Are all sexual fantasies a form of trauma?

[integral]

Domination, bondage, rape fantasies, voyager, choking, sensory deprivation, humiliation, sugar mama...

Where are all these fantasies manifesting from?

After many years of sexual partners ive found my self role playing different fantasies to my partners request to satisfy there needs, but in the end i dont genuinely enjoy or want any of it, i do it for them. The only kind of sex i want is deeply loving someone, emotional + physical + intellectual + spiritual intimacy. Is this the "purest" form of sex? When all the baggage and ego games one is caring around is let go, what kind of sex is left? There was one guy on the forum "enlightened" that said hes into masochism and more pain he receives during sex the better lol. 

Edited September 11, 2022 by integral

[Tyler Robinson]

Why aren't sexual fantasies associated with the purest form of love? 

Probably because deep in your mind you judge and shame those fantasies. Sanctimonious shaming. Heal that shame. 

Also. 

I found the greatest beauty, Purity and intimacy and true love in the fulfillment of my deepest fantasies. It created enormous levels of trust when I could share them with my partner. 

 

 

[integral]

8 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Probably because deep in your mind you judge and shame those fantasies. Sanctimonious shaming. Heal that shame. 

I don't, I think there great fun, i enjoy role playing these fantasies but to me they are not deeply fulfilling and do not express how i want to love someone. I want to love a partner so deeply we unify at every level. 

Edited September 11, 2022 by integral

[integral]

10 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Why aren't sexual fantasies associated with the purest form of love? 

I think because they seek self gratification and pleasure and not unity. 

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, integral said:

I don't, I think there great fun, i enjoy role playing these fantasies but to me they are not deeply fulfilling and do not express how i want to love someone. I want to love my partner so deeply we unify at every level. 

Maybe you aren't cut out for that. 

For me role playing, rape fantasies, bdsm, I don't know voyager, but yea choking is my favorite, sugar mama is a no, humiliation no, sensory deprivation yes yes yes, Domination is a big yes (I'm a sub), bondage not so much, bondage is boring, but choking is cute and beautiful. I wasn't so much into these but my ex introduced me to all these things. 

He wanted to skin me with his nails. And I said no. 

There were a couple of things he wanted to do a little more I guess. But I denied 

 

I just like basic domination and choking. 

Sexual fantasy is no big deal. It's simply what arouses you. Nothing special. 

[Roy]

This isn't rocket science, people like different fantasies because they are interesting, they feel good, and they want to explore.

This isn't some deep thing to ponder like, "Oh these people don't all like intimate vanilla sex every time like me, they must have childhood trauma or something." 

[integral]

6 minutes ago, Roy said:

This isn't some deep thing to ponder like, "Oh these people don't all like intimate vanilla sex every time like me, they must have childhood trauma or something." 

LMFAO actually i never met anyone who wants love sex and i think because that takes real intimacy that is way outside peoples comfort zones. 

Edited September 11, 2022 by integral

[Roy]

3 minutes ago, integral said:

i never met anyone who wants love sex. They all want impersonal sex. 

Either you're getting with the wrong people, or you aren't working hard enough to create loving sex with your relationships.

You can find what you want if you seek hard enough, and manifest it.

Edited September 11, 2022 by Roy

[Loba]

10 minutes ago, integral said:

Domination, bondage, rape fantasies, voyager, choking, sensory deprivation, humiliation, sugar mama...

Where are all these fantasies manifesting from?

After many years of sexual partners ive found my self role playing different fantasies to my partners request to satisfy there needs, but in the end i dont genuinely enjoy or want any of it, i do it for them. The only kind of sex i want is deeply loving someone, emotional + physical + intellectual + spiritual intimacy. Is this the "purest" form of sex? When all the baggage and ego games one is caring around is let go, what kind of sex is left? There was one guy on the forum "enlightened" that said hes into masochism and more pain he receives during sex the better lol. 

Lol "voyager fetish" - that's probably one of Leo's fetishes tbh.  

As someone with odd sexual tastes, I personally think that it is a form of the soul's expression - that if it is your genuine orientation, that you are loving your partner in the same manner through these various actions.  I don't think it is strictly a form of gratification, I think that we have energetic polarities and modes of expression that allow the right souls to find one another.  This just tells me that this isn't what you find sexually appealing deep down inside, and that is perfectly okay, too.  Kink isn't for everyone, some people just want to make love to their partner and connect in that way.

But for those of us who are into kink, it is actually a very deeply spiritual process.  First of all, to admit it, or to realize it about one's self takes a lot of self exploration, bravery and work.  It often isn't that someone just knows what they want, they have to go on a journey, much like with self development or spiritual development.  It's all tied together.  With things like kink, it's also about having a level of trust with your partner.  You're letting them into your world, basically, your imagination, your body, your desires, the things that make up some of the core of your personality and psychology.  People that practice these things with a trusted partner are often able to connect in the same way that love making connects them, maybe even moreso on some levels.

If someone is a sub, or a dom, they can go into states that are very spiritual and unify them in beautiful ways.  The sub will go into a state that is almost like a high, where she submits to the pain, or whatever she is experiencing and the body produces chemicals that put her in an almost egoless, floaty-like state - while the dom gets a charge from the control and the intense focus that it takes to work through a scene together.  They both work together, like yin and yang, each person becoming almost a cohesive unit, a beautiful dance, in how they orchestrate their act.  Just like with vanilla sex, you have to know the person very well to unify with them like this, to the level that it takes, you almost predict one another's state and it becomes like its own little world in a way... and when they are done, there is aftercare, which is more vanilla.  You snuggle, eat food, watch a movie, take a bath together, you know, basic couple stuff.

