Journal :Let's talk sex

[Someone here]

2 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 my  future wife. 

Well..im not sure if want to marry . I want to be able to fuck as much diversity of women as possible. Being a single man is like being a free bird. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

7 hours ago, Someone here said:

@Zigzag Idiot I am curious to know what sexual education looks like in your country. Where are you from? 

* Who or where do you get it from?
* On a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being bad and 5 being great), how would you qualify the sex ed in your country?
* Does your government promote a nation wide plan or does it depend on non governmental institutions (NGO) schools, etc.?
* Do you think the people who teach sexual education are properly trained?
* Have you learned about sexual education from other sources? Books, videos, talking with people you trust? Which one contributed the most to your knowledge?
* How do you feel talking about sexuality related topics with other people?
* Have you ever heard of "Ideología de género" or "Gender Ideology"? If you have, what are your views on that?
* If you don't have sexual education in your country, what elements in your opinion contribute to not having it? I am interested in all points of view .


These bullet points are just possible guidelines to talk about the subject. You can answer any, all or none of them.
 

I just turned 55. When I was in school there was no sex education at my school. I live in a rural area of Arkansas. I really know nothing about contemporary sex education that's offered in my country other than there used to be a wide variance concerning the curriculum when  contrasting different areas of the country.

Former President Clinton is from Arkansas. When elected in the early nineties he choose Joycelyn Elders, also from Arkansas, as Surgeon General.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joycelyn_Elders Being an outspoken advocate for sex education and masturbation. I remember the controversy surrounding her,,,

Conservative Christian Fundamentalists still hold sway over politics and local school boards where most of the decisions are made. At the heart of this Stage blue - orange Spiral Dynamics worldview, shaming and scapegoating from people who themselves are sexual repressed perpetuate this repression. In my opinion mostly because of fear and group think. These people are not integrated nor individuated to the point of turning the tide. The metaphorical tide though is turning led by the more highly populated metropolitan areas. It just seems so slow to happen. The diversity across our country is vast. East and west coast being quite progressive. The middle of the country is still pretty much ruled over by a bunch of sexually repressed conservative numb-nuts.

As an adolescent, I experimented with others of the same sex on a few occasions. Mostly because of curiosity and through loss of boundaries during times of extreme drunkenness.  These few events satisfied my curiosity regarding my sexuality but were little morsels of gossip that were spread around our little community and would still today cause some of my family shame. I've become more Teflon or' thick skinned' as the saying goes. Over the years. I would observe how people would passive aggressively name drop and such in an attempt to gain psychological advantage,,, I guess,,. Attempts in trying to shame me. For the most part, unintegrated, sexually repressed people's attempt at perpetuating this fearful worldview. Being that my Journal is known about by some locals, I invite harassment by engaging in these kind of discussions. To me, psychological integration means that one can stand their ground when confronted by others with, I guess,  has to be labeled as somewhat 'shadow material'. 

[Someone here]

8 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

I just turned 55. When I was in school there was no sex education at my school. I live in a rural area of Arkansas. I really know nothing about contemporary sex education that's offered in my country other than there used to be a wide variance concerning the curriculum when  contrasting different areas of the country.

Former President Clinton is from Arkansas. When elected in the early nineties he choose Joycelyn Elders, also from Arkansas, as Surgeon General.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joycelyn_Elders Being an outspoken advocate for sex education and masturbation. I remember the controversy surrounding her,,,

Conservative Christian Fundamentalists still hold sway over politics and local school boards where most of the decisions are made. At the heart of this Stage blue - orange Spiral Dynamics worldview, shaming and scapegoating from people who themselves are sexual repressed perpetuate this repression. In my opinion mostly because of fear and group think. These people are not integrated nor individuated to the point of turning the tide. The metaphorical tide though is turning led by the more highly populated metropolitan areas. It just seems so slow to happen. The diversity across our country is vast. East and west coast being quite progressive. The middle of the country is still pretty much ruled over by a bunch of sexually repressed conservative numb-nuts.

As an adolescent, I experimented with others of the same sex on a few occasions. Mostly because of curiosity and through loss of boundaries during times of extreme drunkenness.  These few events satisfied my curiosity regarding my sexuality but were little morsels of gossip that were spread around our little community and would still today cause some of my family shame. I've become more Teflon or' thick skinned' as the saying goes. Over the years. I would observe how people would passive aggressively name drop and such in an attempt to gain psychological advantage,,, I guess,,. Attempts in trying to shame me. For the most part, unintegrated, sexually repressed people's attempt at perpetuating this fearful worldview. Being that my Journal is known about by some locals, I invite harassment by engaging in these kind of discussions. To me, psychological integration means that one can stand their ground when confronted by others with, I guess,  has to be labeled as somewhat 'shadow material'. 

