions of others.

For example: "My comfort is the most important. My well-being is the most important. My time is the most important. Everything is fine as long as I'm tranquil. For me to be tranquil my needs need to be met no matter what. I'm fine even if you're not, or less fine." And so on.

Are you indirectly stating that you put the needs of others before yourself?

[Magic]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Are you indirectly stating that you put the needs of others before yourself?

@Nahm, nopes (I always try to be as direct as possible :)).

A friend suggested to me that being very happy can lead to self-admiration, which I think might be viewed as narcissism. I suspected tendency to narcissism in me, thus I wanted to learn more about this correlation. Quite ironically, not much later she bashed on my happiness so hard I'm still regaining balance, and it's been a month now. Lesson (is still being) learned.