When I move towards kink, and add it into my spiritual and personal development, it makes for a beautiful triad.  I love synthesizing it all together.  I think, being open and truthful about who you are at your deepest level is how you find the person you are meant to be with.  The soul is meant to express this energy in a unique way, it's like the key to creativity, passion, happiness, all that good stuff.  Sexual fantasies are important.

[Tyler Robinson]

@integral I'll explain something to you. 

Imagine if my Ex came back into my life and told me to have fun with him aka sex. 

Now him and I go to a desolate place and he begins to do all this sexual fantasy stuff with me. 

Now imagine that he is very angry with me for some weird reason. And he decides to choke me in the middle of our sex. Now I am completely submitted to him and his mercy. 

He could use this opportunity to choke me and kill me or he could simply choke me a bit but make sure I'm safe. His choice. 

Now I'm aware of what he can do to me. I still let him do it. Here I am showing a lot of trust by letting him take the lead. This is how the trust grows. By exhibiting it. 

Meanwhile he shows me trust by actually not choking or killing me when he had every opportunity to do that. 

This is how the intimacy and trust is built. We both created it by crossing the limits of human trust. I did it by surrendering and believing him. He did it by not destroying my faith in him, by not exploiting or taking advantage of my vulnerable state of surrender. 

I hope you understood. 

Sexual fantasies aren't child's play. You aren't laughing while it's happening because then there is no real fun, you have outed yourself already. 

It has to be a deep sinister role play and it should finish with deep trust. 

It's almost like sitting on a roller coaster when you're panicking and then laughing in the end because you tested the limits of your own fears in a careful setting. 

Sexual fantasies promote growth, intimacy and the ability to trust despite the fears and odds, the riskier the better. 

 

[Bobby_2021]

1 hour ago, Roy said:

This isn't rocket science, people like different fantasies because they are interesting, they feel good, and they want to explore.

Maybe they want an outlet for the inner devil and desire for power. 

[gettoefl]

all kinks reveal the trauma pain wounds you are carrying and refusing to acknowledge and heal, not that there is anything wrong with that

who would you be and what fun would you have without them

[Spiral]

Wanting to sleep with the girl next door may be a sexual fantasy even if you want to do so in a vanilla way. Don’t you mean fetish?  If so basically yes or at least a similar form of unresolved issue.

Edited September 11, 2022 by Spiral

[integral]

@Tyler Robinson @Loba I wrote the bellow points a bit blunt as it was the easiest to get it out of my head, but I say it will all do love. 

1. This form of sex is therapy for one side, many people (with feminine nature) are using sex as a experience for inner healing and equating it with a partners bonding or trust but have you asked yourself what your partners experience is or was? It seems your overly focused on the experience your getting from it. 
2. This might be a reason woman fall in love when having sex and men dont, because the man is not engaged in love sex, they are simply fucking. To make the man fall in love with you ask your self how to satisfy there deep needs not just your own. 
3. I am secure and am not surrendering or healing with a partner when engaging this way, so these role plays are to satisfy there needs not mine. Your fantasies are being met, a process of facing your fears with a partner and there can be bonding for both sides happening but there is so much more to it then this. Its like sex with training wheels!
4. That's the sex you need in your developmental journey and not the sex i need. Once healing is done, these levels of sex are repetitive, boring and unfulfilling.
5. Chocking my partner while they say they love me is bonding and can be emotionally deep, I feel connected and its wonderful, but that's not how i communicate love to someone naturally (chocking is unnatural to me), we are not getting to the root of what love is and the emotional bond, all these roles play are a distraction from the real underling intimacy. 
6. There is a clear gap between the level of sex happing with tantric and these other types. 
7. Is chocking really the same as gently but firmly holding your head in my hands and kissing your forehead? When i express love i project outwards the intention of loving that person and that projection does not insight any violence inside of me = chocking/slapping. The emotion that a man experiences with chocking/slapping or anything of this nature is lust. Would I love a dog that way? No because it is not the love language a dog can understand. Violence as a form of love is a distraction from the real thing. 
8. These fantasies are a primitive component. Non of them can be used outside of the bedroom because its just violence with out sexual arousal. 
9. Tantric removes these components and goes to the root of it all, pure love, often sex isn't involved at all. The reason is sex isn't nessisariy for love making. When love making and sex can be stimulated LOVINGLY at the same time it is a spiritual experience. 
10. Try taking the sexual arousal out of the equation with these fantasies and there is nothing loving about it. 

Edited September 12, 2022 by integral

[Proserpina]

I’m interested in anything but vanilla sex. 

But during my major awakening lasting many months (kundalini awakening) intimate, vanilla sex became fascinating to me and replaced all my fetishes.  

Then it left when I eventually returned to normal. 

[integral]

3 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

vanilla sex

Tantric is not vanilla sex.

3 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

But during my major awakening lasting many months (kundalini awakening) intimate, vanilla sex became fascinating to me and replaced all my fetishes.  

?

[Proserpina]

3 minutes ago, integral said:

Tantric is not vanilla sex.

?

Oops. I mean tantric sex, not vanilla.

[integral]

21 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Then it left when I eventually returned to normal. 

Every kink and fantasy is like eating chocolate and watching movies so it would make sense you went back to it? Its peek pleasure, tantric is not about dopamine peaks, its another reward system that is activated. The contentment system. 

Edited September 12, 2022 by integral

[integral]

 

[petar8p]

On 9/11/2022 at 6:40 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

You aren't laughing while it's happening because then there is no real fun, you have outed yourself already. 

I think it should be ok to burst in laugh if it happens.. Just not as mocking ofc.