How Spirituality/Enlightenment affected my PMO Addiction Path

[Breakingthewall]

7 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Yes I don't have much sexual experience. But I approach and talk to girls everyday and I know what attracts them and what not . 

59 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 

Women based in fear are attracted by strength and success. Women based in love, by true connection and real sexual energy 

[Razard86]

I'm not going to jump into this one lol....it will cause a whole lot of drama...good luck to all who do. I already learned what I needed from the Man v.s. Woman in the dating scene. Anyone want to know who wrote the best books on the game between the two hit me up. Otherwise....peace out lol.

[Tyler Robinson]

8 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Yes I don't have much sexual experience. But I approach and talk to girls everyday and I know what attracts them and what not . 

That's okay, but that does not equate to a relationship experience. This is like me saying that I know what ice cream tastes like when I pass by ice cream stores. 

8 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Just to be clear ..you are not saying that women are attracted to feminine guys (when you referred to the Emo types ) ? because that's just straight out wrong .

Emo guys are just sensitive men. They are not necessarily feminine. But they embody aspects of the feminine that a female can relate to. Emo guys connect ten times more than overly masculine men and since women depend on emotional stimulation, this strategy works. Women feel out of place with overly Hyper masculine dudes because there's a disconnect. It's like he is talking about math meanwhile she is talking about art. It doesn't work since the relatability gap is too large. Such men fail to give women an intimate experience. 

8 minutes ago, Someone here said:

The problem that women face today is Mostly because there are far too many men in the world who don't treat women right. They either treat them with no respect, or far worse. This does not make men attractive to them.

You could blame this on red pill and men being out of sync on what women want. 

8 minutes ago, Someone here said:

In fact, this makes all women question whether there are any men who we can trust with our lives, since we all know instinctively that essentially any man could beat his wife up or kill her if he chose to. Women ook for a man who will actually love her and protect her from other men.

These are just basic laws of the jungle, but beyond that, most men don't put much effort into making themselves look sexually appealing to women. Conversely, women spend an inordinate amount of time making themselves look sexually appealing to men. If men made more of an effort in this area, more women would find them attractive.

I agree with this. To a certain extent if a man put effort in at least understanding the female brain, that would be desirable. But I still see a problem. Fundamentally men and women can't see each other eye to eye. My thought is that attraction to  a man is extremely biological and is very dependent on that man alone. It's particularly type of men who attract the most women. These men are born that way, they aren't made. Maybe they can do some psychological study on male brain and see what type of men attract the most women. I think it depends on his brain, specific body type, facial features, bone structure and his overall style. 

I've seen that when Im  in an elevator with several men, im attracted to some and not attracted to others. I might look at a guy even though he is not particularly good looking. I might not look at some other good looking guy. This perplexes me. It tells me that the mechanism of attraction is very variable. It could be that the man who holds my attention is indirectly releasing pheromones that is attracting me biologically to him. Of course testosterone plays a role. But I'm sure pheromones play a role as well. 

Funnily enough I've observed that certain cologne scents make me want to come closer to a man or arouses me sexually than others. Why is that? 

They specially design cologne scents to attract women. They know which ones work.. 

 

In a nutshell the mechanism of attraction has a lot to do with many many factors than just some healthy looking buff gym body type of guy.

Tbh,i am never attracted to men who are the gym type. They come across as wannabes. 

Some guys regularly post their half naked pictures showing off their muscles. I don't know why they think a woman would look at it and go gaga. At least I don't. I see it as male insecurity. It's like a girl jiggling her fake boobs in your face, I'm sure most guys will be put off by that. 

Overt displays of sexuality actually do the opposite of what they are intended for. 

It's subtle sexuality that works better. A cute girl for example. A guy who is simple and authentic. A guy who is not boasting about how many women he sleeps with. 

Such things are more attractive than gender stereotypical displays of physical attraction like big boobs or big muscles. 

A woman with big fake boobs could have a foul mouth and can be an instant turn off. So is a guy who looks big but acts like a disrespectful asshole. 

I think you got the idea.. 

 

[BlessedLion]

On 9/10/2022 at 7:39 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I never watch porn. Porn is a dirty unfiltered obnoxious greedy version of sex.. It looks like filthy gratification to me. 

If I want to imagine sex, I imagine myself fully in love with my ex lover and them making out with me. It's so satisfying and purifying. 