Same here .They didn’t teach us about same-sex relationships. I had to explore my gay side with a random dude who I met on the street.  Here In India there is a lot of homosexuality going on and the government knows about It but doesn't do anything about it . Because the guys are sexually suppressed.so they end up having sex with each other .

We had human reproduction taught as part of the biology syllabus back in 2013 when I was at high school . Although they taught us the ‘mechanics’ of the act, nothing was said about contraception or gay relationships.

I learned about contraception a few years later, when I got myself into pornography

I went to middle school in  white, rich beachside town, full of kids who thought they were better than others because of the way they looked or dressed or because their parents’ divorce was not as bad as the alcoholism and marital issues of everyone else’s parents. 

But like I said They didn’t teach us about same-sex relationships. But i remember vividly:

I was in a class in high school .. and the professor was teaching us Reproduction. I'd always been a bright biology student, kind of a teacher's favourite, which gave me the license to create all the ruckus I wanted in class.

Sir was discussing spermatogenesis, and asked us if we had any doubts. Not sure how, but I ended up asking him how can we increase our sperm count ? . And The whole class burst into laughter. But wait there's more! This mischievous friend of mine answered the question before sir did. “Eat toor dal.” Not sure how legitimate that is. But the class sure was fun. Even sir couldn't stop laughing.

 

[Someone here]

If one has a girlfriend and still watches porn ,is it considered cheating  ?

I know I want  to have a girlfriend. But I don't wanna give up my porn habit for her .

When you see someone doing something, or imagine yourself doing it .. your brain does not know the difference between reality and fiction. It should be treated as cheating. But many porn addicted men get defensive, feel guilty, and call women insecure prudes.

 

[Someone here]

Since the age of 2, about 98% of the people in my life have been women. From an early age I learned a shit ton that most guys learn about women as teens or young adults, and for that I will always be grateful.

When I’m around women, I feel at home. I don’t feel judged because I don’t watch basketball or football, nor do I really ever feel like I’m being sized up or competed with. I can just sit back, relax and tell them why Jason Momoa is hotter than Henry Cavill. And yes, I’ve actually had that conversation several times. The answer is and always will be Momoa.

Now, this isn’t me trying to say that women are better than men, not at all. Men are fucking amazing and I love being a man myself, but I truly, genuinely, with all of my heart, love the fuck out of women.

 

[Someone here]

Just think of it. Women are wizards. They get wet without water, bleed without being injured, make boneless things hard, and bring new souls into this world from a portal between their legs…

Pure magic!

[Someone here]

Men have different tastes, and it usually involves a certain body type. If the overall figure clicks with their taste, they will linger. If not, they won’t give the woman a second look. But let’s be real here. Men don’t look at woman for the purpose of determining a longer term relationship. They are just checking out the package. What’s inside is what determines if there is any long term potential.

[Someone here]

A few months ago I met a beautiful girl at a camp, unfortunately we lived on opposite sides of the country so after camp we would probably never see each other again. But I didn’t really care, I wasn’t going to let that ruin my time.

Fast forward to the end of camp, we both go our separate ways, yet still stay in touch. We both probably know we couldn’t make anything work, but I wasn’t ready to give up, because this girl was absolutely amazing. So we talk all the time, but quickly it hits me that this girl is way out of my league.

If she was too good for me and I loved what we had, and did not want it to end, then to extend it I decided to make myself better. I started exercising to look and feel better, I started reading and thinking to be more interesting, I started singing and playing piano to be more artistic and musical. I started studying and working hard to be less of a loser.

Despite my best efforts it did not work out. She simply did not want anything long distance. A part of me was disappointed that all of my efforts didn’t help me achieve what I wanted to achieve, yet eventually I realized that she pushed me to be a better person, that through my love for her I channeled it to better myself.

So yeah, it didn’t work out. Oh well. I took the love I had for her and instead of sitting around fantasizing I did something about it, and I don’t regret a minute of it.

A couple months ago I met another gorgeous girl. This one, however lives near me. She is also out of my league, and I’m doing everything I can to change that .

[Someone here]

Some claim that women have it easier than men when it comes to sex opportunities.  But I call that BS.

People are arseholes. You have a lot of sex, they’ll call you a slut. You have none, they’ll call you frigid and a prude. So fuck what people think, do what makes you happy.