Actually porn destroyed the beauty and Purity of sex and reduced it to some kind of a hellish robotic act of hedonistic fantasy. Gross. 

But real sex with a lover is a divine act of intimacy which I recently felt with my ex lover. It's so beautiful that you can never forget it. 

Real sex is divine, pure, child like, innocent. It's like eating ice cream together. 

There's a ton of love in sex that I felt and it's unforgettable. 

I think your real issue is that you never experienced true physical deep beautiful passionate intimacy. And substituted it early on with porn. 

I hope you do. 

What will heal you is deep intimacy and a positive guilt free understanding of pure sex. 

 

 

Lay off the porn and fall in love. Make love not porn. 

 

 

Solid advice! 

[BlessedLion]

On 9/10/2022 at 7:03 PM, Wyeth said:

 

Long read, juicier stuff is towards the end. But I hope some of you can at least read from start to finish.

 

In sixth grade, so around the age of 11, I first stumbled upon pornography. I must have typed “boobs” or “naked girls” or something simple like that into Safari on my Ipod Touch, but eventually this led me to full videos of people having sex. I will never forget the first time I saw a man cum in a porn video. At that point in my life, I had not had an ejaculation yet, so I really didn’t know much about it other than its how a man passes on his sperm to a woman When I first saw a man release a load onto a woman’s face, I was honestly terrified. I became overwhelmed with fear and closed out the video and did not watch videos like that again for several months, maybe even a year or longer. The video I had seen was rather hardcore, and I wondered why people did that shit with each other. It scared me that people did. 

 

Over the next several months, I thought about the video quite often, but I never viewed anything beyond simple pictures of boobs and naked women. As I began to go through puberty and sexually mature, I decided to watch those videos again, and this time I really enjoyed them. I soon discovered the pleasure of masturbation, and for years I would watch and jerk off to porn basically everyday without a second thought about it. It was pleasurable, so why not do it?

 

I first stumbled upon the NoFap community in my sophomore year of high school. The community seemed to hold that by not watching porn and retaining your semen that you would gain some sort of superpowers, those powers being increased confidence, increased attractiveness, more “alpha”, more energy, more focus, less brain fog, and so on. To my 15-16 year old self at the time, it seemed like the perfect thing since I wanted to have more confidence and be more attractive to women (I felt terrible about my looks and was depressed as shit at the time). 

 

The inner turmoil increased as I could not keep a streak longer than 14-18 days. Every time I would get about 2 weeks into a streak, the desire to ejaculate become so strong that literally I could not think about anything else. If somehow I managed to keep a streak longer than 2 weeks, I usually would have a nocturnal emission, which would make me feel bad about myself, making me think I would lose all my NoFap benefits. It even made me dabble into Lucid dreaming so that I could become lucid in my dreams and prevent a wet dream, and thus keep my NoFap benefits. It didn’t work. 

 

I would hear people doing 90 days of NoFap, some people even a year or longer and I felt so terrible about myself that I could never go longer than 2 weeks. I labeled myself an addict, I had such a strong desire to go on this long NoFap streak and I had visions of becoming this beautiful handsome strong masculine man that women flocked to, but I always believed I could never be that because I was an addict and couldn’t retain my seed, that I would never have the discipline or self control to actualize that vision. 

 

Around the time of high school graduation, maybe a few months before, I made a clear distinction between porn and masturbation. I found a community less gung-ho than NoFap that did not demonize masturbation/orgasm, but viewed porn as the sole enemy. Still, I had the same problems, I could not stop viewing porn, which continued to make me feel bad about myself. I continued to think I was just a hopeless addict. 

 

Keep in mind that at the time of high school graduation, I felt like I had a major chip on my shoulder in that I was still a virgin. A number of my friends had lost their virginities but I was still a virgin, and I felt bad about myself for that, maybe I even felt less of a “man”. I was also jealous of some of my friends who were leaving home after high school and going off to 4-year universities, where they would have so much more freedom than I, who was staying at home and going to the local community college for the next 2 years. 

 

In my first semester of community college, I tried hard to meet women, I made it a priority to have sex and prove myself a capable, masculine man. I met an attractive girl who I went on a couple dates with, but I ultimately botched it and nothing ever came of it. Then covid hit and this made me miserable because I knew I would not be hanging with any girls soon. I was quite literally an involuntary celibate at this point. 