 

[Someone here]

my gay side 

I thought I was a straight boy until puberty hit. Not that I wasn't attracted to girls, more like that I thought girls were useless and stupid, the way many little boys do. And I kicked a lot of ass, could outrun and beat up all the boys.

As soon as puberty hit, I fell madly in love with an inaccessible man, and have remained attached to him ever since, only slowing down a speck when I met the Love of My Life at 21, who was also a man.

But I'd still remained "one of the boys," in many ways more easily able to join in guy talk than girl talk. In fact, I spent numerous years in scenarios where there were no women to speak of, which I think was what kept me from realizing my attraction was now exclusively for women.

For nearly my entire adult life I've only been sexually attracted to women .

And here's the next twist. Although I doubt I could actually fuck a man, post-menopause a slight sexual attraction to the idea of some men has crept in.

I'd never have guessed sexuality could be so fluid for one who has never felt bisexual.

[Someone here]

Im not 100% straight but I'm not 100% gay either. 

Sometimes I’ll be in a grocery store, or just watching a movie, and someone shows up on screen and my brain is like,

“Alert! Alert! The curves and lines of this figure (face) in front of you are appealing for some reason your conscious mind can’t comprehend!”

Nice full beards add a lot to this alert system. I’m also a fan of the recently trendy short sides long combed top haircuts. (secretly a fan of the hipster style… shh!)

But that’s where it ends.

Beyond whatever underlying thing causes me to notice and appreciate the appearance of these physical forms, there’s nothing in my mind or heart that desires to go beyond that into “I want my mouth all over that!” territory.

On the other hand, I’ve met females here and there, and we’ve chatted, and connected, and then she says something cute, or there’s that moment where we just look at each other in silence and the body language is pretty clear, and my brain says,

“Alert! Alert! For some reason unbeknownst to your conscious mind, you suddenly want to smush your face into their face! You don’t even know what purpose that serves! But it just seems like the best thing in the world!”

That’s where the difference is.

Some guys are physically attractive, based on whatever unknown standards are in my subconscious making those judgments, but there’s no desire for a deep intimacy with them.

On the other hand, the attraction I’ve felt for some women has grown to a point of desiring intimacy. It has gone beyond outward attraction to “Gosh dang it! I want to know everything there is to know about you!”

That’s how I got over the cultural taboo of complimenting other guy’s physical appearance. Some dudes look good! They have great style! They carry themselves in a very confident way. It’s attractive! I’ll say it to some people (not necessarily random strangers). “Man! You look good with that beard!” or “You look really nice in that shirt!”

I can say it confidently because there’s no secret desire under those compliments. It’s purely innocent and complimentary, through and through!

With a female, I might say, “You look really nice today!” but there might also be an underlying flirtatious tone. Still innocent and complimentary, but also hinting at something deeper.

So why am I not gay?

I’m not gay because, while I can appreciate the physical attractiveness of the same sex, 0% of me desires to have an intimate relationship with another guy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Someone here]

 

I don’t believe in sexual orientation anyways .The type of sexual experiences or fantasy leads us to believe that we are this and that. I have had dreams where I am fucking a guy and also where I am fucking a dog. I also remember having an erection while watching a lioness in youtube. Just search “beautiful lioness”. I can look at this animal and fantasise about having babies with her all day. At the same time I have had huge embarrassing erections while watching a saree covered ass.

These are nothing but associations made by mind i.e, I want to pour this semen somewhere. I know right, funny. Mind is a strange thing.

The people who say that they are gay or lesbian or straight they are controlled by mind. Let’s be honest who on earth has not dreamed about having sex with their similar gender but we don’t do whatever mind says to us. We control our mind. There is no orientation.

[Someone here]

nofap 

no-PMO(or no-Fap) is by no means a easy feat. Its incredibly difficult and takes insane control at least for the first few months. And even after those few months, its still incredibly difficult to make sure you don't fall for any temptations and unknown surprises while watching movies and stuff.

I am doing it for a few reasons:
1. Motivation: I have insanely low motivation to really do anything in the past few months. And this low motivation is a result of certain beliefs. And no-PMO helps me increase my motivation.
So, I will continue no-PMO at least until I rectify my beliefs and become naturally motivated.

2. I love to challenge myself: Being able to say no to temptations is my latest(by that I mean its 2 year old) addiction. It feels good each time I do it because It makes me feel in control of myself.

3. I notice that I don't fear things the way I used to before when I am on no-PMO.

4. I feel attracted to girls, even if they are not physically attractive. (I am not sure why because logic dictates I shouldn't be).

My thoughts on Porn:
The issue with porn is, it increases your expectations about sexual experiences to unimaginable heights. So, after a while even when you are married, you will prefer masturbation and porn to actual sex. Which is unhealthy for your relationship(I believe intimacy is a huge part of healthy romantic relationships).
I think this is the only and a fundamental reason why I avoid porn.

If you are naturally motivated, in good shape, already have a healthy romantic relationship, I see no reason why you should avoid porn and masturbation.
Don't follow no-PMO(or no fap) like a religion. If it serves your interests, well then follow it. Otherwise don't.

[Someone here]

 My relationship with Masturbation has many bad effects on my health. I feel guilt immediately after masturbation. This  increases my stress level. My mood is always nervous after masturbation. It  increases negativity in my mind. It  decreases my self-confidence. l feel tired the whole day. I  feel energyless. Still haven't figured out why or how .because doctors say that it's perfectly harmless activity and all mammals do it .

[Zigzag Idiot]

Personally I found out that quickies completely deplete my energy. This was years ago when I would also experience a heat energy rise from the base of my spine when sex was or masturbation was prolonged. I called them energy orgasms . Taking the longview ? and staying on the edge for a long period of time completely changed the picture. Reaching actual orgasm in a  hurried way was a practice I abandoned and afterwards I found myself with an increase in chi energy. This I found to be the case with just masturbation or sex with a girlfriend. No post coital depression. No guilt. Also for me the discovery of how emotional negativity destroys sex energy. Lighthearted moods enhances the energy. This phenomenon is spoken of in the Fourth Way (esoteric Christianity) which I’ve studied. It took a long time of observing myself to really see the guilt and shame that was subtle yet deeply embedded by conditioning from religion and the collective ego.

 

 

[Someone here]

32 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Personally I found out that quickies completely deplete my energy. This was years ago when I would also experience a heat energy rise from the base of my spine when sex was or masturbation was prolonged. I called them energy orgasms . Taking the longview ? and staying on the edge for a long period of time completely changed the picture. Reaching actual orgasm in a  hurried way was a practice I abandoned and afterwards I found myself with an increase in chi energy. This I found to be the case with just masturbation or sex with a girlfriend. No post coital depression. No guilt. Also for me the discovery of how emotional negativity destroys sex energy. Lighthearted moods enhances the energy. This phenomenon is spoken of in the Fourth Way (esoteric Christianity) which I’ve studied. It took a long time of observing myself to really see the guilt and shame that was subtle yet deeply embedded by conditioning from religion and the collective ego.

 

 

Why is masturbation always considered as a shameful and unhealthy behavior which will weaken you physically while having sex is almost to the contrary? What is the main difference between them?

Although not all cultures view masturbation as something negative but there is some truth to this view if masturbation becomes an addiction wasting the individual's sexual drive and social energy.

I guess Because the perception is that masturbation is failure. The ideal scenario is to have a sexual partner (or partners) and masturbation is what occurs when that scenario can't be achieved. Very few people fantasise about being alone and masturbating while they're having sex but most people fantasise about having sex while masturbating.

Sex also has an element of conquest to it in most modern societies. In order to have had sex, someone else had to be persuaded that the person was sexually desirable. If the other person was particularly attractive then the conqueror has boasting rights and if the "performance" was especially impressive then there's added kudos. But masturbation can be performed by the ugliest and most repulsive human and the only prerequisite is to have reached puberty. There's no sense of achievement or ability.

Edited September 17, 2022 by Someone here

[Zigzag Idiot]

Seeking out a mate is instinctive and socially driven naturally creating a competition among us. It also seems the norm that the collective ego sets the rules and runs the show. Especially for all worldviews in the Spiral Dynamics first tier. For those with no understanding of Spiral Dynamics may make much of what I opine on make little sense or create understanding. That in itself sounds like an arrogant statement. My statements made above may have also sounded self congratulatory or for others somewhat cringeworthy. 

For the most part you're right about masturbation being perceived as a failure. For a good number of folks it's definitely not something to discuss openly. Imo,  guilt and shame from far back into our history spread by dogmatic religions. The early Roman government responsible for much of it. They incorporated many pagan ideas and holidays into the make-up of early Christianity. Also the Council of Nicea with all of its contributions, interpretations and editing of the Bible. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Council_of_Nicaea I see little difference between Fundamentalist Muslims and fundamentalist Christians. This applies as well with some sects of Hinduism and Buddhism. Maybe Pure land Buddhism,,,,?