 

The narrative I told myself continued. I was an addict. I wasn’t attractive. I can never be fully happy because I am addict. If only I could stop watching porn maybe I could achieve the things I want in life. I berated myself for not being disciplined, for having no self-control. I further and further lost trust in myself and my abilities. 

 

The continued existence of this narrative is even more noteworthy considering in these 2 years at community college I was undergoing powerful spiritual awakenings with both psychedelics and meditation. I became conscious of the illusory nature of the ego and was becoming aware of all its mechanisms it employs to persist, survive, and thrive. I knew the narrative I was telling myself about my porn addiction and state of being a virgin were ultimately illusory and could be dropped and/or changed with enough practice, but I was simply too attached to the narrative that I continued to tell myself the same things. 

 

The narrative took a radical shift once I completed community college and left home to attend another university. I moved in a couple months before the school year began for the purpose of meetings lots and lots of women, and losing my v-card. In just a 2-month period, I went on dates with 8 or 9 different girls and had sex with 5 of them. I proved myself capable, I no longer berated myself for being a virgin or thinking I was incapable. For the first time in my life, I really saw myself as attractive, capable, and confident. I can thank spirituality in a large part for my success in this time period. I had greater goals in life, at the deepest level I wanted to, and still do, seek to pursue and spread Truth/Love within humanity (My goals careerwise are to become a therapist/life-coach and write Spiritual/Unitive fiction)...but anyways I viewed this overcoming of my sexual inadequacies as just a step in the path. To put into a spiral dynamics perspective, it was integrating the lower stages. 

 

A couple months later I entered into a relationship with my current gf (we’ve been together almost a year now). When I entered this relationship, I really wanted to stop watching porn once and for all. I felt that I owed it to her not watch porn in the relationship. And I did stay away, for awhile. And even though my woman is beautiful and I enjoy our sex very much, I eventually started watching porn again, and I fucking berated myself for it. The same narrative of me calling myself an addict again came up, and once again I felt terrible about myself. I believed that if I could not stop watching porn then I would never be disciplined or self-controlled enough to do the things I want to do in life. I told my gf about my addiction and she said I have her full support and she is willing to help me in any way she can regarding the addiction. 

 

I told her about my relapses for awhile, it was always hard confessing because she is a very sensitive and emotional person (cries like everyday multiple times) and usually she would cry and get sad, making the whole situation even more sad and making me feel like even more shit because I was letting her down on top of letting myself down. I decided to stop telling her about my relapses because it was honestly just too much. 

 

In the past few months I have continued to watch porn but as I have progressed further and further on my spiritual path, the love for porn/sex/women has become increasingly metaphysical. The narrative of being an addict (although I watch it regularly) has gradually been dropping away. I’ve honestly just gotten exhausted of feeling terrible about my porn use. I’ve meditated, aware of as many sensations as I can be, many times from start to finish during a porn session. Automatically, out of nowhere, I tell myself I should not be doing this, that I’m weak for watching women on a screen, that I’m letting my gf down, that I’m letting myself down, but now I just kind of laugh at this conditioned response my ego has. It’s all just a narrative, all just a story I tell myself, a story I’ve clung to strongly for years. This narrative I’ve believed has prevented me from being fully happy for years, this narrative has put me into a prison. 

 

The reality is that sex is so fucking beautiful. There is no denying that. Sex is one of the most, if not the most beautiful thing in the universe. It’s creation. What could possibly be more beautiful than that? Of course I love watching porn lol. No matter where this journey of life takes me I must never deny the profound beauty of women and sex. Recently I’ve found myself tearing up at the beauty of women and the act of sex. I’ve been noticing in my porn viewing lately that I’m much less fixated on the sexual body parts of women (tits, ass, etc…still love that don’t get me wrong), but what I’m fixated on, and rather obsessed with lately is the metaphysics of sex. Man entering woman, penis entering vagina, is so shockingly beautiful that it makes me tear up at times. It’s opposites coming together, two becoming one, yin and yang, dual becoming non-dual. THIS IS AN ART FORM OF THE SPIRITUAL PATH I AM ON AND IT IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Two becoming one. It’s self and other merging. It doesn’t get more beautiful than this. This whole life we’re in is a love game with the universe, a divine orgy, and the less identified we are with ego the more we can see it. It literally makes me tear up, when I watch porn sometimes. I marvel at the beauty. It is the greatest thing ever. I don’t know how I could ever give this shit up honestly. 

 

I oscillate now between being identified with the narrative and wanting to stop, and not caring at all. I do watch porn less now, and my preferences have changed a lot. I don’t care for that stepbro stepmom, industry porn terrible acting shit. Sometimes I will watch that crap out of habit and regret afterwards because I’m totally unsatisfied. I typically only watch amateur couples now, the sex feels much more raw and closer to true divine union. 

 

There is still a part of me that wonders if I could gain a lot of benefits from a long abstinence from PMO, I haven’t seriously attempted a long streak form orgasm in over a couple years but I feel like the same shit would just happen again at the 2 week mark where I become overwhelmed and need to fucking cum (I’ve always had very high sex drive). Guess the only way to find out is through direct experience, but at the end of the day I too still have a strong fixation on PMO and it would be hard for me to even go a few days without sex. 

 

At the end of the day I know I have work to do, healing to do, and to be honest I don’t know how the fuck I’ll do it really. I still want to be more disciplined and have more self-control in life, but I have found freedom in being less identified with the narrative of being an addict. I have become increasingly attuned and aware and shocked by the beauty of the metaphysics of sex, and I know at this point I could not give up something I love so much. 

 

I sort of just felt like writing this on a whim, I’ll prob share on Actualized.org and see if anyone reads it and what they have to do say.

 

I usually don’t read posts this long but this was absolutely fascinating and it flew by. You sound so much like myself. Thanks for sharing and writing so beautifully! 
 

I also have a strong narrative and beat the shit out of myself when I watch porn. But I will disagree with you a bit. It seems like you submitted to the addiction when you know it’s still kinda fucked up. 
 

But I also think the level it fucks you up is totally dependent on the type of porn you are watching. Here is my chart 

 

1. Soft porn, no genitals showing, just a girl in a cute outfit 

 

4. Lesbian Porn 

 

6. Amateur Porn but like a couple having loving sex

 

8. Stepmom/Stepbrother 

10. Abusive, Dominating, Fetish, Punishment 

 

Basically if you jerk off to images of a cute girl in a bikini shaking her ass you probably won’t feel that bad. But it escalates very rapidly to hard core stuff which actually fucks you up spiritually and emotionally. I’m convinced. 
 

I think it’s cool you eased the brakes on yourself. But man, don’t let the porn win… just my take. I also struggle with this heavily 

[StarStruck]

Porn is low consciousness and it corrupts the brain and mind. One really has to be high consciousness to not get corrupted by it but even with high consciousness people we can see the corruption in the mind that manifests into their life. Sex suppose to be the ultimate reward for your body; your right to reproduce. If you trick your brain you win the jackpot by making it think you fuck the hottest girls around, your motivation will suffer. There are also lot of other downsides other than motivation. I mean, it is will proven what semen retention and sexual transmutation can do so I don't really get why there is such a porn debate on this forum.

[Jordan]

On 9/12/2022 at 4:08 AM, StarStruck said:

Porn is low consciousness and it corrupts the brain and mind. One really has to be high consciousness to not get corrupted by it but even with high consciousness people we can see the corruption in the mind that manifests into their life. Sex suppose to be the ultimate reward for your body; your right to reproduce. If you trick your brain you win the jackpot by making it think you fuck the hottest girls around, your motivation will suffer. There are also lot of other downsides other than motivation. I mean, it is will proven what semen retention and sexual transmutation can do so I don't really get why there is such a porn debate on this forum.

Where is it proven what semen retention and sexual transmutation can do? I did not notice much difference after 30-40 days the several times I went without. Is that too short a time? I don't have much opportunity to do it now because my girlfriend does not want me to have sex without an orgasm but I am curious. 

[Holymoly]

On 18/09/2022 at 6:25 AM, Jordan said:

Where is it proven what semen retention and sexual transmutation can do? I did not notice much difference after 30-40 days the several times I went without. Is that too short a time? I don't have much opportunity to do it now because my girlfriend does not want me to have sex without an orgasm but I am curious. 

Did you practice circulating the energy on did you just go without any sexual activity all together? 

[Holymoly]

On 18/09/2022 at 6:25 AM, Jordan said:

I don't have much opportunity to do it now because my girlfriend does not want me to have sex without an orgasm but I am curious. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fej7n6Nukzc&ab_channel=SexualKungFu

You can have multiple orgasm if you learn to circulate the energy and do conscious exchange of energy. Ejaculating every-time you have sex isnt sustainable and will significantly lessen the polarity in the relationship over time