 Contemplative Christianity, Zen and maybe Tibetan Buddhism, and Sufism I view differently, I'm really ignorant of so many sects of different religions and philosophies. How I've condensed my views here has also extremely simplified and left out more than was said probably. I don't mean to pick on Catholicism but it's pretty plainly documented that it's influence on Christianity had more interest in how to manipulate, influence and control populations under it's control. I recommend   https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/223887.The_Jesus_Mysteries for those interested.

How to control people? Divide them against themselves with shame and guilt. They take an instinctive biological function and create badness around it. Masturbation can appear rather earthy and crude and something not to be displayed in public. In my understanding porn did more to grow the internet than anything else.   https://www.quora.com/How-has-pornography-driven-the-development-and-utilization-of-the-Internet

That says a lot in how oversexed we are as a species.  The earth is becoming overpopulated anyhow. Not everyone is meant to have children. Philosopher Arnold Keyserling  in a talk once referred to  his penis as "that toy I have down here between my legs that God gave me". This quote from memory so it may be more of a paraphrasing.

In many cultures and social circles I fall into the category of being a complete loser. I don't rely on my Culture for approval. This statement should counter anything I have expressed as being boastful. Although by some there might be an interpretation of some kind of spiritual egotism. To be honest I still observe myself displaying a bit of spiritual egotism at times. It was much more pronounced 20 years ago. This may seem offensive to many but being a Zen Devil (having spiritual egotism) is just a part of attaining any kind of ,,, I'll say "waking up" to higher levels of consciousness and understanding. I try to self observe with brutal honesty and sit with the uncomfortableness that may be there. Leo's 3 part series on self deception is gold. 

The way out of all these dilemmas? Actualization! Which to me includes the huge categories of psychological integration and individuation to discount the notion of guilt and replace it with the experience of remorse for whenever we violate our own awakened conscience. 

I can be really opinioned but try to remain open to new ways of understanding.  I often have trouble book marking. Below I'm pasting a recent post from my journal on my understanding of conscience.

 

Acquired conscience vs. Awakened conscience

I'm full of bullshit sometimes and I'm okay with that. Because it doesn't matter,

If I wasn't okay with my periodic bullshit ways. I would be divided against myself.

I try not to dismiss or justify my errors but sometimes I probably do. When I err and it causes someone else offence or hardship I try to sit with it and cook. Remorse of conscience informs me and does so properly.

The self sustained stain of guilt is a perpetual vicious circle. It's a worthless burden put on mankind by dogmatic religions.  It's my experience that guilt blocks the awakening of conscience. So self forgiveness is a necessity and also to see what you don't like in others is also within oneself most often. When it's noticed. Everything is cancelled out.

To borrow a line from Rob Brezney. "My morality is always on the verge of collapsing".  My automaton or animal is an absolute slut.

Guilt is often mixed with acquired conscience. Acquired conscience changes over time and is different between different cultures. This is our conditioning and super ego. Our internalized critic that doesn't come from our inner self but rather an auto-pilot critic from childhood conditioning. We should show kindness towards our elders because even though they had a hand in our conditioning; they've carried this burden longer than us younger folk. Awakened conscience is different and is the same in all awakened people. The 'language of the smile' is a cousin to awakened conscience. Awakened conscience is the intelligence of the Cosmos. It's the golden rule. Do unto others as you would want to be treated.

We're all fools and a variety of them as well. A ship of fools is my so called "I".

Make yourself vulnerable and Insecure people will mock you sometimes. This can grow you. Forgive yourself as needed.

If anyone does you wrong and makes you angry. Forgive them so you won't hate yourself.

Over and out. See you later alligator,,,

 

[Someone here]

@Zigzag Idiot  that's a hell a lot to read my man ?

Tbh I didn't read it all .I just skimmed through the paragraphs . But generally you seem to be talking about the relationship between masturbation and religions. 

 The way I see it is that Religion is about controlling people, it uses a stick and carrot approach, the stick in this case is the prohibition of certain sexual practices, with the claim that you are always under surveillance by an all knowing, all seeing being, who will torture you for an eternity after you die, in a place for which there is no evidence.
By prohibiting sexual acts, religion exploits one of the most powerful urges in nature, and uses it to instil guilt, shame and fear.
It's a fascist dictatorship believers impose upon themselves.

Edited September 18, 2022 by Someone here

[Someone here]

If there's a man or woman alive that hasn't fantasized about having sex with another person, then they must not be all human. Fantasy is a natural thing, as is masturbation. Religion makes anything sexual a taboo thing, because they like to control people. It's that simple. If there is a god, he should not have created the human body to produce testosterone in men, because it makes us horny.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I’ve shared this before on other threads. I do so again because it relates so much to the current conversation.